Smirking Hell
ToGB Chapter 4
"Teams that passed the test, please line up in an orderly fashion!"
Aaron and his comrades approached the announcer, dressed in a black and yellow bee motif.
"We'll be going in order of the teams that passed!"
The implacable shaman raised his hand, "Excuse me, Miss, are you our proctor for this next test?"
The woman turned her smiling gaze towards Aaron, inspecting him even with her eyes closed, "Actually, I'm the Regulars test assistant, Yellow! It's nice to meet you all!"
I had thought not. She didn't carry the same kind of aura as that Lero-ro from before.
"Anyway, because this test is administered one team at a time, the teams not being tested should listen to the instructions being given by this guide robot and be on stand-by," as the woman gave a casual wave of her hand, a two-dimensional pink elephant took shape behind her, "Then, let's get this test started! First team, come through this way, please~!"
Nodding to each other, the trio consisting of Aaron, Parakewl, and Phalvin marched through the doors into the testing chamber. Ahead of them, was a set of tall double doors, easily capable of fitting even the giant gator creature in the crowd that they had just left behind.
"Behind this door is another door. Past that one, your test will begin." Nodding briefly, Aaron glanced at his partners. The turtle, Phalvin, appeared agitated, nervous even. Parakewl, triumphant. It was as expected.
"Let's go."
"Then~" The girl replied, her cookie cutter smile still plastered on her face, "I will open the door."
...Hmph.
"Good luck~"
The doors slammed behind them. The chamber ahead was pitch black, save for the scant illumination around a set of doors and something else ahead. A passing hint of annoyance passed over Aaron's face as he scanned the room. In the center, as if it were a decoration, was a set of collapsible walls. The man recalled them as being potentially Asian in nature, but knew little else. Behind them, directly above the door, was a clock. Easily as visible as anything else in the chamber. The hands were frozen at the Midnight mark, or noon if you preferred.
0:00, huh...? So there's a time limit. Interesting.
Looking ahead, Aaron spotted a figure in a kneeling position before the decorative walls, greeting them.
"Welcome, Regula-"
"Oh, a trap," Aaron uttered without thinking, he then caught himself before giving a nod to the robed figure "Oh, I apologize, it seems that my personal gaydar was unaffected by the trip. That was rude of me." He gave a slight standing bow to the crossdresser in front of him. "My name is Aaron Gentles, sir, its an honor to meet you. Mr. Proctor."
The feminine face of the man ahead of him was as impassive as his own, "My name is Yu Han-Sung. I will now begin administering your test. Then, shall we start?"
"I suppose we shall, crossdressing trash. Bring it on, this Parakewl shall clear it easily."
Aaron turned towards the green man, soundlessly brandishing a hatchet at him.
"Kuku, I'm afraid that this test strictly prohibits deadly force, Mr. Gentles."
The shaman stopped at the Rankers words, hatchet vanishing into thin air.
Yu Han-Sung nodded, then continued, "I am actually the director of all tests on this Evankhell's floor. But for this test in particular, I am administering it myself. The rules for this test are very simple, do you see the doors behind me? Within 10 minutes, out of all those doors, you have to find the true door and exit."
The turtle at the side nodded, "Weoow, sounds hella simple."
The long-haired Director nodded, "Yes, isnt it very simple? There are currently twelve doors here. All you have to do is manage to find the 'true door' here. If you all manage to find the 'true door' and open it, you will all pass this test." The bowing figure opened its eyes, his expression suddenly serious, "However, if you do not find the door within ten minutes and give up, you will fail this test. And if the door you all choose within 10 minutes is not the true door. Then all of you," a bloodcurdling chill, "Will die."
A smirk rose to the surface, cracking his wooden features, "Hmph. Not bad. What else can you tell us, Mr. Director?"
A cold smile, "There will be no more clues given."
"...Then how about a clarification?"
Yu Han-Sung's eyes opened thinly, sinisterly, "Are you sure? Your time is already slipping by so quickly, Regular."
Aaron's hands rose up in a shrug, his tone turning sardonic, "This will be quite the simple question, Mr. Director. Tell me, are you allowed to interfere in the conduct of this test?"
"Who knows? All I can say is that I will not stop you, regardless of the method you should choose." The air chilled even further, "But you should not take that as an invitation to lay your hands upon me freely, Regular. I reserve the right to self-defense, after all."
"Then there should be no problems." A rakish leer, "I never had any intention to harm you in the first place."
"What are you doing, trash disciple?!"
"Uuuh...Well, whenever I need to make a decision, I pull out these cards, right? Then I draw six and shuffle them around so I can figure out what to decide on."
"...THERE ARE TWELVE DOORS HERE, YOU TURTLE TRASH!"
"I KNOW FOO, LEAVE ME ALONE! This shit always works!"
"What do those cards even say, idiot trash!"
"...No idea."
Aaron walked up to the crouched figure, grabbing the front of it's robes.
