Sorry for the delay getting this out. I have been working on some other projects and have been really busy at work. I apologize for the shortness of this chapter, but I needed to finish this section before I could get into the next part.

Thank you to all that reviewed. You are great and beautiful! I really appreciate it.

I didn't get a chance to get this chapter beta'd yet so all mistakes are my own!

Be forewarned, this chapter is mostly angst! So batten down the hatches it's going to get a bit rough from here!

Please R&R!

Chapter 4 - A Long Way From Happy

Jesse and Lexa had been gone for a few hours. Brennan sat at the campfire; he had long since dried himself and changed clothes to avoid their suspicions. Brennan was actually relieved that they had been gone so long. It had given him a chance to have his emotional outburst and then lock it all away again. He had run along the trail that was by the campsite before reaching the cold river and jumping in. The shock to his system had almost hurt and he had welcomed the momentary throbbing of his warm muscles meeting the cold water.

His natural avoidance of water had done nothing to stop his plunge off of the ten foot drop into the icy depths. He had never been a good swimmer; there hadn't been a lot of places to swim when he was growing up. The aversion only continued when his powers got stronger and he found that the prolonged exposure left him weak and unable to focus his energy. He had learned how to swim well enough to keep him from drowning, and that was all he had needed for that moment.

Hearing the faint sounds of footsteps approaching he turned and looked carefully into the dim woods. The sun had already set and the darkness was already deep within the forest. Standing up and moving silently toward the approaching noise he found a decent cover and waited to see who was approaching.

Jesse's dark blond head bobbed into the light cast from the fire and Brennan felt himself relax as he heard Lexa grumble a curse as she tripped over a tree root. He watched as Jesse grabbed her arm to steady her for a moment and caught her gaze. In a fraction of a second their eyes met, Brennan saw something flash across Lexa's face as she pulled her arm from Jesse's grip and stomped back to her tent. The younger man frowned and then looked up at Brennan with a simple shrug.

Brennan finished the dinner preparations wordlessly while watching Lexa and Jesse argue over something that he couldn't quite hear. Their body language both screamed of tension and frustration. When he finally told them that dinner was ready, he was glad he hadn't taken much longer, the two looked as if they were going to start screaming or hitting each other very soon.

The silence continued until Brennan had finished putting food on the plates and sat down at their makeshift table across from Jesse.

"So…" Brennan let his voice trail off with a questioning tone to see what either would have to say.

Jesse looked up with some relief etched across his face. "I got into the station and was able to download a lot of the Underground stuff. I'll have to take a look at it. Most of it is encrypted and it's going to take me a little while to get through it."

Lexa sat for a moment before adding, "I'm sure it's nothing we don't already know. I mean c'mon, Adam was the source for most of the Underground information. Now they're all out there just trying to figure out stuff the same as we are."

"You didn't notice any notes or posts from anyone familiar?" Brennan asked as dryly as possible. His hope was locked away, and he wasn't going to let it out without a damn good reason.

"Nothing that I could see when Jesse showed me." Lexa said earning a scowl from Jesse.

"Who knows, but we have to decide what we're going to do soon. We're running out of supplies and we don't have a lot of money to be throwing around." Brennan said spearing at the food on his plate. He felt like they were hiding something from him. Dealing with Lexa was a dead end and he knew that much, but he might have some luck coercing Jesse a little later.

Jesse looked across the table to Brennan, "I'm also going to have to go over to the other site and plug the computer in for a little while and let it recharge. I haven't been using it that much, but it's still getting pretty drained."

Almost missing what Jesse had said, Brennan realized that the younger man wanted to talk to him away from Lexa. This was just the opening they were looking for.

Keith let himself back into the apartment as quietly as he could. His jaw was taught as he waited for Shalimar to be yelling, upset or even storming around the rooms. To his surprise he found her lying on the couch with the phone on the arm by her head. She was sound asleep.

Taking a moment to look at her, Keith noticed the lines of tension still in her face as she slept. He couldn't help but remember a few weeks ago when he woke up and watched her sleep. She almost seemed like a different person from that time. He knew that the strain of the past week had been incredible upon her. She was still going to work and spending most of the night looking online for any remnants of her old team.

