Chapter 4: A love letter
On my way back to my room, I meet Ellen and a female senior with short orange hair in the hallway. That must be this b*tch, Angela. "Lower, freshman!", yells the girl at her. "Yes, Lady Angela", answers Ellen, as she bends her knees. Wait- did they wait with this conversation for me? I should have gotten here earlier after all, if I wouldn't have stayed in class to ask Grabby for a book recommendation. And yet this event still unfolds timely.
Angela also bends her knees and continues yelling at Ellen. "You're still too tall! Lower!" I helplessly watch the charade, unsure what to do, until this green haired girl with glasses finally steps in. Her name was Isabel or Isobel or something like that. After Isobel dealt with Angela, she comforts Ellen a bit before leaving.
Everything went as expected. Maybe I should try more to act differently from the game. But it seems I would have to act out of character, for that to happen, and I suck at acting and lying, so… yeah. Sighing at myself I go towards Ellen. "You ok?" Quite similar to the character in the game, but I'm not heartless.
"What? I'm fine. Everything's fine! Really.", Ellen answers. We go back to our room, where we meet Virginia, who asks us about how our freshmen initiation goes.
"Fine, I guess? I haven't been bullied very much yet though", I answer, not sure whether I even fulfil the criteria, since I haven't been bullied at all, in fact.
"It's a bonding experience!", Virginia answers. Is that even a fitting answer towards my comment? I get more and more the feeling, that it doesn't matter, what I say. "How else would you know that you'd grown up and become a real witch?" "Uhh, I don't know, by DOING MAGIC?", I ask a bit sarcastically.
"Whatever. So, who'd you guys get for seniors?", asks Virginia, not minding my sarcasm at all. "I got Balthasar Brundrick. He likes plants. He really likes plants. I think he got moss growing on him." After I tell her, that I got Damien, Virginia exclaims, "Oh, no!" as expected. "Yeah, I know", I answer. Ellen looks quizzical towards Virginia. "He's evil.", Virginia explains. "What?", Ellen asks confused. "Yeah, I know", I repeat. "Why is he evil?", Ellen asks. "Look at him! He's a demon!", Virginia answers. "Does being a demon automatically make him evil?", I ask curiously, since I don't want to be racist against other magical beings. "Probably. There are a lot of dangerous creatures in the otherworld.", Virginia answers. Oh right, I forgot. She doesn't know herself. "What's the Otherworld?", Ellen asks.
"Anywhere, that's not earth. Ask one of the professors, they can explain it better." "Well, Damien being a demon doesn't necessarily make him evil.", I add towards Ellen. "Well, look, he's obviously not full-human, right? He's not a wild seed like you. But when he turned up at school back then William was a freshman, nobody had ever heard about him before. So if he's from a magical family, how come nobody knows them?" It sounds a bit, as if one of the issues Virginia has with Damien, is that he doesn't look very human. Which is a strange thing to say for the friend of a FAIRY. Pastel is also obviously not human, but since they share the same skin colour and are childhood friends, its ok? "All magical families know each other?", asks Ellen. Virginia begins to explain how everyone knows usually someone, or at least someone who knows someone and I casually mention Pastel, to remind her a bit about her prejudice against non-human magical beings.
But she doesn't notice my slight critique and just goes on about how they're childhood friends and stuff.
Later I lie in bed, unable to immediately fall asleep and think about how my day went. It's not like my answers have no influence on how my conversation goes, but in the end they stay awfully close to how they went in the game. Thankfully the game wasn't that detailed about the everyday life of the MC, otherwise I probably would go crazy from being able to predict everything what would be said. It is still strange to have the knowledge about certain events which will happen in the future. However, my memories about the game are strangely inconsistent, some dialogs I remember unnatural clearly, while other parts of the game are blurry.
The main points of the game I can remember clearly, so I won't let my soul become Damien's power-up-snack. Though I don't think, that would've been likely. If I hadn't known about this game… which route would I have ended up on? Probably the 'unloved' end, it is the easiest to achieve after all.
Well since I know how to achieve the ends… I probably will still go with the 'alone and unloved-route'. If I would have to choose a romance option….
I might actually go with Grabby's path. I can't deny, that I feel a bit attracted to him. Damien is mental and dangerous, I'm not interested in girls, Big Steve is just weird and Donald is too childish for my taste. Well, my mental age is above my physical right now, and I preferred older men in my past life anyways.
