Sick in More than One Way
Kel sat up in bed; her gasps curdled together causing her to choke. Her nose burned and her nasal cavity was completely cleared by her hot salty tears. Her entire face ached, and sometimes she wondered if crying hurt more then battle wounds themselves. It sure seemed that way.
A scream cut into her skull and she covered her ears only to have the shrill voice increase in its pitch. Her heart iced over and parts shattered off. The broken bits mixed with her bloodstream and flowed through her body, cutting her from the inside. Pain splintered out from her core and her brow broke out in a sweat. She knew the pain wasn't real, that she was just reliving other pains from over the years as a page, squire, and Knight, but that didn't stop the constant cutting and invisible scars.
Moving around a little Kel felt the sheets chafe against her back and groaned. She had sweated through them in her sleep and they would need to be changed again. The sparrows were perched on the headboard and chirping softly in concern. Kel groaned once again as an unreal icicle shattered into her just above her heart, filling her with shivers. Though she was trembling in the painful cold, her hands burned like they were coated in blazebalm.
She knew she couldn't lie in bed any longer, letting the ice slither through her. The sparrows were getting upset, and she needed to get up before her sleep deprived mind drew her back to the dreams that caused the ice. Pulling herself up was painful, but she did it. After a moment Kel balanced herself on her feet and moved to grab her glaive. Weighing it in her hands she started a dance.
Spinning it in her hands she made sure her every step was perfect, focusing her mind only on her physical body and the weapon at hand. Deftly she sliced through the air and thrust the pointed blade out to invisible enemies. Using her shoulders she put more force behind her blows and picked up speed. She swung down as if to sweep an opponent's legs out from under them and came back up, making a center stab. Her muscles flexed as she shifted from defensive to offensive. As she settled into the familiar dance she focused on her breathing and her muscles as they tightened and loosened, producing heat for her frozen body.
By the time she had finished light was cracking through her shutters and she was covered with even more sweat, dripping with it. Shaking her head it splashed onto the sparrows that cheeped at her with the indignity. Kel smiled to them before putting her glaive back up on the wall. Running her hand, that quivered from exhaustion and trauma from her night's rest, through her hair she moved into her washroom and found a bath drawn for her. By the steam that rose from it she could tell it was still warm.
As she sank into the water Kel fixed her eyes on the ceiling rather then closing them. Raoul would be off by midday and she was panicked over how to deal with the men. It was silly, she had been with the Own when she was a squire and they had been at New Hope and Haven before. There was no reason for her to be anxious. Raoul was just trying to frighten her.
She flicked the water with her finger as she assessed what she would need to do that day to finish her for report Lord Wyldon. She perked up when she realized she would have to review the entire camp, going over the damage they had sustained since her departure a month back. She would be able to hand herself over to the numb emotionless work. She would be able to separate her body from her mind.
With that in mind she quickly dressed and dried her hair. After cleaning her teeth and brushing her hair out of its snarls she let the sparrows out. The sun had already lit the sky multiple colors, but had yet to break over the battlements. Some people were already up and about, making their way to the mess. Grabbing her sword belt Kel did the same.
When she walked into the mess she was shocked to see half the Own with their breakfast. She had partially expected them to sleep through the first meal. Grabbing food from the cooks who greeted her kindly Kel went and sat with them. When she took a seat on the long bench Fulcher grinned at her and slid four silver coins to tap against her plate.
"How long did he last?" Kel asked as she slipped the coins into her belt purse. She would have to remember to have a messenger bring them to Corus with a letter for Tobe. He probably needed extra spending money for treats when Stefan let him ride some of the horses through the city.
A plate hit the table harshly across from her and she looked up to see Dom scowling at the other men. "Not even three hours." Fulcher chuckled. "When he came back he was blue. It took an hour of sitting in front of the fire place to get him to even twitch a finger."
Kel scowled at Dom. "You could have killed yourself," she scolded him. His eyes were half lidded and his grip on the fork in his hand loose. She reached out and pressed her hand to his forehead. It was borderline hot. "Dom, you may have to see Neal. You don't want this to progress into anything."
