Disclaimer: I own nothing but the ideas that comes from the books...
A/N: So I understand totally those that could no longer read this, but I can kind of give you the comfort of knowing that the bad in one stance lasts two chapters max (If my maths is correct). I don't hate anyone that cannot stand this story for where I took it, but I won't apologise for doing it. After all, it's as much a challenge to write as it is to read and I love to push boundaries... Nothing will ever change that =) I'm just sorry to see you leave =(
A few of you have really grasp why she is doing what she is, and I hope others grasp it soon =) However, THANK YOU FOR ALL OF THE REVIEWS!
For those willing to give this a go... Here is Thursday's update and beware as the rating had gone up BIG time... We go real dark now and hard times really set in... Or well for me they have )
My Own Fifty Shades – Chapter Four
Sitting looking at a photograph she had of him, Ana's finger tips traced Christian's face and she felt herself break all over again. She tried to remember him – his aura, his face, his touch, his smell. It was all started to dawn on her that her memories weren't quite as vivid as they once were.
It had only been four days before she had taken on this new life and realised that she was no longer Anastasia Steele. She was doing the one thing that Christian could never make her do. She was submitting herself to a life that she never wanted, but without Christian around, she felt like it was the only thing that strongly kept him alive fiercely.
She never thought about anything anymore. It was all about making it through the day and knowing she had a place to sleep, a place she could recover before going back to Stephen. She wasn't a gold digger, that wasn't her, but since Christian's death with everything failing on her she just seemed to be seeing debt surrounding her. It wasn't that she desired the money, not one bit, but it was more that she knew that when it came time for her to break she might well be in need of Davis' money to flee to Timbuktu. If a darker alternative didn't become more desirable first.
She soon found that Davis was a private man. He had personal security like Christian – just not as scary. He spent most nights at his condo and now he spent the past three nights welcoming her to his home. She quickly found out that public appearances would not happen often – if at all – and she was strangely relieved by that.
She could keep a continual low profile this way.
Mulling over her life as she now sat in her new apartment she was faced with reality and its cruel, snide hatred. Since Christian's announced death, she had felt pieces of her chipping away revealing a girl that just wanted control once again. She was no longer the happy Ana that had grown up and then consequently fell into Christian's office doorway on their first meeting. She wasn't the girl that had come to realise that life was not worth living without him when they broke up for five days after the spanking dilemma. She was no longer the innocent twenty-one year old and she was no longer the woman he loved. She was lost and she was forgotten and she was sinking fast.
Grief shielding her from the help she could have had if she just reached out to take it.
Sobbing at how lost she felt, she realised she had direction now – Stephen Davis.
Placing the photo on the bed, she sighed and calmed herself before getting up. Ana headed out to her new Master knowing that the feeling of foreboding was one she knew was going to hit her hard and soon, but one that she was trapped with.
Whatever happened, she was bound to this life until she sought the help. Her consuming grief was preventing her from making those steps. If only she had to the courage to phone her mom, Kate, the Greys, even Elena then maybe she wouldn't feel so lost, but she was now ashamed of herself. Too ashamed, too bereaved, too lost to look back.
You're doing this to get stronger, Ana, her subconscious whispered alluringly at her as she looked down at her inner goddess – the one crumpled and unmoving on the floor. Think of how many times you thought of Christian to block it all out in the last three days. Think how good the memories will get soon.
With that thought she went to Stephen, ready to see Christian.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- My Own Fifty Shades -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
"Always on time, Rose," Stephen Davis said as he opened the large door to his isolated condo. He had given her a key, but she always knocked and he liked that sense of obedience she gave him on their first hellos.
Ana bit her lip and thought passed the name calling. After taking a liking to calling her by her middle name, Ana just took it. This predicament was working in her favour, even if it was a little too physical, but whatever to allow him to get his kicks whilst she tried to gain some form of fortitude.
Having moved away from Kate's apartment, Ana had no reason to sit around scared of when her best friend would turn up out of the blue. She did what she was told and even though Stephen Davis was paying her, she never spent it. She wasn't in it for the money, never was and never would be. Christian's death wouldn't change that aspect about her because some parts of her couldn't be changed. It just seemed the most detrimental parts of her were the most moulded.
