Chapter Four

Images floated through his head: a gun being raised, a shot fired, a dead CSI, a young Holly Gribbs lying dead at a crime scene. Next image: a gun being raised, a shot fired, an alley, Warrick's body dangling from his car. The next image, the most familiar image: a hotel room, a frightened young woman sitting on the bed, and the man holding the gun, Willie Cutler, a man whose name he'd never forget. The gun was pointed at him, and suddenly it wasn't. He was watching from the side. The gun was pointed at Gil as Gil calmly tried to negotiate with Cutler. Then, Gil disappeared and the gun was pointed at Catherine. Her stance was defiant, daring Cutler to shoot, giving Cutler a look that said, "Go ahead, you don't have the balls." Cutler never shot; Catherine disappeared. Then, Nick took Catherine's place, and he could see the tears in the young CSI's eyes, pleading for his life. The images kept flashing, repeating earlier scenes, mixing in more scenes of other people he had once been responsible for. Suddenly the gun fired. He looked down. He held the smoking gun. He let the gun drop as the next image assaulted his mind: a young officer Bell fell to the ground before him.

Brass was jolted awake. He quickly sat up and ran his hand over his face. He took a deep breath and tried to slow his breathing. He looked at the clock and cursed. He wasn't accustomed to nightmares. He had learned long ago to let things go. Years on the job had hardened him. While he still remembered the mistakes he had made, he never held onto them. He had never had trouble sleeping. He looked around the dark room and wiped the sweat from his brow. The nightmare he just experienced unsettled him.

He tossed and turned but failed in his attempt to fall asleep again. He decided to get a drink from the kitchen. Thinking scotch might calm his nerves, he poured himself a shot and let the amber liquid ease down his throat. He placed the glass in his sink and looked around the dark house. He wondered why he had chosen to come home rather than taking Catherine up on her offer for breakfast. After initially accepting, he phoned back and told Catherine he decided to sleep instead. He realized that was a mistake. Drinking the rest of the scotch, he dressed and grabbed his keys.

Catherine smiled at him as she opened the door. "Jim, you decided to come after all."

He returned the smile with a smirk. "I know I missed breakfast, but I was hoping I'd be in time for lunch." He watched as she opened the door wide for him to enter. He walked into the house and made his way into the living room, taking a seat next to Nick on the couch. "Where's young Greg?"

Catherine left the room leaving Nick to answer. "Sleeping in Lindsay's room. He needed a nap."

"Oh. Where's Lindsay?"

"She went for groceries with Lily."

Brass leaned back against the sofa and closed his eyes. He heard a noise and reopened them. Greg was stumbling sleepily into the living room with Catherine following. Greg grabbed a pillow from the sofa and lay down on the floor. Catherine took a seat on her recliner chair.

"Jim, do you know what's going on with Warrick's investigation?"

He shook his head. "Things are really tense at PD right now. Everyone has been uneasy since the shooter disappeared right under their noses. I think they realize the shooter could be a cop."

"Nick, what did you see?"

"It was confusing. Cops were going everywhere. All I saw was Warrick."

Brass nodded. "That is what everyone is saying; it was confusing. It could be anyone. Grissom asked Ecklie to try to keep the investigation quiet, but every cop who was at the diner knows something is going on."

He watched Catherine as she shook her head. "Has it hit the media yet?"

"You haven't heard?" He looked at the three sets of eyes watching him intently. They shook their heads. "You may not want to hear this."

Nick faced him and stared him down, eyes alight. "Hear what Brass? We want to know what's going on. We haven't heard a damn thing."

He sighed. "The media isn't painting Warrick as a fallen CSI. Instead, they've painted him as a former CSI, recently released from police custody after being suspected in the murder of Lou Gedda. They stated the Warrick was murdered in an alley shortly after his release. They've made it sound like Warrick was involved in Gedda's murder and was killed in order to silence him, old Vegas, old mob style execution. The media got wind of the passenger window being open, suggesting that he knew his killer."

Nick jumped off the couch and raised his fist. Brass jumped off after him and caught Nick's arm. He shoved Nick back onto the couch. "Calm down, Cowboy. Look at your hand. Remember the last time you hit something?"

