"…So, where is she?"
That day seemed to be almost over when Eli returned to where all of her friends were waiting. The question hit her mind. She didn't know what exactly to say or how to start. It was late. The only thing she could see was the sun slowly preparing itself to disappear within minutes, and how the sky turned into an orange – or purple – tone. It reminded her of something. Eli definitely should have gone after her lover.
"She… Left…"
"What?" Nico went to her side and placed both hands on her waist. "I mean, why? Does she know we still need to finish our practice? The concert will be next month!"
Immediately, glances fell upon her. The raven-haired girl stiffed, cleared her throat and corrected that attitude within a second. "I-I mean, of course her health is more important than this selfish audition… Sheesh… Is Nozomi okay?" Nico asked again, clearly with remorse this time.
Eli knew that Nozomi wasn't fine, not like she said minutes ago before leaving. She wasn't dumb too, and those vomiting noises were highly biased.
"I… I don't think I can answer this question." The blonde sighed, scratching the back of her neck. "She seemed bad, but didn't give me a concrete answer… Just said she needed to go back home and told me to warn you girls."
"Well, we were worried... In fact, we still are. If Nozomi is feeling sick, she can totally tell us and we would try to help." Maki crossed her arms, looking at the floor. They all nodded, in a somehow frustrated way. The only thing they didn't know was that this time it wasn't a simple case of bowel pain, which could be merely solved with medicines.
"…You didn't do anything stupid to her, did you?" Nico stared with a bit of mistrust and murmured as close to the girl's ear, so she could be in panic. Eli's eyes widened.
"What? No! I would never do something to harm up Nozomi and you know that, Nico!" She practically shouted. Nico frowned a bit.
"Hey, Eli, calm down now." Umi grabbed her by the shoulders before she could stumble back. "You are a good friend, of course we are aware that you have no bad intentions in mind. Then, try to relax." She patted Eli on the arm in an attempt to reassure the other student, who quickly nodded and clenched her fists with defeat. The blonde girl looked at Umi and what she received was just a friendly smile.
"…Sorry." She tried to return the simple gesture, even though it was difficult to smile back when her thoughts were fixed at another place. "I am… I am just worried about this."
"We know…"
The softness of the moment didn't last long and they were suddenly interrupted when a giggle came from behind.
"Heh, it was only a rhetorical question. I know you wouldn't dare to do anything, after all, you like your whole body." The idol-lover student continued with a mocking tone, leaving explicit what she wanted to mean to her group partner. For Nico it was a joke – a very heartless one –, but still, a joke. And she said it, though she also knew the rest of them would not understand so soon.
Eli blushed with shame at the statement. They were about to argue violently, but there was something more important hovering in the air. She took a deep breath. No, Eli, it's not a good time to discuss about your little friend. Let it go, focus on the scene that just happened a minute ago when you two were in the hall alone.
"Listen here, I—" Too late.
"E-Eli-chan!" Honoka grabbed her by the arm, preventing the girl from continuing the sentence. "I think it's okay if we end the practice just for this afternoon, everyone must be tired!" The ginger one smirked. "And, after all, we can't do this without one member! Nozo-mama is more important in this case!"
The blonde blinked. Did Honoka just call her girlfriend "mama"? It feels really odd when they say things like that.
"Honoka…" Umi rubbed her forehead, preparing to scold the younger classmate, but eventually agreed. "…Yeah, you are right. Let's go home, it's almost night and I still need to help on the dojo." She turned to see Eli again, facing the girl with bright brown eyes. "You are going to see or talk to her now, yes? Well, if she needs something, don't hesitate to call us, okay?"
Eli said nothing but shook her head in sign of understanding. The other girls showed sympathy and packed their things as they waved back, walking in opposite directions. Only Nico wasn't in hurry. She waited until they all left just to finish her little talk with the blonde.
"Eli… I'm not judging you, but I have the feeling you screwed up."
