Smiling she tried to act brave, the looks on their faces were just as puzzled as hers she was sure. They each looked like they were seeing a ghost, though she thought she saw a hint of relief on Mr. Mcdreamy's face. Why did they have to be so perfect looking…why did she have to find herself surrounded by perfect looking people as she stood here looking like plain Mer just like every other day.

Derek watched her take a seat, she was so graceful. She looked like a carefree spirit, the way her jeans hugged her body, and her flip flops barely covered her small feet, a small peek of her toes showed some pink nail polish. She was young and untouched by life's cruelness or at least that's how it seemed. She would be a perfect Mother…looking at her he realized she could be the woman to give him a child, why did that thought cause him to stir in discomfort.

"So…" Dr. Nelson said as he walked into the room " have you guys already gone through introductions?"

Derek shifted once again gaining him a look from Addie "No actually we just got here…"

Holding his hand out he leaned forward, feeling her much daintier hand as it fit in his "I'm Derek Shepherd and this…" holding his arm out he brought Addie into the equation "is my wife Addison Montgomery Shepherd."

Meredith nodded, feeling a loss of words after staring into those blue eyes "Meredith Grey…nice to meet you…both of you" she corrected as she regained her composure.

"Well now that we have formally been introduced let's explain a little more in detail about what we are here for, it's just a formality since I'm sure we are all aware, but none the less we don't want any unanswered questions when you leave here tonight."

Meredith sat back in her grey suede chair, swallowing hard she tried to stay composed, tried to stop the fear and uncertainties that were coursing through her veins.

She listened as the Doctor explained the procedure listening as he explained how they would inseminate her body, using Derek's sperm. He explained the unexplainable fertility, the lack of ovulation…she watched Addison Shepherd sit there no feeling left in her eyes almost robotic features. Her eyes turned to Derek's he seemed lost, hurt…as she sat there listening to the different medical terms, answering various medical questions…personal questions…she could feel it building, the desperation, she knew this was wrong, this whole situation was wrong. Between the desperation in his eyes and the uncertainties running through her she tried to find her voice, tried to find the courage to say no….she had wanted to help a couple…but this was not the couple…she couldn't do it.

"So then does anyone have any questions they'd like to ask the other party involved?" Dr. Nelson asked them as he sat with his hands clasped together in his lap.

Meredith looked around panic finally setting in, she was feeling hot and she couldn't breathe when the dark haired man looked at her…it was as if she was feeling his pain as her own.

Standing suddenly "umm would it be ok if I used the restroom…could we take a small break?"

The Doctor as well as Derek nodded, Addie seemed annoyed as Meredith quietly turned and walked away. Once outside the door she let out the breath she had been holding onto…walking quickly she walked towards the bathroom to think…to figure out what she was going to do…even though deep down she knew the answer already.

The door opened behind her causing to look up abruptly from splashing water on her face.

"Are you ok?" Derek asked her as he peeked into the small bathroom.

Noticing she was in the room alone he walked in carefully, not sure what possessed him to follow her afraid of scaring her if he approached to fast.

"Listen, I just wanted to apologize for what you heard in the elevator…I'm not one to usually air my dirty laundry in public, things have just been hectic lately."

Meredith stared into those blue eyes, something drawing her in…telling her she could talk to him…something saying he would be honest with her…

"Do you really want this…the baby I mean, do you really want to go through with this?" she asked as she turned towards him, now face to face with the tempting stranger with the pain filled eyes.

A far away look came into his eyes and she watched as a small smile played on his lips.

"Yes I want a family more than anything in the world…I want a child, I've always dreamed of a child…but…" laughing he stared back at her as if almost surprised he was sharing his thoughts and feelings with this stranger.

"But…" she said, encouraging him to finish.

"But I always dreamed it would be different circumstances…a miracle if you will…and filled with love…but I guess sometimes life isn't in our control…or at some things aren't…you tell me something Ms. Grey…are you ready to go into this with us?"

Meredith stared back, feeling the warmth of his stare "I…we need to get back to the room, before they start looking for us" her gaze dropped from his, leaving Derek feeling cold and alone once again.

As she walked back to the room, the sound of his footsteps taunting her from behind, her mind became clear…her heart took control…she knew exactly what she needed to do. Opening the door and stepping through she nodded to the Doctor as well as Addison Shepherd, feeling him walk up upon her she held the door open for him, their eyes clashing once again. Taking their seats across from one another she couldn't help but notice his stares, couldn't help but feel as if he was pleading with her begging her…

"Well then are there any other questions you would like to ask one another before we make our decision and keep in mind this is a big decision so nothing needs to be settled on today…" Dr. Nelson said stressing on the fact that no decisions should be rushed.

Meredith took in a deep breath noticing Derek's hand as it pulled away from Addie…

"I can't do this" her small voice spoke up in the room.

"This is wrong…I can't go through with it…." Derek's voice strong and sure about his answer as it echoed Meredith's.

Eyes turned toward her, then to him…this was not good…not good at all….


All that I know is I'm breathing.
All I can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing now.