"This is bullshit. Warrick wasn't charged. He wasn't involved. How dare they release that story? Warrick deserves more respect than that."

"You know how the media paints things, Nick. They are trying to increase their ratings and it's Vegas, the exploitation is always worse here."

"I don't care. It's not right. Warrick was a good man."

Brass tried to think of something to say but came up empty. He agreed with Nick; it was bullshit. He opened his mouth to speak, but closed it as he saw Catherine move from the chair to sit next to Nick. She squeezed Nick's shoulder. "We know he was, Nick." Relieved that she had stepped in, Brass smiled down at her. She looked up at him and glared. "Has Grissom torn into the news stations yet?"

He shook his head. "I don't know. I don't think he's heard."

"Greg said he left shift early."

Brass sat down in the chair Catherine had vacated. "He did. I sent him home."

Greg sat up and grumbled from the floor. "Like he actually listened to you."

"For once he did."

He heard Greg mumble something under his breath. Then, Greg looked straight at him. "Brass, where's Sara?"

"I don't know Greg."

"When did she get back?"

"I don't know."

"Is she with Grissom?"

"Greg, I don't know."

"She should be here with us."

"Enough." He glared down at Greg. "If she was ready to see you Greg, she'd call; she'd be here. Until then, deal with it." He turned and looked at Catherine. "I'm sure Grissom will deal with media as soon as he finds out. Until then, you'll have to sit on it."

Catherine glared at him. "I'll tear into them first."

"I'm with you Cath."

Brass sighed and attempted to joke them out of their idea. "Great, we'll all tear into them together. We can make a game of it. Until then, can we just, I don't know, cool down?"

They stared at him. He was glad when he heard the front door open. He peeked into the kitchen where Lily and Lindsay were unloading groceries. "At least long enough to eat?"

Catherine smiled at him. "Why not? I can't tear into anyone on an empty stomach anyways."

Sara opened her eyes and was momentarily confused by the weight across her back. She turned her head, looked to the other side of the bed and saw Grissom laying next to her with his arm slung across her back. She vaguely remembered curling into his arms earlier that morning. She shifted to face him. The movement under his arm caused Grissom to stir. She stared at him as she watched his eyes flutter open and shut. He rubbed his thumb and index finger over his eyes and the bridge of his nose before looking back at her. "Hey." He ran his hand through his hair. "I'm sorry…I didn't mean to fall asleep here…I shouldn't have…not after yesterday."

Sara put her finger to his lips. "Don't." She smiled softly. "I missed waking up to you."

"Sara, I'm sorry."

Sara gazed at him and ran her hand down his arm. "Where are we?" She watched him sigh.

"I don't know. I'd like to think that we're okay, but after the way I acted yesterday, I don't know if we are." He sighed again and grasped her hand. "Sara, I never blamed you. I blamed myself. I was feeling so damn guilty and angry and I took it out on you. After everything that happened, I'm actually relieved you left all those months ago."

"Yesterday, when you said those things…"

She felt the words build up inside her and she knew she was about to rattle on. Grissom stopped her. "Sara, did you know that out off all of us, you and Warrick were the most alike?"

She raised her eyebrows. "Me and Warrick?"

"Yeah, for the most part. I mean you and I are the most alike socially and intellectually, but I think you and Warrick are the most alike emotionally. You both shared the same intensity. It was scary at times. You both had the most potential, and consequently, the most to lose. After Warrick died, I realized that you could have, very easily, gone down the same path. You could have became obsessed with catching Hanna West, but you stopped yourself. You knew that the next case, or the case after that could completely undo you. You let it go. I am so proud that you were able to let it go. You faced so many things that could have destroyed you, but you moved past them. Leaving may have saved you."

"You were so angry."

"Sara, I was angry at myself. I should have been there for Warrick but all I could think about was how you left me. I felt like Warrick didn't have a right to fall apart while I had to hold it all together. I knew he was getting a divorce and I felt like he wanted to lean on me because he felt like we were going through the same thing and all I could think about was how dare he, how could he compare that hasty loveless marriage he got himself involved in with what you and I shared."

"Gil, he loved her."