"…I think you have the wrong feeling then. Go back home, Nico." Eli sighed and stared directly in those contrary crimson orbs. What in the Earth she could've screwed up this time. It was a possibility, for not giving so much attention to her girlfriend, but it also could be a paranoia from her head – trying to make things worse. "I am not in the mood for this conversation right now… So, good night." She walked away, leaving a very dumbfounded student behind.
Nico looked down at the ground, reflecting. "She can be fragile sometimes. I just hope you didn't do anything wrong to mess up with her feelings…" A moment of deep silence and all the rough memories came back like a lightning surpassing a tree and leaving it in burning pieces. "….Just like they did to me…"
Again, the things became dark. And a so painful, horrible, harsh darkness replaced the tiny emotion previously present at the cold atmosphere installed there.
It stills hunts her down.
[…]
The sky already had stars when Eli hit her destiny. Her house. Her hole. She knew that at this time her father would be there, sitting on the armchair and drinking like a moron he was. She opened the door with extreme care, maybe he would be sleeping.
"Hey, ya blondie." That hoarse, thick voice trailed through her ears like an arrow. No, he definitely was awake.
The girl didn't respond, though. It was better if she pretended to be mute. In the end, that man never listened to anybody.
"I am talking to you, girl." He tried again, raising the tone of his voice. Eli clenched her fists at the annoyance, turning to finally see him looking back with crooked eyebrows. For an imbecile, he had learned to call her by the correct pronoun.
"What do you want?"
"What I want?" He chuckled. "Where the fuck you were? You know what time it is? Your mother went out and left no food, I am starving and that bitch know I don't cook this Japanese shit." Taking a sip of the bottle, he snorted. "Шлюхa…"
Eli bit her lips, trying to control the need to punch that guy right in his testicles. She knows how this could hurt.
"You can always order food instead…"
The man's eyes widened. "Are you fucking kidding me? I am out of money too! Those whores I paid for weren't cheap." He scratched his beard, not giving attention to the comment he just made in front of his daughter.
What an asshole he could be, even drunk he was the worst and disgusting member of the family. Eli narrowed her eyes, trying to forget what he just admitted. Her mother sure was suffering in his hands and she wanted to end this. But, how? She couldn't kill him, even if she wanted it so bad. She thought of seeing him in jail, but in less than four months he would be free again, because, of course, he would call his brother to pay a pension and negotiate with the guards, after all, he owns one of the most famous companies in there. This could work, because the system is just a corrupt son of a bitch.
She thought about handing him to Yakuza as well, under a recriminatory file. But, unfortunately, she wouldn't have time to come up with a strategy so soon. Eli sighed in frustration.
"Go to kitchen, girl. You have to make me some food, I am sure you know how to prepare one of those rice bowls. Your sister is out and probably that one won't come back too." He interrupted her thoughts, drinking more and more vodka. "…Shit, I guess'm drunk."
As Eli waited him to start feel dizzy and then asleep, she went to her bedroom, hanging her bag on the doorknob and catching her phone. Screw him and his hunger and his liver, which sure was already fully destroyed due to the huge amount of alcoholic drinks ingested day after day.
"At least this asshole isn't calling me 'dude'." She whispered under her breath.
Now, the blonde girl needed to know about Nozomi and how she was doing. Though thinking in so many ways of how she could incriminate her father, she was also thinking about her girlfriend, if she was safe. At the moment the girl was able to access the messenger, Eli started to type.
The young student sent almost 15 messages, but there was no return. This made her paranoid and mad, what if something really bad had happened to Nozomi? She didn't call Eli back either. When the last tried to contact her in this way, again, there were no answers, just the old mailbox. Eli looked bothered. This was weird, Nozomi would always catch her calls.
"Dammit…" The phone battery died just when a splash of hope has emerged inside her chest. The defeat was evident, however she couldn't stand it. It was already 9 p.m. and it felt strangely cold outside yet. Suddenly, she came up with an idea, appearing out of nowhere like a lamp in the darkness.
