+ + + Schizotypal + + +
Disclaimer: I don't own 'Naruto' and I make no money from these writings.
A/N: Just so you know there's some angst ahead but it'll be not without fluff.
Hey thank you guys for the lovely reviews. They make me smile in a silly way. :3
And Wren, thank you – you are very insightful and I'm happy to hear you've liked this little story so far. :) Maybe this chapter will enlighten some of your ponderings about Kankuro and Gaara?
Chapter 4: Slumbering Seeds
Gaara's foul mood was really starting to annoy Naruto. He was sure even Kankuro had noticed his little brother's recent temper. The most frustrating thing in the whole ordeal was that he had no idea what had gotten into the redhead. People, and Gaara especially, were impossibly confusing from time to time.
Naruto loved pie. The moment Kankuro had told them he would bake an apple pie for them in the evening, the blond's stomach had cheered all but discreetly at the announcement. Of course, right then they had noticed they were out of flour, and it had somehow come around that Naruto and Gaara could go grocery shopping, together. Kankuro had been busy with something – he always was to the blond's surprise – and since Gaara had no driver's license, Naruto was to be his designated driver.
Just to escape the redhead's sour mood, Naruto had suggested he go alone. Both of the brothers had rejected the idea almost comically in unison, looking at each other with something akin to panic. Back then, Naruto had rolled his eyes at them. Yes, he had once brought potato flour instead of regular flour, but what was the difference really? It had read 'flour' on the package, so the rest shouldn't really matter, right?
And so his insatiable hunger for pie had driven him to grocery shopping with none other than the grumpy redhead. When Gaara had once again eyed Naruto's trustworthy vehicle with unjust distaste, he had asked if they could take his brother's car instead. Back then, Kankuro's gaze had darted from the dented Škoda to his brand new Audi and for some reason unknown his eye had started to twitch.
Naruto had thought nothing of the strange behavior but instantly rejected the suggested idea. He did not like new cars. They had too much electricity in them and the whole dashboard reminded him of an actual spaceship. But what was the worst was the tracking system they secretly installed into those things during the manufacturing process.
"We should've taken his car," Gaara mumbled as the familiar rattle from the motor got louder and louder again.
"Nonsense. Wouldn't want the government to know where we're shopping at, don't you think?" Naruto reasoned.
Gaara spared him a hard glance. "They are not tracking us. No one is. His car is safe, a lot safer than… this," he said, gesturing at the general horridness that was the ancient vehicle.
"You know so little what's going on. Don't you follow the news? They're onto us, every one of us," Naruto said and shrugged. Just to be sure, he glanced up at the sky but no satellites were visible.
"If you're so worried about it, then why do you carry your phone around everywhere you go? And didn't you say you keep the location constantly on?"
That was a good point, one that Naruto hadn't expected to be brought up. Biting his lip, he responded, "I have to keep it on so that I can find my phone with my laptop, if I ever happen to lose it."
"What do you mean 'if you happen to lose it'? You do it all the time," Gaara argued.
"You seem to be in awfully grumpy mood today," the blond retorted, clenching the wheel. "You know, I could've handled the groceries by myself easily."
To that, his companion didn't reply immediately. Pinching the bridge of his nose, Gaara finally answered. "I know. But since I didn't have anything better to do, I thought I could come with you."
"Thanks. It's nice and I appreciate it," Naruto told honestly with a little smile. Just hopefully, his good mood would rub off on the cranky redhead.
Half an hour later two bags of groceries sat snugly on the back seat. Arms crossed in front of him, Gaara sat somberly next to Naruto, staring through the windshield. The blond paid no attention to the silent redhead, but instead kept on glancing at the rear mirror. That van tailing right behind them was starting to get him annoyed.
Who were they in that vehicle, and why had they chosen to follow him so closely? Was it because of Gaara? With a quick turn to the right, Naruto succeeded to mislead them.
"W-Where are you going? Home is in the other way," Gaara noticed and glanced bewilderedly at Naruto.
"I know. I was just getting sick of that yellow car driving so closely behind us," he explained calmly, eyes on the rear mirror again.
Gaara turned to look through the rear window. "I can't see anyone."
"Exactly," the blond smiled, holding the wheel casually with one hand. "You can thank me for that."
But Gaara did none of that, instead he looked at him like he had just lost his mind.
"Who knows, maybe it was the government," Naruto pondered and shrugged.
"In that yellow car?" the redhead asked seriously.
"Mm-hmm," the blond confirmed.
In the passenger's seat, Gaara buried his face in his hands. When he didn't return to his normal, upright position even after some moments, Naruto gave him a worried look.
"Hey, there's no point hiding your face now. They've got your picture already. You see, they use the front camera of your phone to gather information. That's why I've covered mine with tape. Clever, eh?" Naruto said and smiled in a carefree way.
Slowly, Gaara lifted up his face from his palms and straightened up. The guy looked calm but wasn't there something boiling just beneath the surface? Naruto was sure he could feel controlled anger radiating from the redhead.
"Are you alright?" Naruto asked and spared him a glance. "You've been horribly uptight lately. And have you lost a pound or two?"
Instinctively, Gaara wrapped his arms around his waist, as if to shield himself from the seemingly unwanted attention. However, the redhead chose not to grace the blond with an answer.
Naruto sighed, but he had a feeling he shouldn't let the matter be. They drove in tensed silence, until he noticed some suspicious-looking pedestrians on the sidewalk. The other one was talking to their cell phone and the other one was paying suspiciously much attention to them as they drove past them.
Naruto clicked his tongue knowingly. They were onto him, that much was clear. There was no doubt his current whereabouts were transmitted via the cell phone even now, and most certainly somewhere ahead he would find equally suspicious agents waiting for him.
But as always, he was one step ahead and he would mislead them before they'd even know it. Despite their clever disguise, Naruto knew they weren't just ordinary people. With a sudden turn to the left, he escaped along a bumpy grit road that snaked between thick conifer forests.
"Where the hell are you going now?" Gaara asked, unable to keep irritation out of his voice.
"Didn't you notice those guys with their sunglasses on just a moment ago?" Naruto asked and checked the rear mirror.
"You mean the elderly couple who were walking their dog?" the redhead asked back with a tightening voice.
"Yes," Naruto confirmed. "They noticed us."
Gaara sighed pointedly and squeezed the timeworn seat until his knuckles turned white. "Well of course they would! With all respect your car is an attraction on itself, not to mention that loud motor noise you try to cover up with radio."
To that, Naruto only huffed in a disagreeing way. "You're wrong. They were keeping an eye on us and transmitting our current whereabouts to their comrades. Sooner or later, a red car would've appeared behind us."
"Stop it!" Gaara exclaimed, unable to keep his irritation under control anymore. "You are acting delusional again."
"I'm not the delusional one in this car," Naruto said quickly and checked the rear mirror again. No one was behind them, which only proved he had been right all along.
"Oh, you are definitely delusional if you claim that things like that are actually real," Gaara snapped and clenched his fists. "No one is following us, and red is maybe one of the most common colors of cars nowadays. Seeing one would be simply a coincidence."
