The Cogitare Bookstore

BY DXMJUNKIE

A/N: Had my account suspended for a few days. Finally bitched enough and got back on. Bitching accomplishes things. So here is the chapter I'd been hoarding. It's friggin' hard to write dialogue for Demyx and Zexion because their personalities are incredibly different. If you like- please review. Reviews make me tingly in all my naughty places.

Chapter Four: The Dramatic Situation

If the unlikely pair was metaphorically glued together before their visit to the art museum, afterwards they upped any previous stakes. Each and every day found them together either with Demyx lounging at the book shop or Zexion trailing behind him while attending live shows. Marluxia took to calling Demyx 'Cogitare's live-in '. All while the musician's bandmates in return nicknamed Zexion 'that stoic dude'.

It seemed for Roxas that whenever he was with his older friend, Demyx had just finished or was on his way to hang out with the slate-haired man. Axel poked a bit of fun at them but Roxas was always prompt to shush him. Axel could be a bit abrasive (actually, insensitive might more accurate) and Roxas didn't want something bad to happen.

The couple was not aware, however, about the most recent development of Zexion informing Demyx that liking him romantically was agreeable. Roxas would've had a conniption, Axel would've gotten worse with the teasing, and for whatever reason Demyx seemed like it was crucial to keep that tidbit unspoken.

Demyx for his part was exceptionally relieved that Zexion didn't hate him even after he told him how he felt. The musician had been so used to instantaneous rejection that the very notion of Zexion accepting every last thing about him was frightening. Nobody listened to him like Zexion did despite the admission tugging at the back of their minds.

That night they remained companionably silent while Zexion walked him back home. But no further steps had been taken in regards to their fledgling relationship. If that's what it could be considered.

Demyx, being naïve, automatically assumed that Zexion finding it agreeable meant that he didn't return the feelings. Zexion, being oblivious, felt like Demyx should make the first move before he professed anything else and made the man uncomfortable. They were both comically idiotic about the whole situation, each too wrapped up in making the other happy to realize that fact.

So even if they hung around constantly, nothing on the surface appeared to change. If Roxas had known the truth he would have face-palmed only to yell at them in exasperation; which wouldn't help.

Roxas lounged next to Axel in the coffee shop they frequented watching Demyx out of the corner of his eye across the room. Demyx chatted carelessly with the female clerk as he was trying to decide which beverage to purchase. The hyper guy was nothing if not obsessed about caffeine.

"So what do you think is up with those two? Zexion and Demyx, I mean." Roxas murmured across the table to his boyfriend in a low voice.

Axel was deftly texting on his phone but glanced up, "No idea. Those two are morons."

"Yeah, but they are morons who so obviously like one another." Roxas quipped.

Axel sighed, flipping his phone shut to focus on the conversation, "Them being obvious and them liking each other are two very different things, Roxy."

Roxas ignored the nickname, "How so?"

"Well, think of it this way. How do you even know Zexion likes Demyx?"

"Because Zexion actually spends time with him. Which is practically unheard of."

"Okay- And how do we know Demyx likes Zexion?"

"Because he bitched about it for weeks."

"And…" Axel hedged.

"Just tell me." Roxas huffed.

Axel smiled softly which was something he only did for his boyfriend. The expression made his normally sharp features gentle. After glancing up to make sure Demyx couldn't hear them he finally replied.

"So here's what I'm thinking," Axel stated, "When Demyx likes someone he is incredibly expressive about it, we've seen that shit before. He's also dealt with more rejection than I can personally stomach because people are fuckin' asshats. But ever since they've became friends have you noticed Demyx ranting about loving Zexion anymore? Even once?"

"…No, actually." Roxas was surprised by the realization.

"And," Axel pressed, "What I've learned about Zexion from you is that he's never gonna be the instigator. It's just not in his character. He's gonna wait until he dies before makin' the first move, get me?"

"…Maybe." Roxas thought about it for a beat. "So you think Dem's cooled down since then just because he finally got the unattainable?"

