Dan's POV:

"How much do you want to bet that they're back there judging us?" I asked as I opened the door to my flat, stepping to the side so she could walk in around me.
She stepped into the flat and looked around for a few seconds before turning to look at me again. "I feel like I've already been in here because I watch your videos like a stalker," she grinned. "Nice place!" she held her hands up and gave me 2 thumbs up.
"Oh no," I laughed. "You're never going to let me live that down are you?" I asked as I shut the door. "Thank you though, for the thumbs up-" I paused, shooting her a goofy smile and giving her two thumbs up, "- and for watching my videos."
"No!" she laughed. "I actually wasn't meaning to sound like I was talking about you being a giant dickhead earlier. I'm flat out admitting to stalking your videos," she shrugged. "But, I will definitely be using you being a total twat to my advantage if we hang out after tonight. Like if I'm super hungry but also super lazy. Moments like that. Cause if you don't want to get me some food I'll just pout and be like 'But Daaaan, you made me sad'." She tilted her head to the side and poked her bottom lip out.
"I see how it is! First you insult me with my own insults, and now you're using my pouty face on me?" I shook my head, which caused my hair to fall even further over my left eye. "Fair enough, I suppose. But you do know that I am probably the laziest person in the world, right?" I asked her as I sat down on the arm of the couch. "See, I can't even stand longer than sixty seconds."
"Damn," she pretended to wince and gave me a look of sympathy. "You must be a really, really terrible lay if you're so lazy."
I couldn't stop the laughter the rang from my mouth like a symphony of fucking giggles. Did she really just say that? Like, what the fuck. I say shit like that... "That's a completely horrible judgement to place on me, Whiskers! Yes, your new name is Whiskers. But I digress, the one place I'm not lazy, is in the throws. Just so you know."
"In the throws," she imitated me while wiggling her eyebrows. "And what the fuck kind of name is Whiskers? I'm not an actual cat. I have no hair on my body that shouldn't be there and would be whisker-like," she tilted her head and furrowed her eyebrows. "That sounded a bit weird and wrong in my head."
"Oh it sounded even worse out loud." I nodded, trying to look serious, but failed and started laughing. "Actually, Whiskers-" I began as I stood up, "You do have whiskers. Remember? I drew them on you." I nodded as I tapped the tip of her nose. "Don't worry though, they're flattering. All I've got to do now is make you purr."
Her mouth fell open and her eyes got huge. "I-" she began and closed her mouth before opening it again. "I-I honestly cannot believe you just said that," she laughed. "I'm not sure of how I should react. But, I think that if you said that to any of your hardcore Dan fans, you might get raped. Just so you know."
"Mission accomplished!" I threw my arms out to my sides. "I was trying to say something that would baffle you. I thought it was going to be impossible, but now that I know how to do it..." I smirked and moved around her, walking backwards into the kitchen. "I know, trust me, I know. That's why I don't say shit like that to just anyone. I mean you could try to rape me, but I've got at least a foot on you, so I don't see it happening."
She put her hands on her hips and grinned at me. "Are you attempting to make me try to rape you, sir?" she asked, speaking with my accent instead of her own.
"Like I would answer that question, honestly, har." I said back to her, using her accent; or, a very horrible version of it. My American accent was complete shit, let alone one that sounded like Sookie.
She facepalmed herself and shook her head. "Dear God, Dan. We have got to do something about that fucking horrible American accent of yours. Especially when you attempt to sound like me."
"I should probably take lessons from Phil. He's quite good at imitating Sookie from Trueblood." I laughed as I opened up the refrigerator. "D'you want anything to drink?"
"No thank you," she replied as she began wandering towards the living room area. "This is where the magic happens," she said, holding her arms out and spinning in a circle. "Well, some of it. The Super Amazing Project videos are always in here though. Oh my God. Shut up, Cat. Shut the fuck up."
I came back into the living room holding two beers even though she said she didn't want one. I went to hand her one but quickly yanked my warm back. "Hold on, are you at least eighteen?" I asked before laughing at her comment. "No, don't shut up, it's funny, and always good to hear. If you didn't watch my videos, I literally wouldn't be standing here right now."
"Are you serious right now?" she asked with her arm extended to get the beer. "I'm 24 years old. I'm older than you," she laughed. "Give me my beer, please," she said while opening and closing her hand like it was going to magically fly from my hand to hers. "But even if you didn't make videos I probably would've seen you in the building and been like 'Oh hey he's totally-'-" she stopped speaking abruptly and laughed. "Beer please?"
Holy Hell! She's 24? What the fuck? She didn't look it at all. She looked younger than I did, and I looked pretty damn young. "Ah-ah," I shook my head. "Hey he's totally, what, exactly?" I asked, my brow raised eye causing my forehead to wrinkle up. "Secrets don't make friends, you know. And honestly, if I didn't make videos, I would still be in Manchester at uni contemplating suicide."
"He's totally majestic," she grinned as she reached out and petted the side of my head. "Majestic haaaaair."
I blinked a few times before laughing and lowering my arm so she could take the beer from my hand. "There you go," I patted the top of her head. "You definitely need that. Especially if you're calling me bloody majestic." I imitated her accent with the last word as I moved around her and sat down on the couch.
"Thank you very much!" she said after taking the beer from me. She walked over and sat down next to me with her legs curled under herself and turned towards me. "I can't believe I'm sitting in your apartment. I don't even care that that's a fangirly thing to say. You're lucky that you were a dick to me when we met because I'm not entirely sure that I would have been able to contain the strong urge to squeal like a cracked out 13 year old Bieber fan."
I laughed as I nestled into the corner of the couch and put my feet on the small table in front of me. "I've heard a lot worse, and I mean a lot worse." I said seriously, nodding my head, almost getting horrible flashbacks of some of the things people have said and done to me. "At least you aren't actually a 13 year old. I appreciate them, I do.. But I can't remember being that horny at 13.. Okay, so I can, but still." I grimaced then laughed. "The Phans are a different breed, that's for sure."
She took a sip of her beer and laughed before speaking. "Dude, I know that I was that horny when I was 13 but when I was 13 I didn't have a fucking internet connection or an IPhone or orgasmic youtubers to watch all day and night."
"Are you saying that this is my fault then?" I asked, obviously joking. "Well I guess when you've got all this sex appeal-" I paused flashed my hand down my torso "- people just don't know what to do with themselves." I sniggered. "Seriously though, when I was thirteen, I had Britney Spears and a Nokia. My how times have changed."
"Dan, are you telling me that you jacked off to Britney Spears photos while holding your Nokia to light up the magazine her photos were in?" she asked with a completely serious expression.

