Disclaimer: The characters of "Supernatural" were created by Eric Kripke and are owned by the CW Network. No profit is being made.

Note to Readers: Thanks again for the reviews and PM's they are much appreciated! There aren't any new spoilers in this chapter, again just building on what was set up in chapter one. Happy Reading, I hope.

Our Solemn Hour

By Dawn Nyberg

Chapter Four: Desperado

"… Ohh, you're a hard one. I know that you've got your reasons. These things that are pleasin' you, can hurt you somehow …" ~ Lyrics excerpt by The Eagles, Desperado

"Cicero … I was in Cicero," Sam replied quietly his gaze never leaving his brother's.

Dean stood there with a look of disbelief on his face. "Cicero? From the beginning?" Dean shouted. Sam flinched slightly.

"Not sure," Sam offered quietly. "Not the very beginning, I think." Dean frowned at that response.

"What the hell does that mean?"

"I was in Hell Dean, okay? I remember it and the cage," Sam looked away out over the field and Dean caught the lost and haunted look in his little brother's eyes. "I remember going in the hole and pulling Adam … I mean, Michael with me. I remember Hell, the cage but then there was something … someone and the next thing I know I'm standing under a street light at night watching you eat dinner. You looked like your mind was somewhere else, you looked unhappy but then Lisa said something to you and then you tossed Ben a dinner roll and grabbed some mash potatoes for yourself, you looked okay … I just watched." Dean remembered that night.

"Sam … that was my first night at Lisa's."

"Really? How soon did you go to her after …" Sam left it unfinished.

"After Stull I drove back to Bobby's and then to Lisa's … you were already gone five days when I knocked on her door." Dean's mind went back to that moment for a second.

"Only five days," Sam looked at Dean. His mind trying to assimilate that he'd only spent five days in the cage before he was out … it felt so much longer.

"Why didn't you come to the door?" Dean's voice was back to the angry tone.

"You looked okay … you weren't hurt … I remember what you looked like in the cemetery, I thought it was longer, and why ruin your life? I …"

"Cas healed me," Dean offered under his breath. "God or whatever brought him back, full-on angel again and he brought Bobby back, too. You should have knocked. You let me think you've been in the pit all this time," Dean stalked toward his brother. "Damn you!" he shouted. He wanted to hit his brother but he turned his back on him and walked to the edge of the gravel driveway where it met the grass. "Damn you," he muttered again, his voice a snake's hiss.

"Think I already am," Sam said quietly and the sound of the screen door closing was heard shortly after. Dean turned to where his brother had been sitting. What had Sam said? He couldn't possibly think he's damned could he? Evil? He was pissed at Sam and still wanted to punch him but right now he knew Sam was hurting. They both were. Dean walked into the house in search of his brother.

"Sam?" He called out and was only met with silence. He listened and heard no footsteps upstairs creaking, there was no noise. "Sammy?" he called out again. Suddenly this frantic feeling came over him … he needed to know where his brother was. "Sam, answer me dammit … where are you?"

Silence was his only companion.

Sam could hear his brother yelling for him but he had walked to the kitchen and paced for a moment only to open the back door and keep walking into the field toward the woods. He stopped and stood silently in the field … a Winchester version of a scarecrow.

Dean walked into the kitchen his heart pounding against his sternum his eyes frantically searching for confirmation that Sam was truly here that he hadn't imagined everything. There was time enough to be angry but he had to know his little brother was okay, he was hard wired to make sure Sam was looked after, safe. He spied his brother's tall form out in the field just standing there facing a distant thatch of woods.

"Sam?" Dean asked cautiously as he approached his sibling. Sam turned and what Dean saw threatened to break him. Sam's cheeks were wet with freely falling tears. "Sammy?" his voice was soft, tentative as he reached out and clasped his brother's shoulder.

"No, please, don't…" Sam's voice sounded agonized and wet as he turned away.

"Don't what?" Dean asked gently refusing to remove his hand. "Sam?"

"Don't comfort me, don't forgive me," Sam choked. "Be pissed, hate me … hit me," Sam spun around and pulled free of his brother's grip. He slapped his chest, "Come on hit me, do something, I deserve it." Dean just stared wide-eyed at his little brother.

"Deserve what Sam? You saved the world man, millions of lives," Dean's voice was strong. "You stopped the apocalypse, Sammy … you did that … you beat the Devil man, you pushed him back and took control that was all you Sammy."

