I hope everyone's ready for another blurb about the adventures of flaming freddy!!!
Thanks for the reviews, LiteralLovely and Insane and Logical!!! You both a wonderful!!
Disclaimer: Mike White's pretty awesome; I'm not gonna take credit for his creation…
Pyromaniac
Chapter IV:
The Fire Witch Project
"When did Saturday afternoons get so…boring?" Freddy grumbled as he lay on his side on a beaten up old couch in his lived-in den.
"When we got over Barbie Dolls and Make Believe was ruined?" Katie replied as she stifled a yawn.
The pair, along with Summer Hathaway and Zack Mooneyham, was lounging around in Freddy's messy old den, DVD disks were strewn across the carpeted floor. They all exchanged bored looks as Summer slowly sorted through the many disks. She was trying to make the best of things and organize Freddy's disorganized DVD collection.
"I didn't know you had a copy of Beauty and the Beast," said Summer in surprise as she held up the disk.
"Little sister," Freddy replied automatically, without the smallest hint of embarrassment.
Unfortunately, Zack's loud snort of derision made the girls think otherwise.
"Mooneyham, shut up," Freddy grumbled.
"Hey, look!" Summer pulled out a case with shadowy artwork on the cover. "I didn't know you had The Blair Witch Project!"
"There are many things people don't know about me," Freddy say with a mysterious air.
"Or don't want to know," Katie added.
"I don't think The Blair Witch Project is that great," Zack commented, his timing being quite impeccable seeing as Freddy and Katie were about to fall into one of their marathon feuds again.
"Oh, yeah, I know, right?" Summer interjected passionately (whether it was to express her genuine feelings about the film or to also stop potential arguments between the pair). "It's so…messy. I mean, the storyline sounds pretty cool, but the execution was so…mediocre."
"What, you think you can do better?" challenged Freddy.
"Better than you ever could," Katie shot back.
"Oh, yeah?"
"Yeah."
Zack looked at Summer. Summer looked at Zack. They both let out sighs of resignation, anticipating what was to come.
"Okay then, I will make a better version," Freddy declared. He quickly got to his feet and dived out of the room. He reentered moments later with a small handheld camcorder in his hands, an eager spark glinting in his eyes.
"You three are going to be the characters," he said as he motioned at the trio, "and I'll be the cameraman slash director slash producer."
"Then who's the witch?" asked Summer.
"Er…"
"You can be the witch," said Katie as she led the way up the stairs and into the kitchen. "Seeing as you've already assigned parts and everything."
Zack stopped in his tracks, his faced slightly pinched.
"Dude, Zack, you okay?" asked Freddy, who had walked into the boy.
Zack's shoulders shook as he laughed heartily. "Well, if Freddy's the witch, I think this should be called the 'Fire Witch Project'."
Katie grinned in response and Summer chuckled quietly as they all exited the kitchen, leaving a slightly offended Freddy behind.
"Hey, I resent that!"
"Okay, guys, just run around and do whatever, okay?" Freddy said with a slight air importance. They had decided that it would be more appropriate to film the segments in the wooded area near the park instead of the small bunch of trees behind the Jones' residence in order to not disturb the neighbors with their production. They had to wait for an hour for the sun to start to set in order to give the film a more eerie feel, but the hour turned out to be quite useful for planning.
"Ready?"
"Yes, ye great ole director," Katie replied in a chipper tone.
"Action!" Freddy eagerly pushed the record button and watched the scene unfold.
"Oh my gosh, Zack!" Summer squealed in horror. "I can't believe you threw the map into the river. I mean, come on, you couldn't just throw a stick or something?"
"I wasn't thinking," Zack grumbled as he slowly turned away to mask his frustration and slight embarrassment.
"Well, that's pretty obvious," grumbled Katie. She glanced from the upset Zack to panicking Summer and sighed heavily. "Well, it's not like we can do much about it, can we?"
"Sorry, guys…" mumbled Zack.
Summer stood there, her lips slightly pursed, but was able to keep her harsh words down.
"C'mon," said Katie. "We'll just wander around the woods until we find someone who can help us. Let's just hope the fire witch doesn't find us…"
"Cut!" Freddy yelled.
The trio jumped slightly; they had forgotten that Freddy was filming them.
"We're gonna go into the woods now, and Summer's gonna be the first one who's kidnapped by the witch, okay?"
"Wait, that totally goes against the horror movie formula," argued Katie. "You always take the most flawed person first! Look at Jurassic Park, who was the first dude to die? I mean, besides that random dude at the beginning of the movie. The lawyer dude who's more concerned about the money than anything else! So I think Zack should go first!"
"Why me?" Zack asked in protest.
