Chapter 4 – A Spectre Once More

When Shepard entered the med bay, he was in for quite a surprise. He instantly recognized the graying hair before Doctor Chakwas turned around to face him.

"I watched the Normandy crumble with you on board. It's good to see you alive."

"I'm shocked," Shepard exclaimed, genuinely so. "You're serving on a Cerberus vessel now?" Either Joker and Doctor Chakwas had been hiding their sympathies for years, or things truly were as Miranda and Jacob had said.

"Surprising, even to me," Chakwas said matter of factly. "Yet, here I am." She regarded Shepard for a long moment. "The kind of trauma you endured would have changed most people, but not you, I see. Welcome back, Shepard."

"Doctor, you've been with the Alliance for years. Why leave now?"

"After the Normandy was lost," she explained, "the surviving crew was … reassigned. I was stationed at the Mars Naval Medical Center. A very … respectable position, but it wasn't on a starship."

"Colonial military life isn't for you?"

"I've spent most of my life on warships, never knowing what the next mission might bring," she said, her eyes lighting up as she spoke of the duty she loved. "I'm used to the hum of engines, the creaking of bulkheads, that subtle vertigo when the momentum dampeners kick in. Life planet-side is just too static, too boring."

Shepard knew she was truthful about that, but he also knew that such fondness for serving in the fleet would never have brought her to Cerberus. There had to be more. "You're not the Cerberus type, doctor."

"I don't work for Cerberus," Chakwas said defensively. "I work for you – on a mission that may be crucial to the survival of the human race. I have faith that your dealings with Cerberus will be ethical. I trust you, Commander."

He suspected that her comment about the crew being reassigned held more than just lament about the loss of the ship, but Shepard decided to let it rest for now. "There's a very good chance that this mission will be a one way trip. Are you prepared for that?"

"I've been through the reclaiming of Shanxi, the Skyllian Blitz … We survived the Battle of the Citadel and the destruction of the Normandy together. I've lived a full life … no regrets. I'd like to make sure the crew gets the same opportunity."

"Do you have everything you need?"

"I believe so," Chakwas answered. "This medical bay is very much like the sick bay on the original Normandy. Only thing missing are my private reserves. I even had a bottle of Serrice iced brandy that I was saving for a special occasion."

"I'll keep an eye out for a replacement bottle," Shepard offered, pleased to have Chakwas aboard.

"Oh, you needn't," she admonished. "It's expensive, and we have much larger concerns ahead."

Shepard was still amazed at Doctor Chakwas' presence aboard a Cerberus ship. This further confirmed the assessments of Joker and Jacob, as well as the claims made by Miranda and the Illusive Man about the Alliance and the Council. He checked in briefly with the mess sergeant, who told a tale of losing his family to Batarian pirates before being picked up by Cerberus, and then he paid Miranda a visit. Stepping into Miranda's cabin after ringing the chime, Shepard was greeted by his XO, seated at her desk. She looked up and smiled warmly, reminding him of when he woke up while on the table during his reconstruction.

"Commander," she said politely. "What can I do for you?"

"Do you have a minute, Miranda?"

"No doubt you've got a lot of questions," she said, anticipating the conversation's direction. "Cerberus isn't as evil as most people believe. If I can help allay any of your concerns, I'd be happy to do so." She leaned forward, resting her elbows on the desk. "So, what would you like to know?"

"I know what we're doing here, but what is Cerberus' long term goals?"

"The advancement of the Human race. Nothing more, nothing less," she proudly declared. "The Salarians have their Special Task Group, the Asari have their legendary commandos for stealth and recon operations. Cerberus is Humanity's answer to those organizations."

"But those organizations are regulated by governments," he countered. "Who keeps Cerberus in check?"

"Nobody," she explained. "We're privately funded and our backers trust the Illusive Man to make the right decisions. But he's very clear about our goals; protect Humanity and serve its advancement."

He wondered if she realized how naïve … or brainwashed she sounded when she said it out loud. He considered pressing her on this, but opted to switch gears.