I nodded, an equally serious look on my face. "Yes, Cat, that is exactly what I'm telling you. Sad isn't it? But her bloody pigtails were so sexual." I rubbed my left nipple, crossed my eyes, and stuck my tongue out of my mouth in the most unattractive manner possible.

"Oh, for fucksakes, Dan!" she said while throwing her left hand in the air. "Now I've ruined my damn panties. They are completely drenched because of how super duper sexy that was. I have lost the ability to can."

"I know." I shook my head slowly. "Number one panty destroyer, right here baby." I winked creepily before taking a sip of my beer. "Please don't leave a wet spot on the couch. Phil's already wanked off on it more than enough times."

She was taking a sip of her beer and nearly spit it out everywhere but managed to swallow it before laughing. "Oh shit. I was not expecting that. I don't even think I can imagine Phil wanking it. He's so sweet and innocent and I just wanna cuddle him," she said as she wrapped her arms around herself like she was attempting to cuddle herself.

"It's not a very pretty sight." I shook my head. I was talking out of my ass, because I hadn't ever seen him wank; I really just liked giving him a hard time, even if he wasn't around to hear it. "And don't let him fool you. He's a saucy lit'l bastard." I tilted my head, watching her cuddle herself. It was quite adorable, and it caused me to smile. "And you don't want to cuddle me?" I fake-pouted. "Be right back, I'm going to cry." I pretended to stand up but quickly sat back down. "Nevermind. I can't be bothered to move. I'll cry later, when it's more convenient for me."

She put a hand on her hip and gave me a look like she was saying 'really?'. "I was just about to talk about how insanely cute it is when you pout but then you ruined it with that cockyish comment at the end. No cuddles for you."

