Title: Now or Never

Author: dagnabit87

Show: Rookie Blue

Pairing: Gaily/Holly

Rating: Pg-13/T

Disclaimer: I do not own Rookie Blue or any or the Characters. They of course belong to the creators. I am using said characters to create my own little spin on the Rookie Blue world.

A/N: I'm overwhelmed by all of the support shown by those reading this story. For my first ever fiction I'm thrilled with your response. I hope you continue to enjoy :)

Now or Never

Chapter Four

Gail sat at the back of parade her mind playing over yesterday's events. She and Holly spent a very quiet evening together watching back to back episodes of America's Next Top Model. Not something that Gail would usually choose to watch but it was mindless entertainment and that's what she and Holly needed after the day's events. Holly has stuck to Gail like glue all evening curled up against the blonde's side on the sofa her head resting on Gail's chest the blonde's arm wrapped around the brunette's waist her other hand holding Holly's tightly.

Throughout the evening Holly had kept looking up at the blonde, a look of wonder on her face. Each time their eyes connected the brunette looked almost relieved and Gail couldn't help but berate herself for not realising sooner that something wasn't right with her…her, Holly. If only she had picked up on something, anything, sooner maybe she could have stopped the struggle that Holly was suffering through.

The sound of mumbled conversations and shuffling of feet draws Gail out of her inner musings as she realises that everyone is leaving the parade room. Gail is booked in to finish writing the pile of reports that has been steadily building on her desk over the past week and she's glad of it, she'll just be able to get her head down and work without having to worry about interacting with anyone else.

Striding through the hallway Gail avoids eye contact with those she passes hoping nobody diverts her into a mindless conversation. Just as she drops into her chair she hears someone pull up another beside her and sit down with a huff.

'Whatever it is I can't help y-' Gail cuts her sentence short when she looks up and realises that it's Traci who has slumped down in a chair beside her. The blonde's hardened gaze softening at the sight of her friend. 'Hi.' Gail sighs.

'Hey.' Traci returns. 'So stupid question but how's things?'

Gail takes the time to ponder her response not wanting to fob the detective off with a mindless answer. Traci stepped up for Holly yesterday, she came to support them both at a moment's notice, no questions asked so she deserves the truth. Holly had told Gail last night how calm Traci was with her on the drive over to Joanne's and that if it wasn't for the detective's calm approach to the situation Holly was worried she may have reacted in such a way that would have made things worse. Traci had kept her sane during the drive over.

'Things are okay.' Gail rubs at her eyes unable to mask the exhaustion of yesterday. 'Holly's okay considering. That's the most important thing. I just….' Gail trails off as she looks around making sure that there is nobody else within ear shot. She's pleased to see that everybody seems busy and no one is paying any attention to her and Traci. 'I just feel like I've let her down, Holly, I mean.' Gail concedes.

'You've let her down?' Traci questions a hint of surprise evident in her tone.

'If I'd have realised that she was so unhappy I could have helped her.'

'Come on.' Traci pulls Gail up from her chair and leads her into the women's locker room as the blonde's eyes begin to glisten. Traci grips Gail's forearm bringing her to sit down on the bench in the middle of the locker room. 'Gail this isn't your fault.'

'It is.' Traci looks at her incredulously. 'Of course it is. Isn't it obvious?' A lone tear tumbles down Gail's cheek the emotion of the last twenty four hours overwhelming her.

'Not to me.' Traci says softly.

'We should have been together Traci.' Gail cries. 'Ten months ago I kissed her.' Traci already knows all of this but instead of interrupting she sits quietly, a comforting hand resting on the blonde's knee, she lets Gail unload. 'If I hadn't have been such a coward we would be together now and she never would have met Joanne and none of this would have happened to her.'

'This isn't your fault, Gail.' Traci says the words with such conviction that it stops Gail dead and she almost believes it. 'The only person in charge of what Joanne did and the way she behaved was Joanne.' Gail runs her hand through short blonde hair and wipes at her cheeks with her sleeve. 'What happens now? Traci asks. 'You and Holly both know where each other stand now so….' Traci trails off looking at the blonde inquisitively.

Gail can't suppress the smile that graces her features. Traci is sure that the blonde's blue eyes actually sparkle. 'Yeah,' Gail rubs shyly at the back of her neck. 'She wants to be with me and she knows I want to be with her. More than anything. I don't know if she's ready though.'

'Are you?' Traci asks fairly certain that she already knows the answer but asking anyway.

