For a week solid Balder makes certain to fill up every waking hour of Loki's day with his presence. Thor knows Balder is doing it just for spite. He is right. Balder is angry with Thor. How dare his little brother lust for that which belongs to him? The traitor! Balder is the future King of Asgard, not Thor! Every time all three are together Balder makes a point to put his arm around Loki's waist and pull him close like a dog pissing on its territory.
Loki knows the brothers are fighting and that Balder is making Thor jealous on purpose. He says nothing however, as Balder is his future husband and ultimately he must find a way to make this union work. It is on a picnic out in the middle of a colorful flowery field that Loki asks Balder about his relationship with his brother.
"You and Thor remind me of my brothers back home. We never got along." Loki says. Balder is surprised by the statement. Thor and Balder have always gotten along, until recently.
"We've been fighting lately. Normally we are not so at odds with one another. Jealousy has never been a problem between us before." Balder says, avoiding the specific reason as to why they are jealous of one another at the moment. Loki doesn't have to ask, he knows, but he feigns ignorance and avoids that line of questioning. He stays silent, urging Balder to continue on his own.
"Being the first born, I've always known that the responsibilities of the crown would fall on my head. But Thor was blessed with Power of Thunder and the Gift of Mjolnir. Though he'll never be king he is powerful, respected, and beloved in his own right. He has never felt less than me or jealous of my position as heir, at least outwardly. Lately all we seem to do is goad each other." Balder says, leaving out the obvious 'because of you'.
"Brothers will quarrel from time to time. It is an inevitability. You and Thor will recover in time, once things have calmed down a little." Loki says. Once the wedding is over and Thor's hope is slain. Balder smiles encouragingly at Loki.
"I hope you are right. You are a good friend Loki." Balder says. He means it. Loki is a good listener and they have much in common. They have a love of learning. Loki makes Balder laugh. He does things like use his magic to turn sticks into giant stickbugs that take flight and leave a rainbow of color on the wind behind them. He even pulls pranks on Balder, staining his teeth black with tea he makes. In this moment when the air is still and the conversation is ending Balder's instinct to kiss Loki rises…and then passes without it happening. He resists, he supposes because it is expected of him. It is his own little form of rebellion. He tells himself he is respecting Loki's virtue. Loki tells himself the same. Surely Balder wants to kiss him.
Another romantic day ends and the two head back to the palace for the evening meal, where Thor does everything in his power to steal away Loki's attentions for the entire evening. He tells stories of the battles in which he has fought, making dramatic prose to describe the epic events. Loki loves it. If only Thor could read to him his favorite bedtime story every night with the same vigor. Loki watches Thor speak. Like him he has a carefree spirit and Loki can't help but wonder if Thor would have the same personality if he had been the first born and heir. Loki never thought his worthless runt life would ever amount to anything until his father realized he was the perfect size to arrange a political marriage with their biggest threat. After a lifetime of being told he was a worthless burden, Laufey had finally found a use for him.
Loki's heart aches to look at Thor, but he forces his eyes to look away and pay attention to the man that will be his husband. Balder is quickly becoming a good friend. It is not love like he hoped for, nor is it passion like what he feels when he looks at Thor, but it is something upon which a foundation can be built. Loki grabs ahold of his desires and stuffs them down deep. He cannot succumb to temptation nor can he keep tormenting himself. He quietly decides to put Thor away inside his heart.
The evening meal ends like it does every night and Balder escorts Loki back to his chambers. The thunder rolls as he watches them go, his heart growing sicker by the day.
XxXxXxXxXx
"Thor! For the love of the Norns either get your emotions under control or tell us what is wrong! You are going to flood our camp site!" Fandral admonishes his friend. It has been two months since the bathhouse incident. Loki and Balder have spent every waking moment together alone, as they are expected to do. It bothers Thor that Balder is spending so much time alone with Loki. Though they are engaged to be married Thor's blood boils every time he imagines his brother caressing Loki's skin the way he wishes to. Have they kissed? Have they done….other things? Thunder booms overhead. Balder has been taking Loki horseback riding in the country, shopping in the market, and reading poetry to him in the library. Thor couldn't take it anymore. His friends couldn't take it either.