Eli put the cellphone to charge and stared at the big wooden wardrobe present in the room. She immediately got up from her bed to open one of the drawers. There she found an old denim jacket, coated with fur on its inside. The blonde quickly changed her clothes, taking off the uniform and putting a more suitable outfit for that fresh night. She kept the ponytail and then, grabbed the cellphone again with 30% available battery - just in case she receives any calls from her mother or sister, or even her girlfriend. Without making loud noises, Eli opened the window, carefully sliding off of the house. By fact, nobody had heard anything as she stepped out.
She looked around and closed the gap. It was really creepy how the neighborhood remained oddly quiet from the moment she arrived at her house earlier. Eli shivered as the cold breeze touched her body for the first time in the night.
"Autumn, I see…" With a short breath, the girl started to walk away in that lonely street. It wasn't dangerous anymore, no one would be out waiting for her at this instant. And even if some asshole tried to approach and harass her, she would break his nuts only with a kick.
Eli chuckled in silent at the thought.
Yeah, because one day I can get mine broke too.
Suddenly, she stopped. "Wait… This isn't funny anymore."
[…]
Although the route has been long, the blonde girl managed to find her final destination. She saw the one residence that she was looking for and walked directly to the front door, ready to knock. As she stayed in front of the apartment, Eli took a deep breath and sighed before continuing her particular love-mission. She knocked four times to make sure someone in the inside was really there listening.
After more attempts, the door opened, but only a bit due the lock that, unfortunately, created a barrier between the two. Eli looked at those brightly green eyes that would wake a flame inside her heart.
"Nozomi, let me in."
"…W-What are you doing here this hour..?" The girl's voice seemed hoarse and weary. Obviously, Eli didn't let this go unnoticed.
"You didn't call me, I was worried… What happened to your eyes?" She asked in more than concern, but in fear now. "They are red and seem wet. Were you crying? Tell me." The taller girl tried to push the door, almost breaking the doorknob. "If you are not going to take off the lock, then I am going to stay all the night here waiting."
With this statement, Nozomi had to sigh. She couldn't really prevent her stubborn girlfriend at the moment. So, she decided to let Eli pass. And when this happened, the blonde quickly embraced her and pressed their bodies against the wall.
"E-Eli…" The purple-haired girl murmured as she was being crushed by her lover.
"Oh, I am sorry." Eli decreased her grip, staring at contrary emerald orbs. They looked so sad for some reason, she just wanted to kiss the sadness away. "I am here now Nozomi, you can talk to me if you feel comfortable to… But please, don't be angry or sad… It's just… I-I love you so much. I can't stand seeing you like this…"
Nozomi felt the urgent need to kiss the girl in front of her. Eli was being so sweet and caring, she just wanted to cry on her shoulder until the night was over.
I can't tell it right now…
"P-Please, stay here with me… I don't want to be alone tonight…" She started to sob uncontrollably. The blonde immediately held her, stroking Nozomi's hair while kissing it.
"Shhh… It's okay, I'm right here. I will always be." Eli tried to make her girlfriend calm, but it only made her cry even more. They remained in each other's arms for a long time, not wanting to separate even for a minute, but Eli wasn't complaining, although everything seemed so strange and out of the blue. She vowed to take the bastard who had made something to Nozomi, it could be a man or woman, whatever, she didn't care. She just wanted to see her girl happy and secure again.
But what if the bastard was me..?
She started to sweat cold.
Oh God… Did I make Nozomi pissed? Was Nico right about me screwing up? Crap.
I am really an idiot for that.
As they embraced tightly, Eli bit the lower lip and started to feel her heartbeats accelerating. The taller one didn't even notice when Nozomi had calmed down and stopped sobbing, now cupping her cheeks with both hands. Eli looked confused at her direction.