"You see, that's what they want us to think," Naruto pointed out, confident about his own conclusions. "But I saw right through them, because I am always one step ahead. They won't catch us, thanks to me."
"Just… Just listen to yourself!" Gaara exclaimed again and buried his face in his palms in exasperation. "This is exactly like that one time at the mall, when you told me that all those people knew who you were, or what you were about to do."
"Your disbelief just shows how ignorant you are, Gaara. They know everything," Naruto said in a completely serious tone of voice
But Gaara only sighed in defeat. "I have not the patience for this right now. Take us home the fastest route or else."
"Or else what?" Naruto asked, one hand casually on the wheel while he dug his teeth with the other.
Gaara turned to look at him with a dark, angry expression. "Or I will do something so horrible to you that you'd rather let those imaginary trackers get you."
A little unnerved, Naruto gulped but didn't dare to object. A dark cloud hung above them inside the car, and he was sure a lightning would strike him down if he dared to discuss the controversial subject any further.
After he had found a way back to the main road, he tried to lighten up the atmosphere with a completely different topic.
"Hey, you know what's great?" he asked with a grin. As expected, his silent companion didn't grace him with an answer.
"Sakura is spending the weekend with us," Naruto beamed and drummed the wheel with his fingers.
But Gaara didn't show any emotion to indicate whether or not he found this old news delightful or not.
Naruto spared a glance at the redhead, who still had his fists clenched. "Her boyfriend is out of town. One of those business trips again, I guess. Anyway, she hates staying at home alone and I can't really blame her. You should see their house, it's huge!"
A slight sigh was his only answer, and by now the quiet redhead was staring at his lap, deep in thought.
"She usually stays at Tenten's place, but this time Neji is in town and believe me, you don't want to spend the weekend under the same roof with those lovebirds," Naruto chuckled and smiled by himself. "I mean it. I've been through it and I barely survived."
A faint snort escaped Gaara's lips but as Naruto turned to look at him, the guy was once again facing the passenger's window.
Back at home, Kankuro accepted the groceries with a curt thank you. His black eyes were darting between quiet Naruto and still-grumpy Gaara. Whatever the man interpreted from that seemed not to relieve him judging by the way his mouth was nothing but a tight line.
As Naruto offered to help around in the kitchen, it instantly resulted in an amused snort from the older brother and a quiver of a restrained smile from the redhead.
"Thanks, I can manage this by myself," Kankuro said and went back to what he was doing.
Just as Gaara was about to hurry upstairs, and as Naruto was about to follow him (he had a bad feeling for some reason), the front door opened and in stepped none other than friendlily smiling Sakura. Both Gaara and Naruto halted in their rush.
"Hello, everyone," she called and the first thing Naruto noticed was her happily relaxed shoulders. Unlike now, usually they were tensed up, often accompanied with a vein throbbing on her temple or her fist clenching tightly by her side.
"Sakura," Naruto breathed as he finally came back to earth. "Hi."
Her perfume wafted into his nose as she lowered her heavy bag on the floor. She was smiling at him, and with arms stretched out she came to him, closing him into a short embrace which felt like it lasted for an eternity.
This was their moment, a moment she was noticing him and no one else.
"Hi, Sakura," Kankuro greeted as he suddenly appeared into the hallway. An apron was loosely tied around his waist and there was flour on his brown hair.
Sakura stepped away from Naruto and smiled at the brunette, for obviously she found the sight amusing. Kankuro replied with a smile of his own, and suddenly Naruto felt cold and lonely and excluded. Somewhere in the background, Gaara's steps vanished into upstairs.
"I hope you enjoy your time here," Kankuro finally said and turned to go back to the kitchen. "You can sleep on the couch."
"Thank you," she smiled for a tad longer than what was necessary in Naruto's opinion. With springy lightness, she grabbed her heavy bag and walked past Naruto into the living room.
He followed her hastily. "You can have my room. I can sleep on the couch."
"Thanks, but no. I'll rather sleep here," she said kindly yet her tone of voice left no room for arguments.
In silent defeat, Naruto nodded and let his eyes wander from her to the tidy couch, to the bookshelf on the wall, to the door to Kankuro's room not too far away.
"Don't hesitate to ask if you change your mind," Naruto said even though he already knew the outcome.
She smiled at him quickly. "Thanks. You're a good friend, Naruto."
Kankuro peeked into the living room. "Hey Sakura, I'm baking an apple pie. If you want to, you can help."
"Oh, I'd love to," she agreed and once again left Naruto standing on the spot, alone.
"Hey, why is she allowed to help and I'm not?" the blond asked with slight annoyance.
"Well," Kankuro said, not even bothering to look at him as he was already looking for a spare apron for her. "First of all I'm pretty sure she wouldn't mistake salt for sugar."
That was a good point, Naruto had to agree. Boy, those had been some salty buns they had had back then. As he recalled the look of pure disgust on Kankuro's face as he had taken an unsuspecting bite of a freshly-baked bun, he couldn't help but snicker. After that, the older brother had banned him from the kitchen. Of course, Naruto had disapproved of the restriction, but for some reason Gaara hadn't taken his side back then. And that was why the restriction was standing even today.
In defeat, Naruto sat down at the kitchen table. Some time ago, Gaara had vanished upstairs with a grim aura hovering over him, and the blond wondered if he should look him up. Then again, Sakura was his friend and he felt obliged to stay in the same room with her.
And now she had flour in her hair and both Sakura and Kankuro giggled at something Naruto had no idea of. Her hair was up in a ponytail and whenever she moved her head, it swayed femininely just above her shoulders.
"Naruto," she said suddenly in an exceptionally cheerful voice.
Automatically, he smiled at her in return. As she stood in front of him, he couldn't help but notice how nicely the apron hugged her figure.
"Could you help me with something?" she asked and he perked up. "I need to send a few texts but as you can see I'm in the middle of baking a pie," she explained and at the mention of the goody, Naruto's stomach grumbled.
"Alright," he promised with a shrug.
"Thanks, you're a real friend, Naruto," Sakura said kindly and kissed him on the forehead.
"A-Anything for you," Naruto replied with a blush and suddenly it felt very important to fiddle the tablecloth with his fingers.
"Here," she said and gave him her phone. "Tell Sasuke I'm here for the weekend and that I'll call him tomorrow."
Naruto paled and his insides tightened into an uncomfortable knot. But as the memory of her sweet kiss still burned on his forehead, he made it his priority to not show his uneasiness.
"Do you want to recite to me what to write or…?" Naruto asked with his best carefree manner.
"Nah, you can do it by yourself like you've used to. You know he won't notice the difference," Sakura said absentmindedly, as she read the cookbook with Kankuro peeking over her shoulder at the small print.
With sweaty hands, Naruto did as he was told. Rather quickly, he typed: 'I'm spending the weekend with Naruto. I'll call you tomorrow.'
Half a minute later he got a reply. 'Oh really? You're spending awfully lot of time with him lately.'
Naruto frowned in confusion. That was not true. Just as he was about to point that out, Sasuke sent another message.
