Pinky and the Brain (And Zana) (Part 4)
Just before they entered the Lab, the mice had to speak to a woman at a reception desk to make sure they would be allowed in. The woman, with peroxide blonde hair and glossy red lipstick, did not seem like the kind of person who would allow scientists into a Laboratory.
"Excuse me miss!" Brain called, looking sternly at Pinky before the receptionist replied,
"Ooh, tiny scientists, how sweet!"
Billie smiled, keeping her mouth shut, while Zanna rolled her eyes with embarrassment. She hated the words "tiny" and "sweet" when they were applied to her, especially if they were applied to her in that tone of voice.
Brain cleared his throat before continuing. "Yes – we are Immunology scientists from Acme Labs. We have developed a new polio vaccine which we wish to present to your Head."
"I don't think it would be very useful presenting it to a head," Pinky commented, then smiling as he shouted, "But these vaccines were prepared with skill and love! NARF!"
Brain angrily grabbed Pinky's snout and let go of it quickly, so Pinky's head snapped back and shook about, making the unintelligent mouse laugh. Zanna and Brain, meanwhile, hoped desperately that the receptionist would ignore Pinky's loony comments.
"Skill and love! Aw, you're JUST the kind of vaccine makers we're looking for! Go right in, the Head is surveying a toxoplasmosis preparation but he should be ready to speak to you in a few minutes."
"Thank you," replied Brain, thinking it ironic that Pinky should be the one to promote the vaccine, even though he had no idea what the word attenuated meant.
A white, bright lab met and blinded the mice as they pushed open the door and walked in. Brain, as he surveyed this particularly busy, organized room, was glad that he did not live in this kind of lab. Zanna, meanwhile, remembered with some ill feeling Peabody's Lab, which was very similar to this one.
They found a few waiting chairs to their right and climbed onto them, where they could all have a higher view of the hospital activities. They noticed a tall man at the other end of the room, dressed in a suit and tie, whom they guessed would be the Head.
"I wish I had a mirror, my lipstick has been messed up," Billie moaned.
Zanna's eyes rolled and she walked across to Billie, saying, "It's OK, I'll do it for you."
"Oh thanks," Billie replied, with some surprise. "It's good having a girl mouse around."
If only you actually thought that, pondered Zanna in her mind as Billie gave her lipstick to Zanna and Zanna applied it on much more lightly than Billie had previously done.
"How do I look?" Billie asked Pinky in a sweet manner, which Zanna thought was quite curious.
"Erm…" Pinky responded, his eyes crossed in a confused manner.
"You look fine," Brain told her, impatient to see the Head.
"I asked Pinky, not you," Billie whispered, crossing her arms and sighing annoyedly.
This is an interesting turn of events, thought Zanna. She asked Pinky's opinion. I… I thought she fancied Brain!
Just before Zanna could wonder any more, the Head of the Lab, who had turned around, noticed the newcomers waiting on the chairs. He walked over in a rushed manner and bent down to view the visitors.
"Ha, you guys are a bit challenged in height, ahem, what do you want?"
"Our receptionist let us in because we wanted to promote some new polio vaccines," Brain replied efficiently.
"Ha ha," the Head replied, a little bit more affably, "Well, we could use some of those, come on over to my table and show me what you've got."
Excitedly, the four mice clambered down from the chairs, dragging along the cooled vaccines. They struggled a little as they climbed all the way up to the Head's high table top, where they dumped the vaccines and opened the box.
"As my associate says, these are prepared with skill and love," Brain announced reluctantly. "They have been tested to work just as well as all the current vaccines, but are cheaper and are produced locally."
"Skill, love, tested, locally, I like the sound of this!" the Head replied in a wildly excited manner.
Zanna, meanwhile, shuffled her feet nervously as she contemplated Brain's lie. They had not tested the vaccines at all. They had mixed them in a mens' cubicle for goodness' sake!