"Kinda. Not cooled down, Dem is too damn passionate for that shit. More like he treasures just being friends with Zexion to ever want to put himself out there and potentially screw it up."

Axel frowned absently, "If Dem ever told him how he felt and Zexion accepted, there is no way Demyx would try to make the next move 'cause he's scared of what it might do. He understands what it's like to get his heart trampled on and he's smart enough to know how much more it will hurt if it's someone he genuinely likes. As opposed to the other dudes he randomly likes."

Roxas blinked rapidly, staring into vivid green eyes with unmasked surprise. Then his lips twitched into the smallest smile with the subsequent swell of affection. Reaching across the table he twined his hand around slender fingers, ignoring anybody who might see them.

"I truly love you, Axel. You know that right?" Roxas all but whispered.

Axel melted, squeezing the smaller hand tight, "Yes, I do. What brought this on?"

It was incredibly rare for Roxas to openly say corny things like that. Axel could count on one hand the number of times Roxas ever said the L-word, including this instance. Axel often desperately wanted to hear such sentiments from his lover especially during sex; but he knew better than to push the blond to say emotional crap because it made him uncomfortable.

So instead the redhead accepted the mere knowledge that Roxas was his and learned to make notice of all the other ways he showed his adoration instead. Still, whenever Axel heard those words it was so preciously perfect.

"Nothing brought it on." Roxas scowled playfully though his countenance was rambunctious, "It's just… you're so perceptive. I sometimes forget by how stupid you act."

"Axel? Perceptive?" Demyx interrupted their moment with a shit-eating grin, pointedly staring down at their joined hands. "Well, well, Roxy is getting awfully mushy."

Roxas scowled for real this time before tugging his hand away like it burned. Axel narrowed his eyes up at Demyx both to pout and warn him to shut the hell up. Demyx gulped with a nervous chuckle, inwardly knowing he shouldn't have interrupted the uncommon PDA.

"What is Ax being perceptive about?" He changed the subject.

Roxas smirked spitefully, "Just how stupid you are."

"What?" Demyx whined, dropping down onto the seat and crossing his legs after setting his drink on the table, "That's a horrible thing to say!"

Demyx heard his phone chime and he pulled it out of his pocket to examine the text.

"So, Ax, by the way," Demyx said as he punched the keys on his device, "I invited Zexy to your Halloween party. Hope you don't mind."

Axel stretched his arms up complacently, "I don't give a fuck, Dem. But it's still kinda weird."

"What's weird?" Roxas queried.

"You know. How it's been a couple-o-weeks since I've been subjected to Dem rant about Zexion or his monster crush." Axel informed them, choosing his words carefully.

Roxas turned to Dem, "He's right. What happened?"

The faintest blush tinted Dem's cheeks as he set his phone on the table, "Nothing really."

"It's equally surprising when you think about it-" Roxas put his finger to his lips in an all-knowing manner, "That Zexion, who loathes the party scene, would always go with you to bars and stuff."

Axel applauded his boyfriend inwardly for his evasiveness. Even if they couldn't point-blank state anything aloud it was still their duty to push Demyx in the right direction. After all they could tell the difference between a crush and love. Been there, done that.

"Pot calling the kettle black, Rox." Demyx smarmily retorted. "Zexy told me that you were the one who made him go to that one party."

Roxas blinked, suddenly guilty, "What did he say?"

Demyx gave him a suspicious frown, "Only that you told him he needed to try new things. Which I thought was instant bullshit because Zexy isn't one to be manipulated by your intentions. He's too clever for that."

"My intentions?" Roxas squeaked in the same tone. He was hiding something.

"C'mon, you guys think I didn't hear you before?" Demyx flatly stated. "About how I'm a moron and won't make the first move cause I'm too much of a coward? Which is mean in itself but I'll forgive you since I know why you think that. Honestly you two should know better though. Even if I'm a musician and just cause I play shows doesn't mean my hearing isn't sharp."

Axel cringed, trying to recall if they'd said anything offensive, "We, um, didn't really mean it like that…"

Roxas suddenly felt ten kinds of awkward.