'Honestly I don't understand why you still bother to hang out with Piss-Pants.'
Maybe it was the sun hiding behind a cloud, but suddenly the whole room felt darker. The knot on his insides got tighter as he re-read the hurtful words.
'Don't call him that,' Naruto typed.
'It's just a nickname. And you used to call him that, too, remember?'
'The whole thing was your fault,' Naruto replied and in his mind, he added a few selected words in the end.
'It was a joke.'
'But not a very funny one, babe,' Naruto replied. He was supposed to be Sakura, after all.
'Whatever. I have to go now. Talk to you later. I love you.'
'I love you too,' Naruto replied to Sasuke and added Sakura's signature mark, a sparkling pink heart, in the end.
He lifted his gaze to the pie-bakers. It looked like so much fun, and he felt so excluded. They were laughing at something, and honestly he wasn't so keen on knowing what it was this time.
"Well it's done now. Your boyfriend was happy to hear from you," Naruto said and this time, annoyance escaped into his tone. Sakura turned to him with her facial muscles oddly tight.
"Thanks," she only said and then got back to what she had been doing.
As he pushed the phone away he felt repulsed and angry, but when her laughter carried to his ears again, he tried to erase all his previous thoughts by closing his eyes.
And he opened them only to see Sakura holding some dough on her finger, draping it over Kankuro who casually licked it off in passing. For reason or another, the earlier sick feeling came back to Naruto, but this time it was ten times worse.
His silent sadness was interrupted when he noticed Kankuro staring at him interestedly. Naruto raised his brow in a questioning manner, and then the brunette's smile widened to full maximum.
"Is that shirt new?" Kankuro asked politely.
"Well, no…" Naruto said and looked at his timeworn orange shirt.
"That color really suits you," the brunette complimented and winked.
"Uh… really? T-Thank you," the blond stuttered in confusion.
Familiar nervousness bubbled inside him, as he once again had no idea how to interpret that gesture. Before he could detect any answer from the man's facial expression, Kankuro turned away to Sakura instead.
"This summer we've got the sweetest strawberries we've ever had," Kankuro said to her and dusted some flour off her shoulder in passing.
"Oh really?" she was instantly interested. "Do you have any in the fridge?"
"Hmm… I don't think so, sorry," Kankuro said. "Someone would have to go pick them up in the garden, I guess."
Sakura's shoulders slumped and she looked so disappointed. Even her perky ponytail seemed flatter than before.
"I can go get them for you," Naruto promised and instantly her dark aura lighted up.
Her delighted thank you was enough reward for him, he decided, and as he made his way into the garden, he was actually thankful of getting a short escape from being around them.
When he had gone through the whole field in order to find the best ones for her, he now had a bowl full of exquisite, top notch strawberries. In the kitchen, Kankuro accepted the bowl with a warm smile that made something quiver in Naruto's heart.
"Have a strawberry," the brunette said to Sakura, whose hands were covered in dough.
"I'm in the middle of something right now," she said and gestured towards her hands.
"Let me help you," Kankuro said sweetly and put one of Naruto's carefully selected strawberries into her mouth.
"Oh, these are…" she trailed off and closed her eyes and all her movement stilled for a moment. Kankuro chuckled at her reaction, and in the background Naruto felt like disappearing again.
After the pie was baked and all four of them had gathered together to enjoy it, they had settled into the living room to play board games. After three rounds of a board game requiring little to no skill but plenty of luck instead, Naruto was getting sure something was going on.
Gaara had not looked at him even by accident ever since he had joined their company. Even though it was something probably trivial, Naruto couldn't help but get annoyed by it. By now, he had gotten used to the borderline obsessive way those aquamarine orbs studied him in secret, or sometimes, in a very open manner.
Besides that, Naruto was getting secretly frustrated by the way Gaara kept on eating Sakura's pawns away. At first he hadn't noticed it, but when the redhead had gotten many chances of making someone else's game much harder, he hadn't done so for a reason or another.
During the course of the evening, Sakura managed to steal a moment alone with Naruto. Her dark green eyes had that look again, a look which she had whenever she was about to meddle into something she'd better not to.
"What," Naruto sighed, and the glint in her eyes got stronger.
"What's going on?" she whispered.
"Shouldn't I be the one asking you that?" Naruto said back with narrowed eyes.
Her brow furrowed at that and almost instinctively, she clenched her fist by her side. "And what are you implying with that?"
"Isn't it obvious?" the blond replied once again with a question. "Don't you think you're acting a bit too familiar around Kankuro?"
She grabbed his shirt in her angry fist, and in that moment Naruto knew better than well that maybe now had not been the best time to voice out his observations.
"Stop implying things like that. Someone might get the wrong impression if they overheard you talking so carelessly," she said calmly, yet her grip was threateningly tight. "And don't you dare mention those delusions of yours to anybody, got it?" And now her voice was threatening as well.
With the way she stared down at him, he had no doubt Sakura could be able to castrate him with her bare hands if she wanted to. And if he remembered correctly, more than once she had promised to carry out such threat. In a scared manner, Naruto gulped and then nodded feebly in defeat. Given how her grip eventually loosened, his silent obedience seemed to calm her down.
"Now," she began with a curious voice and cracked her knuckles. "What's going on with you and Gaara?"
"Nothing is going on as far as I'm concerned," Naruto replied and glanced around to find an escape from the conversation.
But then she touched his arm and got his immediate attention. "There's definitely something wrong with him. Haven't you noticed?"
With slumped shoulders, Naruto tried to curl up into himself like a turtle. "He's like that all the time."
"Maybe you should talk to him?" she suggested.
"Why? Why me?" the blond whined, glancing around again in hopes of finding something to excuse himself with. "Besides, he won't open up to me. It feels like I'm the last person he wants to be around with."
"Hmm, I don't think that's true," Sakura pondered. "You should talk to him."
"No," Naruto refused and broke free from her touch. Quickly, he went to look for Kankuro to ask if there was anything he could help him with.
Later on, they were all settled on the couch to watch a movie. Naruto was in a bad mood but he tried his best to let no one know about it. What Sakura had said kept on bugging him and annoying him to the point it was all he could concentrate on. Even the fact that Gaara had stolen a seat next to her, thus leaving Naruto no other option but to have a seat between Gaara and the armrest of the couch, didn't bother him.
Gaara and his fluctuating moods! Naruto huffed by himself in frustration.
He was momentarily dragged out of his sore thoughts as Gaara handed him a small bowl of licorice fish, his favorite kind of candy. Surprised by the gesture (and by the fact that he didn't remember anyone purchasing these snacks), he smiled briefly at the redhead, who once again refused to look at him.
In the end of the evening Naruto helped Kankuro clean up the table. Gaara had disappeared into somewhere, probably into his room sometime ago, no surprise there. Sakura was down in the basement floor taking a shower and getting ready for bed. Or for couch, in her case.
"You know what, Naruto?" Kankuro said suddenly as he was putting the dirty plates into the sink.
The blond stopped what he was doing and waited for the man to continue their one-sided conversation. The moment Kankuro noticed his secret stare, Naruto lowered his face and studied his socks instead.
