"Mr Yagami, are you sure you want to do this?"

The man lowered his head. "Yes."

"But this would mean that you give up custody of Light," L said, his voice stiff. "Are you truly willing to do that?"

The chief's eyes looked up at him, still tinged with red. Papers were sprawled out on the desk, the pen was still trembling in Soichiro's hand.

His voice was hoarse. "Yes, I have to. I've already failed him as a father."

o0o

Light had never been like other people. The eight-year-old knew how they acted very well, and he always knew how to respond. That was on an emotional level though, on an intellectual basis things got cloudy. It wasn't as if he didn't love or care about people, because he did. But no matter how much he loved playing with Sayu, he could never connect with her on a cognitive level. It simply wasn't possible, her young mind couldn't comprehend it. It wasn't just his sister though, it seemed everyone he met was just so stupid.

Light's peers never understood a word he was saying, and adults always thought he was too young to know what he was talking about. It was so frustrating, but the young brunette pushed on. He had however, found a small way to escape the monotonous boredom. He had started sorting people into colors. It was strange at first, yes. Light was soon amazed though, of how easy it made things. Although he would never find true companionship with them, at the very least this would allow him to find small amusements in their company. The young boy knew that because of the lack of similarities, he would never really be able to connect with people. Becoming true friends with someone you had nothing in common with was impossible, there was simply no way around it. However, with his new system of placing people into groups he knew exactly how to act around them.

His mom was green, which was probably to be expected. Greens were always nurturing, which was probably why they tended to be parents. Although, his dad was orange. Light held a respect for those people, because most police officers and detectives he had met were in that category. They were always so confident and brave! Some oranges he met though, were insufferable. They could be so lazy, and it nearly drove him crazy. Yellow was the most common, people in that category were always bright and cheerful, but tended to be a bit brash. Sayu of course, was in this group. Although they tended to be everywhere, Light fond them rather endearing in a way.

Purple's on the other hand, the brunette couldn't stand. They always had this air of superiority around them, and were the most authoritative. They tended to hold a position of power over people, whether it be they were wealthy or a CEO of a company. He wouldn't have minded them too much, if they were like their counterparts. All of the other colors had one thing in common, and that was that they all adored him. Purples however, turned their noses up at him. Apparently to them it didn't matter how smart he was, he was always regarded as beneath them. Yeah, he really hated those people.

Light himself, was a brilliant shade of red. Passionate, energetic, vibrant, that was him. The thought made the young boy glow with self-pride. He had never seen another person who was red, and really was it any surprise? It just proved just how special he was. The people that surrounded him, constantly reminded him of this. Light loved them because of it, even though he could never connect with them intellectually. They always supplied the young genius with endless praise, and he couldn't get enough of it. He always made sure to be more and more impressive, just to get those precious words. The very thought of anything he did going unnoticed made his chest constrict uncomfortably.

Light's grip on the walkie talkie tightened. The boy behind the mirror hadn't left, and for some reason he didn't want him to go. He had grown as much as the brunette did, and had even evolved a bit for his needs. He imagined his twin's hair and eyes had turned into a vibrant red, and his skin a marble white. A perfect representation of Light's color, much to his silent glee. The brunette's reflection always came when he needed him. He would murmur his frustrations that he never shared with anyone else, and sometimes he thought he could hear whispers back. Light shook his head, assuring himself that it was just his inner thoughts. It was stupid, he was a big boy now! He was too old for imaginary friends!

But…

People could be unpredictable, there was no telling when they may or may not leave. The boy in the mirror was always there. The brunette could never really say his true thoughts to the peers he surrounded himself with, all he could really do was flaunt his intelligence when he felt the effects of the praise he received fade away. It was stupid, so stupid! But Light could tell that the boy in the mirror understood , he always understood. His twin always silently listened to him, frowning in sympathy. He didn't deny that his superior intelligence had separated him from other people, he just had never thought about it. Was he…

Lonely?

Light shook his head, trying to dispel those thoughts. He had never even considered it before, but now the thought weighed him down. The boy shook slightly, but tried to stop the tremors. He couldn't be 'lonely'! He would always have his twin, and he was constantly surrounded by other people. It was impossible for the brunette to feel alone, it was foolish for him to even consider it! The walkie talkie in Light's hands gave a crackle, snapping him out of his thoughts. The eight-year-old held it closer to his face.

