Well, here I am! Stuck at home because of a fever that's sprout up! I'm gonna have to apologize to my friend - I'd promised him I'd help him with the Science Lab questions. Ah, fuck.
Anyways~ This chapter can be described as relatively calm - though we do have an Angsty Allen (which is shown by the curse he says) and this isn't something too terrible, just a small chapter before the exitement begins (Might I add that this fanfic will probably be really short?)
Reviews time!
To Chibi-Kyuubi-Chan: I got that off my shoulders now XD I'm just feeling under the weather now, but that's no surprise - I was expecting it *laughs* XD
And HOMFGWTFBBQ I just found out what I'll do for my best friend's birthday! I don't really know if she'll love it *mumbles incoherently for a moment* but meh, I'm broke and a gift using talent rather than money is better, ne? I'll get started on it as soon as I post this on DeviantArt. =D
And yes, Paper Moon and Fall Into Your Sunlight fans, I am almost done with the next chapter - DGrayMan is eating my life, so it's hard to make chapters right now - I've got a good five story idea's for DGrayMan, one of which I rather enjoy and will see to it being posted after HAUNTED is complete (and it's funny because the song Haunted by Evanescence kinda inspired this chapter a little XD) The new one I will probably call Hand Of Sorrow, which is also the name of my kickass favorite song by Within Temptation (has Anime-worthy beat galore and epic background music) so, my little minions, go listen to that song NAO! (And any other songs they've made, I highly reccomend them XD)
HAUNTED
4
It was a simple gesture if you thought about it; honestly, I didn't know they cared. Well, other than Rhode, but that's a whole different boat, bordering on the edge of obsession. But my fingers smoothed back the creases on the front of the button-up white shirt, somehow bringing me a sense of nostalgia back, but for what, I cannot remember. I then go about to finish the lacing of my boots, adjusting my white gloves and the red ribbon around my neck, before taking the remains of what connects me to the Order and looking to the fire burning softly in the small yet spacious room. I then proceed to throw it all into the burning area, all down to the gloves and the boots I used to wear, and watch it burn, the embers flying into the air and dissapearing from my sight.
Once that is done, I let out a small yawn, stretching my arms over my head until my shoulders pop into place, smiling contentedly and rolling my shoulders slightly, somewhat feeling like if the world is a little less heavy on my shoulders. I turn to the door, grabbing the black coat that I'd placed on the back of the couch, which trails nearly to the floor, stopping sky of my ankles, yet it does not button up, but it does have a hood. I slip my arms through the sleeves before I let myself out, leaving the comfortable room behind me, turning to the right and walking in the direction Tyki'd gone by, though my destination is slightly different. It is near enough to where I was previously, two rather large double doors, a dark brown blending in with the darkness, silver handles standing out in the darkness. As I open one of the surprisingly light door - given its size - a thought tears its way through my mind.
About how fortunate it is that I seem to instinctively know where everything is. But leaving that, I close the door behind me, as is a habit of mine for some odd reason. The inside of the room really reminds me of the White Ark's archives room. The walls are completely covered in books, the circular-shaped walls forming a circle around three darker-shaded couches than I've seen so far, though the room is well lit for this purpose. Lights hang from the ceiling that is as dark as the hour before dawn, the light unaffecting the unnatural and eerie darkness of the ceiling. I ignore the imposing black shadows covering the ceiling, walking to one of the shelves, somehow already knowing where to look - as if I've been here before. I slip a well-worn binding from its place, the books barely protesting, clean without a speck of dust, even if I know they're rarely used. I sit down on one of the couches, intent on just trying to forget everything for a while, pretend I'm a child again with Mana and I never got involved with the Order or the Earl in the first place.
Which works for a while.
"Hey, Allen~" I blink my bleary eyes open, first realizing a few things as Rhode's face comes into my sleepy view.
For one, the ceiling is very disturbing to look at while lying on a couch.
For the second, I'm still in the Archives.
For the third, I was asleep.