"I'm a little worried about Gaara. He's been pretty down lately," the brunette told.
Of course, Naruto had made the same notion as the caring older brother but even so, he chose not to speak his mind. And it didn't escape his notion that Kankuro was once again wearing that well-fitting shirt that hugged his admirable physique in all the right places.
"But he's different around you. Have you noticed that?"
No, Naruto hadn't noticed any of the sorts. The face of an angry Gaara yelling at him and mistaking his protection instinct for something completely ridiculous, came back to his mind. If being grumpy and annoyed meant 'different', then yes, he knew what they were talking about.
"You could talk to him, you know?" Kankuro suggested very kindly.
"About what?" Naruto asked and kept on staring at the man's chest.
"Well… you know," Kankuro said and managed not to enlighten the idea at all. "I just have a feeling it would be a good idea."
To Naruto it didn't sound like a good idea at all. But when he had worn out that spot on the man's chest with his eyes, he lifted his gaze only to see that those onyx eyes were already looking at him in a hopelessly sorrowful way.
And Naruto couldn't say no to that tilted face and those pleading eyes, and before any readable emotion could cross his own face, he quickly strode past him with a muttered approval.
He hurried out of the situation, almost running the steps upstairs. In his mind he thought about hiding into his own room first for undefined amount of time, but for some reason his feet refused take him there. Instead he found himself standing in front of Gaara's door, just like he had promised Kankuro.
For reasons unknown his chest hurt and his head was a carousel where thoughts more anxious after another revolved repeatedly. Shyly he knocked on the wooden door and the lack of reply he got didn't surprise him at all.
"Gaara?" No reply. "I want to talk to you."
Just as he was about to turn around and go into his own room after all, the door clicked open and a serious pale face stared at him through the crack.
"Can I come in?" Naruto asked kindly.
For an answer, the redhead only stepped away from the door, allowing Naruto to come in if he wished.
Cautiously, the blond crossed the threshold and closed the door behind him. He had never been in Gaara's room before. To notice the orderliness and overall tidiness of the place didn't really astonish him. The second thing he noticed was the numerous shelves on the walls. Plenty of cacti and other desert plants were neatly placed there pot after pot.
And the flytrap he had given him sat on the table in a comfortable beam of evening's sunlight.
Gaara lay on the bed, hands behind his head. Unlike earlier today, now his pale green eyes were keenly on Naruto again, and when the blond stepped closer to him, the eyes followed his every move. The atmosphere felt heavy, and suddenly the blond forgot all his earlier ideas of how to open a conversation. An option of leaving the room popped up into his mind but he disregarded the idea after a while.
Just to ease out his anxiousness, he took a book from the bookshelf. After gathering enough confidence he finally dared to sit down on the foot of the bed, careful at not touching the redhead in any way. He was aware of how close Gaara's feet were, and without exaggeration he could say he was able to sense the guy's body heat.
Even before, he had noticed the redhead's ankles. They were slender and bony and overall enchanting. And as they now lay close to him like that, he wondered what it would feel like to peel off those socks and trace his fingers across the hard bony knobs that were his ankle joints. Before his notions could continue further, he adjusted himself into a more comfortable position and opened the book randomly somewhere in the middle.
"Lap belt. A seat belt fastening across the lap of a driver or a passenger. Lapboard. A thin, flat board to be held on the lap for use as a table or writing surface. Lap dance. An erotic d―"
"What are you doing?"
"I'm reading," Naruto replied.
"It's a dictionary," Gaara pointed out with a blank look.
To that, Naruto only shrugged. He flipped the book over and inspected the back cover as if he was reading a review printed in there. "Excellent vocabulary but no plot whatsoever. Four stars out of five by Konoha Times."
A quiet hum resulted, a sound which could've as easily been a rustle of bedclothes or Gaara letting out a snort.
"What are you doing in my room?" Gaara finally asked, as the blond kept on paging the book.
Naruto pursed his lips deep in thought as he inspected the thinness of the pages. "You come into my room all the time and I never demand any explanation for it."
As no counter argument ensued, the blond assumed the case was closed. With the book on his lap, he glanced into the distance before speaking up his mind.
"So… you have desert plants here in your room."
"They wouldn't survive outside. Not in this climate anyway," Gaara replied and briefly glanced at the pots.
Naruto nodded and pursed his lips again, then hummed an off-tune melody for some time. "Why did you keep on eating Sakura's pawns?"
The question seemed to take the redhead by surprise. "I didn't know you noticed."
"Well… I also noticed you kept on saving mine. I didn't know we were a team on that game board," Naruto said.
"Maybe we were, maybe we weren't," the redhead said flatly and closed his eyes.
Naruto considered the sight for a moment, letting his gaze drop from the blackened eyelids to the smooth cheek bones, until it finally stopped at the slightly parted lips. "Did you buy the licorice fish? I think you did. Thanks, I appreciate it."
Only a barely noticeable twitch on Gaara's lips was his answer, an answer he would have surely missed if he hadn't been so keenly staring at that particular part of his face. But then the jade eyes opened and caught Naruto staring at him.
The blond's initial reaction was to grin, so he did just that and then dropped the book to the floor with a thud. Gaara rolled his eyes at him but didn't bother saying anything to point out his disagreement of how to handle his books. Naruto lay down next to his friend, forgetting all about the book that now rested lazily somewhere out of sight.
"Did you enjoy spending time with her?" Gaara asked as he kept on staring at him.
Naruto's face dropped and he lowered his gaze. "Y-Yeah. It was pretty fun."
"Did something happen?" Gaara asked as he noticed the sudden change of mood.
Naruto sighed and wondered if he should keep his mouth shut or tell what was on his heart. The angry face of Sakura returned to his mind, and he felt like retreating into his shell once again. Sasuke's hurtful words made the knot in his stomach burn, and a part of him feared Gaara would find the origin of his hated nickname funny.
"Are you alright?" Gaara asked and touched his upper arm.
Naruto started but soon relaxed as his friend kept on stroking his arm. "It's just a stupid thing, really."
A light squeeze on his upper arm was the only reply he got. The blond gulped and continued, "She asked me to do a friendly favor, that I texted her boyfriend while she was busy with baking the pie."
"Why would she ask you to do something like that?" Gaara asked and furrowed his nonexistent brows in confusion.
"Well I sometimes help her, when she's busy and needs my help," Naruto explained and started to fiddle the strings of Gaara's hoodie. "Anyway… Her boyfriend's texts brought back something I'd rather forget. And it hurt, and I couldn't tell her or anyone, and I couldn't say no either."
Gaara pulled him against his chest and smoothed his back with slow strokes. His heartbeat was steady and calming. "What was there?"
"Well…" the blond began and sighed. He felt safe now and all kind of warm, comforting feelings started to melt the earlier knot away. "I… I didn't know he still calls me by that stupid nickname he made up for me in high school. It was a stupid thing back then, a prank they pulled on me, and I thought that everyone had already forgotten about it."