Sam shook his head vehemently, "No, I couldn't do it Dean, it was you … saying you wouldn't leave me and then I saw the plastic toy soldier I shoved in the ashtray in the backseat. I saw it all, our whole life …" Sam seemed to curl into himself as he wrapped his arms around himself as if he were freezing. Dean took a step forward and Sam a step back. "Don't, please…"

Dean smiled softly and continued forward. Sam tried to walk away and Dean grabbed him from behind in a tight bear hug, restraining as his little brother bucked like a wild Bronco. Dean held tight and did not waiver. He couldn't he had to win this battle or risk losing Sam in more ways than one. Sam bucked and fought hard but Dean remained vigilant in his grip and just pressed his chin into Sam's shoulder as he rambled a stream of comfort and support into his ear … a big brother comforting his broken little brother.

The struggle began to slow and finally Sam relaxed into Dean's grip that in turn relaxed into an embrace as Sam's struggles stopped. "I got ya Sammy, I got ya."

Two Hours Later – Sam's family room

"So, you were checking up on me, huh? You were really at some games?"

"Yeah," Sam answered simply.

"You know sometimes I thought I felt …" Dean rubbed a tired hand across his face. "I felt watched sometimes but after a while I just thought I was being paranoid … too many years on the job, ya know?" Sam nodded. "So, why were you in Stull today … 'cause I'm guessing you weren't visiting for old times sake." The corner of Sam's mouth turned up and a dimple made a brief appearance. Dean couldn't help but smile in return. "Well?"

"Cas stopped by and told me you were coming for my birthday."

"Cas? He visits you and the bastard never bothered to tell me you were okay." Dean was fuming. "I'm so going to kick his feathered ass." Sam chuckled.

"Hey, remember what you said, 'don't piss off the nerd angel' and anyway he doesn't visit. I saw him once the night when I was outside Lisa's but that's just because Joshua told him I was out of Hell. He tried to make me go to you and then he showed up and said I needed to go to Stull…" Sam's voice drifted off and Dean sat staring at his brother. He was pissed but just as equally happy to see his pain in the ass little brother again. He saw a piece of paper that looked like a pay stub and leaned over and grabbed it from the coffee table.

"Helen's Hilltop Bar and Restaurant, what you a workin' stiff, too?"

"Yeah, they're cool there and don't ask questions. They're nice. I bartend for them." Dean nodded.

"You gotta work tonight?" Dean looked at his watch. Sam shook his head.

"Nah, they gave me my birthday off."

"So, how you doing the whole legit thing?"

"Huh? You mean the pay stub? It's hand written Dean it's not exactly official. Anyway, Missie pays me under the table she figured something was up when I couldn't produce a social security card. She knows about hunters though, her dad was one until he retired from it. She knows who I really am and asked her dad if I was okay … funny thing is he said he'd heard I was dead, anyway … yeah I work there." Dean lifted an eyebrow.

"Missie, huh?" Sam rolled his eyes.

"No way Dean, she's married and has a ten year old. What about you and Lisa? She's probably waiting for you, right?"

"I told her I'd be a couple days. I called her on my cell when I hit town to tell her I made it to Kansas."

"So, you guys working out or what?"

"I left hunting … retired I guess, like you wanted." Dean leaned back on the couch watching his brother sitting in the Lazy boy chair across from him.

"Not exactly answering the question about you and Lisa, man. What's it like sort of being a dad?" Dean shook his head.

"Ben's a great kid but the whole apple pie thing, its hard work Sam."

"You've made it work," Sam replied. Dean sighed.

"I promised you," Dean said quietly. "I had to make it work for you. I wasn't going to let you down."

"You didn't," Sam offered a soft smile. He was bone tired in more ways than he could count.

A long moment of quiet filled the room and Sam took a breath. "So, you need me to show you to town for a motel for the night or …"

"Motel? What you don't have a place for your big brother? I promise I don't snore," Dean quipped.

"No, it's just I thought maybe you wouldn't want … that you'd like your own …"

Dean put a hand up, "The couch is fine Sammy."

"No, there is a pull out in the bedroom down the hall, well, office actually; it's where I keep the laptop. There's a bathroom down there too with a shower. Good water pressure and plenty of warm water. You're sure you don't want a motel?" Dean couldn't miss the fact that Sam almost seemed desperate for him to not stay the night and that was exactly why he was.

"No, I'm good, a pull out is fine. So, what … no other beds upstairs?"

"No, the old couple I rent from, left a bed upstairs and whatever else you pretty much see with the exception of a couple things here and there that I've picked up at garage sales and second hand stores. You're sure?"

"Yeah, Sammy."

"Okay, I'll grab you some clean towels and sheets." Dean nodded and watched his brother climb the stairs, his steps heavy as if he carried the weight of the world.

Later that Evening – 4:30 AM

Dean was wrenched out of his sleep by a guttural scream … Sam's scream and he was up and running down the hall toward the staircase. God, Sam sounded like he was in agony. The scream continued and Dean took the stairs two at a time, "Sammy!"

To Be Continued