Chapter Four: Coffee and Cake

She was there a few minutes earlier, chose a table for them in a private corner and waited. She somehow had the feeling that she was doing something in secret, something not exactly right, but she decided not to listen. She'd had three days to prepare herself for this meeting and she'd even planned what she was going to wear, making sure it was nothing too provocative. She'd wanted to prove herself right, she'd wanted this to work, but the harder she'd tried the more doubts she'd had that she'd fail. She'd even thought of cancelling the whole thing last minute, and it was really unlike her. She'd handled thousands of meetings in her life, why should this one have been different?

Because he was Kurt McVeigh. If the man hadn't left her she would probably have seriously fallen in love with him. For a short time she'd even considered leaving her life behind and going away with him, that had been the effect he'd had on her and that was why she should have stayed away from him. But she didn't want him to know how she felt, she didn't want to seem unable to handle this new situation between them. She decided to let his behaviour guide her and could only hope she wouldn't regret this afterwards.

After he'd arrived, they ordered coffee and he insisted that they ate some dessert as well. And of course they started with their usual political implications, which gave the conversation a familiar tone. By the time their order arrived she managed to calm down enough to start enjoying the situation. There was no awkwardness between them any more, like the last time or at the beginning of the phone call. They were both prepared, they knew why they were there, there were no misunderstandings. She tried her best to handle him as an old friend and with each passing minute she felt better in his company.

She told him how she'd decided to run for a judgeship and what changes it had caused in her life. He told her where he'd spent the last 3 years, but he didn't say a word about the other woman. She didn't want that subject to cause awkwardness between them again, so she decided to take it easy and ask him openly about her.

"Tell me about her. How long have you been together?"

"You really want to discuss her?"

"Sure. Is there a reason we shouldn't talk about her?"

"No," he said, smiling a little, "Her name is Lilian and she has an advertising agency. She's divorced and has two sons, they're in college. We met three months ago and she is the reason I came back to Chicago. Is there anything else you want to know?"

The fact that he openly admitted that Lilian had been the reason for his comeback while she had been there all the time, kind of hurt her. Of course she'd understood that he'd wanted to leave back then, but for a while she'd actually wished he would have come back to her. She'd never gone as far as asking him to do so though, when it had still been a possibility. It wasn't any more. She had no right to ask anything from him now, she had to let him be happy with the woman he'd chosen.

"Do you live together?" she already regretted this question after saying it out loud, but she really wanted to know how serious their relationship was.

"No, I moved into my old place and she has the boys."

"They don't like you?" she asked when she saw his telling look.

"Let's just say we haven't had the chance to get to know each other yet."

"I'm sure they'll come around, it's impossible not to like you," she said then she felt like adding, "I mean you are a likeable a person, you…" she started to feel embarrassed and decided not to continue this line of thoughts.

He just smiled at her and for a moment she thought the awkwardness would come back again, when he surprised him with his words.

"Now that we've covered my love life, it's your turn."

"My turn?" she asked widening her eyes.

"Yep. Are you seeing someone?"

"No," she replied quickly, thinking this would satisfy him and they could move on to another subject.

"I thought with this new job you'd have more time for yourself."

"I kind of do, but you know me, I can never just sit around, I'm trying to make the best of it."

"I just hope that you are happy."

He said in a tone that touched her heart and she had to break the eye contact with him for a while before she replied.

"Yes, I am happy," she said, but she wasn't sure she was telling the truth.

Seeing him again, seeing him happy made her realise that something was still missing from her life. She had the career she'd dreamed of but now she had no one to share her success with. At least at the firm she'd had Will. They'd had a complicated relationship most of the time, but throughout the years they'd become good friends and shared hundreds of wins and defeats. But she was on her own now.

"Diane?" his voice startled her a little, she had gotten lost in her thoughts too much.

"Yes?"

"Are you all right?"

"Yes," she said firmly and started to smile.

There was a minute of silence, while both of them finished their cakes and coffees.

"Maybe we can repeat this sometime," he suggested.

"I'd love that," she said, smiling at him again. For a moment she managed to forget about everything else and just got lost in his eyes, but then she quickly added: "And I'd love to hear about you getting to know Lilian's sons. You can't honestly fear two college boys."

"I don't fear them," he replied chuckling. "You know what, I promise I'll try to get closer to them but you also have to promise me something."

"What?"

"You should…" he paused.

"What? Tell me! What should I do?"

"Forget it, I just really want you to be happy."

"Don't worry about me," she said seriously, looking into his eyes.

He didn't have to finish the sentence for her to know what he'd meant. He probably wanted to tell her to find someone, to start dating. Maybe it was time for her to do it again, her last relationship hadn't lasted long, and it had ended before she'd made these changes in her life. But she hadn't felt the loneliness before he came back to remind her of what could have been. He'd managed to turn her world upside down again in one week, but she still didn't mind letting him into her life again. And even though she wasn't entirely confident in handling his presence yet, she was sure she wanted him to stay.