Journey On
Chapter Four: Endless Nights

Summary: Story of Emily and JJ, from the beginning.
Chapter Summary: Jackie can't kept protecting JJ like this. Not without outside support, which she doesn't have.
Warnings: Language, self-injury, and domestic abuse.
Spoilers: Risky Business, 5.13.

XxX

Location: East Allegheny, Pennsylvania.
Date: January 17, 1980

Six-year old Jennifer Jareau sat quietly in her room, waiting for the shouting to stop. She knew how it would be. There would be things thrown, things, often inappropriate, said, things that she wished she could block out.

She curled up under the covers, praying someone, anyone, to make it stop. She didn't react when she heard her door open and click shut, the lock sliding into place.

"JJ."

She knew the voice of her sister anywhere. Her sister was now eleven, older and it seemed like she carried the weight of the world on her shoulders. She had changed. She wore nothing but long sleeves and jeans, and JJ knew what lay under the cloth.

Rows and rows of cuts.

Jackie Jareau was hurting so bad, and she was always looking out for her, but no one was there to support her. The friends at school, JJ knew, had taken to avoiding her and now Jackie had no one to rely one but herself. JJ knew she couldn't help. This was an internal battle that JJ couldn't fight for her.

"Are you okay?" The tired voice of Jackie floated through the blanket. JJ stuck her head out and nodded. "Yeah. It'd be nice if they stopped yelling though."

Jackie snorted. "Do they ever stop shouting?"

"Nope."

Jackie sighed, defeated. "I don't know if I can do this anymore, JJ." JJ twisted around to stare at her older sister, "What do you mean?" Jackie just shook her head. "I mean that living like this," she gestured around the room, "is so tiring, and exhausting, and it's pointless. We lock ourselves in our rooms when they fight. And we listen. We listen to them yell, and throw things, and curse at each other. And we lock ourselves up here and hope that Dad doesn't come bursting in here to hurt one of us. Don't you think it's pointless, J?"

JJ sat up, and her sister sat down next to her, just close enough to touch, but far enough that JJ wouldn't accidently brush her arm.

"Jackie, you have to stop."

Dark blue eyes met the sky-blue eyes of her sister. "Stop what? Stop the only way I can ignore that?" She pointed at the door. "Stop… I don't think I could, JJ. Not after all these years of fighting. I've told Mom to leave, but I think she knows that if she tries Dad would try to kill her, or something."

JJ stared at her sister, the bitter voice causing her to flinch. "I don't know, Jackie, I really don't."

Her sister shot up from the bed, the wave of emotions overwhelming her. "That's the point, JJ! It's never going to get better, until they stop that! It's never going to get better! If they keep yelling and screaming and throwing things, and they never talk about it, it's only going to get worse. And what about when I go to college, JJ? Who would protect you then?" Tears were dripping down her face, utter hopelessness consuming her.

JJ here noticed that her sister didn't seem like she was eleven years old, but much, much older. She also noticed that it went deathly quiet downstairs.

XxX

David Jareau heard his eldest daughter's outburst of pain and hopelessness. As unbelievable as it seemed, he did actually care about his eldest daughter. Maybe not so much the younger, but Jackie did have a place in his heart.

He paused, listening to her finish her spiel, and he dropped his head, slightly ashamed. He never really thought about how all this fighting would affect the other people in the house, but now he knew. He didn't know that it bother his daughters. He just thought that they were used to all the shouting. Then he looked at his wife, his sapphire eyes taking in her tire, disheveled appearance, and tense bearing.

Enough was enough.

He knew Jackie was about to hit her breaking point, if what he heard was anything to go by, and Jennifer was currently helpless to do anything, and Diane… well, Diane was too tired to go on like this. Maybe he would try and be a good father this time around; try to make up for the five years he stole from each member of this broken family.

He wasn't sure if he would succeed though. This anger he held, misplaced anger, admittedly, wasn't going to go away anytime soon, but perhaps he would get help, if the therapist knew how to keep his mouth shut. He knew how it went in East Allegheny. Any sign of gossip and the whole town leapt for it. He wondered how many times to Jareau family had been the topic of discussion. He wondered how much Jackie and JJ suffered for it.

He wasn't sure how he was going to make it up to them, especially JJ, but he was going to try his best.

Maybe buy some more wineglasses for Diane.

XxX

Diane Jareau watched her husband freeze as Jackie's distraught voice echoed throughout the house. The pain and despair her eleven-year old child's voice held, broke her heart, because she knew that she and her husband were causing this distress to their children.

She watched David gather his thoughts for a second, before the anger left his features, leaving him exhausted and defeated. He seemed to understand he kind of stress he had been throwing on the whole family, leaving her by herself, leaving JJ and Jackie to fend for themselves and find comfort with each other. She wasn't sure how well Jackie was doing lately though. She used to be such a outgoing cheerful child, but after the past few years, she had retreated into herself, talking only when addressed, faking smiles and laughter.

It had been difficult for the girls in the Jareau household. But watching David calm himself in the span of a minute, she thought perhaps things were going to get better for a while. But if she knew her husband, it wouldn't last, because the anger and hatred he held inside who burst forth soon enough, and she knew when that happened, someone would get seriously hurt.

Cautiously, she murmured, "David?"

He shook his head heavily, "I'm sorry, Diane."

Her lips twitched. It was definitely a start.

A/N: I lied. It wasn't as dark. Things are looking up for JJ and Jackie now. Yes, I did skip a few years, because I didn't want to write more about how David Jareau throws wineglasses at his wife. Next chapter, we'll turn our attention back to Emily. I'm also skipping head to 1980 for her. She'll be in Romania, maybe. Or in Rome, and I can introduce Matthew and John, but I'm not sure how long her mother was stationed in Rome. Don't worry, Christopher Prentiss will suffer soooon!

Toodles, and review!

~S12