"What is Cerberus? Military? Political? Or both?"

"Cerberus has several divisions," she said. "Political, military, scientific. But we're all working towards the same goal. We keep our ranks and structure similar to the Alliance; a lot of our recruits started there. But not all Cerberus operations use the same protocols. We try not to get bogged down in bureaucracy or formality."

Given that Cerberus started out as an Alliance black op, this was hardly surprising.

"What can you tell me about the Illusive Man?"

"Not much that you don't already know. Even I don't have access to most of his background," she confessed. "And you've more of him than most ever do. It's rare for him to become involved in missions, but you're something special." She smiled as she said that last part. "Whatever else people might say about him, I can assure you he's got Humanity's best interests at heart," she continued emphatically. "That includes you and me."

This time, he did dig into the topic further. "How can you be sure of that if you know so little about him?"

"I didn't get where I am without knowing how to gauge people's motives and ambitions, even from brief encounters," she said somewhat defensively. "He's no saint, and he'd be the first to admit it, but he's committed. Humanity couldn't have a better advocate."

Yep; brainwashed, he thought as he switched gears. He noticed that his sudden changes of topic really threw her off balance. He imagined that she had never actually had to sell Cerberus to anyone like this before.

"What kind of resources does Cerberus have?" he asked.

"We're very well-funded, though I doubt anyone but the Illusive Man knows exactly how well," she said readily. "But our resources are not unlimited; reviving you and rebuilding the Normandy was a significant investment, and a significant risk." Then she added cheerfully, "We're all hoping you can do the impossible, Shepard. No pressure."

Before she could even anticipate his response, not that she had had any success thus far, he changed topics again.

"Tell me about yourself, Miranda."

"I guess that's fair," she replied, almost reflexively. "I've spent the last two years learning everything there is to know about you." That was not entirely true; records of his Spectre missions were sealed beyond even her ability to break in. But his background, Alliance service and public information she had memorized.

Before she realized it, she was telling Shepard things about herself. Very personal things.

"Well, you should probably know that I've had extensive genetic modification. Not my decision, but I make the most of it." She leaned against the desk, her shoulders momentarily slumping as she thought about the many strings that came attached to her gifts. Then she realized that she was showing more emotion than she intended. She straightened up and smiled, saying, "It's one of the reasons the Illusive Man handpicked me. I'm very good at just about anything I choose to do."

"What level of genetic modification are we talking about?" asked Shepard matter of factly.

"It's very thorough," she said animatedly. Strings or no, her she had always found her own modifications fascinating, not to mention that genetics was a field of intense interest for her. "Physically, I'm superior in many ways. I heal quickly and I'll likely live half again as long as the average human. My biotic abilities are also very advanced … for a human. Add to that some of the best training and education that money can buy and, well, it's pretty impressive … really." Her confidence waned at the end, but he seemed not to notice.

"You certainly don't lack for confidence," he observed, his voice complimentary.

"It's just a fact," she said with some resignation. "My reflexes, my strength, even my looks – they're all designed to give me an edge. No point in hiding from it." As if I could, she thought. Then she added suddenly, "It's the reason I'm trusted to oversee the most dangerous, risky, and technically demanding operations Cerberus undertakes." Who am I trying sell on that? she thought. Him or myself? Time to get the focus off of me, dammit! "It's why I was assigned to you. It's my job to make sure you succeed, Shepard."

Nobody else on the ship knew just how much of her supposed gifts were genetically engineered into her. Nothing of my own, she thought. Why am I telling him all this? But before she could answer herself, Shepard ended the conversation.

"Thanks for the information, Miranda. I'll talk to you later."

"Of course, Shepard," she said deferentially. "Whatever you need."

2166 – Miri was in tears. Something had happened, and she called John right away. He watched as Miri rode her bicycle to the corner where he was waiting. Now, they were on their way to the maze at the park. She had said nothing thus far; riding as though she were trying to break the sound barrier. Were he not so fit, and large for his age, he would never have been able to keep up with her. Finally, they were here, and the strong, stalwart girl of sixteen collapsed to the ground and broke down sobbing.

