As quick as his fear pulsed through Matthew, it bled out again. How could he have felt that? He knew Alfred now, and if he was going to do anything to him he wouldn't have waited this long. Not to mention the heart crushing look of defeat on the American's face as he backed away. Too nervous to do anything else, he just stood against the wall, staring at his long hair that covered his face. They had always said it reminded them of the French wenches they loved so dearly.
Not moving from the spot, Alfred pointed to a box. "My shirts... Are in there." He said quietly, unable to believe how stupid he was. He could have just put on his old shirt or something. He pulled slightly at his dog tags, a habit he had gotten from the army.
Staying submissive, Matthew only bowed his head further and stepped out of the way; shaking lightly. How could he have let himself react like that? He was in America. He was free of the past terrors, even if it didn't stop the nightmares. "I'm sorry." He mumbled, unable to forget everything so quickly. Even if he didn't see him well, Matthew's mind flashed with the image of Alfred's scared torso. There was only one long scratch what looked to be a bullet wound. Did he get that saving them?
"Don't... You're not sorry, you shouldn't be sorry. Stop saying that." Slowly, the American walked in the room, heading to the box. He kept his eyes on Matthew, making sure he wouldn't be spooked again.
Hearing his heart beat fiercely in his chest, the blond slid down the wall until he was sitting on the ground. "I'm sorry. I will accept whatever befalls to me." He kept his voice level even with his turmoiling emotions. He couldn't help but feel like this was what happened the other time, but at the same time he wanted to keep trusting Alfred. Alfred, with his soft smile and his carefree attitude that Matthew could never attain.
Shaking his head, Alfred grabbed the first shirt he saw and quickly put it over his head. "This is America, Matthew. Free country and all that." Would they ever be able to live normally together when he had such a big reaction to just this?
Matthew swallowed loudly before raising his head slowly. Despite wanting to hide or run away, he forced himself to look Alfred in the eyes. He couldn't see them well, but he knew their bright hue enough to tell that he was looking back at him. Silently, tears started to form in his own eyes before he looked to the side. "Please forgive my actions." How could he continually manage to make his personal saviour suffer from his own habits? Alfred didn't deserve to be a victim of Matthew's past.
"There's nothing to forgive. You did nothing wrong." Alfred said quietly, before smiling despite the mood. "Should we get going? I can't wait to eat some real food instead of what they gave us at the camp."
Wincing at his choice in words, Matthew apologized out loud. "Yes. I am sorry you had to witness that." He wanted Alfred to know how he felt. It was a nice, new feeling: knowing that someone actually cared about him. He was sure his family would be worried about him if they were still alive. Though they wouldn't have believed him if he said he was now living in a large home with a man who seemed to be around his own age and had all the luxuries he had ever wanted. Not to mention his own room!
Going to the door of the room, Alfred closed his eyes for a second. "It's fine, we all have our demons." He said quietly, so that Matthew would hear him. Leaving the room, he grabbed his jacket.
Taking a second to compose himself, Matthew stood up and dusted himself off. For that, he would have to make sure he acted normal for the rest of the day to prove he was getting better. He knew he was already much better than he could ever have been in Europe, since he didn't feel like anyone was going to come and find him here. In America, he was safe; Alfred seemingly quite wiling to fight for him already.
Going out of his room shyly, he pulled on the hem of the shirt the American had let him borrow. It felt strange to wear it, but Matthew figured it would be to wear someone else's clothes, never mind their underwear since he didn't own any of his own. The guards had always mentioned how it got in the way.
"Where are we headed?" He said quietly, seeing Alfred at the door already, looking morose. He felt bad for making the cheerful man look upset, but he knew that he was going to have to get over those 'demons' before being able to make anyone else happy. "I wish for you not to take it personally." Matt added, biting his cheek. "It is quite difficult for me to speak of it, but I don't want you to be upset because of me."
"I'm not upset and I'm not taking it personally. You have obviously been through a lot, so it's fine if you can't talk about it." Alfred didn't look at him, for fear that Matthew would see in his eyes that he already knew about at least a part of what happened at that concentration camp.
Grabbing his own jacket that Alfred let him use, Matthew hesitated a bit before reaching out to touch Alfred's shoulder. If anything, this was to help him get better as much as it was for the American. "M... May we go now? I am excited to see your city."
Smiling, Alfred nodded. This was the first time Matthew had voluntarily touched him. "Yeah, of course. Man, you are gonna love New York. It's so great!" He started naming off the places they could eventually see, as they were leaving.
Listening to Alfred with a small spark of hope in his heart, Matthew couldn't help but feel like everything was getting better. It was still hard to be physically close to anyone even if it was innocent but he was going to try and teach himself. If his reaction to Alfred was any indicator, it would probably take a while to trust men completely again. "Where are we going first?"