For the fourth, what - oh god she's talking again!
"Why you sleeping there, Allen?" Rhode asks, fluidly and gracefully jumping up to sit on the back of the couch as I sit up groggily, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. I surpress a yawn, but it escapes me anyways. I scratch the back of my head, waiting for the numbness of sleep to leave me a little before I answer - which also gives me the time to find my voice again so I can speak coherently.
"I must have fallen asleep at some point." I say after a while, yawning again. My eyelids feel a little heavy, so I deduce it'd be best for me to get some decent sleep soon. I wonder what time it is, and what - and god I missed what she said because of my silent brooding. "Sorry, Rhode. I'm still a little sleepy. Can you repeat that?"
"I asked," She starts, voice sounding almost annoyed, but it doesn't loose it's playful edge she seems to enjoy speaking with. "Is anything bothering you? You don't seem as the type of person to spontaneously fall asleep like that."
I frown (A.N.: Wth random spelling errors (and gods I just did it again) fow teh ween?) to my feet now, not really watching Rhode, like a guilty young boy afraid to meet his mother's eyes. Sometimes it's like if I'm an open book, and she can read every last page of my story. She sits patiently, legs somewhat crossed as she watches me, head tilted slightly to the side, standing out with her gray skin and white dress.
"How can you always read me so easily, Rhode?" I ask her, looking up at her, head tilted slightly to the side now, somewhat mirroring her. She shrugs, twirling her index finger in midair as she thinks of an answer, small tongue darting from between her lips as she moistens them. I watch her intently.
"You're confused about that Lenalee incident, aren't you?" She asks, ignoring my question and her golden eyes staring anywhere but me.
"A little." I admit, scratching the back of my head a little, leaning my head back to look at the ceiling, even if it disturbs me, that darkness spreading its greedy fingers along the ceiling, making it look endless. "Understand though, that it's because she was my comrade for a while, and even though I wanted her to die at that time - and still, I don't necessarily regret my thoughts about that, as awful as they are - I also couldn't watch. It's just... I don't know, I-"
"Did you like her?" Rhode asks, but still she does not meet my eyes as I look at her.
"I don't know. She was a close friend of mine, that's all." But something ghosts Rhode's eyes, which make me think twice of my words. "Why are you curious, Rhode?" I ask, leaning forward, hands pooling between my knees as I do so. She doesn't say much for a while, before flashing me a smile that I recognize, because I've used it so many times before.
An empty and false promise at happiness.
"I was just wondering, that's all." She says, eyes closed, further reminding me of times I'd used that same smile. I want to shake her, to get her real reason from her, but I hold back the temptation to do such a thing.
"You're lying." I point out, but she just jumps to the ground, landing on her feet silently, not looking at me this time, though I see her eyes are downcast, hair casting a small shadow over her face as she turns away.
"I'm not." She says almost quietly, before closing the door behind her. I stare after her, thoughts reeling as I think back to what might have upset her. I think I sit there for a good ten minutes as I stare at the door, but my mind comes up with no logical explanation. I shrug it off, standing up and returning the bound pages to where I'd taken them, intent on going to get some rest - all the thinking I am doing is just making me more exhausted. I sigh and run a hand through my white hair, closing my eyes and trying to rub a bit of sleep from them with my fingers, just standing there in the Archives, the silence not really piercing, but uncomfortable just the same. I used to wish for silence back at the Order, but now, I almost miss the slight buzz of voices, machinery and such other things.
I push back those memories from my mind again, making my way out and slowly walking down the hallway, looking to the ceiling that is, once again, nothing but tendrils of darkness stretching out like a child's greedy hand, expecting more. My mind keeps thinking over and over, and I keep recalling that glimpse of her eyes just before she left, the sadness lurking in them, but I don't understand why she's sad; I said nothing that should've made her sad. And anyways, what would make Rhode sad, other than-
Of course. I sigh and hit the palm of my hand to my forehead as I reach my door, closing it quietly behind me as I sigh, leaning against the wood with my palms pressed against it, leaning my head up to look in the direction of where the sky should be, closing my eyes with another sigh leaving my lips.
