Numb
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
Sean opened the door and walked into his house, leading Ellie in behind him. Tracker appeared from the kitchen; Sean half expected him to be fuming with anger but instead looked calm as a cucumber. Tracker's calm face peeked in interest as his eyes fell upon Ellie standing behind Sean, clutching her jacket tightly against herself. Almost hugging.
" Whose your friend Sean?" Tracker asked walking back into the kitchen.
" Ellie Nash" Sean muttered as he and Ellie followed him into the kitchen and sat down at the table as Tracker served up a few slices of pizza.
" I don't hang out with Jay and those tight-asses if that's what you're thinking" Ellie said as Tracker served her a slice in silence.
Tracker laughed. " Not what I was thinking, but it's good to see Sean meeting new people."
Sean rolled his eyes. He hated when Tracker played the father figure. Sean hastily grabbed the paper plate with his slice of pizza away from Tracker's outstretched hand. " You know," Sean muttered as he took a bite, "You mah bwother, not mah dwad." He swallowed. " Can you please act like it?"
" English please" Ellie said raising her eyebrows.
" You know," he began again, addressing Tracker, " You're my brother, not my dad, Can you please act like it?"
Tracker looked a bit taken aback, but sighed heavily, "If that's what you want..." he said putting Sean in a headlock and rubbing his knuckles into his hat covered head. Ellie tried her hardest to stifle her laughter and nearly choked on her piece of pizza. " So..." Tracker muttered as he released Sean and pulled opened the refrigerator and pulled out three cans of Coca-Cola™ and set them on the table. " Does anyone know you're here Ellie?"
Ellie shook her head, " I doubt anyone would notice."
" And why would you say that?"
" Because my mom was passed out when I left" Ellie answered matter-of-factly.
Tracker didn't bother to respond, he'd done pretty much the same thing when he was their age. He'd leave the house to escape all the turmoil, to escape everything that made him want to dig into his arm with something sharp. " So what are you trying to escape from?"
Ellie dropped her pizza. " Nothing," she answered quickly, " What makes you think that?"
Tracker shrugged. " Why don't you take off your jacket you must be hot as hell in here."
Ellie looked over at Sean; if she took off her jacket, she'd have one less thing between her arm and the world. All she'd have then is a sleeve. Sean gave her a reassuring look, he seemed to be saying, 'it's okay' with his eyes. Ellie bit her lip and slid off her jacket and tugged her sleeves down, and picked up her pizza again, taking another bite.
" Um, Track...I'm not gunna be home tomorrow night." Sean muttered, trying to take his brother's attention away from Ellie.
" Tomorrow's Wednesday, it's a school night...where else would you be?" Tracker asked, anger starting to rise in his voice.
" Out with Jay and Towerz"
" Um...no" Tracker responded. Sean looked at him in disbelief, had Ellie not been there, he probably would have blown up just as worse as he had before he left the house. " It's a school night Sean, it's not because I dislike the effect they seem to have on you, I can't choose who you hang out with, but I can read your mind...if it was a Friday, sure, go ahead, do whatever, be a kid, but it's not..."
" But..."
" No buts...that's the end of the discussion change your plans to Friday or Saturday, but no means no."
" I agree with Tracker, Sean, besides...didn't you say you would help me understand some of the problems I'm having with geometry since you already took it last year?...and passed." Ellie said, looking straight at Sean with an 'I'm giving you an alibi' look.
"oh...yea" Sean said getting the drift.
Dinner at the Cameron home seemed to be more like dinner than anything Ellie experienced at home while her father was away. She laughed and had real dinnertime conversation. She felt so relaxed it surprised Sean when she, unbeknown to herself, subconsciously rolled up her sleeves as the temperate climate in the room got to her fatigued body. Sean's eyes widened as he followed Tracker's gaze to her arm, and suddenly Ellie was the only one lost in the moment.
" El..." Sean muttered and motioned for her to roll down her sleeve. Ellie furrowed her eyebrows and looked down at her arm and panicked, she quickly tried to tug her sleeves down but Tracker had already noticed, and gently stopped her hand.
" not trying to escape?" Tracker asked. Ellie dropped her head onto the table and pushed back tears. " Stay tight..." he muttered and walked over to a cabinet and came back with a bottle of peroxide and some cotton balls. " You shouldn't let the cuts go uncleaned..." he said as she dabbed peroxide on the cotton balls and ran them over her arm gently. Ellie jumped a little as the peroxide stung her skin. Sean watched as her eyes brimmed with tears she held back from the twangs of pain. " They could get infected." Ellie opened her mouth to speak. " When was the last time you cut?" Tracker asked.
" ...last Friday..." Ellie whimpered as he got up to grab something else.
" and you didn't clean these up?" Tracker asked angrily, " They are still open..."
" That's partially my fault" Sean muttered. Tracker spun his head to glare at Sean.
" what do you mean it's partially your fault"
" ...I fell..." Ellie muttered, " and Sean helped me up and grabbed my arm a bit too tight..."