"I know. I just never believed he was really in love with her. I think he was seeking stability more than anything. I guess when they divorced, he lost his stability."

Sara sighed and placed her hand on his cheek. She spoke softly. "You grew the beard back."

"Yeah."

She took a deep breath. "Gil, I was thinking about everything you said yesterday…"

"Sara," he interrupted her.

"Wait, let me finish. I thought about what I said to you and what you said to me and you were right. I shouldn't have said it was your fault we took so long to come together. You were right; we weren't ready yet."

She watched his mouth form a half smile. He looked down at his hand as it ran down her arm. "And now?"

Sara peeked down to meet his eyes. "I love you Gil. I'm ready to spend the rest of my life with you."

Grissom's smile grew larger. His hand came up and smoothed her hair. "Me too."

Sara sighed and continued to stroke his cheek. "And you were right when you said that I shouldn't have left the way I did. I should have talked it out with you, but I was scared and I took the cowards way out. And you were right when you said I was afraid of rejection. Part of me feared you wouldn't want to deal with a broken down me, or you'd be so angry at me leaving that you'd tell me to get the hell out of your life. I was afraid you wouldn't understand, even though I knew you would. I thought if I left you with that note and you didn't understand, then at least I wouldn't have to see your face. I'm so sorry."

Grissom moved closer to Sara and squeezed onto her hand. "Sara, when I read the letter, I knew how hard it was for you. I knew how hard you were fighting. I would have stood by you through anything. I would have let you go because I want you to be happy, more than anything. If you had asked me to come, I would have done that too. That was how I initially knew I was ready for a relationship with you. I began thinking about you more than about me. I was ready to do anything to make you happy. And I knew you were ready for a relationship with me when you let me go."

Tears welled up in Sara's eyes. She closed them and felt Grissom brush the tears away. Grissom continued speaking softly. "The only part of the letter I had a problem with was the goodbye. I felt like I'd never see you again. It was so final. It was heart breaking. I can't say goodbye to you."

She smiled. "Yeah, I kind of got that from the frantic phone call."

He smiled softly. "Sara, whatever you have to do, wherever you have to go, please, just don't say goodbye."

Sara let the tears slide down her cheek. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For being you."

He smiled and sat up. "Come on, we should eat. I haven't had anything to eat since early yesterday morning and I'm willing to bet you haven't either." He pulled her up off the bed and she followed him into the kitchen.

Sara grabbed an orange from the fruit bowl and sat down at the table, peeling the orange. Grissom sat across from her. "Catherine and Brass both know you're here. I'm willing to bet that the rest of the team does too by now."

Sara stopped peeling and looked up at him. She was frozen in her spot. "Oh?"

"Do you think you're ready to see them yet?"

"I…I don't know. I don't know what to say to them."

"I don't think you'll have to worry about that. If they ask you questions, you can choose to answer the ones you want. I'll be right here for support or to deflect any questions away."

Sara smiled. "Maybe tomorrow?"

"Sure. What do you want to do today?"

She grinned. "I want to spent the day with you."

Grissom flipped on the TV to listen to the news as he cleaned the kitchen. He saw Sara frozen in the doorway, staring at the TV screen. "Sara?"

"Gil, come here."

He walked to the doorway and stood beside her. He watched the news silently as it ran the story on Warrick. As the story continued, Grissom found himself moving into the living room to sit. When it was finished, he closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Gil?"

Grissom opened his eyes and saw Sara kneeling in front of him. Her hands came to rest of his knees. "Sara, I have to go to the lab."

Sara nodded. "I'll finish cleaning up the kitchen. You go have a shower and get dressed."

He nodded before heading towards the bathroom. Twenty minutes later, he entered the living room and found Sara sitting on the sofa. "Hey. I'm ready to go. Do you want to come with me?" She shook her head. "Okay." He smiled at her. "Stay here, have a bath, relax. I'll try to be back soon." Sara stood up and walked him to the door. He turned and looked at her. "Sara, please don't go anywhere."

"I'll be right here when you get back."

He placed a soft kiss on her cheek and walked out the door. "I'll see you later."