Without thinking Dom closed his eyes all the way and pressed his face into her hand, making it slip to cup his cheek. "I'm fine," he fibbed. His internal organs felt like they were cooking, but he didn't want to admit it. Admit that he had purposely sat out in a drift of snow with no clothes on.
Kel moved her hand from his bristled cheek and lightly held his chin, pleading for him to look at her with the touch. Hesitantly he opened his bloodshot eyes and met hers. Even in his state he noticed how the dreamers glimmering fog they had to them didn't vanish even in her sleep ridden state. Her hazel eyes drooped in the corners slightly in unrest. When he looked closely he saw that the skin under her eyes was somewhat puffy, and her bottom lid a little red. Had she been crying? Or was it just another reaction from little sleep?
"Gods Dom," Kel breathed. His face was so pale he could have been suffering from blood lose. She could feel his pulse hammering out of tempo against her fingers. He looked tired, and sick, and tender to the touch. It wasn't the normal feel of the sergeant. Her friend never looked so weak to her.
Dom visibly slumped in disappointment as Kel pulled back her warm fingers. It was so hard to be friends. His simply touching her made his heart ache for days, and he wondered what her affect of touching him would leave him. He would dream about her fingers tonight; that was for sure. His mind would baffle over the long, gentle fingers of a hand with white scars that formed a tattoo worthy of the gods. A hand that read the history of her life in an ancient script she alone could read.
"You know what," Kel picked up both of their plates, pulling the fork from his hand and resting it next to his food. "We can eat in the infirmary. I want you to have some healer look at you." Kel stood up from her spot on the bench in a fluid motion making it scarcely possible to tell she could collapse any moment into a harsh sleep. She came to his side and nudged him with her knee, urging him to get up as he looked blankly forward, shivering from the contact and rising fever. "Come on," she nudged him again and Dom bite his tongue hard. Her touch burned at the same time as it cooled him with a tingling feeling. "I won't let you eat till you see a healer." She warned.
One more time, he told himself as he sat ridged, giving away no signs that he planned on moving. Just one more time and I'll get up. I'll give in. "Why should I, Mother? I'm perfectly fine here. Just a little hot."
Kel pressed her thigh harder into his side since she couldn't hit him, and also just to touch him. The air was sucked from Dom's lungs. That was it; he had pushed his strengths too far. The consequences for letting her touch his face was simply a recurring fantasy, but for letting her touch him with a body part that was so close to being private would cause him dreams that would leave him aching in the mornings. The kind of dreams the men could never learn he had.
She pressed her hip into him now harder then she did her leg and he rocketed from his seat. "Fine," he choked hoarsely. He didn't even try to cover it with a cough or sneeze. She would just assume it was from the fever he was developing. He clumsily detangled his legs from the bench as the other men laughed at his pale skin and lead feet. Kel glared at them. It wasn't right for them to find his amusing in his condition.
Dom ambled slowly at Kel's side as he followed her to the infirmary, willing to draw the walk out as long as possible. "I should start calling you Meathead." Kel mumbled and shook her head. "This is my fault. I should have stopped the betting instead of actually betting against you. I should have locked you all in the barracks and forced you into extra layers just incase. Now you have a fever and we'll have to merge your squad with Aiden's-"
"Kel," he interrupted. "I think my corporals can handle things for a while on their own and it's just a fever. Neal's Baird's son. A small fever, he can take care of that in a minute." His chuckle was throaty and slightly torn. "Only you can blame yourself for something that was completely my fault."
"I'm commander, I'm watching these people inside the fort and that includes you men. I can't just let you run around and kill yourselves." She stopped herself when she felt clammy fingers under her chin.
He was going to dream about touching her face that night anyways. The feeling of her hand on his face was going to plague him, but he couldn't stop himself as he reached out and made her look at him. Her smooth warm skin burned his fingers as he turned her head. He did his best to stay calm and natural when he looked her in the eye, meeting her exquisite stare evenly, but when he opened his mouth his voice cracked like a pre-pubescent. "Technically me and the men are not part of the fort. Just an extension. You don't need to take care of us. Like Raoul said," he grinned crookedly at her but didn't really putting himself in the gesture, "we're big boys."