His father's voice came out of it. "Alright officer, the suspect is in the next room. We have no choice but to move in."

The boy's heart thudded in his chest, his imagination wildly immersed in the game. The chief wasn't home a lot, often too busy with work. When Soichiro was home though, Light couldn't be happier. The man always made sure to shower his son with compliments, much to his delight. The brunette always made sure to remind his dad of his latest accomplishment, craving the approval. He loved when he played games like these with him, no doubt trying to encourage him to become a detective. Light couldn't think of anything else to become, if he did then Soichiro would be disappointed.

"W-What?! That's so dangerous!" The boy exclaimed, shaking his head in disbelief. "The suspect is armed!"

"Yes, but we have to. If we don't approach, the suspect may take drastic measures and hurt himself. He only has a knife, he can't do much against us." The chief replied.

"B-But…"

I'm scared.

His tone turned soft, almost like he could read his son's mind. "Light… there will be times in your life that will be very scary. I might look untouchable to you, but even I get scared sometimes. But we have to keep going, because it's our job to keep people safe."

Light was paused from Soichiro's words, and he hesitated. It was right, wasn't it? How could he ever help anyone, if he was too scared to even try? If he didn't do as his father said, he would be so disappointed in him. The boy's heart clenched at the thought, the man had never been disappointed in him, never. It simply hadn't been something that could ever happen, and the first time would not be now! So, even though deep inside he knew it was foolish and brash, a glimmer of determination entered his eyes.

"Alright, chief! I'm heading in, hold position!" Light said, puffing up his chest.

Fueled by Soichiro words, the brunette shot up. The eight-year-old burst the bedroom door open, storming into the room. The figure of his father filled his vision, and he beamed at him. The chief set down his respective walkie talkie on the bed, before going towards his son. Light looked up in anticipation at Soichiro, whose aged face was filled with pride. The boy braced himself in excitement, this was the best part! He squealed when the man's hands took hold of him, giggling uncontrollably as he was spun around. Light's feet hit the floor with a thud, and he gave out a laugh when Soichiro ruffled his hair.

The chief smiled. "You did it Light! I'm so proud of you."

"Because I'm your special boy!" That craving for approval coiled in his chest, making him falter. "Right?"

His father gave a laugh. "Of course! In fact, you're quite the young man now, aren't you?"

Light's smile widened, and he took Soichiro by the hand. The need for assurance was sated, for now. No doubt there would be much more where that came from, when he became a detective. After all, what would make the chief happier than becoming just like him? The eight-year-old might never meet someone who would match him intellectually, but that was fine. He would always have their words, those approving tones. As long as he still had those reassurances and reminders of how special he was, ready to drive away the sinking feeling in his chest…

He was content.

o0o

Light was strapped down.

That was the first thing that registered in the haze, and he blearily opened his eyes. The teen immediately regretted it, flinching slightly at the bright light above. He tried to move his hands to cover his face, out of instinct. Of course, his movements were stopped by the painfully tight leather that trapped him. It caused him to still, and his mind reeled in realization. Light was in control, how had that happened? Focusing on the thought caused the dull, constant throb in his head to worsen to unbearable levels. The brunette quickly let it go, clenching his eyes shut. This wasn't right, this wasn't supposed to happen! How…?

The presence of Kira made itself known in the back of his mind. Light.

He wanted to go towards his twin's voice, but the restraints held him tightly. This was wrong, wrong wrong wrong! He wasn't supposed to be in control again, because then the pain was only worse. Light didn't like it, it was better when Kira had been the one running their body. When the teen had been half aware in the back of his mind, it didn't hurt as much. The itch wasn't so persistent, and impossible to ignore. He hated it, one of the few things he felt strongly about. It became more bearable when Kira had used the death note, he had been more and more blissfully numb with each written name.

You must be so confused. Kira murmured.

