Caught Melpomaen, Erestor's nephew, again today. Valar, he is fat now! Just as I foresaw! Apparently it is his begetting day today. He was alone in the garden and trying to choose which puppy of a whole basket of puppies he wanted for his birthday. I took him by the ear, the basket by the handle, and informed him that he could have both if he cared to spend an hour with me in my rooms. He said he did not want to spend any time with me and especially not in my rooms. His voice sounded so Erestorish. He must have squealed about the last time to Erestor.
Anyway, whapped him over the head before he could run away - he could only waddle anyway - and carried him and the basket back to my rooms by way of the side door and the fire escape. Very useful, fire escapes. Wish he were not so fat and heavy, though. Never mind, that saves me the trouble of wondering whether to stuff him or eat him. Will have to eat him now. Such an unsightly, grubby elfling, even if he does have a lovely pout. No good for my décor now.
Was just heating up the oven and finishing stuffing Melpomaen - why are our rear ends so small? So hard to reach in and dig out the entrails. Have to really snip, snip a bigger hole or go through the stomach. I prefer the old fashioned chicken way.
Anyway, was just stuffing the last of the puppies in there with a bit of rice and seasoning and sewing up the hole and buttocks when Erestor knocked on my door. Happily it was locked. Anyway, he told me that if Melpomaen was not back in his rooms within the hour, he was going to kill me.
He is overreacting, of course, but better to be safe than sorry. Anyway, cleaned up Melpomaen, waited until Erestor had gone, and then carried Melpomaen back to his rooms. Set him down on the floor outside his rooms. He still looks alive, so that is good. Unfortunately, though, he only looks vaguely alive: he is drooling and gazing absently into space. Maybe they will just think he is drunk. One of the puppies barked so I kicked him in the stomach to shut it up. It did not shut up so had to kick Melpomaen a few more times until it did. Then Melpomaen fell over so had to reposition him. Then hid quickly when heard Erestor coming down the corridor.
As I thought, Erestor thought Melpomaen was drunk. But then, just as he was about to help Melpomaen into his rooms, another of those bloody puppies barked. Should have stomped on their heads before shoving them into Melpomaen. Did not wish to get floor of workroom dirty, though.
Oh dear, Erestor has called Elrond and now they are taking Melpomaen to the healing rooms. Oh dear, oh dear. Elrond is sure to cut open Melpomaen and find those puppies in him. What to do? Maybe they will just keep Melpomaen under observation overnight. Then I can slip in during Elrond's midnight snack break and take him back. Yes, yes, a midnight snack for me too.
Oh, but what if they open him up before then? That puppy is barking, after all. Oh dear, oh dear. Oh, and now I am hungry. I always get hungry when I get upset. Better go back to my rooms. Oh, I need to hug my hobbity thingy. Oh, I need to eat something. Oh! I know! A bit of roast Melpomaen entrails. That would do me good. Oh yes.
Oh yes! Melpomaen's kidneys taste so good. What about his liver? Ohh... yes! Oh, melts in my mouth!
Will go back tonight, put Melpomaen in hobbity thingy, and bring him back here that way. Yes, yes, that might work.
Oh, I do hope they will not cut open Melpomaen today and only put him under observation. Erestor and Elrond will be so cross with me if they find out I have stuffed him for roasting. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear...
Will just have to wait until midnight, then, or until Elrond or Erestor comes and knocks on my door. Oh well. Oh dear.