"I'm such an idiot." I whisper, opening my eyes again as I walk further into the small yet spacious room, removing the cloak from my shoulders and placing it gently against the back of the couch. I throw myself down onto the couch, back facing the fireplace as I close my eyes and put my left arm behind my head, trying to drown out my thoughts and to just get a little time to sleep, because let's face it, going without sleep for about thirty hours isn't helping me.
So I ignore all of my mind's broodings and fall asleep.
I don't know what it is that wakes me up from my sleep, but my ear twitches slightly and I groggily open my eyes, sure as the fact that there is a sun in the sky that I didn't get much sleep at all. But it's hard to tell for sure, of course. I can't really see what time it is.
With that out of the way, I sit up and surpress a yawn as I rub my eyes, grumbling under my breath about how I'll never get enough sleep, a little grumpy about that fact. I hear a small noise and look to my left, noticing the door is slightly ajar, so I look over the back of the couch, spotting dark purple spikes, and I sigh slightly, taking one between two of my fingers and tugging slightly, causing her to let out a small yelp. She looks up at me almost hesitantly.
"Rhode?" I blink, surprised. "What're you doing here?"
"I was wondering where you were, that's all." She mutters, not looking at me in the eye, golden eyes downcast. I roll my own gray ones and lift her chin up, so she has no choice but to look at me.
"You do realize I believe that as much as I believe Tyki is a girl, right?" I ask flatly, and she turns her eyes away again.
"I was worried, alright?" She mutters hesitantly, still going on with the half-incoherent talking. "And Tyki'd asked me to look for you, so...-"
"I still don't believe you, you know." She frowns deeply. "You're not the only one who can read people like that. Tell me what's really bothering you."
She throws her arm around in a sweeping motion, gesturing to the world in general.
"I hate this!" She says suddenly, causing me to reel back slightly in surprise. "Those damn Exorcists; that annoying girl; this entire planet!"
"But why?" I ask, and she stands up, probably intent on leaving. I get up and go around to her, to stop her from doing such a thing by grabbing her by the tops of her arms.
She chooses to ignore my question; instead, she tries to shake off my hold, but I just hold on tighter. "Is this about what I said about Lenalee?" I ask, because really, I have to know. She freezes, and I bite my lip a second, knowing I've hit the mark. "Rhode, wait-"
"I don't want to hear it!" She shouts, shooting me a piercing glare that could probably melt ice and make a volcano explode. "Do you know how many times I was hurt like that before I became a Noah? I...- you don't want to know! - I'm just so confused and so, so damn pissed off at you!" She looks away from me, ashamed of her tears that are trickling down her gray cheeks. I grit my teeth and shake her, and God knows I want to shake her hard until some sense is knocked into her.
"Rhode, listen to me!" I start, words flying from my lips, things I didn't know I was capable of saying, but God knows seeing her cry is hurting, it hurts me like a knife pointed right above my heart, but even worse. Worse than the time Tyki broke my innocence. "Lenalee and I were just friends! How many times must I tell you? I never wanted to be anything else with her - Lavi'd kill me anyways - because I-" I stop myself short of my words, fingers loosening a little on her arms as I stop abruptly, eyes wide as I try to gain back my breath, the words I'd stopped flowing through my skull and hitting every corner, every last nerve in it, piercing it - and me.
"Say it." She hisses, not really pulling her arms from my hold anymore. I look back up at her, and the swirling tide of things I am feeling come crashing back.
"Because I love you, goddamnit!" I snap, which seems to shut her up, adding extra emphasis on the you. I shake her once, making her teeth rattle. "Why don't you see it?"
"Because you're only saying it to make me feel better." She almost whispers, before glaring at me. "Because I know you don't mean it!"
My hands shake as I try to stop myself from holding on tighter and shaking her violently. I grit my teeth.