Fingers on his scalp massaged the back of his head, relieving the tension that had slithered back into his form along with the memories. Shyly, Naruto entwined his arm around his friend's waist and listened to his heartbeat.
"They had a little sack, you know, which had three holes – two for the eyes and one for the mouth. And they used to put in on their head and lunge at me behind the corners. And then one time I was walking along a darkened corridor at school, on my way to the restroom, when they jumped in front of me from the shadows and I… I screamed and I think I cried, too, but what was the worst, I pissed in my pants."
Gaara squeezed him and ruffled his blond hair in a comforting way. Naruto choked back an unwanted sob and pressed his face tighter against his friend's chest.
"And ever since everyone called me Piss-Pants, and it was humiliating."
"People are the worst," Gaara whispered as he noticed the blond's breathing turn into more erratic. "You're safe now. No one is going to hurt you."
"Why couldn't you be there with me at school? Everything would've been a hundred times better," Naruto said and tried to calm down his panicked breaths.
"I'm here for you now," Gaara replied calmly. "Everything is alright now."
"You know what?" Naruto asked after a while and broke free from the comforting hug. "Earlier today, I kind of missed you when you weren't around."
For some reason, Gaara looked slightly sad and only ruffled the blond hair for an answer.
"Yeah that's true. I missed your grumpiness and your frustratingly stubborn silence," Naruto grinned and stuck his tongue out at him in an attempt to lighten up the mood.
Gaara snorted and then smirked, but soon his expression melted into something softer.
"I'm sorry I yelled at you in the car," the redhead said. "I regret it."
"Nevermind about that," Naruto assured. "I'm sorry, too."
But Gaara only shook his head. "Don't be. It's just the way you are. You were only trying to keep us safe, and I appreciate your good intention."
"Sometimes I guess I just get carried away a bit too much. Now that I think about it, I was acting a bit silly," Naruto admitted as he once again fiddled the strings of Gaara's hoodie.
The hand in his hair slid to his neck, and then to his jawline. The redhead's thumb held his chin for a moment, until it started to trace the underside of his lower lip from side to side. It stopped in the middle, gently pulling Naruto's mouth open.
"You have good teeth," Gaara commented and let go.
The memory of his odd touch still lingered on Naruto's face, as he kept on staring into those awake, aquamarine eyes. A part of him had expected him to start tracing his teeth, too, or something equally unexpected, but right then the contact had ended. Naruto wasn't sure what he should think about it all.
"Well, your teeth are so white," the blond finally said like nothing out of ordinary had just happened. "They're like summer clouds or the color of an eyeball."
Just to prove his point, he shyly touched his friend's lower lip with his finger and out of surprise, the redhead's mouth opened. Naruto traced his fingertip along the row of white, straight teeth. A sharp crown captured his attention for a tad longer and he pressed his finger against it.
Gaara's tongue brushed against his curious finger, and suddenly Naruto pulled away his hand. For reason unclear, he started to feel ashamed. He lowered his gaze and then closed his eyes altogether, but a hand on his hip brought him immediately back into the room.
Jade eyes studied him with some reserve, as the redhead's hand rested on the line where Naruto's jeans ended and the hem of his shirt began. That light caress of Gaara's could as well be a gesture meant as comforting, or an attempt to lift up his shirt.
Naruto blushed at the thought. Certainly there was no possibility for that. His imagination was just running unnecessary wild again.
Just to distract himself from his stupid thoughts, Naruto noticed the metallic puller of the zipper on his friend's hoodie. He pulled it up and then down a few inches, and continued to do so repeatedly. The light buzz of the zipper's teeth as they closed and then opened, was the most interesting sound in the world.
And he was sure he would've continued it for forever, unless Gaara's hand hadn't accidentally touched the skin on his side, which was somehow come uncovered. Naruto stopped all movement and looked into the serious depths of his friend's eyes.
"Gaara…" Naruto whispered and felt his cheeks getting hot. The hand on his skin slid upwards, passing a ticklish spot that made Naruto startle.
The hand stopped and found the spot again, at first tickling him lightly but soon attacking him more determinedly when he started to squirm and then laugh uncontrollably.
"S-Stop, haha, you're – hah – making me―" Naruto laughed out of breath and tried to push the redhead away in a half-serious manner.
But Gaara only smiled at him slightly, taking obvious joy out of the blond's unrestrained gasps of laughter. When Naruto's fingers eventually found a similar spot on the redhead's side, Gaara gasped and was forced to stop tormenting his friend.
"I've never really heard you laugh," Naruto said innocently as he tickled his friend, who in turn tried to shield himself from the quicker than quick hands.
"Naru― haah – s-stop, a-haha."
"You have a nice laughter," the blond said with a sly smile as Gaara squirmed and laughed, however restrainedly. "You should laugh more often," he added but right then, the redhead managed to capture his wrists.
Naruto let out a good-hearted laugh and gave up. The faint, almost unnoticeable blush on the pale face caught his attention, as well as the quickened way the redhead breathed. Suddenly Naruto felt weird again and he yanked his hands free.
"You don't sound horrible when you laugh. You should definitely do it more often," the blond repeated his opinion, just to fill the awkward silence in the room.
"If you tickle me again, I promise it'll be the end of you," Gaara replied in a tired, out-of-breath way.
"Hah, it was you who started it," the blond pointed out defiantly.
"You were acting so gloomy and sad. I had to brighten you up," the redhead explained and averted his gaze suddenly.
"Really?" the blond asked and narrowed his eyes. He thought of giving a quick tickle to his friend just to hear him laugh again, but right then the jade eyes turned to look into his blue ones, and the strange feeling from before returned.
"Maybe…" Naruto started and the pale hand came to rest on his hip again. As if anticipating an unexpected tickle, Naruto let out an airy laugh and seized Gaara's wrist. For an answer, the redhead only squeezed his hip. "Maybe I should go."
Knock, knock. "Gaara?"
It was Kankuro behind the door. Naruto paled as his earlier discomfort returned to his mind. Gaara didn't seem to notice his confusion, as he slowly got up from the bed and walked to the door. Not wanting to be seen on the redhead's bed, Naruto got up, too, and leaned against the wall on a spot not visible to the door.
Silently, Gaara opened the door only as much as was absolutely necessary.
"Are you okay?" the worried big brother asked.
A casual shrug was his answer.
"Did you talk with Naruto?" Kankuro asked, seemingly accustomed to his little brother's nonverbal way of communicating.
Gaara nodded slowly.
"Oh, that's good." There was a relieved tone in Kankuro's voice before it turned into grimmer. "I'm worried about you. Ever since he moved in here I thought you were doing better but recently it feels like it has started all over again."
"That's none of your concern," Gaara said quickly, about to close the door. But Kankuro held it open.
"It is my concern. Ever since last week I've been thinking that maybe you should go to live with Temari for a while. At least until you'll get better?" Even though the brunette made it sound like a suggestion, his tone of voice left no room for arguments.
"I'm not going there," Gaara said flatly and tried to close the door again.
"It would be for your own good," Kankuro pointed out and the slight tension in his voice told Naruto that the man was losing his patience piece by piece. "And I couldn't live with myself if I one day came home and found you…" he trailed off, his voice cracking a bit in the end.