Light was, but he didn't focus on it. Doing so would only cause the constant ache to become even more painful. The teenager heard footsteps, but didn't care enough to look at who it was. The face of a male nurse entered his vision, looking down at him with a frown. He didn't know what this new person was planning, but it didn't matter. He just wanted all of this to be over soon. The nurse was speaking, saying things that made no difference in the end. The man said his name, seeming to expect an answer. How long would it be until he went away? Light wanted the gnawing pain to stop.

The nurse approached with a syringe, and the brunette tensed up subconsciously. It was impossible for him to concentrate, everything seemed to be in a haze. Yet he still held that primal sense of danger. Light struggled against the restraints in vain, trying to get as far away as possible from the needle. The man walk holding down his arm in a painful grip, saying things so loudly that it hurt his ears. The brunette wriggled desperately as the medical syringe pierced his skin, going into his vein. The pressure of the sedative entering his bloodstream was all he could think about, and there was nothing he could do as his muscles involuntarily relaxed. Light's head felt like it was being split open, and everything hurt. Everything always hurt.

o0o

He stared blankly at the men in front of him. A physiatrist was saying things to him, words that held no meaning. Light's arm ached now, too. The brunette tried his best to not think about it too much, thinking only hurt. Male nurses were standing guard next to him, but he didn't care enough to wonder why. The physiatrist just wouldn't stop talking, and Light grit his teeth. He turned over, facing the blank white wall. His movements were sluggish, limbs held down by the anti psychotics.

The teenager was forcefully flipped over to look back at the physiatrist, by strong hands. The nurses were muttering things, with a noticeably gruff tone. He didn't like this at all, he hated this! Everything felt so heavy, and doing things were so much more difficult. The added concentration needed to do anything, caused the constant throb in his head to become even worse. So Light stayed still, he didn't really care where he was anyway. Even if he did, the nurses were holding him down. He couldn't move with those hands holding him in a vice grip.

The annoying buzz of the psychiatrist's voice persisted. "Light, we just want to make you better."

'Better'? The word drifted through Light's mind, but he didn't process it. It's not like he could, anyway. When the brunette tried to hold on to the thought, the ache to become almost unbearable. No doubt becoming 'better' would need a lot of concentrating, something he simply wasn't willing to do. Not thinking about anything was better, then it didn't hurt as much. How could they make him 'better'? Were they hoping to drug him up, and say those useless words that he wasn't even listening to until he did… something? No, he didn't want to be 'better'. Didn't they understand?

This was simply the way things were.

o0o

Light let out a small grunt as his body haphazardly hit the floor. The door was shut before he could even lift his head, and he grit his teeth. At the very least, the room was padded. It wasn't the first time the brunette had been in 'the Cooler', perhaps it wouldn't be the last. He thought it was… the third? Trying to remember only hurt, so he discarded the train of thought. He had been sent here because of 'misbehavior', which seemed to be his lack of willingness to do anything. Light didn't really care about the angry shouts, and painful grips as they dragged him out of his room. Or the scowls as they forced him to go to his psychiatrist's office, hauling him the entire time.

They wanted him to do things, speak to them, and line up for the medicine that made him feel terrible. Of course, the brunette did none of those things. Concentrating only brought pain, and if there was one thing he hated; it was the sedations. They only held him down, and doing anything was so much more painful. Light didn't go anywhere, because there was no need to. The brunette was waiting for Kira to tell him what to do, but his twin had been rather quiet these last few days. After he had first woke up, his reflection hadn't said nearly anything afterwords. Light knew that wouldn't be without reason, Kira was planning something.

Light.

The teenager perked up at the sound of his double's voice. He shifted towards him, his movements stunted by the sedatives. The Cooler, or the more formal name 'solitary confinement' was a very small room. In fact, it wasn't just small. It was almost too cramped to be called a 'room', a more appropriate name would be 'padded closet'. The Cooler was not tall enough to stand up straight, and just barely large enough to lay down on the floor. There wasn't anything in it, of course. Just a wash basin, and a toilet. Light suspected that was the reason for the hideous stench that filled the whole hallway.

Either way, it didn't matter where he was. It wasn't like he had anywhere to go.

Light, Kira said softly, warm, inviting. greetings.