Sif and The Warriors Three don't know what is wrong with Thor, but they know his moods and have drug him off on a hunting trip to quench his bloodlust and hopefully make him talk.
"Thor! Enough. Tell us now! What is wrong!" Sif orders her prince to speak.
"I'm in love with Loki." Thor lets the words tumble out. The rain lets up as the four friends look at each other, trying to find the right words for this situation. "Balder doesn't want Loki, and Loki…I don't even know how he feels. I don't know if he returns my affections or if he is falling in love with Balder as he is meant to do. I watch them together and it feels as if I'm dying inside. I don't know what to do." Thor confesses as a tear escapes his left eye.
Fandral is the first to chime in. "Thor. How much time have you spent with Loki?" Fandral asks him.
"Very little. Loki spends most of his time with Balder." Thor says.
"And how much do you know about Loki? Really?" Fandral asks him.
"I know much about him. He is the second born son of King Lau…" Thor is cut off by Fandral.
"No! I mean KNOW about him. Not the official stuff you've been told, but the little things. How well to do you really know Loki? Like his favorite color? What is it?" Fandral asks.
"Green. I can tell by the clothes he wears. It is a specific shade of green, a deep emerald. Loki loves red roses and lavender but he hates reading about botany, or at least listening to it. Balder has bored Loki to sleep a couple of times talking about the subject. Loki's favorite food here in Asgard is stewed rabbit. He eats a bowl of it every night despite other offerings. He loves to play. He has a naughty wicked nature and when he pulls the wool over someone's eyes his smile shines like the sun. He is a beautiful mischief maker." Thor finishes. Fandral had not expected such an in depth response.
"I take it you have taken up a new hobby of stalking your brother and his paramour like you stalk prey." Fandral says.
"Loki is not his paramour! They have not….." Thor voice catches. He cannot finish the thought.
"And neither will you. Thor, Loki is Balder's future husband. It is he that Loki will lay with every night and birth children to, not you. You are infatuated. That is all. What you need is a good rutting to quench your appetite." Sif says.
"Loki is the only one I hunger for." Thor says.
"You lust for him. You are not in love with him. Despite what you know or think you know about Loki you are not the one courting him. Balder on the other hand is your brother, whom I know you would never betray, but you are in danger of doing so if you do not let go this course of thinking. If you continue on this path it will lead to your destruction and possibly Asgard's as well." Fandral says.
"Balder doesn't even want him!" Thor complains like a child.
"It does not matter Thor! The treaty between our realms is very precarious. Laufey will accept nothing less than the heir to the throne as Loki's mate. A marriage to a second son will not appease him. Either Loki becomes our queen or our peoples go to war." Volstagg lectures him.
"I KNOW!" Thor roars in anger. Fandral grabs Thor's bicep and hoists his friend up from the ground.
"You are coming with me and we are taking care of this now." Fandral says in a low serious voice. Fandral is usually carefree and lighthearted but when it comes to women and matters of the heart Fandral is very experienced and he is taking charge of Thor, who has lost his control and sense of propriety. Fandral makes Thor mount his horse and the men ride together into town. Thor doesn't know where they are going but he can guess. Fandral leads him to a whore house and drops and hefty gold coin with the matron.
"Someone with long black hair and lithe thin frame." Fandral orders like he is ordering a mug of ale. A pretty slender woman steps forth from the parlor and takes Thor by the hand and leads him upstairs. Thor doesn't look her in the eyes and she can tell from her years of experience that the ones that don't want to touch her are usually in love and are broken hearted. She knows not to speak when in the presence of such broken men. In such rare situations she is needed, but not wanted. She undresses him and then herself and leads him to the bed like a child. She gets on all fours so he can't see her face. She knows he'll be imagining someone else. Someone he can't have.
He ruts her with his eyes closed, fucking her violently as the tears fall from his eyes. He leaves feeling filthy, bitter, and empty. It didn't work. Thor comes back downstairs and Fandral knows the moment that he sees Thor's face he has made a terrible mistake bringing him here. Far from satisfying his desires he has fueled them and amplified them. Dread curls in Fandral's gut as the men leave to head back to camp. Fandral knows that will follow on the morrow is a matter of fate, a course unchangeable by anyone.