Grissom arrived at the lab and stormed into Ecklie's office. Surprised, Ecklie looked up at him. "Grissom, I'm glad you're here, thought I didn't care for the entry. You need to control your team."

"You need to control what information hits the news. That story they ran was completely irresponsible. Now, what about my team?" Grissom sit down and stared across the desk at Ecklie.

"Willows and Stokes phoned a couple of the news stations and shot their mouths off over the story. You need to make sure they know they aren't to talk to the media and that I will handle it. I should suspend them and I would if it weren't for the circumstances."

Grissom was shocked as he listened to Ecklie rattle on. "I'll take care of them."

"Good. Let me do my job."

He leaned forward and sighed. "How did that story get on the news?"

"I don't know. There must be a leak. They have details. They know Warrick was shot at close range. They know the passenger side window was open."

"Conrad, you need to keep this quiet and find the leak."

Ecklie leaned back in his chair. "You need to keep your CSIs quiet before they make matters worse. I don't think I need to remind you of what we are dealing with."

"I'll head to Catherine's and speak to her as soon as I leave here."

"Anything else?"

"Find anything new?"

"No. We couldn't trace the gun. We're looking back through the Gedda case to see if we can find anything there."

"Great." His voice dripped with sarcasm. He stood to leave.

"Gil, about Warrick's memorial service…"

Grissom turned back and looked down at Ecklie. "Yes, when is it?"

"I don't know. As of right now, the county is refusing to pay for it. They are treating him like a murdered man rather than a CSI. Apparently all the bad press…"

He leveled a gaze at Ecklie. "Conrad, that's completely unacceptable. Warrick was a good man and a good criminalist. He doesn't have any family. His grandmother raised him and she passed away a few years ago. The county has to pay for the burial. Warrick deserves a respectable funeral."

"I'll see what I can do." Grissom nodded. "Gil, when you talk to your team, let them know they have the next few nights off, but they'll be on call. Swing and Days will try to cover Grave."

Grissom left the lab and drove to Catherine's. He was furious by the time he approached the house. He walked up the steps and brazenly knocked on the door. Catherine opened it and indicated for him to enter. "Grissom? Come in."

He walked into the kitchen and found Nick and Greg sitting at the table. "Good, you're all here. Now you can explain to me what the hell you were thinking when you decided to phone the local news stations."

"Grissom, they presented a story that was completely untrue."

Grissom looked down at Nick and narrowed his eyes. "Nick, what happened the last time you opened your mouth to the media?" Nick was silent. Grissom continued, "Look, I know you are angry and I know the story is bad, but tipping off the media to the fact we are looking internally would be much worse. Do you want to compromise the investigation? Do you want to tip off the high powered mole in the department? Control your emotions and let Ecklie handle the media."

Catherine narrowed her gaze at him from her spot beside him. "What about your emotions Grissom? Where's Sara?"

Grissom ignored her and turned to the door. Greg's voice stopped him. "What did you do to Sara now, Grissom?"

He spun around and looked at Greg. "Greg, what goes on between Sara and me is none of your business. Remember that in the future." He turned to Nick. "What about you, do you have anything to say? I haven't heard from you on the subject." Nick shook his head. "Good." He looked at Nick and Catherine. "You two know better than that talk to the media. I expected more out of you. Ecklie almost suspended you. As for now, we all have the next few nights off, on call. I would like it if you came for breakfast tomorrow and we could discuss a few things." He turned and walked to the door.

He reached the door and realized that Catherine had followed. "Gil, I'm sorry. We'll all be there tomorrow."

"Good."

"What about Sara? Will she be there?"

"That is up to Sara." He walked out the door and got into his car.

Three hours had passed since he left his place. He opened his front door and watched as Sara rushed into the room and stopped before him. "Hey, you're back. You were gone quite awhile."

He remained quiet as he took off his shoes. He looked into Sara's eyes. She smiled softly at him. "Are you okay?"

He nodded and stepped towards her. He lifted his hand and brought it under her hair to the back of her neck. He drew her body towards his and rested his other hand on the small of her back. He felt her head fall to his shoulder and her arms snake up under his and rest on his back. He pulled her closer and held her in the doorway.