Demyx noticed their squeamish hunch and was struck with unease by the guilty looks he was receiving, "I know you guys have good intentions but you really shouldn't meddle."

Roxas looked even guiltier, "It's not really… um… meddling…"

A thought struck Demyx making him even more unsettled. Puzzle pieces were shifting into place.

"What did you really say to Zexion to get him to come to that party. Roxas." It wasn't a question, more a demand.

Axel tried to save his boyfriend, "He was only trying to help."

"… I might have… m-maybe…" Roxas stuttered, an uncommon occurrence, "That you… um…"

"Spit it out."

Roxas straightened and feigned confidence, "I told Zexion you were gay and liked him before that party. And that you were torturing yourself over it, which you were. And I asked him if he said anything mean to you because you got all emo and stuff. It was only for your sake."

Demyx gasped and withdrew, hurt, "You told him that? That was none of your fucking business to say!"

Demyx stood suddenly, hands banging on the table with an angry scowl, "That was a shitty thing to do Roxas. Way to betray my trust, dude."

Customers around them were murmuring in their direction.

Roxas leapt his feet and insisted, "It wasn't betraying your trust!"

Dem crossed his arms lividly before retorting, "And how do you reason that one out?"

"Because I already knew Zexion personally before you decided to fall in lust with him and chase him around like a stalker! I at least wanted to give him a heads up so he wouldn't be creeped out!" Roxas regretted the words as soon as he spoke them. The air between crackled with tension.

Demyx backed away. His chair loudly scratched the floor. He glanced down at Axel with the same disgusted expression, "And I suppose you knew about this too, did you."

Axel's fearful refusal to glance up was Dem's confirmation. Tears began to spill down his cheeks in dismay, his throat going tight. Demyx was out of the shop without another word, his untouched coffee steaming on the table.

"Shit." Roxas stated, dropping to his seat with a thud.

He felt very much like the world's biggest fucktard. Numerous customers within the store were still turned to watch the fight unfold. Their gazes dropped away when the blond spun around and shot daggers towards them. Roxas glaring was like razor blades cutting soft skin.

Axel brought his hands to his face and whispered despondently, "Oh, shit. Oh, no."

But the damage was already done.

Demyx stormed down the street with hands shoved in his pockets. He was beyond hurt and shattered by his friend's perception of him. Who did they think he was? His best friends really felt he was that pathetic? They'd been making fun this whole time!

And Zexion was in on it. Zexion already knew he was gay even before Demyx told him. The slate-haired man was prepared for it and ready for Demyx to confess his feelings like an idiot. Irrationally he wondered how much Zexion gloated with Axel and Roxas afterwards. Demyx burned with rage as he dashed around into the ally with expert ease.

Demyx pushed the door to Cogitare open with a bang. Books cascaded to the floor when the wood hit shelves abruptly. Zexion and Marluxia simultaneously jolted at the sudden noise, each hunched over the front counter with an inventory clipboard perched between them.

"You knew!" Demyx screamed while pointing an accusing finger aloft, his voice breaking, "You're a fucking asshole, Zexion! You know that? A fucking stupid arrogant horrible excuse for a human being!"

Zexion was aghast and gracefully dashed around the counter, "Demyx, what's the matter?"

Demyx rushed forward to shove Zexion as hard as he could. So roughly that Zexion lost his footing and crashed to the floor by the register in surprise while Dem belted, "You fucking knew I liked you! Roxas told you! And that's the only reason- you-you- You even talked to me or acted nice! You were making fun-"

Demyx started sobbing uncontrollably, overwhelmed by the implications of his own declaration. While he was still sprawled on his back Zexion watched carefully as Demyx crumpled to his knees and curled his arms around himself in the fetal position. Zexion dipped up and began slowly crawling forward, hand motioning to rest on Demyx's trembling shoulders when the man slapped it away. Zexion didn't even notice his fingers harshly sting.

"D-d-don't touch me!" Demyx howled, another fierce set of sobs making it difficult for Zexion to inhale oxygen. He didn't like seeing the musician in pain, his stomach clenched by the destitute noise emitting from that beautiful mouth.