"But... but..." I poked my bottom lip out and tilted my head, pouting again. "I like being cuddled." I sniffled and proceeded to fake cry into my hands.

I heard the clanking of her beer bottle on the table and looked up right when she stood up and then proceeded to sit on my thighs. She wrapped an arm around my shoulders and cradled my head against her neck. "Here. Awkward cuddles with the stalker girl you barely know. Life complete."

Holy Hell, I hadn't been expecting that. I slipped my arms around her and leaned forward, which caused her to lean back, most likely making her think I was about to drop her on the table, as I sat my beer down on top of it. Leaning back again, I nuzzled my face against her neck and blew a raspberry against it just so I could make the cuddles even more awkward.

Though.. it wasn't really awkward at all.

"Oh Jesus!" she laughed, hanging on tighter to me when I leaned

forward. "I thought I was going to fall to my death," she said right before I blew the raspberry against her neck. She squealed loudly and began wiggling around to get away but I held on tighter and continued attacking her because for one thing, she smelled really good, for another it was nice to have a girl on my lap and finally, who the fuck doesn't like cuddles?

"I wasn't going to drop you. I had you thrown over my shoulder." I said, my face still against her neck. "I might not look like much, but I'm not a complete pansy."

"Psh," she laughed. "No one said you didn't look like much. Trust me on that." She cleared her throat immediately after. "Oops. Word vomit. How tall are you?"

"That's not what I meant." I laughed, leaning away from her so I could look up at her face instead of having a conversation with her neck and hair. "I meant that I'm not very fit." I tilted my head and raised my brow, laughing again. "That's a bit random. I'm 1.8 meters tall." I knew she would have no bloody idea how tall that was, but I said it anyways, just because I'm annoying like that most of the time.

"Okay, assface. You know my American ass has no idea of what that is in feet and inches."

"I know." I laughed, "I'm six feet two inches, Ms. American."

She laughed. "You're exactly a foot taller than I am. I bet I look like a little hobbit next to you or something."

I scrunched my nose up. "Hobbits are ugly though, and have abnormally hairy feet. I'd say you're more of a house-elf. Like Dobby, he's kind of cute." I laughed

She looked at me like she was completely disgusted. "Okay, I know I have rather large eyeballs but please tell me that you did not just say that I look like Dobby? I love his cute little self but I certainly don't want to bebop around looking like him," she laughed.

I laughed even louder because I hadn't even made the connection of the huge eyes at all. "No, no that's not that I meant." I shook my head rather quickly. "I just meant that you're small like he is. Compact."

"Much better," she laughed while moving her hand that was still wrapped around my shoulders to pet my head. "You have soft hair. I like to pet you. I shall pet you," she informed me while stroking my hair like I was a Cat.

No pun intended.

"It's my conditioner." I smiled, absentmindedly bringing my hand to my head to comb my fingers through my hair. They touched hers and I quickly moved it away, not wanting her to stop. There was one general rule for all of mankind.

Everyone liked having their hair played with.