His twin's fingers curled themselves in his hair, and he tried to shift even closer. There was an inch that had been culminating the past week, deep, deep inside Light's head. It was something that the brunette had to obey, something that refused to be ignored. It was like nails were clawing at his brain, scratching angrily at him. He couldn't do anything to relieve it, trapped in this place. When Kira had been in control, the painful ache was still there. It was always there. Yet the searing throb that told him that he needed to purify, had been more and more sated with each judgment. Light buried his head against Kira's stomach, not thinking about the important things was easier.

The killer hummed, apparently still deep in thought. It must have been hard, without me guiding you. I was theorizing, and planning for the future.

The brunette wasn't really listening, he didn't unless his twin was ordering something. However, there was something soothing about Kira's voice. He would know what to do, how to make the terrible ache in his head go away.

When I lost control, I was surprised too. Crimson eyes gazed down at Light. I think the Death note's destruction simply shocked you so much, that control was temporarily taken from me. Don't worry, I can still run the body at any time. Now, I know you don't like being the one in control of the body, but you're going to have to be for awhile. We don't want to give them any clues of my existence and put a damper on out plans, they need to think it's just you.

The teenager didn't process those words, focusing on what they truly meant would only cause the angry pulsating migraine to become even more painful. His twins fingers suddenly tightened, clenching his brown hair in a painfully tight grip.

But that doesn't change anything.

Light could hear the threat laced in Kira's voice, but didn't tense up. All he knew was that he needed his double back in control, then he wouldn't have to feel pain anymore. The brunette could feel the fingers grip loosen, relaxing once more to let his locks curl around them lazily. A marble white hand gently lifted his chin, forcing him to stare into those red eyes.

Listen to me very carefully. Kira said. We need to escape from here, and we need to find Misa. She won't have her memories, but Rem will still be watching over her. Through Rem, we will be able to find Ryuk. Do you understand?

Light nodded, seeming to satisfy his twin. The killer stopped holding the brunette's head up, letting it fall back down. He gripped onto his clothes, never wanting to let go.

Good boy. Kira purred. Once we get another death note, I will be in control again. Then we can continue purifying the world, you and I. Wouldn't that be nice?

That would be nice. Then he wouldn't have to think about the painful things anymore. The thought that Purification could soon resume, eased him a bit. Light didn't know why he was doing it, not anymore anyway. The brunette had tried to remember sometimes, like when Kira had gotten rid of the agent. There had been a strange feeling in his chest, so he tried to grasp it. Tried to remember the reason for his judgments, and it hurt. The agonizing pain that shot through his skull, was unlike anything he had ever experienced.

The pain he got from trying to remember, was worse than when he had tried thinking about anything else. So he simply didn't anymore, it was easier that way. Purifying the world was simply something he had to do, even if he didn't quite know why. Thinking was painful, killing was not. Light let himself relax more against Kira, letting out a breath. His twin was the one who thought about the important things, and who until now had been the one to take action. The brunette didn't like that he was the one who had to do things now, but it was okay. Kira would still be making the decisions.

Kira always knew what to do.

o0o

Light shuffled down the hall, slowing taking dragging steps. He was always accompanied by two nurses now, much to his silent frustration. His arms always ached now, mixed with a stinging from the sedations they force-injected him with when he refused to swallow the pills. His back had started to throb too, most likely from when the nurses had slammed him against the wall when he was struggling. Light didn't care much about that pain though, if it didn't stop him from completing his goal he didn't care.

The teen had tried to escape multiple times, however each attempt was thwarted. He had tried just walking out the ward, to trying to force a window open and crawling out. Every time, he was angrily dragged back by staff, and thrown into the Cooler. He had been let out of it a few minutes before, greeted with threats of returning if he misbehaved. Now, he wasn't sure how he had any chance of leaving. How get he escape if he was constantly being watched? The thought aggravated Light for some reason.

It's okay, we will get out of here. Kira assured him. We are in a high-security ward right now, just lay low. Eventually, we will be transferred to a different ward. Be patient.

The brunette was eased a bit at his double's words. He finally reached the main area of the ward, where other patients were talking amongst themselves. A TV was playing what seemed to be a movie, but most of the people were too drugged up to watch it. Some other people were at the smoking area, chatting about things he didn't care about. Their voices grated at Light, like they were a persistent buzz in the background. The brunette curled up on a random chair, resting his head on one of the arms.