Zexion tried to absorb the situation, still confused, "Indeed, Roxas stated that. I thought you knew."

"If I fucking KNEW I wouldn't have needed to tell you, shithead!" Demyx shouted, doubling over in shame.

Zexion nodded uselessly, in awe from hearing Demyx curse so much, "Will you please come to the back with me? So we can talk?"

"Give me one good motherfucking reason why I should listen to anything you have to say?" Dem demanded harshly, voice muffled from the fabric of his shirt.

Zexion glanced over his shoulder. Marluxia had already edged out of the room so they could be alone. The store was empty of inhabitants.

"Because I was thankful Roxas told me. He was concerned for your wellbeing, as was I." Zexion stated as if it were the most obvious fact in the world.

Demyx quieted a little though his face remained red and blotched, "What are you on about?"

"Demyx, when Roxas informed me of your…. affections, it was after you already stopped coming to this store. I hadn't seen you in several weeks. It was rather frustrating for me since I sincerely thought I might have offended you in some manner."

Demyx opened his mouth to interrupt but Zexion cut him off.

"Roxas insisted how even if I knew the details I should attend that party at Axel's to at least talk with you once more; that we would make excellent friends. He said that you'd been hurt from far too many others by diving into things head-long as you are apt to do. But I also enjoy that about your character since you are passionate by nature. I wanted to learn more about you and of course apologize properly. It perhaps was not correct for Roxas to say those things without telling you, but his heart was in the right place."

"He said that I fell in lust with you and acted like a fucking stalker. He said that I was creepy. How is that having your heart in the right place?" Demyx responded bitterly.

Zexion took this chance to move a little closer again. He needed to make Demyx understand what he meant. The musician didn't move away this time. His expressive face was openly torn with confusion.

"He might have said that, yes, but you know how abrasive he can be with his words. He is just like Axel in that respect. However, we are aware of the truth of such situations, are we not?"

"…?"

"When you started coming here on a regular basis," Zexion recalled, "I remember wondering why you would stare at me so frequently. I was baffled that you found me fascinating in the first place. And I couldn't fathom why you wouldn't speak with me. I never found such behavior creepy or akin to a stalker. When we finally did converse I was rather… unwell from the heat. Yet you were kind enough to bring me iced coffee. I was struck by your thoughtfulness."

Demyx sniffed loudly, Zexion finally resting his hands on the shoulders in front of him. He peered down into Demyx's puffy eyes with utmost sincerity.

"When I heard you might… Well that is incorrect, I suppose. Roxas said I caused you pain because of your inability to express affection for me."

"Not in such eloquent words, I'm guessing."

"Yes," Zexion conceded, "There was quite a bit more of swearing on his end. And I was rather flabbergasted since we didn't know one another. I couldn't comprehend how you could even feel that way about someone such as myself."

Demyx flinched so Zexion added quickly, "I felt that the idea of me hurting you in any manner was dreadful. Even when I didn't know you as I do now. So I felt… not obligated, but implored to meet with you again and see if we could commence a mutual friendship."

"So you weren't making fun of me?" Demyx asked tightly.

Zexion brought his hand up to whap the side the Mohawk without any force, hair bouncing as he scowled impatiently, "Honestly Demyx. How could that ever have crossed your mind?"

Demyx hiccupped a little sheepishly, glancing around, "Um, oh. Yeah."

"Now stand upright and we'll travel to the back so I can retrieve you something to drink." Zexion snagged the material of Demyx's jacket, pulling him along.

Dem nodded and they went around the register and into the miniscule stock room of Cogitare Bookstore. Marluxia was smoking a cigarette by the back door, puffing smoke past the bricks outside. The pink-haired man was a little startled to see Zexion clutching Demyx's wrist tightly.

"Oh, you're done having a conniption?" Marluxia prompted.

"Marluxia, do shut up." Zexion spat, not liking his boss's tone.

Marluxia was taken aback but understood now was not the time. So he chucked his cigarette out the door and towards the front, "I'll watch the store then. Take your time."