"I have no mother," she cried. "My father lied to me! I have no mother!"

"Miri … did he … kill her?"

"No … she never existed."

This puzzled him; how could she have never existed? How could Miri be here if her mother had never been? He sat down next to her and put an arm around her to comfort her. "Miri … I don't understand."

"He … I wanted to know … about my mother … I was looking for information, so I hacked into his computer. There was nothing on my mother. I found his lab notes instead. He … grew me," she finally said between sobs. "I replaced another … who was not good enough … who he … disposed of!"

The picture began to form in John's mind. There was no love in Doctor Lawson's treatment of Miri, not once that John had ever seen. Now he understood why. Miranda was a mere product, a tool, for what God only knew. And if Miri did not work out, she would be killed, only to be replaced by another.

"I'm nothing, John … I'm just a … a thing. I wouldn't even be a legal human were it not for his legal deceptions. "I feel so worthless."

"You're worth everything to me, Miri," he assured her.

"I know … it's why I called you. I don't know who else I could have shared this with … who else would still love me for who I am. Except that … who I am isn't even me. It was programmed into me by Doctor Lawson."

"That's not true," John countered. "Your experiences make you who you are, just like anyone else. You're a wonderful person, Miri. That kind of thing can't be programmed. Besides, don't we all inherit our genetics from someone? It isn't what we inherit, but what we do with it."

Before he could continue, she grabbed him and kissed him. "I love you, John."

2185 – Shepard jerked to attention. He must have dosed off, but now he was fully awake. The memory of Miri; he remembered it as vividly today, as though it had happened yesterday. After speaking with Miranda, and her revelation that she had received genetic tailoring … and that her father was a wealthy businessman who had financed that tailoring, he was certain that she was his Miri. Was he 100% certain? No, but certain enough to elated at the possibilities, as well as to wonder what had happened to make her so … cold. He also wondered if she had made the connection that John Shepard was John Amell.

It had certainly been long enough for her to have had some fairly life altering experiences. Shepard himself had been through more than a few, starting with the Blitz. But through it all, he had kept his promise to her. He wondered idly if she had kept hers, hopeful that she had. Regardless, the more pressing question was why she had joined Cerberus in the first place. Miranda had always been one to chafe at authority, and her father had always been more the Cerberus type as he recalled. Something drastic must have happened to prompt her to go to join the militant pro human group.

He put those questions aside, however, as he made his way from his cabin to the CIC, and strode up the ramp to the galaxy map. Miranda was right; Mordin Solis was indispensable on this mission, but recruiting him was to be their second stop. Their first stop would be the Citadel. Shepard knew that if he were to have the Council reinstate his Spectre status that he could essentially do everything he needed to with Council authority, regardless of how they felt about Cerberus. He enjoyed the irony as he selected the Serpent Nebula, and then the Citadel, and gave the order to Joker to plot the course.

When they disembarked at the Citadel, they found that the security had gotten a lot tighter … and a lot more human. C-Sec, which had been mostly Turian the last time Shepard had visited, was now mostly human. The captain of Zakera Ward, Bailey, was human too. Once Bailey had cleared him through security and updated C-Sec records to reflect that Shepard was alive, he went immediately to the Council. Miranda and Jacob insisted on going with him, though he had warned that if they got arrested, not to blame him.

"Shepard, I know we forwarded Councilor Anderson's message to you," Miranda began. "But do we really need to go visiting him now? I don't have to remind you that the clock is ticking."

"No, you don't," Shepard retorted. "But I don't have to remind you that Alliance and Council interference could be far more costly than this little excursion." Before they could discuss further, he heard a familiar voice.

"Commander Shepard," called Khalisah al-Jilani. "The people want to hear your story."

He walked over to her, deciding to get it over with and have at least some influence over what she was saying about him.

"Khalisah Bint Sinan al-Jilani, Westerlund News." She extended her hand. When he did not shake her hand, she reminded Shepard of their last meeting. "I interviewed you two years ago, when you became the first human Spectre. You presented your case very well on camera. Do you have a minute?"