"Thank you, Elicchi…" Nozomi said. "…For holding me… I-I love you too." The purple haired girl blushed and looked at the floor in embarrassment. Eli raised an eyebrow, finding that too cute and pressing her waist slightly.
I think it's not a good time to ask for sex… Oh, bad Elichika, you can't just ask for it when she's still recovering herself from a stressful situation. Stupid.
"No problem." Eli smirked. "So… Want to talk about it?"
About 'it'… Nozomi stiffed a little at her words. She didn't know how to respond. It has been a long week for her. The nauseas seemed to be coming back quickly, so she needed to make an excuse for not being in the doctor earlier, or the blonde would suspect. The girl wasn't really ready to tell yet… What if Eli rejects her? Or worse… What if she leaves? These thoughts made Nozomi cringe.
Eli is a sweet, responsible girl. Of course she wouldn't be this coward… They didn't know the condom was going to broke. It's not her fault. But a baby is a big step in a relationship, right? So, what if they don't have enough money to take care of it? Any man or woman would leave at this situation. She would be another lonely single mother in the world, just being judged by the society day after day. Oh, how terrible it would be… But not as bad as an abortion.
"I think I am going to vomit…" Nozomi covered her mouth with a hand and stumbled back. Fortunately, Eli was there to support her before a possible fall.
"N-Nozomi! Didn't you go to the doctor?" She asked in panic, seeing her lover in such state.
"I—" Before giving an answer, the young fortune teller pushed the blonde and went in rush to the bathroom, letting all of her dinner go through the toilet. At this time, the taller girl could've suspected everything. But thank God, she still was so dense to notice it.
Eli stared in confusion and became a bit pissed. "That's it. We are going to see a doctor now. I don't care if it's late."
"No!"
"Why not? You are sick, Nozomi! This clearly has nothing to do with what you ate this morning, which was just a rice bowl." The blonde narrowed her eyes. "Or are you hiding something from me?"
Shit. Shit. Shit.
Think Nozomi, think.
For the thousandth time in the night, Nozomi sighed and tried to stay relaxed. "…I went to see a doctor, okay? But he only told me to take some medicines and that it would be fine by then… So, I came home and there was you in front of my door. That's all…"
"I feel like you are lying to me… Why? Don't you trust me?"
"Elicchi, would I lie to you?" Avoiding eye contact, she rubbed her forehead with extremely stress and tiredness, realizing that the discharge should be triggered to not show those remnants of her last meal. This vision made Nozomi's head hurt.
Eli, on the other hand, remained quiet, standing beside the sink and thinking about something to contradict the question. But Nozomi was right, she has always been the voice of reason in their relationship. Why would she hide something? It was silly enough to be true. Eli couldn't deny.
A noise interrupted the talk between them. The sound came directly from her pocket, which was constantly vibrating, so it could only mean one thing.
"It's Nico." Eli said, reading the name in the block screen of the cellphone.
"Nicocchi?" Nozomi absently asked. "Well, if she is calling at this hour… It must be important, I suppose?" She shrugged.
The girl shook her head negatively. "She is worried about us… I mean, you know how she can be..." Eli decided to just type a message, stating that they were fine. It wasn't the mood for listen to Nico cursing on the other side of the line. "…Extreme."
Nozomi giggled a little, which made the Russian smirk as well. At least she could still draw a smile on her pretty face.
"Did I… Did I do something to you? Are you mad at me?" Eli decided to change topics and questioned after the brief distracting moment, rubbing her neck with embarrassment.
That one caught the other off of guard, since she wasn't expecting this. Well, Nozomi couldn't be mad at this time of the championship. They needed to stay okay, or else the situation would get horrible and troubled. "Nope… I am not angry with you." She coughed. "It's just… Eli, I am stressed about the concert, you know, dancing in the stage… It's not really my thing, even more because of my body type…"
"Is that why you were crying? Oh, Nozomi, you don't need to worry about this. Your body is beautiful, I love it and I am sure you will get more pretty with the costume on." Eli crouched next to her and positioned an arm on her waist to get them close. "You just need to eat, okay? Keep the routine. You are going to faint if I am not here." She chuckled to break the ice. Nozomi eventually tried to imitate her action, but of course she was feeling worse now for lying.