After he disappeared and Zexion sat Demyx down in the lounge, the slate-haired man poured a large cup of coffee and set the steaming liquid in front of his friend.

"Sorry," Demyx muttered unhappily, "For making that dramatic scene in front of your boss."

"You have absolutely nothing to apologize for." Zexion insisted.

"But-"

"And people say I'm oblivious." Zexion snorted.

Demyx took an obligatory sip of his drink, nodding his appreciation for the excellent brew.

"Demyx, there are several matters which you must understand." Zexion stated, elegantly perching himself on the chair close by. Zexion twined his fingers on the table between them.

"And those are?"

"…" Zexion pondered for a long moment, Demyx scared by what he might say.

"Point one. It is understandable that you are angry. Neither myself nor Marluxia are offended by your outburst I can assure you. Roxas told me your sexuality without your express permission and you have a right to be upset with both of us. It was none of my business to begin with. Point two. You must equally understand if Roxas had not done so we probably would have never spoken again."

Demyx frowned, "Huh?"

"If Roxas had not spilled your secret, as offensive as that sounds, I would have never attended Axel's party. And it's most probable you would have never returned either."

The musician blinked, stunned, "You're defending him?"

"Rather I'm stating the facts." Zexion intoned.

"Okay…" Demyx still didn't know where this was going.

"Point three. Due to me attending that obnoxious drinking engagement…." Zexion softened, "We did become friends. As a matter of fact you are now perhaps the only person who I've ever gotten so close with; certainly in my entire life. As you once said, I often prefer books to social interaction. So, point four. Despite the fact that we became friends with me already understanding you might hold certain expectations on my behavior… I never truly noticed."

Zexion sighed distantly, "And in that muggy basement I found you undeniably fascinating. I began to harbor more urges to be in your presence again. Then, I saw you sing. Your voice is… enviable and you care about the music you create. You work incredibly hard on that endeavor which I find admirable."

Demyx watched him with rapt surprise. Zexion was neither a liar nor one to edge around the truth. And the truth in that inimitable wording which Zexion could effortlessly ramble made Demyx feel wonderful. His heart was racing in his chest, the nonchalant tone they were spoken was so... Zexion appeared almost nostalgic.

But Demyx was still uneasy. He didn't want to say it but his mouth blurted for him, "And when I told you I like you?"

Zexion turned to him with pursed lips, face unreadable.

"When you informed me yourself, how you felt about me that is… I was…" Zexion felt his face heat up, the words caught in his throat while he bit his lip sharply, "I…"

"You?" Demyx implored with a desperately needy tone.

"I am going to assume you want the honest truth." Zexion mumbled deftly.

"Yes." Demyx urged, body leaning forward unconsciously.

"I feel undeniably bland, boring and unlikeable in comparison."

Demyx's mouth dropped, "What now?"

"Well, as it is, you are far more impressive than myself. You truly have distinct qualities which are very much out of my league. I figured that, well, um," Zexion was tripping over his words. This was a first.

"When Roxas stated that you like me… Initially I thought that as soon as you grew to know who I really am that feeling would inevitably subside. Which was why I was comfortable forming a friendship. You are- rather amazing. And I am…decidedly not." Zexion turned his face away to hide the inadequacy.

Demyx couldn't help it. Tears were distorting his eyes again. But they were no longer from anger, nor sadness.

"I am unable to understand what might implore you to continue harboring such irrational feelings. I am no one special. You are far more worthy to engage in a relationship with someone… experienced in such matters." The words were almost too endearing for Demyx to comprehend.

"Hey, Zexion?"

Zexion glanced over with a shy frown, "Yes?"

"You're a total idiot, yo."

Zexion flinched apprehensively. Then Demyx split the widest grin across his face and started laughing with wild abandon. The sound was blissfully happy without reservation. He pooled over with hands gripping his knees, chest quivering from the exertion.

"Haha! You're too rich!" Demyx managed through his bought of giggling. Zexion wondered if he should feel offended.

