Wow...I'm so sorry. I never meant for this much time to go by before updating but I lost some motivation and real life got in the way. But I'm back now and refocused on this story. I hope there are still some readers left! I have more written as well so there shouldn't be nearly as long of a wait between chapters. Again I apologize for the delay in between chapters. It won't happen again!

"With a secret like that, at some point the secret itself becomes irrelevant. The fact that you kept it does not." Sara Gruen, Water For Elephants

Derek sighed as his phone started vibrating again. Her number popped up on the screen. Again. He hit the side button to send it to voicemail, no doubt pissing her off even more. It was silent for a second and then began to vibrate again. "Jesus," Derek muttered, pounding the answer key. "Hello?"

"Derek?" He heard on the other line. "Where have you been? I've been trying to call you."

Derek squeezed his eyes shut, trying to block out the guilt that had been consuming him. "I'm sorry…I've been busy with work…And I…" He trailed off, not knowing what to say. In the back of his mind, he knew this had been a bad idea. But the whole situation had been an escape from his real life. From all of the shit that he dealt with every day.

"Derek?" He heard in his ear. "Are you there?"

"I'm here," He answered. "Tamara, I can't do this anymore."

He heard her breath hitch. "What? Derek…what's going on? You sound funny."

Derek released a breath slowly, finally realizing he needed to be perfectly honest with her. Honest with everyone. "Tamara, I haven't been honest with you."

"What do you mean you haven't been honest with me?" Tamara questioned, a twinge of anger in her voice. "What haven't you told me?"

Derek sighed, just wanting to hang up the phone. But he needed to get this out and put a stop to everything. He needed to focus on his job. Focus on his family. On Emily. Tamara was nothing more than a distraction. One he never should have gotten involved with in the first place.

"I'm involved with someone," he finally admitted, feeling like a weight had been lifted off of his chest.

"What are you talking about" She asked, quietly. "Involved…how?"

"Seriously involved," Derek corrected. "We've been together for about a year but I've known her for longer than that. And I love her."

Tamara scoffed. "Well it can't be that serious if you were choosing to be with me. Something obviously isn't right if you feel the need to look elsewhere, Derek."

"You're right," Derek sighed. But she wasn't right for the reasons she thought she was. Emily wasn't the problem. She never had been. He loved her. He was in love with her. But the whole reason he'd gravitated towards Tamara in the first place was because she represented an escape from the pressures of the FBI and the BAU. He just wanted to shut down and escape the darkness sometimes. And because Emily worked with him, she was deeply involved in the very darkness that he looked for an escape from every day. But he should have known he couldn't escape her. And when it came down to it, he didn't want to. He was too in love with her to do so. It's why what he had been doing to her hurt him so badly. "But spending time with you has only made me realize how much I want to be with her. Spending time with you has kept me away from her which is something I thought that I needed but I'm realizing that I don't. I am in love with her, Tamara. I don't have those same feelings for you. I'm sorry if that's harsh but I just want to make sure we're clear."

"Who is it?" Tamara demanded. "Do I know her?"

"It's not important," Derek warned her. He didn't like where this was going. "You don't need to know her."

"Is it someone you work with? Someone on your team?" His silence confirmed her answer. "Oh wow…Derek…mixing business with pleasure. I should have known. Since that's basically what you did with me."

"Tamara…"

"No!" She cried. "I want to know who it is. Who it is that I so obviously can't measure up to. I hope it's not Penelope? Or the other little blond Barbie doll you work with?"

"JJ's practically married," Derek rolled his eyes. And like a sister to him. He would never…

"Like that would have stopped you," Tamara spat. "Is it the brunette?" Derek remained silent. He wasn't going to take the bait. But again, his silence all but confirmed it for her. "It's her, isn't it? That overly pretentious princess who thinks she's too good for the rest of us?"

He cringed, not liking his nickname for Emily being thrown back at him like that and especially not liking the way Tamara thought she had Emily pegged. "Tamara…that's enough. I'm not even going to dignify any of this with a response. I'm sorry if I hurt you but this is finished."

"Derek—" He slammed his phone shut, not wanting or needing to hear anymore. Tossing it down on the desk, he sighed. What was wrong with him? He had the best thing in front of him and yet he still strayed elsewhere. He contemplated telling her everything. But what good would that do? It's not like he had actually cheated. There was nothing physical about whatever it was that they had been doing. But he had confided in her. About everything…well, at least everything except his relationship with Emily. But while he didn't tell Tamara about Emily in so many words, he did allude to things that were weighing him down. The secrecy behind so much of his personal life being one of them. The stress of a job he took very seriously that weighed on him every day. Wanting the team to look up to him. To think he was an effective leader like Hotch was. Not wanting to fail his team, especially Emily. All of which brought new concerns to mind: How could he effectively lead a team when he was secretly involved with one of them? When he was sleeping with someone who was now his subordinate? The realization of this brought a whole new set of issues that he hadn't considered of when he confessed his feelings for her a year ago.