A grumble emerged from his stomach, and he grimaced. After the nurses had let him out of solitary confinement, they had immediately injected his 'medicine' into his arm. So, at the very least it meant lunch would be soon. In the Cooler, he had been fed rice gruel. Light could vaguely remember his mother making it for him when he was sick, something about it being easily digestible. Remembering hurt, as always. However, it also made him feel weird, like remembering what he was supposed to feel without actually feeling it. Well, It didn't matter. It only deterred him from accomplishing the goal.

Light didn't care about taste, not anymore anyway. However, the food from the cafeteria was much more filling. In the Cooler, he was usually too sedated to eat. The slight gnaw of hunger was with the teen very often. It was much easier to ignore though, compared to the constant ache in his head that only seemed to be getting worse. A harsh, raspy laugh suddenly flooded his ears. Light's eyes glanced at the source of the noise, out of instinct. He would have looked away, but what he saw caused his eyes to lock on what he was looking at.

It was a new patient, or at least, someone who had just been transferred to this ward. The man's hair was messy, almost like a mop on his pale sickly skin. Yellow teeth stuck out beneath his smiling lips, and some of them were missing. They were clear signs of a drug addict, but that wasn't what made him pause. The Patient was covered in tattoos, a signature sign of a Yakuza. A criminal. Light's fingers twitched, itching to grab a pen. The overwhelming urge to write, could not be sated, of course. The brunette tugged slightly at the bandage still on his hand; the migraine was becoming unbearable with the presence of the gangster.

You want to kill him. Kira said.

It wasn't a question; it was a blunt statement. Perhaps in a way, it was true. He didn't really want anything though, it was more of need. The itch was angrily grating at him now, nearly screaming, demanding he take action. What could Light do? The brunette couldn't let any criminals escape Kira's judgment, but his weapon was gone. With the Yakuza member here, the horrible ache would not be going away anytime soon. A bit of anticipation filled him. The sedations they had injected him with when they threw him in the Cooler were wearing off…

Well, I suppose it would make more sense for you to have a 'breakdown' and then 'recover' from there… Kira mused. It's not like anything will change from this anyway. What's say, a week, in solitary confinement to you? Nothing. In fact, why don't you? Don't you want the pain to stop, even for a moment?

Just do it.

It was as if a spring had been released. Light flew off the chair, lunging towards the criminal. He paid no attention to the yelling from the people around him, nor the surprised shout of the tattooed man. The brunette's hands wrapped around the gangster's neck, and they both crashed painfully to the floor. Whatever drugs they had given him made him drowsy, but he didn't care. He tightened his grip, digging his fingernails into the Yakuza's flesh. The man was desperately trying to pry Light's hands off, silently and desperately gasping for air. Already the pain was fading, if he could just squeeze the life out of him-

Nurses violently yanked the teen off the criminal, hands clinging to him in a painful grip. He struggled desperately against their hold, desperately trying to strangle the man's neck once again. The Yakuza was scrambling away, coughing with large gasps and swearing profusely. No, no, no! He needed to die, it was the only way he could make the pain more bearable! But the nurses didn't seemed to understand this, only dragging Light further and further from the criminal. The other patients voices and laughter cut into the thrashing teen.

"Looks like Light's off the the Cooler again!"

"Man, the kid's crazy!"

"They're going to lock him up for a month for this!"

One of the nurses shouted. "Hold him down!"

Their grips tightened even more, and they violently shoved him to the floor. His body collided harshly with the hard vinyl, and a whine of pain involuntarily escaped from his lips. One arm was pinned against his back, while another nurse pinned his other hand to the ground in a bruising grip. Light felt another hand pulling up his sleeve, and he jerked spastically. A syringe entered the brunette's vision, and he wriggled frantically. It was no use, the hands that held him down were unrelenting. The needle slid into his vein, sending a shock of pain up his arm.

Why did it hurt so much? His arm felt like it was being split in two from how much it stung, sending constant throbs. His chest rose and fell, breaths heavy and noticeably shakier. His muscles involuntarily relaxed, and he went limp. Light's vision started to go black, and he could feel the nurses drag him to a destination he knew all too well.

It hurts, it hurts, it hurts…