"What? So you can try to do another smear job on me?" Shepard remembered how al-Jilani twisted his words to make him look like a shill for the Council, selling out humanity to the aliens.

"Now, Shepard," she said condescendingly, "you may not agree with my methods, but we're on the same side."

Like hell we are.

"You're back, you're news," she continued. "I just want to give your story its due." When Shepard did not walk away, she activated the camera with her data pad. "Sources say that you were at the heart of the Presidium during the battle of the Citadel. It's fair to say the course of battle hinged on your words." Then the change in tone that Shepard expected came. "If true, you told Admiral Hackett to assist the Destiny Ascension, costing hundreds of human lives, and securing the continued dominance of the Citadel Council."

Shepard was ready for this. "The Turians lost around twenty cruisers. Each had a crew of around three hundred. The Ascension – the Asari dreadnaught we saved – had a crew of nearly ten thousand."

"But surely, the human cost …" Khalisah began, but he cut her off.

"The Alliance lost eight cruisers," Shepard declared. "Shemyang, Emden, Jakarta, Cairo, Seoul, Cape Town, Warsaw, Madrid. And yes, I remember them all. Everyone in the fifth fleet is a hero. The Alliance owes them all medals. The Council owes them a lot more than that … and so do you."

"Commander Shepard, first human Spectre, hero of the Battle of the Citadel," Khalisah said as Shepard turned and walked away. "Check vid. We get it? Great; bull rushed on my own show."

Shepard had no time for the likes of al-Jilani. He had a councilor to meet. He did notice Miranda's approving smile as they walked. He hoped that this meant that they were finally gelling as a team.

They walked took a skycar to Councilor Anderson's office, where Shepard was to meet with his former CO and a holo-vid enabled Citadel Council. When he saw Shepard, Anderson turned to face him. He raised his eyebrows at the sight of Miranda and Jacob, but said nothing as he extended his hand. Miranda stopped Jacob from entering further, as she wished to stay out of the direct view of the Council.

"Oh, Commander; we were just talking about you."

"It's been a long time, Anderson," Shepard said as he shook the councilor's hand. "I hope the past couple of years have treated you right."

"There've been some rough spots," the councilor lamented. "It's good to have you back."

You can thank me for that, Councilor, Miranda thought. Then Valern, the Salarian councilor began the political prattle.

"We've heard many rumors surrounding your unexpected return. Some of them are … unsettling."

"We called this meeting so you could explain your actions, Shepard," said Tevos, the Asari councilor. "We owe you that much. After all, you saved our lives in the battle against Saren and his Geth."

Miranda saw Shepard stiffen at the comment. He caught it too, she thought. Good; now he'll see firsthand how they deny the Reapers. He surprised her by not latching onto this. Instead, he got right to business.

"The Collectors are abducting entire human colonies in the Terminus Systems," Shepard declared. "Worse, we think they're working for the Reapers."

"The Terminus Systems are beyond our jurisdiction," Sparatus, the Turian Councilor, groused. "They knew this when they left Council Space."

"What an insufferable ass," Miranda whispered to Jacob, who could only shake his head at the fiasco that was playing out before them.

"You're missing the important part," Anderson interjected. "The Reapers are involved."

This made Miranda wonder if the topic of missing colonies had been brought up before by Anderson, only to be shut down by the aliens.

"Ah yes, Reapers," Sparatus spat, making a quotation gesture with his fingers as he said that last word. "The immortal race of sentient starships allegedly waiting in darkspace." He waved his hand, saying, "We've dismissed that claim."

Anderson then turned to Shepard. "Shepard, no one else encountered the hologram on Ilos that told you the truth about the Reapers. Only you and your crew ever spoke with Sovereign. I believe you, but without evidence from another source, the others think that Saren was behind the Geth attacks."

She could not believe that this impotent man had just said that because only Shepard had encountered Sovereign that it was understandable that the "claim" was dismissed … even though both the Council and the Alliance had encountered the Reaper themselves. Shepard's body language told her that he was becoming highly agitated.