'I'm more than ready. I'd be with her right now if I could. But for once I can't let things be all about me.' Gail says firmly. 'Holly has to come first now. This isn't about what I want, it's about what she needs.' Traci looks at the blonde with such pride, the detective has never experienced such assertiveness or maturity from the blonde when it comes to her personal life. 'What?' Gail asks shyly.

'Nothing.' Tracy shrugs. 'It's just little Peck is growing up.'

'Shut it Nash.' Gail laughs as she pushes gently at the detective. 'I'll pinch you.'

'And there she is.' Traci laughs the affection she feels for the blonde clearly evident in her eyes. 'So what happens now?' Traci asks once the laughing subsides and they've both settled into a comfortable silence.

'We take things slow I think. We need to talk about everything that happened. I think Holly maybe needs to unload you know?' Gail says leaning forwards her forearms resting on her thighs. 'I'm not going to jump back into a relationship with her, she needs time to sort her head out but when the time comes I'll be ready.'

'Ready?' Traci asks.

'Ready to show her what it means to be with Gail Peck.' Gail says smugly. 'But seriously, she deserves to be wooed. She deserves to feel special and when the time comes I'm going make sure that, that happens.'

'Well then I think Holly is one very lucky lady.'

Gail flushes at the detectives thoughtful words. 'I'm the lucky one.' Traci wraps a comforting arm around her friend's shoulders and pulls her into a hug.

The quiet beeping of Gail's phone interrupts the silence enveloping the room. Standing up from the bench Gail fishes her phone out of her trouser pocket. Immediately Traci knows who the message is from, the smile currently taking over Gail's face comes out very rarely and only ever for one person in particular. Holly.

'I guess that's my cue.' Traci says as she stand up from the bench straightening her shirt collar. 'I'll leave you to your….Holly. Be good Peck.' Traci winks at Gail before briskly departing the locker room leaving Gail alone with her phone.

A pale thumb runs across the screen as Gail reads and rereads Holly's message:

Come over tonight? We need to talk. And I want to see you, maybe, a little bit. Xx

Gail sighs softly. God, this women drives her crazy. Her fingers begin taping way at the screen:

'I'll come round straight after shift. I should be done by 7. I might want to see you a little bit as well. Xxx

Slipping her phone back deep into her pocket ensuring it's safe Gail makes her way out of the locker room an extra little bounce in her step.

Gail bounces nervously on the balls of her feet. She leans in towards the door and listens to Holly shuffling around on the other side. Her entire shift the blonde has been looking forward to this moment. Desperate to see the brunette again, to make sure she's okay, to make sure that she didn't dream up the way that Holly looked at her last night when they settled down side by side in the pathologists bed. Holly looked at Gail like she loved her.

Gail has made a promise to herself that she will take things slow and steady with Holly. In the past the blonde has rushed into relationships, relationships that were all wrong for her and she knows that if she'd just been a little more tentative, taken things at more of a gentle pace she would have realised that fact before anybody got hurt. With Holly it's different, Gail knows that if they take this second chance then things between them will work out forever she just wants to make sure that they do it right.

Gail hears the door latch flick open and the blonde melts on the spot at the sight that meets her. Holly smiles wearily her glasses have fallen crooked on her nose. Brunette hair is pulled up in a messy bun and her deep brown eyes look impossible sleepy. Adorable. The blonde's heart is throbbing with affection for the women before her.

'Hey you.' Gail smiles sweetly an action not usually associated with her. 'Did I wake you?'

'No, you didn't wake me.' Holly sleepily rubs at her eyes and smiles her signature lopsided grin as she stands aside to let Gail in. Gail raises her eyebrows at the brunette. 'Okay so maybe you did wake me but I needed to wake up anyway. I have an early start tomorrow and if I'd slept much longer it would have thrown my sleep patterns all out of wack. How's work been?' Holly asks as she shuts the door behind them and follows Gail into the living room.

'It was okay, a lot of paperwork today.' Gail shrugs not sure if she should say what she really wants to say. 'I thought about you a lot. I missed you.' She said it anyway and the smile she is rewarded with tells her that she has said the right thing.

'I missed you to.' Holly whispers taking Gail a little off guard when she closes the distance between them and wraps her arms around the blonde's neck breathing in deeply. 'We should probably talk.' Holly mutters clearing her throat as she untangles her arms and rests back against the sofa facing Holly. Gail mirrors the brunette's position shuffling forwards as close as she can until their knees are touching hoping that their proximity offers Holly some comfort.

