Hi people. I'll be starting school soon, so be happy if I get two chapters done in a month (Unless, of course, I get some nice inspiration.) For the person who said Canadian High Schools only have four classes…screw that, that's not enough material. I'll stick with seven. As of now, the schedule is French-PE-Science-To Be decided, so I could still use some help.

I'm not gonna have Rory just steal the guide every other chapter I'd like to note. It's ETHAN'S guide! Not Rory's!

I'm not Ethan in disguise; he just emails me the guide entries every now and then.

Uhhh, I believe that's all the review stuff I need to comment on.

Man, people on this section review so much more on smut, 28 reviews divided by two one-shots, dayum…And everyone seems to love EthanXBenny. Which brings me to the question of, EthanX Sarah, Benny, or Rory, for this story? (Not Erica. Or Della. Or Jane. Or Benny's Grandma. Or Puffles, the dog. Or Debbie Dazzle. Or Dazzle Dan. Or that turtle. Or Ichigo Kurosaki. Or True Jackson. Or Zack Martin. Or Hannah Montana. Or Rebecca Black. Or Justin Bieber. Or the French Teacher. NO ONE ELSE! Just those three who aren't in paretheses.)

Someone actually said they were considering writing that Night of Scandal thing. O.o. I honestly didn't see that coming.

If anybody got the reference I made in last chapter's title, congrats. The rest of you need to read the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams (RIP) and the rest of the series (In this case, Life, The Universe, and Everything)

I reuse some humor from my smut. So sue me, it's my material.

Chapterly Advice: Do not write Fanfiction when you're supposed to be doing homework. Otherwise you end up like me, a procrastinator.

Real Advice: Do not procrastinate procrastinating. Remember. Procrastinate now, do not put it off until later.

^I don't own Ellen Degeneres Either.

REAL Real advice: I don't give good advice. Don't listen to me.

Possibly better advice: Do not bullshit a professional bullshitter.

Random Message: People like Rick Perry and Michele Bachman (Not bothering to see if I spelled her name correctly) want to abolish Gay marriage. Or our reporters are seriously screwed up in the head and can't hear things correctly. Either way, someone needs to fix things. So yeah. Don't vote for them. Or, if I'm entire wrong, blame the media. Not me. I simply don't care enough to make sure my statements are correct. And you will not correct me. Either way, if some of you readers are over 18, I win. Or you'll just not listen to me and blame me. In which case I shall force you to move to White Chapel, where you will be haunted by all sorts of supernatural shyte. And you will not be given anything to defend yourself with. Not even a spork. Instead I shall tape a "Haunt Me" sign to your back!

Wow that was a long boring speech.

Benny: I can so speak French!

Ethan:…Have you HEARD yourself?

Benny: Yes, I have ears!

Rory: You also have fleas.

Benny: I do NOT have fleas!

Sarah: Yes. Yes you do.

David: *Inches away slowly*

Benny:...

Rory: I still wanna be bolded…

Ethan: While Benny tries to cast some horrible magic on David that inevitably fails, I'll do the disclaimer. SturbangeRotrum does not own MBaV, The language of French, the idea of pronouncing La Chat as La Shit (Skyskater owns that idea. It just fit so well into the chapter…I sowwy…I promise I'll stop siphoning her words. Seriously, you uguys should start a petition to keep me in line. Or hold a gun up to my head as I write), Canada, White Chapel, the Supernatural, Life, High schools, FML, XKCD, or…well..anything.

Power is Poisson

You're all probably wondering what stopped me from delivering this wonderful, amazing story to all your awaiting mortals, something so powerful that I didn't even write my name/action/location like I always do. Trust me, if it happened to you, you wouldn't be able to write more either. So I was in a very loud room full of French and hushed voices in English (from the people who were too lazy to use French), writing in my journal, right?

Well, apparently, one of the hushed voices talking in English said the word "Poison" in conversation. I don't know why Poison would ever come up in conversation, unless you're playing pokemon or planning on killing the teacher with some horrible poison, like Arsenic laced with cyanide.

Rory, with his super-vampire hearing, heard it and, this being French Class, he thought the guy said the word Poisson. If you don't know what that means, it's "Fish." Then he ran over to me and started crying on my shoulder. Why couldn't Erica be in this class to deal with him…

After ten minutes of Benny and I trying to pry him off while our French teacher, Mrs. Knight, continued to try to teach us all, I finally got enough words out of him to have a general understanding of the situation. Apparently, he got a fish recently, and decided to jump out at it with super vampire speed in order to "Test his ninja reflexes." The fish's ninja reflexes. Riiight.

Did you know Fish could suffer heart attacks?

Yeah…Next thing Rory knew, his fish was upside down, floating.

In other, non-fish related, news, my entire left sleeve is now soaked through by Rory's tears. Because he killed his fish. By giving it a premature Heart Attack. Can you NOT see what is wrong with this situation? Oh hey, it is fish related...

So, while Benny and I are both trying to pry him off of my arm, Benny is simultaneously arguing with me about how to pronounce French. If you remember, he insists on pronouncing every. Last. Effing. Letter. So somehow, he turned the word, "La chat" into "La Shit" and refuses to stop saying it over and over again until I admit he's right. So yeah, tuning him out now by writing. Journals can be rather useful sometimes.