"No, but seriously," Demyx calmed, "You are like totally the best person I've ever met. You're smart, sharp as a whip, and you don't take crap from anyone. You…"

Demyx grew quiet, "Are perfect. So, so, so damn perfect. The reason… I began liking you wasn't a stupid one."

"You may act impulsively but not stupidly." Zexion added, still unbearably shy and unused to the feeling of his heart racing as swiftly as it was. Demyx really thought he was that amazing?

"Roxas talked about you a lot, you know? He told me all these things, and he isn't one to admire another dude like that. I wondered what you would be like so when he needed to pick up some books I dragged Axel with us. You were different than I imagined. Curt, polite, trying not to glare at Ax for acting like a dickhead."

"Which is incredibly hard to accomplish." Zexion muttered.

"Yes, it is. And when you said that you found me liking you agreeable… I got like uber horror flick scared." Demyx grabbed the coffee again, now cool, and chugged several gulps down before he continued.

"I sometimes feel like this… yucky guy. The people I liked before, I realized why it would never work. It wasn't them. It didn't have to do with how they were straight or bad people. It was how I acted." Demyx sighed, "I pushed my feelings on them, uncaring if it would make them uncomfortable. And I deserved being treated as I did."

"That is impossible!" Zexion huffed aggressively.

Demyx brought his hand up, "Let me finish. I… well, when I realized I liked you I knew I couldn't be like that. I knew you wouldn't fall for cutesy acts or anything and that you wouldn't appreciate it anyway."

Cutesy? Wasn't that how Demyx acted all the time regardless?

"When we spoke that humid day and you were dying or whatever I felt like if I talked to you it was only going to make me love you more."

Love? Zexion flushed again, twiddling with his fingers anxiously.

"That's why I didn't speak to you for the longest time. I was content chilling in the awesome bookstore that just screamed your personality and watching you… maybe a bit like a creeper. So after we talked I avoided you, I didn't come anywhere near this store. You were right about point two, FYI, I probably wouldn't have come back."

Demyx leaned in his chair closer to Zexion, "And when we became friends I was just so damn happy. You act a lot differently with me than Roxas, and I sorta felt like gloating about it. But I still didn't want you to ever know how I felt about you. I didn't want to ruin what we already had. And I'm okay with just being friends if that's what you want."

"So what made you tell me, then?"

"Because I trust you. I didn't want to lie, and if you remember I didn't really tell you outright. You asked. Or rather, you already knew anyway." Demyx admitted.

"I still much prefer to hear it from you." Zexion stood suddenly, pulling at Demyx's arm until he was also on his feet. Their faces were mere inches away, both finding the proximity far too pleasing.

"So, Demyx, point five." Zexion puffed his chest and pooled closer, his grip tight on Dem's shirt, "If you change your mind about your feelings at this juncture or choose another suitor, I will be incredibly offended."

Demyx relaxed and wrapped his arms around Zexion's trim waist, nose bumping against the slate hair, "Offended?"

"Certainly." Zexion confirmed. "Because you loving me in such a manner… is most agreeable."

Demyx tilted down pressing his lips against Zexion's upturned cheek. The smooth contact forced shivers down Zexion's side.

Zexion continued with a husky voice, "Tell me again, please."

"I'm pretty much in love and adore every single thing about you." Demyx responded promptly.

"And I…" Zexion responded.

Demyx cut him off by melding their mouths together in a chaste kiss. Zexion lifted his hands up to Demyx's smooth face and when the musician pulled away he quickly closed the distance between them again, forcing the musician to hunch with their chest bumping so their lips could collide.

Their tongues dashed out moments later, lapping affectionately. Zexion felt inexperienced with kissing however the pleased look in aqua eyes told him otherwise.

Demyx looked like he was going to cry once more, too many times in one day for Zexion.

"And you?" Demyx murmured, choked with a feeling of indescribable happiness. He'd just frenched Zexion.

"And I would like to- well- request, that, um-"

Dem giggled, since Zexion was too adorable to fathom.

Zexion huffed, "Would you agree with, um, to be my…. boyfriend, then?"

"I would find that most agreeable." Demyx purred, locking their lips once more.

TBC.