"Goodnight," Gaara quipped but failed to close the door once again. As he realized his defeat, he sighed and leaned his head against the doorframe.
"Why can't you see that I'm on your side?" Kankuro asked suddenly with frustration that suggested he had asked the same thing over and over again before, without ever getting a satisfactory answer.
"On my side? You were the perfect son with a halo over your head," Gaara said with accusation in his voice.
"That's not true," Kankuro pointed out, clearly hurt. As he got no answer, he continued. "My role wasn't any easier than anyone else's. You're my brother, and I have always been on your side. We are the same."
"We aren't," Gaara said coldly and didn't try to close the door anymore. Instead, he opened it slightly more, as if to see better the pain that had to be on his brother's face. "And Temari can't stop me. You know it."
An eerie silence followed the poisonous words. As Naruto followed the brothers' conversation from his hiding spot, he didn't even dare to breathe as the silence continued.
"Gaara… there are people who love you. People who are alive," Kankuro whispered, his voice tired and strained.
"The only person I care to be alive is not," Gaara hissed cruelly.
It took four full seconds until Kankuro's desperation broke the pent-up silence.
"Why do you have to be so difficult, Gaara?" And now the older brother sounded exasperated. "I only want the best for you."
"Leave me alone," the redhead said none too kindly.
"You know that's not going to happen. Not when you do this to yourself," Kankuro said angrily and grabbed the redhead's gauze-covered wrist.
"You're not my mother," Gaara quipped and yanked his hand free.
"No, I'm not. But I love you even more than she ever did. Why can't you see that?" Kankuro whispered with genuine pain in his voice. "And I'm sure Naruto cares for you too. I wonder what he'd say if he knew―"
"I'm sorry," Gaara suddenly interrupted his brother and succeeded in quieting him up. Naruto could almost hear the question mark in Kankuro's surprise, after the redhead had let out his unexpected apology. "You're right. I was wrong. Goodnight."
"Are you just saying that to―"
But right then Gaara slammed the door shut. After a moment, Kankuro's unhurried steps quieted towards the end of the corridor until the creaking of the stairs indicated he had gone back downstairs.
Naruto stared at his friend, who suddenly refused to meet his gaze. He walked to him but the guy acted like he wasn't even there.
"What the hell was that?" the blond asked. "What was he talking about? And don't say it's none of my concern."
"Ignore everything he said," Gaara whispered eventually but made no move to any direction.
But Naruto wasn't good at giving up, not like this. Cautiously, he stepped one step closer and stared at his friend. "What happened last week, and why would you move to your sister's place?"
"Nothing happened, and I'm not moving anywhere," Gaara denied, expression like stone.
But Naruto didn't back away. "He made it sound like you were hurting yourself on purpose. That you were trying to kill yourself."
"Forget about what he said," Gaara commanded harshly.
Naruto ignored the tone. "Is that true? I need to know."
When he got no reply he got slightly frustrated. "What happened at the lake was an accident, wasn't it? Or did you really..." he trailed off, as his voice suddenly vanished away. But his emotions didn't seem to cause any reaction in his friend, who leaned against the door unmoving, with his face hard like stone.
"Gaara…"
Judging by the way Gaara stared at him so impassively Naruto was once again starting to wonder if there was an actual mask on his face after all. As the seconds hurried by in deafening, charged silence, he was sure he heard the slow clicks of a lock in Gaara's heart, as the guy turned an imaginary key and shut himself off.
"Don't want to talk about it? Fine," Naruto said, defiant and all but ready to give up. With a casual shrug, he claimed the seat in front of Gaara's desk and sat down on it. Absentmindedly, he drummed his fingers against the wooden surface and glanced around. His friend remained standing by the door, stoic as ever.
"I want to talk. You don't have to, if you don't want to, but you can't stop me from doing so," Naruto said and gave a challenging glance at the redhead, who seemed to give no regard whatsoever to his words.
"I can recite every little mind-numbing and mind-dumbing thing my insufferable co-worker Ino blabs about her love life at me at every possible turn. I can sing every song I know in a conversational way, which sounds like I am really just commentating the music. And I can read that boulder of a dictionary from A to a fucking Z with four different dialects, with only slight breaks in order to go to the bathroom or to drink water. And no, you can't have the book read in your favorite dialect, because I want to keep it interesting and change the accents at random," Naruto said and sounded out of breath after his long monologue.
There was still no detectable emotion on his friend's face.
"You really want to dare me?" Naruto asked and rolled up his sleeves like he was about to get to work. With a determined sigh, he picked up the heavy dictionary and opened it in the beginning. With a dark look at Gaara, he spoke. "There are twenty-two definitions for 'A' alone. After that, there's three definitions for double-A. Sounds like something you want to hear about all night, doesn't it?"
Gaara's lip twitched but the gesture was so slight it could've been an illusion as well.
"Well, here goes," Naruto said with a different accent, and cleared his throat again. "A, a. A's or As, a's or as. The first letter of the―"
"Alright." Gaara interrupted suddenly, and the exasperation in his voice was like a victory to Naruto, who grinned boisterously. "But you only won because you're incredibly annoying."
"I'm aware of that," the blond laughed, content with himself and his absurd plan.
With a defeated sigh, Gaara glanced at him darkly before sitting down on the bed. He ran a hand down his face once, and then let his hands rest on his lap lazily. The gauze covering his wrists looked worn, like it had been in heavy use. The bandages vanished into the guy's sleeves, and Naruto wondered how high up they actually went.
Over the past weeks, Naruto had noticed the gauze become a permanent part of the redhead's attire, yet every time he had tried to show any curiosity about it, he was quickly shot down.
"It's true," Gaara started quietly and stared at his socks. "I've actually tried to kill myself."
"What?" Naruto exclaimed, shocked. "Why would you do something like that?"
The redhead shrugged. "I don't want to be here. And life has no meaning, really, when you think about it."
"What?" the blond repeated, still in shock, and sat down next to his friend. He gripped the redhead's shoulders and shook him lightly. "What are you talking about, Gaara?"
Finally Gaara met his gaze. He was calm and collected, like what he had just confessed meant nothing to him on an emotional level. "I didn't expect you to understand."
Naruto squeezed his shoulders. His stomach was cold like a bucket full of icy water. "You're right. Maybe I don't understand. Why didn't you tell me?"
"Why would I? You would've only tried to stop me," Gaara replied in an oddly calm way.
"Yes, of course I would've," Naruto said back in bewilderment. He stared at his friend in shock for some time, wondering what version of reality had nested inside his friend's head. Clearly it was not the one Naruto was seeing. "You need help."
"I don't," the redhead denied easily.
"You do. And I'm going to help you through this, alright?" the blond promised.
Gaara glanced at him in a spiritless way. "You have your own problems to deal with. You don't need mine."