"So what are you doing here? And by here I mean in London. I never got an answer out of anyone earlier." I said to make conversation, and because I was genuinely curious. It wasn't too often that American moved to London. Or maybe it was. What do I know?
"Well, Leila wrote this kick ass book which didn't sell very well in the states but apparently over here people are trippin' balls over it so a director ended up getting in contact with her and bought the rights to the story and now she's here because she's going to oversee the making of the film," she explained while still stroking my hair. "And I'm along for the ride because I'm one lucky bitch."
"Fancy." I looked at, a little surprised. I hadn't really made any assumptions as why they were here - but I never would have guessed that one. "Well that's pretty badass. What book is it?" I asked, tilting my head to her fingers could stroke the side of my head. I contemplated kicking my leg like a dog, but opted against it.
She laughed a bit at me positioning my head for her and I nearly moaned when I felt her fingernails scratch lightly against my scalp. "It's called Living Wilde by Leila Faust," she informed me with a british accent.
"Oh God." I threw my head back and started laughing. "That's who she is? Holy shit. I wonder if Phil knows. He's going to shit himself when he finds out. He's been trying to stalk her for an entire week now." Oh yeah, I just outed Phil. Why? Because I can.
She leaned back and looked at me wide eyed. "Are you serious? She has like a fucking huge lady boner for Phil. I mean, grade A lady boner."
"Serious business, serious." I laughed. "Grade A lady boner? Fuck!" What the fuck? Where has this girl been all of my life? Seriously, who says shit like that? I mean, aside from me? "Well he's got a real boner for her." I winked and pointed my finger up at her, a goofy smile on my face. "He'll be pleased to hear about that though, her Grade A lady boner I mean."
She started laughing. "Well, I'm sure she'll be happy to know about his Grade A erection selection for her. Actually, they both might know already. They could be showing each other their Grade A boners as we speak."
"Disgusting!" I grimaced, "The only thing worse than hearing someone talk about Twinkies is hearing someone talk about Phil's erection, and actually.. I think they might be neck to neck at this point. I'm not sure... I feel sorry for your friend though." I jerked my body around, shuddering. "Okay, no more talk about his.. parts."
"Dude. Twinkies are fucking disgusting. I've never understood why anyone likes them." She stuck her tongue out and pretended to gag. "Oh Dan! You would break so many hearts right now. People will go down with the Phan ship. It's serious business."
"Seriously disturbing business." I laughed. "I mean, I really don't have a problem with them shipping it, or whatever, it just gets under my skin that people think that it's a legit ship, when it's obviously not. We're both completely heterosexual... Ugh, I really don't want to get into that. It's why I was so annoyed earlier."
"Dan, sweetheart," she said while cupping my chin with her hand. "I think you might have some anger issues," she nodded, trying her best to look serious but she started to smile. "No, really. I'd be bothered by that too so I'll shut my face."
"I just want to clarify, before we change the subject, it only annoys me when people try to prove it, thus causing a shitstorm of drama." I nodded, then shifted in around to get a little more comfortable.
"Am I squishing you?" she asked. "I think my ass is invading little Dan's personal space."
I laughed, "No, you're not, my bum was just going numb. It happens when you have little to no cushion back there. Not that I expect you to be able to relate to that or anything."
Her eyes got wide and she leaned back a bit to look at me. "Have you been checking out my bum, Dan Howell?"
"Oh yes I have Cat... Terberry?" I laughed, realizing I had no bloody idea what her last name was.
She laughed along with me. "Wonderful little name creation there. My last name is Radley. Because I'm so super rad."
"Seriously? Your last name is Radley? Bloody Hell! Why is it that you Americans have such awesome names? Like seriously, Howell? What the fuck am I? A wolf?"
"If I married you my name would be Cat Howell. Like Cat Howl," she giggled and then got wide eyed. "That wasn't creepy at all."

"Nope, not the least bit creepy." I shook my head. "Cat Howell." I threw my head back and started laughing again. "If you married Phil you would be Cat Lester, which immediately makes me think, Cat moLester." My laughter increased, because that was fucking funny. "Poor Phil. His last name his shit."

She started laughing quite loudly. "Oh dear God. Remind me to never, ever, ever marry Phil. Holy balls. He really should just change his last name to Striker."

"You really are a fan, aren't you?" I asked. "I mean a dedicated one. Not a lot of people can remember little details like that. Before you say it, no it's not creepy, it's amusing, and flattering."

She flipped her hair dramatically before standing up from my lap. "I know. I'm just so super awesome," she said as she bent down to pick up her beer.

"Where are you going?" I asked, my brow raised, causing my forehead to wrinkle again; I was suddenly a lot colder without her there, sitting on my lap.

She turned and looked at me while taking a sip from her beer. "I was getting some beer and letting you have your lap back," she informed me when she was done.

"Well," I began as I leaned forward, grabbing my beer. "I don't want it back." I smiled simply and wrapped my arm around her waist, pulling her down on top of me so that her back was against the arm of the couch.

She squealed and held her arm up in the air to keep from spilling her beer. "Alrighty then!" she laughed and I couldn't help but notice her cheeks get a bit pink. "You do have a very comfy lap."

I grinned up at her. "And you've got a very nice and very warm bum." Holding the beer up to my lips, I took a long swig and smacked my lips together. "So what did you do before you came here?" I asked, wanting to get to know more about her.