The American pointed to a grocery store across the street. "I'm too hungry to wait. We can shop for your things tomorrow." Or later today if they had time, but the American was really looking forward to sleeping in his own bed tonight.
Matthew nodded as they made their way over to the store. He had no idea what would be in there, but it was going to be an exciting thing to be able to see fresh food that he would be able to eat. Even living in his nice home in France he never had very much in the way for food. "What kinds of food do you prefer? I may look for ingredients that will be inexpensive for you."
"Ingredients?" Alfred asked in amazement. Usually, if he was cooking, he got one thing and put it in a pan or pot. No ingredients, because then he knew he would mess it up and it would be horrible.
"Yes, ingredients. If you tell me what you like, then I will try and make it. I might not be very good at American things yet, but I do know many French and German recipes." Maybe not from the best of circumstances, but he still knew them enough to make them delicious.
Shrugging, Alfred grabbed a basket. "Not sure. You pick." After all, the American could eat anything, and even dry bread would be nice after the fake food they served at the camp.
Matthew nodded before walking along with him, looking at all the fresh food. "There's so much..." He mumbled to himself as he continued to look around. He could make so much with this!
Looking around, Alfred couldn't see what he was talking about. It was just a normal grocery store. "So pick whatever you wanna eat. Just remember you're cooking." He gave a small laugh.
Maybe it would be best to get some simple ingredients first. "Where are the vegetables? And the flour and eggs?" Maybe he could try making a pasta dish and some chocolate mousse for desert.
"Hm, I think they changed it around." Well, more accurately, he avoided grocery shopping as much as he could. He was so glad milk at least came to the house. Now why couldn't they do that with all the groceries?
Nodding, he looked around the homey store. "How much would you like me to get? I was thinking maybe only a few days." After all, Matthew didn't want to spend too much of Alfred's money.
Walking to the closest department, Alfred figured he could hold the basket and not have to choose. "Whatever. Up to you." He just really didn't care, as long as they got food and he could eat.
After going through all the aisles, they had accumulated a bunch of different things Matthew could use to make a variety of meals. "Please remind me how much I owe you when I acquire a job." Matthew said quietly as Alfred payed and they walked back with their groceries.
"Alright, I will. Looking at this," Alfred said, taking out the receipt and looked at it. "You owe me zero dollars and... Yup, zero cents." He gave a laugh, putting the paper back into a bag.
"Thank you for being so hospitable but I will feel terrible making you pay all this money on me." Matthew mumbled as they got back to the other's house.
"Well, you're gonna be cooking it, so consider that you repaying me." He was determined to make Matthews life as good as possible, so that meant not letting him worry about money.
"I will still reimburse you for electricity, water and rent." The small blond said, wringing his hands after they placed the bags down. "The least I may do is clean for you. I will be your personal maid."
Damn, he shouldn't have just gotten a picture of Matthew in a maid's outfit. "Sure, whatever." He didn't mind cleaning, but it would probably make him more comfortable with staying there.
"Thank you Alfred, but if I might be so bold... Are you sure that is ok? You seem hesitant about it. I assure you it is the least I can do to help. It... It won't bother me."
Turning around, Alfred smiled. "Matt, look. You may not think this, but I believe you deserve a better life. I am going to do my best to make that happen, so if you want to clean then clean. But if you don't want to do anything, that's fine too."
Tears prickled at Matthew's eyes as he brushed them away before they could be spent. "Thank you very much Mr. Alfred Jones. Merci beaucoup." He added, feeling it to be appropriate to slip into his native tongue. For him, it sounded more genuine; coming from his heart instead of just his mouth.
Oh crap he was crying. But they were obviously happy tears, so it wasn't too bad. "You know I don't like it when you call me that." But they were both smiling, standing in the front hallway.
"Yes, but it is only proper." Matthew explained as he continued to wipe his face. Salty tears flowed down his face, but they were still tears of happiness instead of sadness, embarrassment or agony. "And I am sorry for speaking French. I wasn't thinking."
Going farther into his house, Alfred took off his jacket. "It's your first language. I can figure out what the occasional French thing means." After all, for a little while he was stationed in France.
"But I wouldn't want to confuse you." Matthew said, "Would you like my assistance putting the groceries away or may I start supper?" Maybe he would make pasta. It would be a chance to get some of his emotions out on the dough instead of on either of them.
Bringing the bags to the kitchen, Alfred started pulling stuff out. "Make supper, I can put this stuff away." Matthew wouldn't even know where stuff went, after all. And maybe after that he could get more of the boxes out of his room so another thing like that wouldn't happen.