"Go back to Ilos and talk to Vigil," Shepard retorted with disbelief. "Or just look at what's left of Sovereign. It's obvious the technology is more advanced than ours."

Miranda shook her head. She knew that Shepard meant all of galactic society when he said, "ours," but they most certainly thought he meant the Alliance. Oh, Shepard, when will you learn that they don't view us as being a part of their society?

"The hologram on Ilos is no longer functional," Valern replied. "And we have found nothing to suggest that Sovereign was not a Geth creation."

"The Geth are capable of remarkable technological achievements," Tevos added. "That's probably why Saren recruited them."

"This Reaper theory proves just how fragile your mental state is," Sparatus accused. "You have been manipulated. By Cerberus, and before them by Saren."

"Saren was an organic. The Geth would never accept him as their leader," Shepard countered, still trying to dialogue with them as if they would understand logic. "They only followed him because he was Sovereign's agent."

"Saren was a compelling and charismatic individual," Tevos replied, as if charisma had any sway over the Geth. "He convinced the Geth that the Reapers were real … just as he convinced you."

"It was part of his plan to attack the Citadel," Sparatus said, on the attack once again. "The Reapers are just a myth, one you insist on perpetuating."

"We believe that you believe it," Tevos counseled, "but that doesn't make it true."

Shepard had had enough. "I kept Saren from conquering the Citadel," he reminded them, taking a few steps towards their avatars. "I sacrificed human lives to save this council."

"We are in a difficult position, Shepard," Tevos responded. "You are working for Cerberus, an avowed enemy of the Council. This is treason – a capital offence!"

"That's too far!" Anderson finally developed a spine. "Shepard is a hero! I'm on this council too, and I won't let this whitewash continue!"

"Maybe there's a compromise," she offered. "Not a public acknowledgment, given your ties, but something to show peripheral support."

"Shepard," said Sparatus, "if you keep a low profile and restrict your operations to the Terminus Systems, the Council is willing to reinstate your status as a Spectre."

They already knew what they were going to say, even before Shepard arrived. The whole thing was just a way to make Shepard … and the impotent Anderson … feel indebted to them.

"What does that mean?" Shepard was still angry with them. "Will I have to start filing reports?"

"That won't be necessary," Valern assured. "This is a show of good faith on our part."

"We cannot become involved in an investigation regarding the missing colonies in the Terminus Systems," Tevos said, "But Spectre status shows our support of you personally."

"I accept your offer," Shepard replied, his frustration evaporating; he had what he wanted from them; no need to antagonize them.

"Good luck with your investigation, Shepard," Tevos said cheerfully. "We hope for a quick resolution, and a quick end to your association with Cerberus."

The meeting was brief, and Shepard hoped that perhaps the Alliance and the Council might offer some counterpoint to the assessments of Jacob, Joker, and Miranda. Instead, it only served to reinforce those assessments.

Anderson was but a shadow of his former self, and was all but ignored by the rest of the Council, who was determined to paint him as delusional, and the Reapers as imaginary. The only silver lining was that they did, in fact, reinstate his Spectre status, something that even the truculent Udina seemed pleased about. Anderson did take some time to chat, but beyond small talk, his old captain stonewalled him at every turn. Shepard was glad to get out.

"It's as we said, isn't it?"

Miranda's question as they stepped into the elevator was not pompous or gloating. It was almost sad, prompting him to wonder if she had once had faith in the Alliance, only to lose it through some failure of politics. Shepard was practically there himself, and if she were to attempt to recruit him at this very moment, he would be sorely tempted to accept.

"Unfortunately," Shepard replied. "I knew it was bad, but they were actually worse than I had thought.

"Now you see why I left," Jacob said. "We've all told you our stories, but it's not the same if you haven't seen it yourself."

"Let's get back to the Normandy and get to Omega," Shepard said, determined to talk with Jacob in private later. "We need Doctor Solis to go further."