Kel nearly dropped the plates she was holding just looking at him. Pulling away her chin she started walking again. Slowly Dom followed. The infirmary was nearly empty, and just as she was hoping Kel spotted Neal through the open door leading to his office. Waving off a young trainee healer she demanded Dom to lay on one of the empty cots. Grumbling he did and she set both their plates on a table stand next to the bed.
"Neal?" she knocked on his open door.
"Yes…?" He finished reading the last sentence from the book he held. He glanced up and dropped his book, loosing the page. He turned his look form her and glared at the now closed book before looking her way again. "What brings you down here so soon? Isn't it a bit early for me to be patching up your bones?" He looked her over and cocked a brow. "You seem fine."
"Your cousin brings me here." She crossed her arms over her chest and leaned back, letting him see Dom on the cot. "Can you give his a look at? He doesn't seem well."
"Now you finally see where I'm coming from." He got up and stood next to her in the door frame, looking at his sick cousin. He shrugged, looking indifferent. "Sorry, but I've worn low lately." He faked a yawn and Kel glared at him. "My dear cousin will have to do his healing himself."
"Come on Neal." Kel growled in exasperation. "You did a full physical on me after you found out Wyldon kissed my forehead. Dom sat out in the cold naked for three hours and is your blood-kin. As a knight and a healer you're sworn to help him. Remember the vows we took all through or training-"
"You're worse then the Lioness," Neal huffed and walked to his cousin. Kel followed. "And The Stump's kiss could have been laced with poison. I was looking out for you. Some gratitude!"
"Stop squawking, Meathead." Dom held his suddenly pounding head. "I agree with your father, I wish I could tie your tongue in knots."
"I've told you, that's insubordination." He scoffed. "It's Sir Meathead. Now, what's this I hear about you sitting outside naked?"
"Neal you were there last night. You know exactly what happened." Kel levered Dom, who had propped himself up on his elbows, back down to rest on his pillow. The touch sent his body aching again. "He's getting a fever and probably is tired. Fulcher said it took a while for him to start moving again."
"How long?" Neal asked, all teasing gone from his tone. He began pulling away Dom's shirt and rested a hand on his cousin's forehead, then on his bare chest over his heart. Coolness flooded though him and his eyes fluttered shut, trusting Neal wouldn't hurt him.
"Little over two hours to begin moving again, and an hour to get to sleep." Dom mumbled as pressure pulled behind his eyes. Sleep began to clog his throat and he shifted to keep himself awake.
"And you sat out there for three hours?" Neal asked. Dom and Kel both nodded. Neal thought as he worked as did Kel. Kel had left the barracks around nine which meant if Dom went out right after she left he never slept till either three or four hours past midnight. She chewed her lip. He hadn't gotten more then two or three hours of sleep. That wouldn't help his fever.
Dom opened his eyes and looked up at Kel as Neal pulled back. There was the sweetest sadness in her eyes and he knew she was still blaming herself for his stupid behavior. He didn't want her to feel responsible for something that had nothing to do with her, but he didn't want to look to fade either. It made it so much easier to imagine. It made the dreams feel real for a while, that that sadness wasn't just a friends concern.
"You're an idiot, Dom." Neal's voice cut through Kel's sad look and she glared at him. Dom glared as well at his cousin for cutting his fantasy short. Neal talked to both Dom and Kel. "You strained you circulatory system, having it try to pump more blood to warm your muscles. Your body can't take much stress and needs rest. I want you in here rather then the barracks. You need quiet and sleep." He left to get something from his office.
Kel met Dom's eyes and the melodic look of concern was etched into her face again. Dom struggled to sit up once more and she rushed to his side to help him. "I can do it mys-" He cut himself off when she gave him a warning look. Grudgingly Dom let her prop a pillow behind him and another that she had grabbed from the neighboring bed. "Kel, really," he insisted but didn't know what to say to put her at ease. She stepped back when he was sitting up right. Dom sighed. "Thanks."