Matthew nodded once before hesitating. "I will only need an egg and some flour at the moment." When the two ingredients were handed over to him, he looked around for a clear spot on the counter and wiped it off before getting it ready.
Matthew had made sure to get the proper kind of flour to make pasta, so he was confident it would work. It would be nice if Alfred had a pasta maker, but he doubted that the man would with how surprised he had been just with the shopping. Oh well, it would take longer but he wouldn't be punished for it. This time.
Pouring a mound of flour on the counter, he then placed two eggs in the centre and started to mix them together to form a ball of dry dough. "Do you by any chance have a pasta maker? Or at least a rolling pin?" Maybe an apron would be nice too, but he didn't want to impose further.
Watching, Alfred had completely forgotten about putting the dishes away. What was he doing? Wordlessly, he handed over a rolling pin, thinking this was probably the first time it was being used.
Sighing in his mind, he took the rolling pin. "I guess I was too optimistic. This will do just fine, thank you Alfred." Barely noticing that Alfred was watching him, he started to roll out the dough until it was thin enough to start cutting. That was going to be difficult, but it was better than nothing.
"May I borrow a knife now?" Matthew asked, hoping that Alfred would be ok with linguine noodles. It was fairly difficult to shape spaghetti or any other variety like this.
Handing him a knife as well, Alfred had a flashback to a lonely farm house that they had stumbled on when out on a mission. The entire family, killed with a single knife. They had figured the father had done it, since the weapon was found in his hand. Probably because he figured it would have been better than enduring the war. "Don't cut yourself." Alfred said quietly.
"I will be careful." Matthew said just as quietly as he concentrated on cutting the long roll of pasta in straight lines. This would be the first meal he had made for himself in a long time. In the camp, they had occasionally taken him to the Germans barracks to make gourmet French food for them before being send to their bedrooms.
About six minutes later, the thin blond had the pasta drying out on the counter as he started preparing a simple white sauce with a few vegetables. It wouldn't be as nice as some of the other dishes he could make, but it would have to do for now.
Choosing to sit down, Alfred continued watching. Where had he learnt to cook like that? Damn, Matthew was like a saviour for him if he could cook this well. He was making something from scratch! The last time he had eaten something made from scratch he had been back home.
Without thinking about it as he was finishing up the sauce and getting the pasta boiling, Matthew started humming a tune under his breath. It had been a long time that he had sung anything that it in itself was liberating and raised his mood.
Closing his eyes, Alfred listened to the gentle hum. It was a nice tune, one that he was unfamiliar with. But it was still dazzlingly beautiful, just like the man it was coming from.
A few minutes later with the pasta done and the sauce close behind it, Matthew looked behind him. "I am sorry it is taking so long. Do you have a strainer anywhere?" When Alfred pointed, he grabbed it and drained the pasta while continuing to sing under his breath. "Aux armes, citoyens! Formez vos bataillons! Marchez, Marchez! Qu'un sang impur! Abreuve nos sillons!"
"What is that? That song?" Alfred knew he wouldn't remember the name, but he wanted to hear Matthew say it. He was usually so quiet, to actually hear his voice was nice. Also, he was trying to keep his mind off the divine smell of the food.
Jumping slightly, Matthew managed not to burn himself as he turned around. "Oh, I'm sorry. I was singing again, wasn't I?" Wringing his hands, he continued. "It's 'La Marseilles'. France's national anthem. Supper is ready, I just need to find some plates..."
"Right here." Alfred stood up, grabbing them from the cupboard. "It smells really good." He said, smelling whatever it was that Matthew had made.
"It's not very much..." Matthew said, not accepting the praise. "Where are the forks and knives? You may serve yourself as much as you like."
Smiling, Alfred had to reach around Matthew to get to the cutlery drawer. "I'm sure that it will be delicious." So obviously better than anything he could ever make, that was a given. The American dished some out for himself, making sure there was enough for Matthew.
Urging himself not to freak out as Alfred reached around him, Matthew started putting some of the dishes he used in the sink and then grabbed a bit of the pasta he made. Still, he blushed lightly without noticing as he went to what he assumed to be his seat. "This is the first time I have eaten anything I've made in a while..."
"This is the first time I've eaten anything homemade in a while." Alfred said, laughing lightly at his own joke. This was so good! He had never had anything like this before, not even when he occasionally went to restaurants.
Tucking into his meal, Matthew couldn't help but feel as if it could be better than it was. "What types of food would you like for future meals? I wouldn't want to impose on your normal schedule."
"Trust me, anything you make will be ten times better than whatever is on my normal eating schedule." He couldn't wait for the days when robots cooked for you.
A ghost of a smile appeared on Matthew's lips before he continued to eat slowly and quietly. "I am glad you feel that way. Is there anything you would like me to learn how to make? I understand your views on what I make, but maybe there is something you will crave?"