Well, I guess this means that teleportation was unique to that rabbit...
"I am not intending to harm you, you see? I am simply using the tools at my disposal to determine an answer."
"Interesting, Regular, and what do you intend to find out?"
The shaman turned a ghoulish smirk towards the Director gripped in his hand, "Exactly what lays behind door number one." The Directors chesire grin bloomed, "And I'll have you show me. Door. By. Door."
"Well said, Mr. Gentles. Let us see how this method works out."
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?"
"...SHUT UP, I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING!"
"ALL YOU'RE DOING IS SHUFFLING THE SAME SIX CARDS AROUND!"
"Sir, please grab the drink on the floor."
"GENTLES, THIS SHELLED TRASH IS-!"
"Sir, I don't want to stain the Director's clothes."
"...It seems you have a plan, Gentles. Hmph. It better work, or this Great Me will strike you down with Foehammer."
The shaman bowed, smirking, "Of course, sir. Leave it to me." As Parakewl ran ahead, picking up the cup, Aaron grabbed the blue and yellow robes of the man ahead of him, dragging the prone figure to the nearest door.
Now then. I will determine what this 'killing function' of the incorrect door is ahead of us. If my White Owl can ward against it, I might just experiment with the rest myself, it's sure to be quicker. If not...
He glanced down, staring at the smirking face of the Director, who clearly found the entire situation to be only mildly amusing.
...Things could get messy...Heh.
"Hey, Turtle trash...WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!?"
"WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE, FOO! I'M OPENING A DOOR!"
"IDIOT! YOU'LL KILL US ALL!"
"NAW, FOO! HEART OF THE CARDS, FOO!"
*CLUNK-!*
...Huh?
Aaron turned towards the source of the sound. Standing there was Phalvin, looking triumphant in the shining light.
"You damn turtle...what have you done!?"
The turtle folded his arms in pride, "You were taking too long, noob. So I had the heart of the cards show me the way."
...I'LL KILL HIM!
"I'LL KILL YOU, FUCKING TRAAAAASH!"
From his vantage point beneath Aaron, Yu Han Sung merely smirked in amusement. Reaching down to where the mug of coffee had reappeared, he slurped deeply from it's contents.
"Hey, Phalvin. Come over here for a sec. Don't worry, I just want to know the scientific basis for this Heart of the Cards you keep talking about."
The atmosphere fell to below freezing, an overpowering coldness emitted from Aaron Gentles, as he mildly gestured towards the turtle to join him at his side. The Director lowered his cup, before raising his hands and then clapped them loudly, interrupting the homicide that was about to take place.
He clapped once, twice, three times, before standing, and lowering his head towards the trio, "Congratulations, you've all passed."
As one, the three of them turned towards the Director with an expression of blank shock. "The requirement to pass this test was, 'Open any door within five minutes and exiting'. And since you've opened a door within five minutes, of course you've passed."
"...Of course, exactly as I expected. The heart of the cards was just a formality, foo's."
"Now then, do not fret, Mr. Gentles, for you see, this test did not test merely your intellect, or your cunning. But your decisiveness and ability to act..." The blonde crossdresser looked around, stunned to see that he had been ignored.
"DAMN TURTLE!" Aaron ran up to the doorway where Phalvin had stood triumphantly, promptly delivering an axe kick to his face. "I'LL SKIN YOU ALIVE AND MAKE BOOTS OUT OF YOU!"
The Director sighed, before raising his palm to his forehead, "Well, I suppose it doesn't really matter, anyway. I wish you luck, dear Regular, for the rest of your time on this floor.
"For you will most certainly need it."
"EVERYONE, STOP!"
A blue orb hovered over the bloody fields of the first test. Mixed into the tall grass are hundreds of corpses, each of a different size and shape. Staining the ground beneath them, as if they were painting the landscape with their blood.
"THE TESTING PERIOD HAS ENDED!"
Evankhell's Floor, Regulars Testing Facility, Stage 1, District 3. Looming over the battlefield were three figures, standing still against the wind. The largest of them, a giant of a man clad in thick plate and holding a bloody cleaver in hand. A soft sound rumbled from his throat, only adding to his eeriness. At his feet stood the shortest of the three, a blonde girl with unkempt hair. Her brown rags showed no sign of battle, they were unkempt, but still very clean. In the hands of the third was a red needle, her own expression remained hidden, facing away from her two companions.
"ALL THOSE WHO ARE STILL ALIVE HAVE PASSED! THOSE WHO HAVE PASSED WILL BE TELEPORTED TO THE NEXT AREA!"
Number of Individuals who passed Stage One: Three.
Of the hundreds of Regulars who had taken the test with these three, there would be none who had survived.
Postscript: And this makes Chapter 4. Thanks again for reading up this far. Part 5 will be ready soon, at which point things will get off the rails, and never turn back. Please look forward to it, and don't feel shy about leaving any feedback you think fits. I'll be sure to give it the attention it deserves. Thank you again.