Neal came back. He pressed a mug of tea in Dom's hand and instructed him to drink it. Dom, knowing healers, pinched the bridge of his nose and quickly drank down the liquid. Neal snatched back the mug from him when it was drained. "It wasn't that bad." He snapped. "I just gave you something mild for your head."
"You liquidized horse manure." Dom accused in a choked voice. Neal seethed at him before snapping at him to lie back down. Dom didn't refuse Kel's help this time and took the moment to appreciate the sizzling feeling that spread up his spin from her hands on his bare back. Her concerned face never changed and he was relieved that, for the moment, she had thrown her mask aside. He let her feel his face again checking the fever, let her trail her hands down his neck to see if she could catch his pulse, let her brush her fingers over his chest to feel his full body heat. He knew his body gave evident signs of his pleasure, his chest had grown warmer and his nipples hard, his eyes were glazed and his heart began to hammer. He didn't try to stop her, couldn't. Dom just relied on Kel's inexperience with men that she couldn't tell. "You're worrying." He murmured, voice husky from the added on heat she caused him. "Don't be."
"He's right," Neal looked at Kel. Quickly she pulled her roaming fingers back disappointing both Dom and herself. "He'll only have to stay here the day and the night. A couple more teas and sleep and he'll be the same as usual tomorrow." He looked at his cousin then. "Sleep," he demanded and Dom immediately closed his eyes.
"I've work to do." Kel murmured and stepped out.
She was back at the infirmary a little while after midday with a plate for Dom incase he had woken up. He hadn't and all the healers had cleared out, still hanging around close enough so they would know if they were needed. Little activity was happening at the fort due to the flurry of snow that was falling. She had only been able to see Raoul off and check the battlements merlon. She saw a few cracks but not many. They already had the material to fix them, but she still planned on putting it in her report. She didn't like to leave anything out and Wyldon wanted thorough reports.
Kel was sitting on a cot next to Dom's bed writing out notes for her report when she heard a moan. She looked up at Dom, setting down her quill. He moaned again and shifted in the small bed. She watched him for a second more. He continued to shift and turn, but didn't make another sound. She turned back to her report. He moaned again and began to twist under the covers as his moans continued to get louder. He groaned with his eyes still shut. His legs stretched out, pulling the sheet and coverlet off of his chest to leave it to the cold air. His back arched slightly and he was gripping the corners of the mattress, his fingers gone white. His entire body strained with a built up pressure.
It wasn't till Kel moved closer to him did he scream. The yell echoed through the empty room and Kel rushed to his side, kneeling down next to the bed and pulling at his hands to let the mattress go while she called his name. His body went ridged for a moment before shuttering. "Dom," she said, moving closer to his head, looking down at him. She squeaked in surprise when his eyes snapped open, staring her down with a hollow hunger. "Dom," she whispered again, not knowing what to do. There were no healers around. Should she get one? But she didn't want to leave him like this. He was panting heavily, covered in sweat, and slightly pink.
To her surprise he lifted a quivering hand and cupped her cheek, stroking her face softly with his thumb. His eyes still had their hollow look, but began to glitter faintly. "Dom," she found she was only capable of a whisper. It didn't matter. He was so close to her he would catch her words. "Dom, are you alright?"
"More then," he whispered back. He followed the line of her jaw, stroking two fingers back and forth in a soft touch. His hand traveled down her neck, fingers brushing over her collarbone. His hand stopped abruptly and he glared at the lacings of her shirt. Dom ripped his hand back and sat upright, looking around frantically. He looked down at the bed he was in like he didn't remember ever laying down. Suddenly his eyes widened as he realized something and he looked down at Kel, his eyes pleading something she didn't understand.
"You screamed Dom." Was all she could think to say.
Dom stared at her. She was looking back at him without her mask on. He took his time to speak. Slowly he took in her wide shocked eyed, feeding from the emotion he could see flicking across her face. Fear, concern, sadness, all at once mixed with something he couldn't detect precisely. He took in them all greedily. Her emotions, all of them, were a treat to him. Seeing her real face was his obsession. His mind froze for a moment before backtracking. His dream, Kel…. He looked down at the sheets over his legs again and moved. He had discarded his breeches before he had fallen completely asleep, and he felt something slippery and warm over and between his legs. Panic hit him hard. No, not now! Not with her right next to him, staring at him. His head snapped back to Kel and he winced. She had said something.
