Note: We have reached the end... of this story anyway, I still want to write for Silk and plan to write about the missing two years between S2 and S3 eventually. In the meantime, thanks to everyone who has reviewed or followed this one and to the people I have exchanged messages with on here, especially Ansy Pansy and Ami Meitsu. Enjoy!
Martha let the sobs come, her face still buried against Clive's shoulder. She still felt exhausted but the feeling of despair had ceased to overwhelm her. His arms felt strong and warm wrapped around her. Clive always did give good hugs. The feckless bastard.
Eventually the tears ran out. She remembered why she was angry with him and disentangled herself. He stepped back from the desk as she composed herself and got to her feet.
Clive watched as she put her coat on. He wished he could put into words everything he wanted to say. He had felt proud of her earlier, watching her speak at the funeral. But then, he'd always been proud of her, whether he was watching her defend the hopeless cases in court or even when she had got silk ahead of him. He'd been jealous too of course, but also proud.
"Martha..." he began.
"You forced him out, you and Harriet." Martha burst out. "He just wanted to spend the last few months of his life here with his family, and you took that away from him."
"That's not fair."
Martha shook her head and moved past him, towards the door.
"Where are you going?"
"I'm going home."
"Look, I loved Billy, too."
Martha turned to leave. "You don't know the meaning of the word, Clive," was her parting shot.
Martha stood in front of all her colleagues, ready to articulate why she should be their new Head of Chambers. This was her home. She was the only one who had Shoe Lane's best interests at heart.
"Who am I?" she began. Her voice faltered. She looked at Clive, then at Billy. She had a whole speech prepared - passionate, inspiring - yet, as she looked out at the expectant crowd, she felt the words dying on her lips. Clive, who had given her an appraising look as she got up to speak, as if wondering how she was going to top his speech, now just looked sad. She didn't really understand why. She looked from Billy's puzzled, pained expression to Clive's inexplicably sad eyes and then found herself turning and heading for the exit.
Martha lay in bed staring up at the ceiling, her mind turning over the events of yesterday. She had a strange, empty feeling. Planning Billy's funeral had given her purpose, in a way it had even distracted her from remembering that Billy was gone for good. Now she had to accept it.
Then there was the Bar Standards Board. Was she going to go through with her threat and call them? If she did, why would she be doing it? Was it for the sake of Chambers or would it just be for revenge? She thought about Clive and realised that she wasn't really angry with him any more. Something he had said months ago flashed through her mind: "I'm just sick of us always being against each other." She was sick of it too, truth be told.
She got out of bed and dressed slowly before moving into the bathroom to brush her teeth. She stood in front of the sink and looked at herself in the mirror. Then she walked to the telephone, picked it up and began to dial.
"Well? Did you talk to her?" Harriet demanded.
They were alone in the clerks' room. "Yes, I talked to her. Just not about the Bar Standards Board."
"So you don't know if she's going to drop it?" Clive shrugged. "You'll have to try again then. Keep working on her-"
"No, Harriet." Clive interrupted. He was tired, tired of the politics and the game-playing. "No more. I can't do it."
"You don't have a choice, Clive. The future of Chambers is at stake. It doesn't matter how you get her to drop it, just make sure you do."
"Harriet, listen to me. What Martha does it up to her. I can't stop her, and I'm not going to try. I'm Head of Chambers, and you work for me, not the other way round. Now get on with your job."
He had just started to walk back into his room when Harriet's voice stopped him. "You never would have made it this far without me." He turned to look at her. "I could make all the CPS work disappear."
He knew it was true, had always known what would happen if this partnership didn't work out but had pushed it to the back of his mind. "That's a risk I'll have to take." He closed the door behind him.
Martha walked through the clerks' room and knocked on the door to her and Clive's office. It felt strange to be knocking, but she wanted to keep this brisk and professional. "Come in!" called Clive's voice. He sounded stressed and she wondered if the pressure of being Head of Chambers was getting to him already. She opened the door.
Clive was sitting at his desk, which was covered in paperwork. His whole demeanor changed when he saw Martha. He stood up. "Hi."
"Hi," Martha put her handbag down without taking her coat off. She wasn't planning on staying long. "Look, I'm sorry about yesterday."
He nodded. "Me too."
She brushed this off. "I just came to tell you, I'm not going to contact the Bar Standards Board. In fact... I'm going back to Bolton tonight."
"For a break?" he asked.
"No, for good." Clive looked uncomprehending. "I'm going to stay with my mum for a bit - I spoke to her this morning - until I get settled. I'm sure I can find another chambers up there - I might even start my own, you never know." Clive still didn't say anything. "Anyway, I just wanted to let you know. Will you say goodbye to everyone for me?" Without waiting for an answer she picked up her bag again and stepped out of the door.
Clive stood in front of the rest of Chambers, basking in the approval of the room as they applauded him. He wished the boys at school could see him now. He'd done it, he'd made it. This was the most triumphant moment of his life, more so than getting silk. They'd chosen him.
Billy stepped up to him quietly. "Where's Martha?"
"Martha!"
Martha was walking past the bench where she had sat with Billy just after she had got silk when she heard her name being called. She turned to see Clive running down the street towards her. He reached her and dropped his hands to his side.
"Martha, don't do this. You don't have to leave because of me."
She nearly smiled. "It's not just about you, Clive."
"I'm sorry about Harriet. It didn't mean anything. I was just jealous of you and Sean. It was a stupid mistake..."
Martha listened as the excuses poured out of his mouth, knowing the whole time he was speaking that there was nothing he could say that would make it completely better, that even if he could it wouldn't make a difference. She had to go home. She needed to get away from the memories of Billy, and Shoe Lane. She had to patch things up with her mum before it was too late.
"Clive. Stop." Her eyes filled with tears. "Look, don't beat yourself up. It's just who you are. I knew that." He opened his mouth to protest but she cut him off again. "It wasn't just your fault. I know I pushed you away. If I hadn't, maybe things would have been different. But we'll never know now."
"We could try again." Clive's face was pleading. "Give me a chance and I'll make it up to you..."
She shook her head. She had to be strong here. "What, with you as Head of Chambers? Me switching to prosecution?"
"You wouldn't have to. We could work something out..."
"Clive, it's too late." He was shaking his head. "I can't do this any more. Even if I stayed, things could never be the same again. If I moved to another chambers around here, we might be up against each other in court every other week. I can't live like that. Can you?" He stared at her. "I still want us to be friends..."
"Don't." His face had switched to a mask.
She stepped closer to him and kissed him on the cheek. "I'll be in touch, okay? Give me a call if you need anything."
Clive was silent as she walked away from him. She kept walking with her head held up. At the last moment she stopped and looked back. Clive was standing perfectly still, in the same place she had left him in. She turned and carried on walking until she reached home.