One Week Later:

Emily joined JJ and Penelope at their high top table at a bar in Georgetown after work on a Friday afternoon. It had been an incredibly stressful week: back-to-back-to-back cases, two of which were out of town; sixteen hour work days, and the threat of Foyet still looming over them. Not to mention how distant Derek continued to be. She was ready for a drink – make that several drinks—with her girlfriends.

"Hey…" Emily greeted, sitting down with the two blondes. "What are we drinking?"

JJ handed her a tall glass. "Pomegranate Martinis. Drink up!"

"Cheers!" Garcia joined in, clinking her glass with those of her girlfriends.

"Ugh…" Emily closed her eyes, savoring the sweet, fruity taste as it slid down her throat. "I needed this. I swear…sometimes it seems like these guys come out of the woodwork all at the same time."

"Welcome to the BAU," JJ laughed. "Crazies don't take a vacation. And…you never told me. Did that cop from Baltimore give you his number the other day? I could tell he was into you. He was hot, Em."

Garcia chuckled to herself. Here we go…another night of JJ trying to play matchmaker for Emily when Emily neither wanted, nor needed her to. Garcia did hate all of the secrecy but sometimes she laughed at how many times JJ tried to fix Emily up with someone they met while they were traveling. As if Emily needed to be reminded of the nut jobs they chased around by dating someone they met during one of their cases. Although dating Derek sort of fell into that category as well.

Emily smiled, refraining from rolling her eyes. "He did. But I'm not calling him, JJ. So don't even go there."

"Come on!" JJ tried to persuade. "He was hot. And he was definitely interested. "

"Yeah," Emily snorted. "Because that's who I want to date. Someone who's eyes migrated to my chest every time he looked at me for the entire time we were there."

"I did think Derek was going to punch him at one point," JJ admitted. Emily's eyes widened. Did she know? Emily snuck a glance at Garcia who looked as surprised as she did.

"What are you talking about?" Emily asked, nervously.

JJ rolled her eyes. "You know how Derek gets when someone looks at one of us the wrong way. Especially you, Em. If I didn't know any better, I would think someone was smitten."

Now it was Emily's turn to scoff, nervously shifting in her seat. "I doubt that, Jayje." She quickly shot a 'help me' look at Garcia, who shrugged discreetly.

"Oh come on, Em," JJ pushed, not noticing how uncomfortable Emily was getting nor realizing that she really had stumbled upon something. "Derek Morgan is always protective of the women in his life and you are no exception. But he pays extra attention to you, I've noticed. It's nothing new. He's been doing it since you joined the team. Am I right, Garcia?"

Garcia laughed at her friend's expense, loving at how uncomfortable Emily was getting. Maybe now the secret could be out. "I'd have to agree with you there, Jayje. My Chocolate Thunder clearly has a soft spot for my kick-ass friend, here."

"So not true," Emily defended herself before being interrupted by someone they didn't realize had been listening in on their conversation and silently fuming until she couldn't take it any longer.

"Agent Prentiss," they heard a voice speak up from behind Emily. "I think they're on to something."

Emily, JJ and Garcia quickly turned around, noticing a familiar face behind them. Garcia cringed…this was not going to be good. Derek had confided in her the week before and told her how he had ended…whatever it is was that was going on between he and their victim's sister. And how she had not taken it well. Tamara Barnes was most likely feeling like a woman scorned. And she was going to take Derek – and Emily – down with her it now seemed.

"Ms. Barnes?" JJ asked, confused. "How are you? What are you doing here?"

Tamara smirked, tossing a look at Emily. "I couldn't help but overhear your conversation. I feel like I might have some personal knowledge of the situation."

"Ms. Barnes," Garcia began, standing up and walking over to her, attempting to stop whatever it was that was about to happen. And Garcia didn't like the look on her face. She could tell this wasn't going to be good. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"What's she talking about?" JJ interrupted, holding a hand out to stop Garcia. She looked over to Emily, who shrugged in response, obviously unaware of the fact that she was about to have a starring role in Tamara Barnes rant.

"Nothing, JJ," Garcia, still attempting to put a stop to whatever was about to happen, threw a pleading look in JJ's direction, trying desperately to stop what was about to happen. Damn Derek…why was she now stuck with cleaning up his mess. "Why don't we go somewhere else. Come on…"

"Now Penelope," Tamara shook her head, standing up and joining the other two at the high top table. "You know it's not nothing. I know you're Derek's friend and surely he confided in you about his secret relationship with another one of your teammates."

