Secret

Chapel
Fuller's office.

"So…" Fuller looked at Doug. "What happened?" he asked in concern. It was disturbing that Mr. Rafferty killed himself in front of one of his officers.

"I don't know, captain," Doug sighed. "The guy was distressed. He took the gun and pulled the trigger."

"He just pulled the trigger? Didn't he tell you anything?" Fuller raised an eyebrow.

Doug rubbed the back of his neck. He didn't tell to the other officers what Rafferty confessed to him. He was shocked by what he had learned and decided to keep his mouth shut. "He… He said that he looked too deep down into the abyss," he muttered.

Fuller shook his head. "I think he had a lot in his conscience…"

Doug nodded and lowered his head. His captain could say he was sad. In his first year at the force, Fuller witnessed a man committing suicide. It was a traumatic event for him. He wondered how it affected the young officer.

"Are you okay?" Fuller asked.

Doug closed his eyes and shook his head. He wasn't okay. Rafferty confessed to him that he raped his best friend, then killed himself. That horrible man hurt his friend and he was the only one who knew what really happened to Tom. Hell, he couldn't say it, he couldn't repeat what he heard from Rafferty. He loved Tom like a brother and Rafferty's confession just broke his heart. "I'm fine, Coach, I'm worried about Hanson."

"Hanson will be fine," Fuller assured him. "Judy spent the night in his apartment. He was drugged, has some bruises on his wrists, but he had luck…"

Penhall closed his eyes. Tom wasn't luck at all. "Sir…"

Fuller looked at him, waiting to see what he would say.

"I…" Doug's voice cracked. He should tell Fuller what happened in Rafferty's office – what really happened in Rafferty's office. But then he hesitated. Hanson had the right to know what happened to him before anyone. He couldn't tell Fuller first, he must give Hanson the right to decide what do.

What to do… Rafferty was already dead. There was nothing to be done anymore.

Hell, he didn't know what to do.

"Are you sure you're alright?" Fuller frowned.

Doug nodded. "I… I am, sir," he said, trying to compose himself.

"You need to see the psychiatrist," Fuller said in concern. "I mean, you saw the guy killing himself…"

Doug sighed. "I know… But I'm fine" he said and left Fuller's office. He was walking to his desk, when he saw Judy. "Hey…" he muttered.

"Hey…" she said softly.

"How's he?" he asked, running his fingers through his hair.

"His mother is with him. He'll be fine, Doug…" she assured him. "So… Rafferty killed himself."

Doug nodded. "The guy is… was nuts…"

"I think so…" Judy said. "Are you okay?"

Penhall sighed. "Yeah, I am fine…"

"I mean the guy killed himself in front of you…" she remarked.

Penhall cleared his throat. It was really a shock when Rafferty pulled the trigger. His mother killed herself when he was six years old, the whole scene made him remembered the worst of his life. It was a pain he had to live with.

A pain he had to live with…

If Rafferty told the truth, Tom had no idea of what happened to him. It didn't hurt, because Tom didn't know, had no memories… Maybe he should keep his mouth shut and don't hurt his best friend.

The man was already dead. The only thing Tom would do was grief.

A part of him wished he had never learned the truth.

"Doug?" Judy rested her hand over his left arm.

He rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm fine… The guy was a monster. The world is better without him."

Judy frowned. "Penhall…"

"What?! Look, I won't stand here and lie…" Doug said almost angrily. "I don't feel sorry for him, I feel sorry for Hanson and Kenny…"

Judy sighed. "I feel sorry for them too, but at least Hanson will be okay…"

"I dunno," he said, walking way.