"And that's what's pissing me off!" I snap back. "I don't know how to prove it to you!"
She opens her mouth to speak again, but I do to her what she did to me at the White Ark.
I kiss her.
You could say it was done somewhat violently, fueled by my anger and every last emotion seething in my veins at the moment. My hands still hold her tightly, refusing her escape - but she's shocked still, unmoving. I use that to my advantage, just to show her I mean my words. I force my tongue through her lips, and I deftly start to explore her mouth. Just as she starts shaking, arms moving slightly, I release her from her forced lip-lock, hands letting go of her arms that'd been holding onto her with a bruising force. I then take a step back, which puts me beside the cloak at the couch and a little further away from her as she has her eyes half-open, still shocked. I grab the cloak with my left hand and slip it on.
"If you still don't believe me," I start, almost whispering the words, "then just believe in what you want. I don't care." I shrug my arms into the sleeves and leave her, frozen to the spot, in the small room. I choose to open a gate leading to the first place I think of, which is a place with memories I'd rather not face, but it is the one place which may give some comfort as I slip my hood over my head, closing the gate with a whispered word, and melt into the crowd of the English streets.
I end up at a cemetery I'd rather not remember, because I stand in front of a particular headstone, one with a name that brings a jolt of pain into my heart. I sit on the ground in front of it, fingers running over the carved lettering.
"It hurts so much." I whisper to nothing and no one, knowing that no one is around, so all I speak to is the empty, stagnant air. "Mana, I... I don't know what to do anymore. Everything's so messed up..."
And I just sit there.
Night is closing in when I stand back up again, a little numb since I'd been in the same position for a good while, frowning as I feel the blood rushing back to my feet. I ignore it all, looking to the streets of one of England's smaller towns, making me smile a little despite myself. From here, I see the place where Mana and I came up with those letters. As I watch, a single snowflake drifts in front of me, and I catch it in my hands, it melting upon my touch, but slowly and silently, more fall, though it is a far cry from a snowstorm. I smile up a little to the sky littered with light gray clouds, before sighing deeply and opening a new gate, walking through it and shaking the few snowflakes from my arms and hair, closing it afterwards and starting my way back, even if my mind is swirling with the words I'd spoken while sitting at his grave; speaking about nothing too much in particular.
I wonder, dimly, if he'd be proud of me for the path I'm taking. And I also wonder if my real family, my mother and father, ever regretted leaving me to die.
Lost in those thoughts, I walk into the room I'd left Rhode in, finding her nowhere in sight. I shrug off my cloak, tossing it onto the couch and sitting down on it heavily, running a hand through my hair.
Except that the couch lets a sound of protest as I sit, and my hand pauses halfway through my hair as I let it drop and look to the uncomfortable pillow I'm sitting on.
Which, roughly said, is Rhode's legs.
"Ow." She mutters, pushing me off of them before I can say a word. She runs her hands over her calves a moment, frowning, before looking up and smiling, a bleary, half-sleeping look in her eyes. "Allen~!" She sings, quickly throwing herself at me so that she wraps her arms around my shoulders and buries her face in the crook of my neck. "I missed you." She breathes, making me shiver.
"R-Rhode." I manage to stutter. "I... can't breathe." And I'm not lying - she's hugging me quite tightly. She huffs and loosens her hold, but doesn't move. I sigh, and put an arm around her own shoulders, my left arm being trapped between her and I. Eventually, I hear her quiet, shallow and even breathing, and I know she's sleeping.
Not really being able to resist the idea of sleep, I just let her remain there while I to succumb to sleep for the third time that day.
This one is shorter than my other chapter, but this one was more or less a filler chapter, if you can call it that. Stay tuned - the weekend's coming up so I'll be writing away like a frantic little beaver!
And if you STILL haven't listened to my command, little minion, go listen to Hand Of Sorrow by Within Temptation NAO! Or Allen will die in this fic.
I'm not kidding~ *Insert evil grin here*