"Relationship?" JJ scoffed. "I think you're mistaken here, Ms. Barnes. Derek's not involved with anyone. It's definitely not me and Penelope would never have kept that a secret. And it's definitely…not…" JJ trailed off, looking up at Emily who sat there quietly with a helpless look on her face. "Emily?"

Emily pleaded with her apologetically. "I'm so sorry, JJ. I wanted to tell you but Derek and I…we…we didn't want anything to happen to the team and…" she trailed off, not knowing what to make of the look on JJ's face.

"Garcia?" JJ asked, shooting a look at her eccentric friend. "Did you know? How long has this been going on?"

Garcia nodded slowly. "I knew. But I swear…I only just found out a couple of months ago. Derek was worried about all of this crap with Foyet…and he was having a bad night…He just needed someone to confide in." Tamara laughed, an evil sound that Garcia didn't like the tone of. She knew Tamara wasn't finished and tried to stop whatever it was that she was about to do. Garcia was certain that she didn't just come here to out Emily and Derek to JJ. This was going to go deeper than that. Tamara had a look in her eye and she wasn't going to leave until she left Emily and Derek's relationship in ruins.

"Someone to confide in, huh?" Tamara snorted. Emily's attention was drawn back to her. "Agent Prentiss, what does that mean for your relationship when the one who supposedly loves you didn't feel like he could confide in you at all?"

"What are you talking about?" Emily was confused. "What do you know about my relationship?" It seemed like this woman had it out for her and she didn't understand why. There's no way Derek could have…her train of thought was interrupted by what she really hoped wasn't actually true.

"You ever wondered what Derek was doing when he told you he was working late every night? When he disappeared for hours at a time during the day? He was with me, Agent Prentiss. Comforting me, confiding in me…"

Emily just stared at her wide-eyed, not knowing what to do or even what to believe. As much as she wanted to think that this woman was lying. That Derek would never cheat on her, she was right. Derek would disappear during the day and have a flimsy excuse as to what he was doing. He would constantly be working late and not show up at her apartment like he used to. "The necklace?"

"My brother William's," Tamara clarified with a smirk. "He was a victim in the DC home invasion case that you all worked on. Derek made it a point to tell me all of the details of the case, to show up at the hearing, drive me home, comfort me when I was upset. I gave him that necklace so he would have something to always keep him safe. It was a gift. He confided in me about the stresses of his job. How he needed an escape from everything…everyone…that had anything to do with the FBI. And I was that escape. I was the person e confided in when he felt like no one else understood him. He knows that I'm that person."

"That's enough!" Garcia snapped, not liking the look on Emily's face. Emily Prentiss was not one to let tears fall in the presence of others, nor was she one to lose her cool no matter what the situation was. But Garcia could tell that Tamara had hit a nerve. She grabbed Emily's arm and pulled her away from the table, but not before turning back to put Tamara Barnes back in her place. "Listen Ms. Barnes, I'm sorry that you lost your brother. And that Derek told you he was no longer interested."

Tamara went to protest but Garcia held her hand up to stop her. "Yes, I know he told you that. He told you he was in love with someone else. And that person is Emily Prentiss. He may have been dealing with some things and thought that confiding in someone else would be easier but all you made him realize was how much he is in love with Emily. I know that because he TOLD me that right after he told you that he didn't want you in his life anymore." With that, Garcia pulled Emily out of the bar, JJ grabbing their purses and following closely behind.

They walked for several blocks, trying to clear the vicinity of the bar they were at in case Tamara followed them out, before JJ finally broke the silence. "I can't believe you and Derek…" she trailed off, not really even knowing how to characterize their relationship.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you," Emily apologized quietly, her voice slightly wavering. "But even we didn't really know what we were doing. We've been trying to figure this out the best we knew how."

"Stop," JJ held a hand up to stop Emily. "I honestly don't know what to think. I'm happy for you…really I am. But Emily, we're supposed to be friends here. How could you not tell me? Why did I have to hear it from some stranger?"

"JJ," Garcia rested a hand on JJ's arm, seemingly stopping her verbal onslaught. "I know you're hurt and you probably have a right to be but this isn't the issue right now." She turned to Emily, who had gone uncharacteristically quiet after apologizing to JJ, no doubt what Tamara had said finally sinking in.

"Please tell me she's lying," Emily pleaded quietly with Garcia, knowing that Penelope wasn't telling her everything.

"You need to go talk to Derek," Penelope said quietly, clasping Emily's hand in between her own. "And please…give him the benefit of the doubt, Emily. He loves you."