"I would like to make some amendments to the contract," Stephen said as soon as Ana was in the room.
"It's only been four days," Ana spoke startled, "Yo-you want to change it?"
He nodded, "I want you to look more desirable to my needs. That is my contractual right isn't it?" He watched her nod and he huffed a laugh, "Like I would listen to anything but that from my sub." He pushed her into the front room of his house. "It's been a long day, you best be ready to do as I say."
"Yes, Sir, always," Ana was quick to redeem herself.
"Strip," He told her and she nodded, "Right down. I want nothing left on you, Rose." He watched her undress, her body slowly becoming on show for him. He smiled as he saw the last effects of their last session still marring her body – the bright bruise on her lower back, spreading down to her left butt cheek. He saw the marks of the cuffs he had used and was pleased to see that they still traced her wrists.
Ana stood nervously in front of her new master, her hands coming to hold the other with nerves and she looked at her body. She had lashing marks to her front, bruises to her back and she knew that Christian would never have let this get this bad. However, with each worse hit, she remembered the intimate moments with Christian – from kissing, to the rough sex, to all the glorious kinky fuckery – so Ana took this.
Stephen circled her, "Drop your hands to your sides," he commanded her and she listened. Tapping her thigh, "Put your feet further apart." He watched her listen to that and he circled her again, inspecting her as she stood naked in the middle of the room. "How much do you eat?"
Ana gulped, scared to give an undesired answer, she didn't know Stephen well enough to gage his temperament, "Barely two meals, Sir."
Nodding, he stopped in front of her, "Make it barely one. I'm seeing too much fat where I don't want it to be."
"You want me to lose weight?" She asked him, astonished that she wasn't being made to gain it like Christian had made her. "I'm too skinny."
"No such thing, Rose," He said with a smirk as he watched her. "I want you to lose some from here." He tapped her skinny thighs, and then slapped her ass making her close her eyes. "Your ass could be tighter, belly firmer, arms less fatty," He then stood in front of her, eyeing her up and down to see if there was anything else he could find, but it seemed he couldn't. "I'll make sure you get set up with a personal trainer. I expect you to meet with him daily and to follow through on his demands. Can you do this or do we need to think about cancelling our contract?"
Ana shook her head, "N-no, Sir," She spluttered nervously.
"And another thing," He said stepping in, running his hand down her body to cup her sex using his clasp to pull her flush against his body. "I want this to be cleanly shaved. I will have someone come to the apartment tomorrow. You will say nothing, but allow them to carry out my orders. Am I heard?" He watched her not response and he pushed her away, "If you don't, I break the contract and take back all of the money I have spent on you, and I will make you leave that apartment."
"Whatever you desire, Sir," Ana said, her thoughts all channelling Christian.
"Go to the bedroom," He commanded and followed her naked and nervous form.
He was going to show her how quickly he was changing the dynamics.
How from pain came from pleasure.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- My Own Fifty Shades -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
This isn't right. You're getting too lost in this. Too much time had passed since he changed the contracts and groomed you, Ana! You're not even acknowledging the days passing! Ana, you need to get out! This is nothing like Christian. You aren't moving on with this. You're a victim! Call Elena, call Kate. Hell, call Christian's cell just so you can hear his voice mail. Run! Escape! This has been going on long enough! He is slowly killing you! It's been two weeks and you aren't getting what you need from this anymore. Please, Ana, just run!
Ana knew her subconscious was right, but she was firmly stuck now. Stephen rarely let her out of his sights and when he did it was when she was left to lick her own wounds. Two weeks of torture had only amounted in so many memory recalls and tearfully lonely nights. She had made the biggest mistake of her life and she was now feeling the brunt force of it.
She was stupid and idiotic and whilst acting out of grief she had only gone too far.
"Lay down," Stephen told her and she obeyed by going to the bed. "On your belly," She did so feeling the horrible feel of velvet on her stomach and she wished so badly for it to be red satin. Ignoring her screaming and scared inner goddess and subconscious she lay docile and still.
Stephen wasn't as nice as Elena thought he was. Ana had learnt that quickly in the past two weeks. At first, she thought he was, she thought he was kind and caring, and only wanted her thinner. That wasn't the case it seemed. This man, Stephen Davis, was made of pure intentional evil and loved to get her reduced to tears, loved to victimise her, loved to abuse her.
