This chapter is named after a song by The Fray, which I love.

Chapter Four: All At Once

"Uh... that's a baby." Her eyes weren't widened, her mouth wasn't dropped open, her breathing wasn't uneven – her face was just blank. I didn't know whether it was reassuring or unnerving. Tell her, Adam mouthed from behind Clare. Lie, my brain shouted at me from somewhere deep inside me.

"Yeah. Uh, I'm babysitting... for my cousin." Cousin. Good. That would explain the resemblance – the eyes.

"I guess you guys get your eyes from your grandparents?" Her eyes were slightly narrowed now, and her arms had snaked their way across her chest.

"Yup. Sure do," I said with my voice an octave higher than usual, nodding stiffly.

"You're lying." It was a statement, barked in a hushed but secure monotone. "Wanna try again?"

"Um, this is my son," I croaked, keeping my head on my feet, which were shuffling against each other. "Aezen."

"You have a son?" She hissed, emotion finally reaching her expression, "So is this why you moved to Toronto?" Her arms flailed in the general direction of Aezen, and while her gaze stayed steady on mine, her eyes betrayed the thoughts racing through her head.

"Yes, and yes. And I'm proud." We were face to face now, not speaking with our words, but screaming with our eyes.

"Um, I'm just gonna... leave you two to sort this out," Adam muttered while taking a step back, breaking our concentration.

"Did you know?" Clare growled, snapping around to face him. "This entire time?"

"I've only known for a couple days, Clare," he answered, putting his hands up by his face. "And it wasn't really my secret to tell." He had slowly staggered to the door, and he turned the doorknob now, waving a little as he walked out and left the two of us alone.

"How can you proud of this?" Clare cried, her voice still exasperated but not quite as flustered, "You're 17 and have a son who's what, a year old now? I can't believe people even have sex at that age! That's disgusting! Oh my gosh, what's wrong with you?"

"It's not like I planned this, Clare!" I argued, and threw one hand against the doorway she'd backed me up to, "But he's my son and I couldn't abandon him, and then Julia died and now he's all I have left of her and I'm the only one left to take care of him!" Memories were flooding back now, blurring my vision and threatening to form tears behind my eyes.

Clare quieted, one hand slowly floating up to rest lightly on her mouth. "Julia..." She seemed to be having trouble forming words. "The mother?" she whispered almost silently, and I nodded, still trying to pull myself out of my head. "I'm sorry, Eli."

"I wanted her to get an abortion," I began, "But she wouldn't listen to me. She never listened to me – I think that's why I fell for her in the first place. She never eliminated the obstacles, never went around them – she always over them or through them. And this wasn't any different.

"I left her for two weeks. It was stupid, and childish... but it didn't take long for me to realize I just needed to man up and face what I'd created. She didn't really want to take me back at first... but she knew she couldn't do it alone." I stopped to look at Clare for a minute, who was staring intently and apologetically.

"We did everything right. He was only born two days early, he was healthy, the perfect weight. And somehow, we managed. We had enough money and patience and time, there was a daycare right down the street from her house." I cut off, placing my hands over my face and trying to find the courage to say the next words.

"This is where there's a twist, isn't it?" Clare breathed. I had subconsciously paced while I talked, and we were side by side now. I turned to face her.

"Two months after he was born, we got in a fight. I don't even remember what it was about, it was stupid – we'd both just been really stressed. She ran off on her bike and got hit by a car." My voice broke on every other word, and small and tearless sobs shook through my body.

She seemed hesitant to speak, and she slowly raised a hand to place it on my shoulder. "I... I don't really know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything," I whispered, and I finally broke down, turning away from her as tears started sliding down my face. "Shit."

"Eli, it's okay. It's not like you have to be ashamed of crying." She lightly pulled me back around, and I stared into her eyes although I knew fresh tears were glimmering on my cheeks.

"I just – I feel like I have no right to cry. There are people much worse off." My tears were drying now, leaving damp trails. I realized that talking actually worked – just like people always said, who woulda thought? - and soon I was pouting my heart out.

"I moved to Toronto for a fresh start, and I've already broken into tears. I always thought I was so strong, but I'm not. I never have been. It's all a lie. It's all a fucking lie!" Clare jumped two steps back as I threw a glass to the opposite wall and sunk to the ground. "I'm sick of being weak."

"Weak?" she asked incredulously, kneeling next to me, "You're raising a one year old all alone, in a huge city where you don't know anyone. You're functioning normally even after the girl you love died. You call that weak? Because to me, that's amazing." Her eyes were like two pools of perfectly clear water – as cliché as that is – and suddenly, they were two pools of water. It took me a while to realize that it was because real water was swimming in front of my own eyes, forcing its way through and falling again.

She held me as I cried.

This chapter is a bit short, but I really like it, and hopefully you do too! Review please. :) The next chapter will be the epilogue, and if you guys want I might write a sequel. So if you want me to, just tell me! :D