Emily nodded but didn't say anything further, fearing the tears she felt welling up in her eyes were going to spill down her cheeks at any moment. She turned around and walked away from JJ and Garcia towards the spot where her car was parked. She had one thing on her mind right now and that was getting to Derek. She needed him to deny what Tamara had said. To deny that any of this was true. But somehow she couldn't quite bring herself to believe that he would.

Emily stood on the front porch of Derek's house and knocked on his door quietly, nervously waiting for him to open it. She knew he was home but there was a part of her now…a part of her that questioned whether she still trusted him…that questioned what she was interrupting on the other wide of that door.

"Hey," Derek opened the door, rubbing sleep out of his eyes. "What are you doing here? I thought you were out with the girls tonight?"

"We were," Emily responded quietly. "Can I come in?"

"Sure," Derek stepped aside and let Emily in, closing it behind her and following her into the living room. "Hi," he smiled, leaning in to give her a kiss. She quickly turned her head and let him catch her cheek, rather than her lips, leaving him with a questioning look on his face at her odd behavior. "What's wrong, Em?"

"I need you to be honest with me, Derek." Her voice was low as she moved over to the window, staring outside at the night sky. She couldn't bring herself to look at him. Not yet. She needed to get this out because if she stopped to look at his face…to look into his eyes…she knew she would crumble. And she needed to be strong right now.

Derek tensed, not liking the direction this was taking. "What are you talking about, Emily? What's wrong?"

"When was the last time you had contact with Tamara Barnes?" She asked, finally turning around and looking at him.

"Tamara who?" Derek's voice wavered, a sure sign that he was lying. What the hell was he trying to do? Emily was trained in reading behavior. Did he really think she wouldn't figure this out?

She held her hand up to stop the step he took towards her. "DON'T lie to to me Derek! I saw her tonight. She was at the bar JJ, Garcia and I were at. Spouting some bullshit about the two of you being together. So tell me the truth, Derek. When was the last time you heard from her or saw her?"

"Last weekend," he answered quietly. "She kept calling me. I told her to stop. That it was over."

"That WHAT was over, Derek?!" Emily finally exploded. She wanted him to deny it, to tell her that none of it was true. But she could tell that there was something he wasn't telling her. That he tried to lie his way out of it. "What was going on with the two of you?"

"Nothing, Emily," He needed her to understand. Because it really was nothing. He was in a bad place but all it made him realize was how much he loved Emily. And he told her all of that. "I swear," he plead. "It was over before it started. I never touched her. I never wanted her. I just needed to talk to someone outside of the BAU. Outside of this family. Someone who didn't live the stresses we live. But I swear, Emily. I love you. That has never changed. I have never felt about anyone the way I feel about you." He looked at her with wide eyes, unable to say anything else.

"Just stop," she growled. He followed her as she marched up the stairs and down the hall to his bedroom, yanking open the top drawer of his bedside table. She snorted as she saw exactly what she knew would be there. Grabbing the necklace, she turned around and threw it at him. "THIS doesn't mean nothing, Derek. THIS means something, dammit! You lied to me about this. I point-blank asked you what this was and you lied. Well, guess what? I know what this is. She TOLD me, Derek. This was her brother's. She gave it to you during one of the many conversations the two of you had, when you comforted her for the loss of her brother and she listened while you confided all the stresses and problems you had in your life. Stresses that include me, apparently. She knew things that you were going through that you couldn't even tell ME about, Derek! And you want me to just be okay with that? To move on and pretend like none of this ever happened? Are you crazy? This..." She pointed between the two of them. "This is sooo over, Derek. I am done."

Emily spun around on her heel and ran back down the stairs towards the front door, Derek chasing her the whole way. "EMILY? EMILY STOP!" She stopped with her hand on the door, the tears that had been threatening to fall since she left the bar with JJ and Penelope finally spilling down her cheeks. But she didn't turn around. And she didn't say anything. Just listened.

"I'm sorry, Emily," Derek pleaded turning her around to face him and continuing even though she avoided his eyes. The tears falling down her face broke his heart. "Please. I'm so sorry. I should have told you what was going on. I know having secrets can kill a relationship but I didn't know how to tell you. I just wanted everything to be normal. And everything going on was weighing down on me and I should have told you. I was wrong, Em, and I'm so sorry. But I love you. I love you so much. Please…don't do this. Don't leave."

"I can't do this right now, Derek," She reached out and touched his cheek, feeling like a complete hypocrite but ultimately it wasn't just about him. She had plenty of skeletons of her own and she knew in her heart that their relationship could never survive the mountain of secrets that seemed to be between them. It was better just to cut their losses now. And soon enough, he would understand that. And he would move on. "I'm sorry…but this…this is over. It was never going to work anyway. We were crazy to think that it would."

Please let me know what you think (and don't kill me...there's still a long way to go).