He stood off to the side and watched her face screw up slightly as she dreamed. His heart gave a painful lurch. She had assured him many times that she had made the decision to come with him and was happy about it. Now he wasn't so sure. She cared greatly for him, he knew that for certain, but he wasn't sure if that was enough.

Sometimes he wondered if they had both went with the safe bet. Oh, he loved her, and wouldn't deny that, but he knew it was different and not as powerful as what he felt toward his wife. Shalimar was certainly special and amazing and a bunch of other things to him, and he was almost positive that she had kept him from falling apart on several occasions. Somehow he felt that she deserved more though, more than he was able to give.

Walking quietly to the office he shut the door and resolved to do his best to find out more on the situation with Mutant X and Adam.

Jesse sat a little way from the campsite down the road that had an outlet. He had left the campsite shortly after they had eaten. Paging through a book, Brennan had looked up at him and Jesse made sure to catch his eye in hopes that he would follow when Lexa went to bed.

The first message he had fully decrypted and read had been the message from Shalimar. He knew her well enough to know that she was probably frantic. He was pretty sure that even all of these months away from them hadn't changed her that much. Adam had only briefly spoken of her when Jesse asked how she was. Even knowing that she had made the choice to leave hadn't made it easy to lose his best friend.

Soft crunching noises of leaves and pine-needles alerted him to someone approaching. Looking around he saw the dark haired elemental emerge from the shadows.

"I had to wait till Lexa went to bed." Brennan said as way of explanation as he sat down at the table across from Jesse.

Beams from the moon filtered in through the trees and the soft illumination of the computer screen were the only sources of light by which to see, and even with just that, Jesse couldn't help but notice the pensive expression on his friends face. Thinking about telling Brennan about Shalimar and actually telling him were turning into two very different animals. He wasn't sure if this was the right thing to do, but he couldn't ignore the feeling that he felt when he saw a message from Shalimar. If there was one other person that might be happy to hear from her, it would be Brennan.

"So, what did you want me to come out here for?" Brennan's voice broke Jesse's trance as he realized he had been silent since his friend arrived.

"I needed to talk to you about something," he hesitated, not sure where or how to start. Debating on blaming Lexa, he opted to avoid using her as his excuse. Brennan would be quick enough to jump to conclusions without dragging her name into this prematurely.

"Well, Jess? Did you find anything?"

Before he could stop himself the words tumbled out of his mouth. "I got a message from Shalimar. She sounds worried and wants us to know she's looking for us." He felt like a little kid that couldn't hold a secret. Taking a breath he looked across the table top to Brennan and waited for the reaction.

It never came.

A blank mask almost slammed down over the older man's expression. Jesse was reminded of a roll up door that fell straight down. The outburst or the questioning never came. With a mumbled okay, see you later, Brennan stood up and walked away.

Jesse stared at the retreating form of his friend for several moments. Brennan had always been good at hiding his feelings and keeping the personal stuff to himself. That was no secret. The fact that he had shown no interest in Shalimar's message only scared the younger man.

Turning back to the computer he reviewed the other messages he had downloaded. Not surprisingly many of them were centered on what had happened. Messages pertaining to a few of the trusted new mutants had gone and found Sanctuary in shambles.

Reading the message, Jesse felt a pang of realization strike him. Their world had changed overnight. This was real, and for the first time since Adam came to them with the lecture about going to war, Jesse felt well and truly alone.

Okay, I did warn you about the angst! I have a bright spot in the next chapter to make up for it though.

Side Note: In conjunction with Kai0707 I have made a video for the beginning of this fic. You can find it at my youtube account: Under Angelstryst videos - It's titled What Hurts.

Jess - Thank you so much, and my apologies again for this not being out sooner!

Kai0707 - You're awsome! I'm glad that Keith is developing well. I was worried because of how little I knew of his character, but I hope it all seems to fit. Thanks so much and thanks again for the vid idea!

Clare - Thank you and I'm going to try and get the next one out sooner!

Thanks again to all who have put me on their favorites and alerts lists too!

Please be kind and feed my review box!