" and they opened up?" Tracker asked as he sat back down with some vitamin E and began to rub it gently over her cuts. Ellie nodded. " Well no duh...look Ellie, I know all too well how addicting this is, but it's dangerous, especially when you don't take care of the cuts."
" I'm trying to stop"
" I'm sure you are..." Tracker muttered.
" She is Track...she was just coming from seeing the counselor when I bumped into her."
Tracker turned and looked at Ellie. He smiled slightly. " you'll pull through."
Ellie nodded and pulled her arm slowly away from Tracker and tugged her sleeves down, and pulled on her jacket. " I-I-I better be going...it's getting late."
Tracker nodded.
" I'll walk you home" Sean volunteered, " you shouldn't be walking around after dark, alone"
Ellie nodded and Sean led her out of the kitchen and out the door. As they rounded the end of Sean's block Ellie turned to him and looked furious, "that was why you brought me there?" she asked angrily.
Sean looked at her, " I brought you over because you didn't seem like you wanted to be at home."
Ellie breathed a sigh angrily, she was fuming. " I can't believe...he..." she groaned in frustration as she walked towards her house.
" all I have to say is ... he's better than Ms. Sauve" he muttered, smirking in the darkness of the streets.
Ellie turned around and laughed, " he definitely understands better."
" Look, about that whole..."
" 'let's study!' thing?" she asked overly perky in a nauseating way, she almost made herself sick.
" yea," Sean said with a chuckle, " you didn't have to..."
" you didn't seem like you wanted to be at home" she responded mocking his words from earlier.
Sean rolled his eyes.
" This is my stop" Ellie said stopping in front of her house.
" it was nice talking with you Ellie Nash..."
" see you in school Sean Cameron."
Ellie walked up the stairs of her house and walked into her home and shut the door gently behind her, careful not to wake her still sleeping mother. Ellie crept up the stairs and back to her room and sat down on the floor and managed to finish those two problems she hadn't been able to finish earlier. She packed up her homework and crawled up to her computer and sat down. She signed onto the Degrassi Community School site and accessed her inbox and noticed she had an dmail from Ashley.
Hey Els-
I tried to call you but no answer...if I'm still on msg me
*Ash*
Ellie smirked to herself and clicked on Ashley's name and sure enough, she was still on.
NOLabels: u rang?
pictureperfect: where have u been all day?
NOLabels: meeting w/ Sauve...
pictureperfect: how did it go?
NOLabels: not bad, I'm feeling better
pictureperfect: good, where have u been since then?
NOLabels: came home...did hw
pictureperfect: u've been doin' hw 4 3hours?!
NOLabels: went 4 a walk
pictureperfect: where?
NOLabels: nowhere...
NOLabels: sorry Ash...I gtg
NOLabels has signed off
Ellie breathed heavily as she signed off. She knew about Ashley's little past experience with Sean at her party. And frankly, the two haven't really talked since then, so mentioning him probably wouldn't have been a good idea. She knew tomorrow Ashley would probably be breathing down her neck about the vagueness, but right now, she didn't care. Right now, she was on Cloud 6, not quite Cloud 9 but close enough for her liking. Ellie changed into a pair of sweatpants and a tank top and crawled into bed, she looked down at her arm, and didn't frown nor smile. For the first time she didn't feel ashamed about it. Looking down she realized, they were healing...she was healing.
A/N: Ok...I know I've been updating more so than I said I was prolly going to...and frankly, that's not normal for me, you should all feel privileged. I do have another project, a saga really I've put off for the moment, mainly cause my train of thought isn't completely focused on it. And that angers me...cause up until a few weeks ago it was my baby. *looks sad *
Quick thanks to everyone who reviewed...Poppyseed, Ellectra, x Confused Girl x, Different, The Anonymous Compass, Callie, Amy, and love-fool.
InFaTuAtEd* cHiK: wow, I feel horrible, I apologized if I sounded bitchy didn't I? Because I knew no matter how I wrote it would prolly look so. You didn't offend me...I don't think anyone can offend me, I strive on people's hatred for me...I'm weird I know...I constantly msg ex-boyfriends whom I know hate my guts and ask them to spill what they hate about me...and use it to my advantage...it's a gift, so don't ever feel you offend me...once again, I'm sorry if I sounded bitchy...
trucalifornian: I'm glad you found a Degrassi story you liked, and I'm glad it's mine...hope you keep reading...
and before I forget...
This chapter is dedicated to my very own lifesaver...Arthur! Those of you who are telling me about how they know what it feels like yea...I know too, and I'm writing with a little bit of experiance, and I'm able to do that thanks to Arthur who told me to write this one more not only because ya'll reviewed so quick, and so lovingly, but because it's the only thing keeping me sane at the moment and he knows that...and he made me write another chapter tonight even though I was completely stressing over my phsyics homework and the fact that I'm getting a 56 in that class....
So Arthur, luv, this is for you! Because you're my favorite!
*Kiss *