"Wha- what?"
"You screamed in your sleep Dom. Are you alright?" She reached out a hand and pushed back his sweaty hair, feeling his forehead. His skin was scorching, but not for the reason she thought. She moved closer and cupped his cheek in her hands, trying to make him look at her while she wiped away the sweat. He shuttered in her hands from what he had seen behind his lids seconds ago. The thoughts of her, of them, made it hard to stand her touch. It made him want to hold her down and press his lips to every part of her, starting with her own. He met her eyes and choked back a whine seeing the sweet sadness back. It was like salted sugar. Kel stared back at his hollow eyes. "You were thrashing a bit too and clutching the bed. What happened?"
Gods no. He had yelled. He had actually made noise. Dom started breathing heavily and unreasonably. He was broken. He would never be able to sleep without making a noise. It was going to be impossible with the men. Dom wanted to punch himself for the stupidity. He had let himself have one touch too many. Now was his time to start paying.
"Dom?" Kel asked. She could see something sour pass over Dom's mind. She stroked his cheek with her thumb as he had done to her when he woke up, scratching her skin on his forming whiskers. "Please tell me."
"Nightmare." He croaked out, knowing she'd believe the lie.
He was right. Kel's face dropped in concern. She removed her hands from his face and sat on the corner of his bed. Without hesitation she wrapped her arms around his shoulders giving him a hug like he had to her at Mid Winter. She didn't want that for her friend. Not what she had to go through. It was bad enough for one person. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"No," he said quickly. She was too close. A few more inches and she would be sitting on the evidence of what he had really been dreaming of. He felt like the truth was written on his body, that its odor clung in the air and any moment she would detect it. "Not unless you share yours."
Kel pulled back and looked at him, brow furrowed. She couldn't tell him though she wanted to. She already had two shoulders to carry the burden. She didn't need four, and she couldn't explain the dreams precisely and have them sound average. First of all he would think she was mad for feeling imaginary pain, second for the things she had seen. He was a warrior, seen battle and death, but she just wasn't sure if he saw it the same way she did, if it wasn't just different for her because she was The Girl. Out of all her knight friends she never heard one of them mention night terrors like hers. Even the Lioness.
"Dom-"
"No," he interrupted. "It has to be fair, Kel."
Kel stood from the bed to his relief and sorrow, taking a step back. "I'm going to find Nealan. He probably has another tea for you somewhere." She told him and hurried out before he could object. Dom flopped back on the cot and closed his eyes, wondering how he was going to explain this to his cousin. He was going to find out, Dom couldn't stop that. He glared at the ceiling in a slow torture as he let his embarrassment burn color into his cheeks.
Neal walked into the room not long after Kel left with her at his side. He looked at his cousin for no longer then a second before heading to his office again to fix him another concoction. Kel sat down on the cot where she had left her notes and watched Dom who blankly looked off. He visibly tensed noticing she wasn't collecting her things to leave and Neal came back into the room. It was obvious he could feel the anxiety between the two by his frown.
Neal handed the brew to his cousin and he gave an odd look as Dom adjusted the blankets around him before taking the cup. He had scooted forward as if to cover something. "So, Kel said you had a nightmare?" he asked conversationally. He watched as Dom's grip on the cup tightened and Kel's face slipped into her mask.
"Yes." He took a swallow from the mug and gagged as a reflex to the acidy tea rolling down his throat. He glared at the black liquid. "What rancid fowl did you squeeze this from?" he asked Neal seriously.
Neal ignored the comment. "Care to share?"
"This?" he held out the tea to his cousin. "You can have it all if you want, Meathead."
"I meant your nightmare Domitan." Neal let his nerves get the better of him and snapped at the man who looked blankly at him. "You're thicker then the battlements, you know that?"
"No, I didn't cousin." Dom took another sip from the mug and drank it down with a few choking sounds. He pressed the mug back into his bitter cousin's hands and looked at him expectantly. "Was that all you needed?"