Alfred gave a small laugh, remembering what he usually ate when home alone. "Burgers. Big fat juicy burgers." They were to die for, no matter who made them. He wasn't sure if Matthew had ever made hamburgers before, but they were sure to be good.
"Like fast food? No wonder you are glad to have me cook for you. I mean, if I may say that..." Matthew back tracked, not wanting to offend the nice man. He was already doing so much for him.
Laughing, Alfred finished off the meal. It was just so good! "There is nothing you can say to offend me, so you don't have to worry about it." There were a few people who could offend him, but Matthew was not one of them.
"I am glad that is the situation but I will not take advantage of it." Seeing that Alfred was done, he added. "You may have the rest. I am not very hungry."
Shaking his head, the American took his plate to the sink. "You need the food more than me. It has been weeks and you still look like the living dead." The best looking living dead person alive, but he didn't add that for obvious reasons.
"I insist. I am no hungry as it is; my stomach isn't used to real food yet." He was glad Alfred cared so much about him, but there really was no reason to change his normal schedule for him.
"Well you need to get it used to normal amounts of food, instead of what you eat." Well, normal amounts of food for most people. Alfred doubted very much if Matthew would ever be able to eat as much as he did.
Looking down to his plate, Matthew shyly met Alfred's eyes. "This is how much I'm used to eating. This is much more than I used to get." Living in such a small village made him used to not get too much food. Plus in the camp... Well he was ravenous whenever he ate then but he couldn't show it.
Sighing, Alfred took Matthew's plate as well. "Fine. Uh, check in your clothes and see if there are any pyjamas. If not you can borrow some of mine." He usually slept in boxers anyway, so it shouldn't matter.
Nodding, Matthew got up as well. "I will do the dishes first, if you will allow me." He didn't want to think about wearing Alfred's clothes, since the last time he had done that with another man, it didn't end pleasantly.
"You cooked so I clean. It's the rule." He wasn't about to let Matthew do all the work. Alfred pointed to the room. "Just go and try on pyjamas. You look tired." It seemed the jet leg was kicking in, since he also felt tired.
Matthew hesitated before looking down to his feet. "If that is what you wish." Not going against what people said had helped him before, so now it would help too. Even if he felt bad leaving such a mess for Alfred to clean, he was ordered to try on pyjamas.
Slipping into his room, Matthew first got the boxes from around the room and placed them by the door. He didn't want to have his mind and body betray him again if Alfred got too close, so he figured he could avoid the situation. Trying on the first pair of what he assumed to be pyjamas, he wasn't too surprised to see they were too large on the waist and chest, but they were only a bit too long; perfect for sleeping.
Rubbing his eyes, he went back out of his room and watched as Alfred finished the dishes. "These will work perfectly, thank you." He mumbled, squinting a bit to see Alfred so far away.
"Great." Alfred rubbed his eyes, pushing up his glasses. It would be so nice to sleep in his own bed again. He turned around, seeing Matthew in his clothes. Damn, his mind was going where it shouldn't again. "So do you wanna sleep now?"
Just as he was about to nod yes, Matthew jumped. "I forgot about dessert!" Going into the kitchen, he opened the fridge and took out a small container. "I made chocolate mousse for you. I hope it's not too late now."
Laughing, Alfred took the container. "Well, looks like there is just enough for us to share." It really looked good, so chocolaty. He couldn't wait to try it, right before falling asleep. It would be a nice change from the army.
Matthew shook his head. "I couldn't. I made it just for you to enjoy." Plus it would be too rich for him after not having sweets for so long. Already he was so full that having dessert to would be too much.
Taking a spoon, Alfred took a piece of the sweet, and put it in front of Matthew's face. "Come on, one bite." It would be good for him to gain weight. He was getting better, but still not normal.
"If that is what you wish." Matthew said quietly before bringing his hand up. Holding Alfred's hand lightly against the spoon, he brought it to his mouth and took the chocolate mousse. He let go and brought his hand to his mouth as he closed his eyes to enjoy the flavour. "It is very good, I am glad."
Dammit, why was he always doing things to make him nervous? Alfred sighed, eating the dessert. It was really good, even taking away the taste of guilt. He finished it off, then went to his room and made sure the door was closed before taking his clothes off for bed.
In his room, Matthew laid on the bed curled up. It had become a habit to sleep like this even if it never really saved him. The more he reacted like that, the more he knew Alfred would start to realized something was up. He knew the man had a big heart, but hopefully if he stopped reacting to the small gestures he made he would never suspect that he had been brutally raped multiple times in the camp.
Wow that was a long chapter. But we wanted to finish his first day in America, so there you go! We hope everyone is enjoying this so far, and will continue reading!