'Only if you're ready.' Gail says sincerely. 'I don't want to put any pressure on you.'

'I want to tell you.' The brunette says nervously as she fiddles with a stray thread on her sleeve.

'Just take your time.'

Holly starts from the beginning trying not to miss anything out and Gail….Gail is perfect. She sits and listens patiently never once interrupting, just allowing Holly to talk, to express herself in whichever way she wants, in whichever way works for her. Holly tells Gail how great things were at first between her and Joanne. She tells the police officer about how attentive Joanne was in the beginning. She tells her that Joanne made her laugh, and that she found it so easy to talk to the lawyer. She doesn't let it show but Gail can't help but feel a little jealous that once upon a time Joanne made Holly happy when she couldn't.

'It was a few months in when things started to change.' Holly's voice catches in her throat. 'She always used to ask about how my day was, she was interested in what I'd been doing but then she started to want to know specifics, like who exactly I'd seen and where I'd been and for how long.' Gail rests her hand on Holly's knee in what she hopes is a comforting gesture. 'At first it wasn't too bad but then she started getting annoyed if she found out I'd been out with you. She'd sulk and it made me feel guilty.' Holly sighs in exasperation shaking her head in disbelief irritated at herself for not recognising the early signs.

'Guilty, why?' Gail asks.

Holly bites at her bottom lip anxiously and opens and closes her mouth a couple of time obviously contemplating her words before she finally speaks. 'I knew why I was wanting to spend time with you.' She looks up at the blonde from beneath her eyelashes. 'I wanted to be spending time with you more than someone who already had a girlfriend should.' Holly rests her cheek in the palm of her hand, her elbow propped up on the back of the sofa. 'She said I was neglecting her, neglecting our relationship. I just…'

'It's okay.' Gail lifts Holly knees to rest the brunette's legs on top of her own allowing the blonde to slide further along the sofa and pull Holly in close against her side hoping that the physical contact provides the brunette with the strength to keep going.

'She told me that I wasn't putting her first, that she was the one putting in all of the hard work.' Holly snuggles further into Gail's side. 'She said I was a tease and that I was leading her on.' Holly wipes the back of her hand across her cheek brushing away tears that are beginning to escape. 'She said that I was using her because I couldn't have you.' Gail flashes back to yesterday when Joanne told her that Holly would use her until something better came along. Gail knows that isn't true. 'I told her that it wasn't true.' Holly looks up into blue eyes scared of what she'll find but instead all she finds is tenderness and love. 'I lied to her. I think she knew. I started making more of an effort and things got better for a while but it didn't last long.'

Gail presses her lips to Holly's hair line as the brunette tells her about the first time Joanne physically hurt her. Holly had been so excited about getting her article published for the American Journal of Pathology and without thinking she had called Gail to share her good news and the blonde had promptly joined the pathologist for a drink at The Penny to celebrate.

'Joanne was working late on a case and I didn't want to drag her away from her team.' Holly sniffles. 'When I got home she was already there. She was drunk. She started asking me where I'd been. I didn't want to tell her.' Gail brings her free hand up to brush fallen locks of hair behind Holly's ear. 'She always got so mad when I mentioned you. I told her I was just with friends, that I was celebrating but she took one look at me and she knew. She hit me. Out of nowhere.'

Holly feels the blonde's body tense beneath her. Holly lifts her head and her heart breaks at the desolate look on Gail's face. She runs her nose along the blonde's jawline taking comfort from their closeness

'She started crying afterwards and she kept apologising. I didn't know what to do.' Holly whispers.

'She was manipulating you.' Gail hisses through gritted teeth. It's the first words she's spoken for a while and her voice sounds almost foreign to her.

'I know that. I think I knew that then. It's strange.' Holly sits back a little so that she is able to take in Gail's features. 'I never thought I'd be one of those women you know. You think that if it was happening to you that you'd realise and get out.'

'It wasn't your fault Holly.'

'I think I know that now. Some people go through so much worse than what I went through. I didn't have it that bad in comparison. She only hit me once, hurt me twice and the name calling I can put up with.' Holly desperately tries to reason.

'It was bad enough.' Gail interjects. The emotion in her voice undeniable. Holly lifts her head and takes in Gail's sullen expression. 'It doesn't matter if she hit you once or ten times.' Gail can hear her voice rising and has to work hard to keep herself calm. 'It doesn't matter if she called you names once or a million times.' The blonde brings her hand up to wrap around the back of Holly's neck brushing her thumb across the loose hairs that lay there. 'You didn't deserve it. Nobody does. It shouldn't have happened.'