"I was a photographer for the LA Times," she informed me before taking another sip of her beer. "I actually got fired last week after having to take photos of a very large pile of shit, then almost getting hit by a car and falling into said pile of shit. It was a truly glorious moment in my career."

I probably shouldn't have laughed, but you know me, I just can't help myself. I tried to hide behind my hand, but it was just impossible, because the more I thought about it, the funnier it became. "I'm sorry, but that is terribly horrific and hilarious." I said as I let my hand fall onto her lap, my fingers fanning out across her thigh. "So why exactly did you get fired? I mean.. it can't be legal to fire someone for falling in dung."

I saw her eyes move from my face down to my hand and back to my face again. "Because I fell on the camera and broke a 3,000 dollar lens. My boss was seriously like the devil's daughter or something. I fucking hated that cuntbubble." She rolled her eyes but then grinned. "Yesterday before we left to come here, Lele ended up like cussing her out in front of everyone though. Oh my God. I think I would have given a toe to be able to see that moment."

"She sounds like a waffly twat. Serious people and their serious business. Don't they know that no one has time for that rubbish?" I shook my head. Oh how I was glad that I didn't have to deal with that shit anymore. "She, cussed her out?" I raised my brow, completely shocked by this information. "I don't know the girl, but I seriously would have expected you to be the one to do that. Not her. I mean, the way you snapped off at me..." I laughed quietly.

She covered her eyes with her hand and laughed. "God. Sorry about that. I just hate being accused of something I'm not doing. And I'm a bitch," she grinned. "I was actually shocked too. I mean, Lele is really chill but sometimes she just snaps and breaks off crazy and it's honestly pretty terrifying. I did find out that the ex boss found out I called her a cunt though. That made me quite happy. But now I'm wondering what the fuck I'm going to do while I'm here because I really am Lele's peasant.

"The quiet ones are always the scariest.. I'm just waiting for Phil to go on a killing spree." That was a joke, you peasants, don't get your knickers in a wad. "Well you've got me to hangout with. It's not like I have a real job or anything." I proposed. I hoped she wanted to hang out again. Actually, it didn't matter if she wanted to or not, I was going to Cat-Nap, ha ha ha, her again regardless. "If you meant work-wise though, London is bloody huge. I'm sure you could find something to occupy you."

She raised an eyebrow and smiled at me. "Aww, Dan. You want to hang out with me more? I feel special," she stuck her tongue out and crossed one of her eyes. "I've mainly just been worried about sitting in the apartment alone all day while Lele is off doing serious business. I like saying that. It's your fault. Serious business."

Of course I wanted to hang out with her again. "Duh, you're like me with boobs and a better aroma." I laughed. "Who wouldn't want to hang out with you?" I looked up at her blinking rather quickly. "Well, I'm only, what, four doors down? You can hang out with me whenever you want. I would give you my phone number, but I'm not moving unless the flat catches fire, and even then, I might not."

"You might need to move if the house catches fire. I don't think that you would be able to change your user name on every website you're signed up with to DanISonfire," she informed me, laughing when she was done speaking.

"Holy Hell!" I threw my head back yet again - apparently a common occurrence with this girl around, and started laughing. "That was good. Like really good.. I may or may not be thinking of a way to use that in a future video, just so you know." I told her as I raised my hand from her lap and rubbed my chin.

"Go right ahead," she laughed as she brought her hand up to rub her chin like I was. "If I were a dude I would do this like all the time. I mean, I could do it now but it just looks better if you have stubblies there or something. I'd just look like a dumbass rubbing her face for no reason."

"I don't have any stubblies." I mocked her accent, opening my eyes a bit wider in an attempt to make myself look like her. "So does that mean I look like a dumbass who's rubbing his chin for no reason?" I asked, my brow perked high. Out of nowhere, a yawn hit me and I didn't even bother to cover my mouth as I let it contort my face. "Bloody hell." I said through it, shaking my head when it was over. "You're not tired are you? It's probably.. I don't know, late, by now. Maybe even early depending on how you look at it."