"Because he's the one who lost the map! Anyway, you need to keep the hysterical person around in order to build the drama and stuff! And then you have to keep the level-headed character around in order for the remaining two to try and reason through it. And then you would either take the level-headed one first in order to convey the madness of the situation or take the hysterical after the idiot in order to give the level-headed one a chance to fight against the unknown enemy!"
"Katie…are you just trying to get more camera time?" Zack asked slowly.
"No, don't you guys pick up on this stuff?" asked Katie, genuinely puzzled by the other three's ignorance about her explanation.
"Okay, Katie, just for that, you're gonna be taken out first," Freddy grinned eerily in the fading light. "Now c'mon, we need to get this done before it gets too dark."
Katie glared at Freddy but didn't verbally respond as they pushed through the shadowy wood.
"I think I'll do that branch on fire idea we talked about," Freddy said thoughtfully. "You know, to show that Katie's been taken away by the fire witch. So I guess Katie can be the cameraperson now, since she's not needed as a character anymore…"
"You're the director…"
Freddy laughed evilly. "And I have the power of a fire witch. How freaking awesome is that?"
"Witch," Katie pointed out.
Freddy stopped laughing and shot daggers at her. "Why do you always rain on my parade?"
"And why do you always quote Barbara Streinsand?"
Freddy gave a yell of frustration before stalking off in search of the perfect branch to light on fire.
As he searched, the others went back to filming. Katie as a behind the camera person turned out to be quite the satirist.
"You guys are in complete hysterics how, so you're really vulnerable and pretty much everything freaks you out now," Freddy heard her going over the next segment of the movie. "So, you run around and see a tree and start screaming and run in another direction and see that rock and scream again and just go from there. Got it?"
The pair nodded.
"Okay, just go."
"Oh my God, Zack, where's Katie?" Summer asked in a hushed tone.
"I thought she was behind you," he said, eyes squinting to see in the shadows of the trees.
"She was."
The pair exchanged looks and realization of the worst dawned upon them.
Freddy had strayed further and further away from the guys as he gathered leaves and twigs to tie to one end of a sturdy branch that he had found. When he had a sufficient bundle, he tied the kindling on and set it on the ground in order to strike the match. The small blaze came in contact with the bundle on the ground and Freddy hurried back to his friends.
"What's that?" he heard Zack ask in a hushed tone.
"The…fire witch!" gasped Summer.
The pair's screams echoed through the forest.
"Okay, okay, cut!" Katie called. She looked around the wooded area. "Okay, Freddy, you can put out the fire now, we won't need it for a while."
Freddy grumbled slightly but reluctantly obliged as he made his way back to Katie.
"Freddy," sighed Katie, "I told you to put the fire out."
"I did."
"Then why…"
"Oh my God of Rock…"
Freddy looked over his shoulder. There was a small blaze that was spreading across the dry ground of the woods.
"Oh…crap…"
"RUN!" yelled Zack and the quartet quickly fled the scene of the crime.
"Now on to other news. A small forest fire caught blaze at a local park. The fire is predicted to have been the result of this year's dry season and irresponsible campers who have been passing through the area for the past month. No word yet on who started the fire, though."
Freddy turned off the television and plopped down on the couch. Zack, Katie, and Summer did the same.
"Freddy, dear?"
"Quick, act normal," Freddy hissed to his friends.
They gave Freddy perplexed looks; normal was not a word that existed in the Jones' vocabulary.
"Oh, there you are, dear," Mrs. Jones made her way down the staircase. "Did you hear about the fire at the park? I was worried you might have gotten caught in it since you said you were going to the there."
"What fire?" Freddy asked, feigning confusion.
"A forest fire broke out in the woods a few hours ago," explained Mrs. Jones, her voice a little too light-hearted. "I don't suppose you four had anything to do with it?"
"No, we were just, you know, hanging out."
Mrs. Jones laughed. "I didn't think you did. But you know, you should go help out with the cleanup tomorrow, you know, since you don't have anything to do tomorrow."
Freddy made some rather vague noises in the back of his throat, trying to sound agreeable without actually committing to anything at the same time.
"I thought so," Mrs. Jones smiled sweetly. "Well, let me know if you need anything."
As soon as her footsteps faded and the door shut with a decisive click, Zack pounced on the same thing they were all thinking.
"She knows."
"Stupid mother intuition," grumbled Freddy.
"Well, I have to admit," Summer said to Katie, "there really isn't a dull day around the Jones' place..."
This chapter had a slightly clumsy construction. I wanted to do both the film and Freddy's narration at the same time, but it proved to be more difficult than I expected. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed this one—though it was a little tamer than the last one.
Katie turned out to be a bit more...sassier? Yes, sassier than expected. And Summer was a little bit meeker than usual. Sorry, guys, I'll work on it!
Any ideas, criticism, or comments?? Leave it in a review!
Sleepily yours,
Chikin Wang