In the inside, the purple-haired girl actually felt a little guilty for being like that. Always the chubby one of the group. Sometimes, it made her think of giving up, but she couldn't abandon what they had made together so far. Nozomi thought about the possibilities of gaining more weight during the pregnancy. Her outfits would get tight and then she wouldn't be able to perform with Eli and the girls. Not to mention that it would cause a discomfort pain. However, in the moment the biggest problem wasn't her weight. But her child. Their child.
When Nozomi was younger, her mother would always repeat that a baby is due to a successful marriage. But she wasn't married. She was seventeen and in high school. Her girlfriend don't have a job and they are school idols. Eli don't even know about the situation. If her mother was there now, listening to her thoughts, she would certainly have a heart attack and go straight to the cemetery. Nozomi coughed again.
Don't worry little one… It's not your fault.
While creating episodes on her mind, she instinctively placed a hand on her belly.
If only we had support…
"Nozomi?"
"Huh?" Coming out of her imagination, Nozomi looked at the blonde calling her name.
"Are you hungry?" Eli positioned her own hand on Nozomi's, staring directly at it.
The girl blinked two times to fall into reality and realize that Eli was practically touching their unborn child. Well, not really touching, but making a connection between them. It melted her heart and soul a bit.
"N-No…"
"Are you sure?" The blonde got closer and closer.
"Yes… Yes, I am." Nozomi lovingly hugged Eli. "Will you stay the night with me? Please, stay…"
Eli smiled softly. "I wouldn't think of going anywhere, Non-tan."
For the first time in the night, she truly smiled as well. Then, the two girls shared a long, passionate kiss, ready to go to bed and try to rest.
[…]
A week has passed since the night Eli visited Nozomi's apartment and talked to her. They were currently in school, having science class, but the young miko was having problems to concentrate. The teacher caught her attention, making the purple-haired student go to the infirmary with her friend, Nico. Eli seemed frustrated for not being the one called to help her. They looked at each other before Nozomi tried to make a gesture to affirm that everything was normal. Eli wrinkled her forehead, she didn't fall to it this time and decided to get her later.
When they were exiting the classroom, Nozomi harshly pulled Nico by her arm and took her into another place.
"W-What the hell?! What is this, titty monster!? Don't even think about wash-washing me!"
The taller girl didn't respond, she just kept her steps until they were at the courtyard. She sighed heavily with tiredness for running so madly.
"Nozomi! Explain it now! Weren't we going to the infirmary?" Nico asked between heavy breaths too. Nozomi remained silent while recovering her own oxygen – this for about five minutes or more. "N-Nozomi?!"
"…Nicocchi… I need to say something to you…"
"What is so important that you need to drag me to an empty patio?" Nico raised an eyebrow. "Oooh, are you going to confess or anything? I am really sorry to disappoint you, but the great Yazawa Nico is currently interested in her career as a famous Idol—"
"I am pregnant." Nozomi finally confessed to someone, after all these days keeping it as secret. She stared at the floor, not wanting to see her friend's chocked expression.
There was an awkward silence hovering in the air since the sentence was out. Nico's dumbfounded face was the answer. The raven-haired girl lost her words and couldn't speak properly.
"Wha-What, what? You are—I mean—"
"…Yeah, I am pregnant. Expecting a baby." Nozomi tried to contain the tears again. "And yes, it's Eli's baby." She took courage to look into Nico's eyes. "I needed to say this to someone. I can't keep it just to myself…"
At this time, Nico could only think about one thing to say.
"Holy shit… Eli is so dead right now."
[…]
A/N: Yes, the condom broke. Pluft!