She brought her hand up and rubbed my cheek. "You do too have stubblies!" she said before suddenly leaning towards me and pressing her cheek against mine. "Oooo stubblies. Our faces are having sex." She cleared her throat as she leaned back as if she hadn't done anything odd at all. "Whatever time it is, I'm still on California time so I'm like yaaaay!" she flailed her left arm around. "But I think you might be tired," she laughed, referring to my yawn.

"Seriously? You think you can just go around having face sex with me? What if you got me pregnant, hmm? You said you're just a peasant. How would you support our litter of face babies?!" I asked sounding outraged. "Oh shit, I forgot about that. California is like 50 hours behind us. Okay, so that's not possible.. like 8 hours, right? Something like that? Oi, your sleep schedule is going to be so fucked!" I laughed and then shrugged as I felt another yawn coming on. "Oh, you know-" I had to stop because my mouth was being stretched open, giving birth to the world's largest inhalation and exhalation of air. "I'm awake."

She busted out laughing. "A litter of face babies? Oh God," she shook her head. "What the fuck sort of accents would they have? That'd be madness," she laughed. "Awww. Do you need sleepy times, Dan?" she asked, moving her hand to the back of my head again to play with my hair.

"I reckon they'd sound like a crossbreed of Sookie and the Queen." I laughed, knowing that made little to no sense - but when did I ever make sense? Don't answer that. "Mmm." I moaned and rested my head against her chest. "If you keep doing that I'm going to pass out on your tits."

She started laughing which sounded really odd with my ear pressed against her chest. "Oh God," she said while obviously yawning. "Now you're making me yawn. Did you give me rohypnol, Dan? It wasn't necessary to get me into bed."

"Oh God." I laughed quietly, my voice muffled since my face was pressed against her cleavage, which was softer than my own bloody pillows. "I'm starting to wonder if maybe you slipped me some." I had gotten really tired out of nowhere; or maybe it was just the fact that she was playing with my hair, and that she was really warm and cuddling with me. "Good to know though, that I don't have to roofie you to bed you."

"Nah. I don't know where to get drugs here," she sighed. "Okay, there's no way to say this without it sounding really horrible so know that I don't mean it in a sexual way but why don't we go to your bed because I think you're fading pretty fast in boobland down there."
"I think that's the best thing I've ever heard in my entire life." I said as I finally lifted my head off of her chest. Opening my eyes widely, I stretched a bit before tucking one arm under her knees and one on the small of her back. One, two, up we go. "Ahh." I grunted as I stood up, carrying her like a baby. "Must make it to bed. Cannot collapse in the hallway again." I said more to myself than to her, and after a few seconds I was at my bedroom door, which was already open, thank God. With a few more steps we were at my bed and I more or less drooped her on top of it. Oops. "Sorry about that." I laughed as I collapsed beside her.
She let out a hilarious squealing noise when I dropped her. "If I had a cell phone, I'd totally be on it on my twitter all like. O-M-F-G. Danisnotonfire totally just carried me to bed. Getting preggerz. Kbye." While saying all of this she crawled towards the top of my bed and peeled the covers back. "Come on lazy man. Get under the covers."
"Thus creating another shit storm in my tumblah tag." I sighed, not that I really cared; that kind of stuff was at least amusing. "You can use mine if you want." Shut up, I can't help that I like getting reactions out of people. "Cannot be bothered to move." I mumbled, but moved around anyways, trying to tug the covers out from under myself. Finally accomplishing it, I pulled them over top of us, wrapped my arms around Cat, and nuzzled the side of my face against her chest.
I honestly don't know what I was expecting when I did that but it shocked me for some reason when I felt her scoot closer to me and slide her arm around to my back. "For the record, I would never really do that," she said as she began moving her fingertips up and down my spine. "The twitter thing. I would never be all like Oh yeah I'm totally hanging out with Dan. Look at me, look at me."
It had been a while since I had someone to cuddle with, and since my stuffed Totoro couldn't play with my hair or rub my back, it didn't count. Yes, I consider it a person. Anyways, I had to say, that this was quite enjoyable for several reasons. "I figured if you were going to do something like that, you would have done it earlier when I was being a thick waffly twat." I said quietly, my body getting tingly as sleep crept upon me. "But, thanks, that's good to know." I somehow managed to find a string of her hair and twirled it around my finger slowly until I drifted off to sleep.