'Gail.' Holly whispers as she brushes away the tears that Gail didn't know were falling with the pads of her thumbs.

'Sorry.' Gail shakes her head in frustration. 'This isn't about me.'

'You care about me.' Holly says shyly.

Blue eyes glimmer as her gaze trails across the brunette's perfect face. 'More than anything in the whole world.' Gail says and Holly believes her every word. Leaning in the brunette brushes the tip of her nose against Gail's.

'Why didn't you tell me?' Holly asks her eyes flutter closed as she rests her forehead against Gail's. The blonde holds her breathe for a few moments not expecting Holly to ask that question. For a split second Gail wants to run but the way Holly is looking at her quickly removes that thought from her mind. Holly has been honest with the blonde today and she deserves to have the favour returned no matter how uncomfortable it makes the police officer.

'I was a coward.' Gail falls back against the sofa and runs her hand over tired eyes. 'I felt out of control with you. You did something to me, you made me feel something that I've never felt before.'

'What did I make you feel?' The brunette asks coyly.

Gail shrugs. 'You know…' Feeling like a teenager again Gail looks down at her lap trying to hide her nerves from the brunette her fingers fiddling with the ring on her left hand drawing attention to her feelings of anxiety. 'You scared me.' Gail sighs. 'I felt myself doing things that I didn't normally do. The batting cages for one.' Holly chuckles softly at the memory of Gail's failed attempt at taking part in sport. 'I can enjoy myself when I'm with you without getting drunk. You make me laugh.' Gail shakes her head gently as she looks back at Holly. 'When something good happened at work my first instinct is be to call you. Or if I see something funny. Sometimes I find myself just thinking about you.' Gail pauses for thought. She's never opened up this much to anyone, not ever and from the look in Holly's eyes Gail knows how much her opening up, finally, means to the brunette. 'Not thinking about you doing anything particularly special. Just you smiling or laughing, just something like that. I know it sounds cheesy but-'

Holly interjects quickly. 'It's not cheesy. I felt-no feel,' Holly corrects herself, 'the exact same way. There was a part of me that always clung on to the hope that maybe you felt something for me. I always felt like we had this real connection and I couldn't believe that I was the only one who felt it.'

'I felt it.' Gail admits even though that much is already obvious.

Holly blushes as her face breaks out into a huge yawn. She feels like she hasn't slept for days even though she has spent most of today alternating between napping and going over and over in her head everything that had happened with Joanne.

'I think I'm going to talk to someone.' Holly says. 'Someone neutral you know.'

'I think that's a good idea. It might be good to talk to someone who-'

'What about us?' Gail halts at Holly's sudden interjection. This game of verbal ping pong has her head in a spin. 'We both want this.' The brunette looks at Gail her eyes full of hope but the blonde catches the little glimmer of doubt that still resides in Holly's gaze.

'I want this.' Gail runs her thumb along Holly's bottom lip as the brunette breaks out into a lopsided grin. 'I want to do this right though and that means I'm going to be taking you out on dates.' Holly smiles brightly. 'I'm going to woo you Stewart.'

'I don't think that's necessary.' Holly giggles giving the blonde heart palpitations.

'Well it's happening, necessary or not. We're taking this slow.' Gail says. 'We aren't rushing this,' the blonde feels her body flood with warmth as Holly nuzzles her cheek into the palm of her hand. 'I want to be everything you need, everything you deserve.'

'Gail….' Holly sighs dreamily.

'So first things first,' Gail kicks her heels up onto the coffee table that sits on the plush rug in the centre of the room, 'I know you've been marathoning reruns of Jersey Shore so let's get to it Stewart.'

Holly can't help but press her lips against Gail's cheek holding them against alabaster skin for a moment or two longer than necessary. She pulls back and grins sweetly as Gail sneaks a look at the brunette from the corner of her eye.

'What did I say about going slow Dr. Stewart?' Holly doesn't respond with words instead she rests against the blonde lifting Gail's arms to wrap around her own shoulders cuddling up close feeling safe for the first time in a long time.

The familiar sound of the Jersey Shore opening credits filters through the television but Gail isn't really watching, she presses her nose into Holly's hair and breathes in deeply, her thumb rubs absent-mindedly across the brunette's injured wrist subconsciously trying to brush away the pain that Holly has felt.

This is definitely love.

I'm expecting this story to be no more than ten parts, just to keep you in the loop.