"Dom-" Kel opened her mouth.
"You know my pretenses, Lady Knight." He whispered hotly, cutting off her plea. Looking at her Dom only saw her mask, her face blank and calm. "Fair's fair. When you tell me I'll tell you."
"You know I can't do that-"
"You can't?" He asked stiffly. "I always thought you had some capability of speech Kel. Why can't you sleep at night? Why is it you wince every time the talking stops or you have nothing in your hands?" he nodded down to her hand that was clutching the quill. She dropped it instantly. "Tell me why you never leave your sword behind anymore? Why you insist on bringing it to meetings and even meals with friends?" He paused for a second to breathe. "Why were groaning in your sleep back on the rode when I put you in your tent? Why did you wake up crying and holding yourself in Corus?"
Her mask didn't waver. "No reason."
"Maggot's arse!" he spat. "I'm your friend Kel, you can tell me. How long has it been? Through your squire years, with you to Scanra? You still don't trust me!"
"Dom you're sounding like Neal." Uncontrollably her mask slipped and he could see pain flash briefly in her eyes. "What about you, Dom? You're not tell-"
"I will!" He grabbed her arm impulsively and tugged her off the other cot, pulling her so she was on her knees on the floor, closer to him. Her papers spilt to the floor along with her quill. The ink wobbled on the table but didn't fall over. He moved his grip from her arm and took on ink stained hand. "I'll tell you exactly what I dreamt if you tell me what your nightmares are. If you let me help." He waited, but when she gave no answer his gripped tightened. "You're worrying us all sick Kel! Your friends. We all want to help."
Coldly Kel pulled her hand back and turned her back from him, collecting her papers. Standing again she had her mask in place. "I'm sorry Dom, but I don't quite understand." She nodded to him and clapped Neal on the shoulder as if nothing had happened. A horn called outside and she looked out the door. The gate was being raised. "Yuki must be here early Neal. Probably finished packing and left not long after us." She stepped out of the infirmary saying faintly that she would greet his fiancées party.
Neal stood motionless for a moment, wanting to see Yuki but frozen for the time being. He looked at him cousin. "That was…" he fumbled. "Bad."
"You think?" Dom snapped. He flopped back on the bed again and hit his head on the wall doing so. He wrinkled his face. "Sir Meathead, would it be alright if I changed beds?"
"Why?"
Dom's face heated noticeably. "The sheets are dirty." Neal frowned and stepped forward, pulling back the blankets from the stop where Dom had pulled them. His jaw dropped and he looked to Dom, then back at the sheets. "Yeah," Dom mumbled, getting up quickly and pulling on his breeches.
"You… you-"
"Yes Meathead?" Dom growled.
Neal scrunched his face up in disgust. "Dom, I hope you know sick people are treated here. It's not an ideal place to have wet dreams." He pointed to the bed. "Strip the sheets and put them in the basket over their. If it happens again-"
"It wont."
"If it does," Neal went on. "You'll have to clean them yourself." He watched his cousin quizzically as he pulled the sheets from the bed. "May I ask how long have you left them like that?"
"Not long," Dom snapped back. He walked across the room and threw the sheets in the provided basket. "I would have done something earlier, it's just…."
"Just…?"
Dom turned and looked at his cousin, cheeks flushing. "Kel was here. She heard me scream…woke me up."
"You screamed?" Neal laughed. Biting his lip Dom nodded and Neal laughed all the harder. Dom swung at him but he dodged the hit. "Oh gods, and Kel was here! Did she know-of course not. She's Kel." After a moment more of laughter at his cousin's expense he looked back at Dom sternly. "Get some more rest. I'm going out to see Yuki." He walked from the room, grinning before he broke out into a trot.
Falling on the cot Dom rubbed his face in relief to finally be alone. He winced. He had yelled at Kel. He never yelled at her. Sure he had been frustrated, but never yelled. He bit his cheek. He always had a soft stop for Kel, and right now that part of his heart was crumbling. Turning on his side he closed his eyes only to see the face that overwhelmed him every day. He welcomed the picture and others in complete submission. It wasn't hard for him to come to the conclusion. He was sick.