A/N: short chapter today, guys. ive got some school work going on. this chapter is very dark. and semi inspired by the taking back sunday song "liar (it takes one to know one)". enjoy.

It Used To Be the Reason I Breathed But Now It's Choking Me Up…

It was midnight when Freddie was walking in the street. He had his eyes closed high as fuck on cocaine. His nose was bleeding and the cold cold air was burning his skin as he recalled that day…

"What is this?"

Freddie couldn't explain himself for the life of him. Especially in front of Carly "You better get out of here…" he began to push her out of the apartment.

Carly was speechless as she got out. When Freddie closed the door he sighed and went back to his business.

After that, he hadn't really got a chance to explain himself. Up until the next day at school when he tried to remain invisible during class. When the dismissal bell rang, Freddie had one foot at the door when Carly grabbed his shoulder. Feeling a sudden rush of guilt coming, he turned around.

"Hey, Carls…" he said.

"Um, I want to talk to you out near the bleachers if that's fine…" she asked.

"Sure. Like right now?"

"Yeah."

And off they went. Freddie dragged his feet as he followed Carly. He felt a hot heavy load of blame on his back. As they got up the stairs, they sat on the bleachers. Freddie looked at Carly. Her pouty lips, fair complexion, and dark hair blowing in the wind. She was so beautiful. And Freddie hated himself for appearing so horrible.

"So talk to me, Freddie…What's going on?" she asked.

Freddie sighed "If this is about what you saw the other day, I have an explanation for that…it helps me with all the stress that I've been through…I just need you to keep your mouth shut for me, please?"

"I will. But…are you addicted to it? Like do you always need it?"

"No. Its not that bad. I'm not hooked…" Freddie lied. He damn well lied. "I can drop it at any time…"

"Okay. Well, I will keep my mouth shut. I just want you to get it out of your system. I want you to drop it. I love you and I don't want anything to happen to you. Promise you will?"

Freddie looked into those eyes. Those sweet caring eyes. "I promise. Just as long as you promise not to tell…"

"Deal." She smiled "But…there is something else I wanted to tell you…"

"Shoot…"

"Okay, so Spencer and I are moving to California…"

"What? No, you can't…" Freddie got up and sighed

"But its not final, yet. He's up for a job designing movie sets and we haven't heard from the company yet. That's why I went to your house. I went over to tell you. Now I just need you to stay clean for me while I'm still here."

"I can do it. I'll do anything for you…"

"Great" Carly stood up and hugged him "Now be a gentleman and walk me to class." She smiled. The two then made their way back to the school building.

That night, Freddie did so much coke with Jonah he could barely smell anything. The news got to him. He didn't want Carly to leave and her certainly didn't want her to leave knowing that they would only just be friends. He wanted her. And Freddie had always said that its not a matter of just being her boyfriend. He wanted to hold her, make her happy…things a friend couldn't do. And he was willing to fight for her. So there was no way he was staying in the friends zone. His promise went through the window. And he had good reason. Or so he thought he did.

"Where's Sam?" Freddie asked sniffing and squeezing his nose.

"I don't know…probably grounded. She's off the shit now, did you hear? Maybe that should give me reason to quit too…" Jonah replied before doing a line.

The room was silent with thought. Did he just say that? "Nah!" Jonah smiled and continued to do his line.

From then on, Freddie led a double life. Carly was on his case all the time. Making sure he didn't fall back into it. She figured that all he needed was at least a decent and clean friend supporting his way into sobriety. But she didn't know about the other side. That side outweighed the good. Freddie hung out with Jonah and had all sorts of meaningless drug induced sex with girls. An arrogant fool he was, calling himself the "King of Quiet". But it didn't take long for his cover to be blown.

One night, there was another party at nameless someone's house. Freddie was doing coke with Jonah and a few other people in a bedroom where someone forgot to close the door. Now Freddie didn't expect her to be there, but Carly passed by the room looking for a bathroom. Needless to say, she felt betrayed. Freddie was too high to notice her standing there for a good two minutes revaluating her friendship with him.

The next day, Freddie got the shock of his life when he returned home to Mrs. Benson, Spencer, and Carly all sitting in the living room waiting for him.

"What is this? What's going on?" he asked confused.

"Well, we're all concerned with you, sweetie…" Mrs. Benson replied. All Freddie could do was look at Carly who had her head down. Another promise being broken.

"Concerned with what?"

"Freddie…" Spencer chimed in "You're like a little brother to me…so if there's anything you wanna talk about, you can always come to me…"

"Yeah, uh, thanks but no thanks…actually, I want to talk to Carly right now…"

"Yeah, sure…" she followed him into his room.

"You told them, didn't you? How could you do this to me after you promised me you wouldn't?" Freddie yelled.

"No! You broke your promise first, Freddie…you fucking lied to me!" Carly shot back.

"That is bullshit! I've been clean this whole time! You have no proof…"

"I was at that party last night…"

And Carly wasn't stupid. Freddie was the stupid one to think he could keep those charades up for as long as he wanted. He stood there not even thinking about what to say next. She had cornered him into a wall.

"How long as it been going on since you made that promise to me, huh?" she asked.

"It was just that one time…"

Carly went towards his backpack as he tried to keep her away. With one swift move, she pushed him to the side and opened the pack. A bag of cocaine fell out. Carly turned around "Just one time? And you were going to do it again, weren't you?"

"Okay, do you want to know why I do it?" Freddie grew serious "Because you make me do this…"

Carly began to cry at the tone of his voice. She didn't want to hear any of this.

"You're always prancing around and juggling the fact that I can't have you in front of me…"

"Oh no, don't you dare pull that out on me! I'm only trying to help you, Freddie…"

"You're a cock tease! And that's all you will ever be!"

Carly knew Freddie was talking nonsense. She then moved passed him to get to the door "I can't take this anymore" she sobbed "I'm going to your Mom and telling her straight up that you need to be taken care of…"

"You're not going to do anything…" Freddie grabbed her arm and gripped it tightly.

"Freddie, let go of me. Please!" she sobbed some more.

Without warning, he pushed her on the floor. Hearing the loud thud, Mrs. Benson and Freddie quickly rushed into the room and found Carly on the ground. Spencer came to her aid as Mrs. Benson looked at Carly and then looked back at Freddie.

"Mom…" he said not ready to explain himself.

"Get out of here…you're not my son. You're a monster…" she replied.

(chapter 4 coming soon)