Brain continued, "We were only able to bring a small sample with us, of course, but we have all the resources in the Lab to create bulk loads.
"Bulk loads?" the Head asked, his eyes nearly popping out with amazement. "That's fantastic! You must have a lot of money on your hands."
"Bill Grates helps us along," the Brain added, laughing and looking at Pinky, who laughed nervously. Zanna wondered at the context of this joke, or fib. Did they know Bill Grates?
"We'll send these out to Africa right away, but if you could send us a few more this week we can give them to some young children here as well. Can't be too careful, you know."
"Of course," replied Brain patronizingly. "It is important to vaccinate everyone all around the world."
"My thoughts exactly!" the Head shouted, clapping his hands together. "All right, you folks run along now. I'll send a delivery man over to you next time this week for the next batch. I understand it's going to be quite small scale for now, just please, produce as much as you can! Bye!"
The four relieved mice were out of the Lab room, stunned and pleased that their plan was going off to such a good start.
"As I implied earlier, people all over the world will be hypnotized to follow my rule, even if they've never seen me before."
"Cool," replied Zanna.
"Good for you," sighed Billie.
"Zounds Brain, how can they worship you even if they don't know about you?" Brain's companion asked.
Brain excitedly answered, "In a few weeks' time, when I am sure that I have produced a large amount of vaccine and allowed others to reproduce them, I shall broadcast my face to children around the world, telling them who I am and that they should worship me."
"But most of the children who are receiving the vaccine will be very young," Zanna reminded Brain. "They won't understand your broadcast."
Brain's face fell. "You're right, but then, some children who have had late vaccinations will understand me and then they can influence their siblings and friends as they grow older."
"That's going to be a few years, isn't it Brain?" Pinky asked.
Due to Zanna's and Pinky's statements, the Brain was becoming a little more stressed and unsure. He then told them, in as polite a way as possible:
"There's a chance that this plan can work, Pinky and Zanna. Could you please keep your doubts to yourself for now?"
"Oh, all right Brain," Pinky replied sadly.
"I'm sorry, I'll try to be more considerate," Zanna told Brain, perhaps
labouring the point a little.
The four rodents made their way to Acme Labs, hoping that, because they would not have been able to do their experiment, that the cats were long gone. It would be most inconvenient if the cats were not gone, as the mice needed the Lab to prepare their first bulk of vaccines.
"Cats are scary," Billie moaned.
"Apart from Precious, she's friendly!" smiled Pinky.
Zanna was just about to ask who Precious was, when, as they were approaching the Lab entrance, two scientists came out, in a very agitated state. Just in case they were taken for mice (which they of course were), the four hid behind a nearby bush, listening to the scientists' conversation.
"I can't believe we didn't have any mice for our experiment! How could they have all escaped at once?"
"Maybe they're really intelligent and knew that we would perform the experiment on them, so they beat it," the second scientist nervously joked, but was quietened by the other scientist's cold stare in response.
"We must improve cage security in the future. But first, we need to order new cats."
The two continued talking, but had walked out of earshot of the eavesdropping rodents.
"Why did he say that they need new cats, you reckon?" Zanna whispered to Brain.
"Probably they thought it was not worth hiring them if there were no mice to take part in the experiment," Brain responded, smiling. "For now, we are safe. But for the long term, I have a plan."
"Yes?" Pinky and Zanna eagerly asked at once.
"Zanna, if… You would do me a favour, please…" Brain began, smiling awkwardly.
"Yes?" Zanna responded seriously.
"I would like you to disguise yourself, tomorrow, as a journalist and animal rights activist. Say that you have heard that the scientists here were going to do an experiment that involved cats hunting and eating mice and that your newspaper does not approve of this. Then, suggest they do not attempt to carry out any of those kind of experiments."
"I get the gist," replied Zanna. "I'll do it happily."
"Cheers," Brain smiled. "Come, let's go back inside and begin preparing."
"Oh goody, NARF!" Pinky shouted with glee as they made their way back "home."