He loved the fact that she never used the safe word. He thought it meant that she was enjoying it, but really Ana was trying to keep her thoughts on Christian a little while longer while making herself stronger and strengthen her endurance.
However, with this new lashing session, Ana finally realised she had walked in blind and willingly committed to someone far darker than Christian could ever be. The thought just made her fall in love with the memory of Christian all the more.
As she felt the belt come down onto the bare skin of her ass, she bit her lip, but she didn't whimper or cry. She allowed this man to just whip her over and over until she, herself, felt the blood from her own wounds. It cast her back to the first time Christian had done this and she had fled. Even after that she found that her and Christian were destined to be together forever. A life apart was inconceivable after that day. Taking this from Stephen gave her warped sentimental value and made her relive life away from here and with Christian.
However, Ana quickly realised that this pleasure soon was transforming into torture. When the first forced orgasm came, then came the harsher lashings. Stephen liked to start of gently, easing her in, but soon he became brutal with his sexual attack. Showing that he was more fucked up than her Fifty could ever be.
Oh, her fifty. God how she missed him.
There was no care here. Stephen wasn't Christian. There wasn't any thought or love put into this, but Ana took it as a way to build up strength. If she could take this, take this abuse then she would be stronger willed. She would one day surpass her grief and move on and be like Christian after Elena was done with him.
She never instantly cried because she was lost in the memories of Christian. The pain appeared to make them all the more vivid. The flashbacks were so fierce she was transported out of reality and was back to being with Christian. She kept with the mental apparitions and only broke down wholly when she was home.
She was shaken away from her memories of Christian as Stephen flipped her over and reached up for the chains around his bed. Ana said nothing and he pulled her left arm up, letting his hand run all over it and then capped the cuff over it. Doing the same to her right arm, he then moved down her legs and made sure she was entirely spread eagle with ankle cuffs.
Stephen didn't care if she was comfortable, he pulled on a mechanism so that Ana's body became pulled and taunt. "Can you move?" He asked her and she shook her head and he shot her a disapproving look.
"No, Sir," She quickly spoke, her tone so fearful.
He smirked with glee, "Good." She felt the familiar wrap of the rough blindfold and as Stephen moved away, she suddenly felt him come back, running his hand up her intensified body. "Open," He demanded her and she obeyed, allowing him to slip a ball gag into mouth. This was the first time in the last two weeks that he had used this.
Now her full bodied, whole minded realisation struck her.
With that thought, Ana's eyes widened wide under the blindfold. Where had a whole fourteen days?! How had she let this get this out of hand?! It was now she knew she had fallen for her grief and the devil had lured her in. She swallowed around the gag, as he got onto the bed and felt her to see if she was ready for him. Yet again, she wasn't. So she now allowed him to relieve himself sexually even if she wasn't fully ready yet, allowing him to try tantalising her body so she would come for him, but it took a while and most times didn't happen at all. Ana just allowed him to do her however he so pleased.
"I will stop when you bend you left leg three times, understood? That is the safe word equivalent whilst we test the gag, got it?" He asked her and she nodded, gagged and blindfolded. She could only sense him moving away and then quickly she felt the heated slap of a whip across her stomach.
This was definitely torture.
Yet she never did bend her leg. She felt the whip hit her skin, come in contact with her bony ribs and she could feel its heat but she just endured it whip after whip.
She could tell that her self-preservation, her martyr behaviour and dedication to being a damn good sub was just turning him on. The whipping stopped and the weight distribution on the bed became uneven as Stephen climbed onto it. Ana could hear the rip of a condom packet and within seconds she felt him slam into her. Again she wasn't ready for him, but if there was one thing that Ana went home smiling about, it was that Stephen didn't fill her like Christian used to. There were some elements about a man that just couldn't be beat and that was one.
Ana knew this wasn't what a normal BDSM relationship was built on, but she just couldn't walk away now. She was in far too deep to do so.
"I am never letting you go, Anastasia," Stephen panted at her as he finished coming. He rolled off of her, leaving the room and leaving her chained up, gagged, blinded by the blindfold and vulnerable on the bed.
Ana knew she had gotten trapped in hell.