"Nonsense," the blond said pulled his friend closer. "You're my friend, and what are friends for if not for moments like this? Besides, you've been there for me when I've dealt with my stuff. Now I want to do the same for you. Because if I didn't have you…" he trailed off. "Please…"
"Naruto…" the redhead sighed and looked at the sorrowful blond next to him. He wasn't able to hold his gaze longer than a moment, and then he was studying his socks again. "I just can't make you give up, can I?"
"Nope," the blond said and gave him a friendly pat on the shoulder.
Gaara glanced at him darkly and shook his head in disbelief. He fiddled the rim of the gauze for a moment until he started to speak.
"My childhood wasn't really easy time for me. Or my adolescence."
"Oh. What happened?" Naruto asked with compassion.
"I didn't really get along with my family. Mother was the only one I connected with, but she died when I was eleven," the redhead told quietly.
"I'm sorry to hear that," the blond comforted and caressed his friend's back with slow strokes. "What about your brother?"
Gaara huffed. "He was a good son with a capital G. Father took him everywhere with him, and with their alike looks, they were like copies of one another."
Naruto nodded and kept on caressing the redhead's back. "I take it you didn't get along so well with your dad, then?"
"Yeah," Gaara whispered darkly and clenched his fists. "I didn't. I was the wrong kind, something he was ashamed to call his son."
"You really mean that?" the blond asked in shock.
Gaara gave him a dark look, and in that fleeting moment all his hatred from the years back was somehow present in his cool, jade eyes. "He wished I had gone away instead of Mother. And I wish so, too."
Something squeezed Naruto's heart into small, shaking blob. In the same way, Naruto hugged his friend and hoped his compassion would that way transfer into the redhead's soul and warm up his heart.
"But your brother seems to really care about you. I don't think he shares the mindset of your dad," the blond said finally as he retreated from the embrace.
"It doesn't matter," Gaara replied. "Like Temari, he doesn't understand me. And I'm just a burden to him."
"I don't think that's true," the blond whispered and gulped down a lump in his throat. "You could never be a burden. He cares about you. I care about you."
Gaara looked at him with cautiousness. "You have your friends, and your job. You don't need me."
Naruto let out a sobby laugh and sighed. "I need you. And I can't let you go to the other side."
When the redhead only gave him a cautious glance, the blond smiled at him in a sorrowful way in return.
"I think you're a stone right now, aren't you? And I want to be a fish for you. I'm going to lift you up from the bottom," Naruto said determinedly.
"A licorice fish," Gaara whispered. "They melt underwater." And now, there was a challenging glint in the jade eyes.
So the redhead seemed to be capable of irrational conversations, too. The notion delighted Naruto, and in a moment like this he truly felt like they had a language of their own.
"If I'm destined to melt, then I will surround you with sugary sweetness even if it's the last thing I'll do," the blond said. He boosted his words with a sweet smile that got a tiny response from the redhead.
"You don't need to do this," Gaara said tiredly.
"I want to do this. And you can't stop me from trying," Naruto replied.
Gaara inspected his fingernails but the unfocused look in his eyes told Naruto that the guy was deep in thought. He remembered how comforting it had been to have his hair stroked by Gaara when he had been in mental misbalance. Surely the redhead wouldn't be any different, and confidently Naruto moved a lock of red hair behind Gaara's ear.
The jade eyes' serious gaze was on him faster than he could say 'A' in any imaginable dialect. Instantly Naruto pulled away his hand and placed it on his lap, restraining it with his other hand just to let the guy see that he was not going to repeat the action.
As Naruto's uneasy half-smile melted into a look of worry, Gaara's expression softened. He seemed to be back in this room, back in this moment, and the longer his eyes rested on Naruto, the more relaxed he seemed to get.
"You're a good person, Naruto," he said and stood up. "You better go to your room. It's getting late."
"No," the blond said and again the questioning jade eyes were on him in a manner which got less and less uncomfortable with each passing week. "I stay with you."
"What makes you think that's necessary? Or that I'd want you here?" There was no sugarcoating in the redhead's words and it made Naruto smile a little.
"There's no way I'll leave you alone after I found out you're suicidal. Nope, you're stuck with me from now on," the blond said with determination.
But Gaara only offered him a non-believing stare which told him not to test his patience. To that, Naruto stuck out his tongue and fluffed the flat pillows on the bed. "Wanted it or not, I'm sticking with you. At least until you're feeling better. I'll be like your shadow."
"There's no need for that. Kankuro's already doing that. I know he goes through my stuff when I'm not here," Gaara knew and went through some papers that lay on the desk as if looking for fingerprints.
"Your brother cares for you. He really does," Naruto pointed out. "And I'm sure he tries his best to reach out for you."
"He's not very good at that," the redhead said quickly and tossed the papers away.
"Well you're not the easiest person to get close to," the blond knew. "And added to that, you're stubborn."
"I am not."
"See?"
An old shirt was tossed right at Naruto's face. With a grin, he threw the shirt to the floor and only chuckled knowingly.
Some minutes before midnight, the two of them were lying on Gaara's bed, sharing a blanket. No matter that Naruto never slept with his jeans on, now he refused to take them off. That one night in the closet, when they had shared the mattress, this kind of closeness had felt way less awkward than it now did. It had to be because of the shared blanket, Naruto concluded, and longed for the separate cocoons they had had back then.
They had brushed their teeth together, a chore that had felt instantly natural yet the spit and foam in the sink had somewhat disgusted him. It was necessary for them to be joined by the hip like this, Naruto had explained, for he was worried sick that the depressed redhead would somehow manage to slip away from this world if he wasn't there to constantly watch him. Only when Gaara had started to unzip his jeans in the bathroom with a pointed stare towards Naruto's direction, had the blond understood that they really didn't need to share all the moments imaginable.
"You're turning my room into a mess. I don't like it," Gaara whined quietly into the night.
Naruto glanced at his friend. "Your eyes are closed. You can't even see anything."
"But I can feel the disarray," the redhead complained and sighed.
The blond shrugged, and in the darkened room he glanced around to see that his friend had a point indeed. Not only was the open dictionary placed on the chair haphazardly, but the old shirt of Gaara's was also thrown across the floor in a carefree manner. Next to it were Naruto's socks, far apart like they were in mid-run.
"Maybe you're right," the blond admitted and closed his eyes. "But try to sleep now. Your resemblance to a raccoon gets clearer every passing day."
He was sure a remark of some sort would have ensued, yet nothing came even after a long while. Only the soft breaths coming from Gaara's side of the bed filled the air, and feeling safer than in a long time, Naruto too let his eyes close.
It had to be early judging by the grey hues that were slowly eating away the darkness of the night. With a yawn, Naruto stretched his arms and only then realized the spot next to him was vacant.
Like he didn't believe his eyes, he patted the mattress just to make sure there was nothing there. It was still warm, so Gaara hadn't left very long ago.
Deciding that the guy had most likely gone to the bathroom and that the situation didn't probably require full-blown panic (at least not yet), Naruto slumped back to the bed and pulled the blanket all the way to his chin.
When he was already drowsing, the door opened and Gaara walked in quietly with a small tray. It was the rich aroma of coffee that opened up Naruto's eyes to a full maximum, and like a balloon he rose up from the bottom of the bed.