Anyways, Rory's Tears are going to stain the pages pretty soon. Can't wait 'til next period when I can change into something dry. Just hoping this shirt dries by the end of Gym. Or else I have to wear it during Science…

You can just feel the weird looks I'm getting through the words, can't you?

-FML-

Well. I told you that my day would not, in fact, be badass. It was like that time I bumped into Erica and watched her slowly killing some random civilian for food (Ugh, stupid visions. They're NEVER positive!). Except what happened was slightly less bloody than the vision. We have a substitute PE teacher, because our PE teacher was hospitalized (Due to a "Large shoe-shaped mark on her head." Zombies are dangerous. Don't feel sorry for her. SHE TRIED TO EAT ME. If she did, then you wouldn't have this MAGNIFICENT story, and you love this story. Right? Plus, her name is Mrs. BOSSY. You don't even need another reason to avoid her)

So of course, we all changed and had to play Dodgeball. AKA: The last game nerds want to play. Unless, of course, they're sick of school (And/or bullies, people, or are actually physically ill, but forced to go to school anyways) and wish to be hospitalized due to critical injuries via Red, Rubber Balls.

It's also the game where if you can't throw, dodge, tumble, cartwheel, and catch at the exact same time, you're pretty much screwed either way. Generally, you only need to do three of those things at a time, and if you manage to stay out of the spotlight for a long enough time, you can narrow it down to only two of those at once. So yes, it's basically just some screwed up game invented by sadistic Gym teachers who wish to see their students suffer.

Things you need to know to survive Dodgeball with a minimum number of injuries:

-Never let your guard down, you need to see the entire enemy half of the field at once. And understand every last detail

-At the beginning, do NOT rush forward to get a ball at the start. Chances are, you'll be that one guy who didn't retreat in time.

-If you don't have the best aim, you should wait until someone gets closer to throw a ball, and nail him while he's recoiling.

-Continuously do the classic hit and run, get as close as you safely can, throw the ball, and retreat without ever turning your body.

-Hide behind bigger people.

-Use your best friend as a shield. Or else he'll/she'll use you as one first.

-Never throw randomly. It could cost you your life.

-If you catch the ball, bring back the best player. Period.

-Pretending you didn't get hit is a bad idea.

-As cool as they sound, don't use techniques like the lob-and-drill, they leave you wide open.

-Stay in the back for as long as you can, usually you can wait most of the game out.

If you REALLY don't want to play, I recommend waiting for the first or second good player on your team to get out, then purposely get out. No one will waste time bringing you back if you're not good, the only negatives are flying, wild balls and having to sit there all period. Unless you're a sadist who enjoys watching people get injured by red, rubber balls. In which case, I recommend looking for a profession as a Gym Teacher, or perhaps a substitute Gym Teacher. Do NOT become an anesthetist, just because you enjoy watching people go through surgery without painkillers does not mean you get to make that happen by "Accident." Plus, doctors get sued a lot anyways. Teachers, not so much, it's their job to make children suffer.

Children just tend not to realize that until middle school.

Anyways, so in our game of dodgeball, I followed my own advice by grabbing Benny in the Snuggy Bear Hug and using him as a shield. He tried to escape. But resistance is futile. MWAHAHAHAHHAA. That, my friends, was an evil laugh.

So Benny, in his infinite wisdom, decided to grab from David, AKA our star plater, and use him as a shield. Well..you can guess how that ended. David got out very soon, and we were practically screwed. It didn't help that our own team began pelting Benny with red, rubber balls that he was unable to avoid (But he remained my shield since you can't get your own eam members out. But they tried...very hard). So…we lost, and Benny had to use a minor healing spell in order to not have to go to the hospital.

All's well that ends well, right? Sort of. My shirt sleeve is still wet as I write. Also as I write, Rory is off in another class (Thank goodness,) Benny is giving me The Look for causing him indirect pain through evil weapons of mass destruction (AKA Red, Rubber balls,) and our Science Teacher is picking up on his lessons about "Bromine Aluminum Nitrogen" that he had to stop due to…injuries similar to those that befell our gym teacher.

In other news, our teacher has informed us that he's now qualified to teach a three-day segment on Brains next month. This is Chemistry and Physics. Yeah…I think he's still suffering from…after effects.

Oh, and in case you haven't heard, there are officially no relevant Fledglings anymore on account of…a certain series of unfortunate events leading into Sarah's becoming a vampire (Even though Erica could have saved me.)

Now, time to pretend I care about Bromine Aluminum Nitrogen.

Ethan Morgan

Pretending I care about BrAlN

Science classroom

Hello my readers~. Read, Review, Rest, Reiterate, Respire, Rationalize, and Remember, I wrote half of this at 1 AM.

Today was orientation at my new school. Our guide gestured behind him and told us we would mostly be in rooms like the one behind him. It was the electrical room. Later we were shown the Greenhouse that only had one plant. It was dead.

In other news, the GSA rep, who was there, was HOT.

No flames, or I will make you have to play dodge ball in Gym, and I shall have Ethan use the Snuggy Bear Hug of Death on you, and you will get viciously pummeled by weapons of mass destruction, AKA red, rebar balls! And you will not like it!