"You brought breakfast for us?" Naruto stated the obvious.
"I was getting hungry. And I didn't want to wake up the others yet," Gaara explained and right then his stomach grumbled.
"Well it's good that you've got appetite. For weeks I've watched you move food around your plate like you were trying to make it vanish by wearing it out," Naruto said and accepted the triangular sandwich his friend draped at him.
"Oops," the blond said sheepishly as crumbs of bread scattered on the bed by accident. With his best puppy eyes he looked at the neat-freak sitting across, yet this time he could not see any real anger on Gaara's face. Instead, the guy only shook his head as if he'd been expecting something like this to happen.
They ate breakfast in silence, letting the power of caffeine slowly drag them out of their sleep-infused state. There was a small bowl of strawberries on the tray. Each pseudofruit looked perfect and juicy, and carefully Naruto took one between his fingers. It was cold.
Once again he took notice of the ever-thinning form of his friend. Gaara needed desperately to adopt healthier eating habits. Very cautiously, Naruto pushed the strawberry in between his friend's lips, and the way Gaara's lips quivered upon realizing the coldness of the treat didn't escape Naruto's observation.
As Gaara pulled the strawberry into his mouth with his lips and teeth and tongue, his soft, cold lips accidentally touched Naruto's fingertips. Before the blond could study that notion any further, he was captivated by the redhead's facial expressions once again. As Gaara chewed the pseudofruit, its fridge-cold core surprised him and a small gasp escaped from between his slightly trembling lips.
Just as the redhead had gulped down the first treat, Naruto placed another strawberry on his lips, not wasting a second as he pushed it into his mouth. And in the same manner as before, Gaara reacted to the chilliness of the juicy treats, and Naruto devoured each and every detail he could get out of the sight.
After this had repeated five or six times, Gaara suddenly turned his head away, refusing the offered treat.
"S-Stop. It's too much," he whispered and gulped. But as Naruto didn't pull away his hand that held the delicious strawberry close to his friend's lips, Gaara grabbed his wrist tightly and stared daggers at him.
Ever so gracefully, the redhead reached the pseudofruit with his lips and took it into his mouth. And the way his lips went over Naruto's fingertips in the process was definitely not an accident. After that, the redhead released the blond's wrists with a stern look.
"And don't you dare to wipe your fingers on my sheets," Gaara warned.
Dumbfounded, Naruto's hand hovered in the air before he pulled it away and glanced at his fingertips. Hastily, he wiped them on his shirt, not bothering to check if any red stains were now visible on the white material.
Naruto cleared his throat. "I'm just worried about you. I want to make sure you eat enough."
After the breakfast was eaten, Gaara took the empty tray to the desk. Crumbs of bread were spattered on the bed and the floor next to it, thanks to Naruto. But for some reason the redhead seemed to forgive the mess, at least this time.
"What happened last week?" Naruto dared to ask again.
Gaara looked at him reservedly, yet the blond's question didn't seem to eat away his composure.
"Kankuro found me in my room. I thought he was at work but he had a day off, after all," Gaara explained with a calm voice. It was like no emotion was attached to him as he recited the past. "He freaked out when he found out about my bottle of liquor and the sleeping pills I had been hiding from him."
"W-What?" Naruto exclaimed as his jaw dropped.
But Gaara only looked at him calmly. "He confiscated them. And ever since he's been tailing me like a shadow."
"Of course he would," Naruto said and could clearly understand the big brother's motives. "Are you crazy?"
"Not any crazier than anybody else in this house," was the redhead's reply.
Wordlessly, Naruto grabbed Gaara's shoulders and shook him, as if sense would return into him in that way. Then he pulled him into an embrace and squeezed him tightly, like he was anchoring him into this world, into him.
In a way, he could see where the redhead was coming from. Dark moods were no unfamiliar to him and certainly ideas of suicide had visited his mind in his most desperate days. But to actually go as far as to attempt killing himself had never been a serious option for him. He squeezed his friend a little tighter and let out a wavering sigh.
"I don't want to lose you," he said and his voice was dangerously close to a sob. "I've lost so many already. My parents… My foster-father… I couldn't save them, and it hurts even after all these years. But I want to save you."
And by now Naruto was definitely sobbing, and with shame he knew his tears were wetting not only his own cheeks but the redhead's shirt, too.
Gaara patted him on the back, and his warm hand remained on his shoulder blades after that, feeling hot like mid-day's sun.
"You're a good person, Naruto."
"But what if it isn't enough?"
Silence was his only answer. And then Gaara patted him on the back again in an unhurried fashion. "What happened to your parents?"
Naruto pulled away from the embrace and wiped his wet face on the blanket. "Well… My dad had a seemingly harmless medical operation which was a success in itself, yet the malpractice that followed led to his preliminary death when I was seven. Two years after that, my mom committed suicide."
"Why do you think she did it?" Gaara asked calmly.
Naruto sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, his voice was just above a whisper. "She left me to figure it out by myself. But as far as I know, she didn't have the energy to take care of herself, not to mention the both of us. She tried, though. But then she got tired of trying."
"I see," the redhead said quietly. "What happened after that?"
"Our family friend Iruka adopted me. When I was seventeen, I lost him to a sudden apoplexy."
In the brink of being a legal adult, Naruto had already left behind the stormy years that teenage had put him through. But to lose the last safe adult in his life had broken something in him, and for the years that had followed he had been drifting around, trying to find a place he would feel home at.
That search had led him from a relationship to another, and to this day he had lived in so many places that the fingers of his two hands would not be enough to count them all. It wasn't due to lack of trying, but nevertheless he had remained without any proper education. If Sakura hadn't gotten him a job at the bookstore, he would've surely ended up penniless and homeless at some point.
Only when he had moved in here, under the same roof with strangely familiar Gaara and his anxiety-rousing, yet very handsome older brother, he had felt home at long last.
Gaara pulled him back into an embrace and slowly caressed his tensed back. "I feel sorry for you."
"Don't. I don't want your pity," Naruto whispered. "Long ago I've come into terms with the past. It's something I cannot change. But I can affect the future, and I can affect your life. I don't want to lose you, too, Gaara."
The pale arms around him squeezed him tighter. "Why do you care so much?"
"How could I not? You're my f-friend," the blond stammered. "And you speak my language, Gaara," he said and pressed himself against his cherished friend. "It's a language not many know."
"Naruto…" the redhead whispered soothingly, and patted him on the back.
But when the blond adjusted his position in his friend's arms and his lips accidentally brushed against the pale neck in the process, Gaara suddenly tensed all over and pushed him away. The surprise in the guy's face was clear as he held Naruto at arm's length.
Naruto inched away and tried to act like nothing had happened. "Uh, I can take the tray downstairs and see if Sakura's up already. Thanks for the breakfast."
As expected, the silent redhead gave no reply but Naruto could feel the jade eyes glued on him the whole time before he was out of the room.
A/N: The dictionary mentioned in this chapter is Random House Webster's College Dictionary. The parts Naruto read out of that aforementioned book are not mine and their rights belong to their respective owners.