Not to mention he's smart and has such a lovely dark voice… Suddenly embarrassed about the fact, that I actually feel attracted to Grabby, I bury my face in my pillow. So much about being mature. Not to mention I AM sixteen years old right now. I definitely won't try to go onto the Grabby-route. He is super-grumpy after all.
I might run for treasurer, given the opportunity though. After all, so long as I don't rush into the magic circle, if I meet a collapsed Grabiner beneath a Manus, nothing could go wrong, right? I can't really explain, why I want to become the treasurer though. I mean, no one would like to wake up at 5 am, and even though I am a morning person, I'm no exception regarding that.
I felt slightly tired the next morning. After coming back from breakfast I ran into Big Steve. Big Steve doesn't seem to be so weird at first appearance, but due to my game knowledge I know, that he is one weird nutcase – in a charming way though. While I'm still impressed by his bright green afro, he mutters something about getting him a coffee right now. A bit excited about finally also being softly bullied by a senior, I hurry back into the direction of the cafeteria, when Damien suddenly stands in my way. He was leaning against the wall before. Oh right. This event was supposed to happen, when I was on my way to get coffee for a senior, huh. So that senior was Big Steve, huh. I hadn't noticed. Though his looks seemed unique in the game, his green hair is actually not that uncommon and afros aren't rare either, although they're not popular as well, to my relief. "Well, hello there, Elise.", Damien greets me. "Hi. I'm running an errand right now, so…", I half-heartedly try to shake him off, even though I know, that this excuse won't work. "What's the errand?", Damien asks. Why am I even trying? I seriously question myself. "Coffee for Big Steve." "Who do you belong to, me or big Steve?", Damien asks, smiling seductively to me. "… you.", I surrender. "Then I think you have time to talk. Don't worry, I won't bite. It's just that I've been thinking of you." Sure, you won't bite. You will try to CHEAT ME OFF MY SOUL, I sarcastically think. He rants on, about how he has to bully me, but wouldn't want to hurt me – Oh sure you wouldn't, unless, you could get my soul, of course – and finally commands me to write him a love letter.
I surrender myself to doing so. I can get rid of my demerits that way, after all, by admitting, that it's my letter towards Grabby, even though that will be embarrassing.
I really don't like having demerits. Besides, since I am properly attending the freshman initiation, I should go through with it.
I don't like doing things half-heartedly after all. After classes I sit in front of my desk and stare at a blank piece of paper.
To be honest, in my twenty-something years, I have never written a love letter. My romances went more with testing the waters and then, after determining, that the feelings were at least not completely one-sided, more or less confessing. "Are you doing homework?", Ellen asks. Oh hell no. I won't get advice from her for writing a love letter. "I just have to write a love letter, even though I have never done so before, no biggie.", I answer her casually. "A love letter?" "Not a real one, Damien just wanted to catch up on his bullying a bit." "Oh. Maybe you should just quote Shakespeare. Sonnets are romantic." I had to write a sonnet in school before, but I'm not sure about the exact structure anymore. "Won't really count as writing then, right?" "Sorry, I was never really good at creative writing. Oh I have an idea! You don't have to copy a famous poem exactly, but they still can give you suggestions. 'Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art more lovely and temperate.' So… compare him to something. Something unusual." Well, totally ignoring her advice would be kind of rude, besides I REALLY have no idea what to write about.
But I won't compare him to a goddamn knife or butter. Comparing people to butter is not romantic, but insulting in my opinion, anyways. I wonder in which way comparing Damien to butter makes me cuter anyways. Doesn't really make sense to me. "Uhh… your stature is like a tree… tall and strong? O gosh, that sounds awful. Oh no, better: your eyes are like coins- round." I giggle. Ellen smiles back at me. "Thanks for the suggestion, I will see, whether I find something suitable to compare him to.", I add more seriously. She did want to help me after all, and it does help me a bit. I contemplate a bit more, before I finish my masterpiece of a love letter:
Your voice intoxicating like wine,
And so much sweeter than a ripe mango,
Upon hearing it my heart dances tango,
Oh, how I wish you were mine.
But all those words fail to describe,
These feelings I tried to hide,
As my poetry skills can only be called inadequate,
And the debt of my feelings I could never acquit.
-Your 100% mysterious and secret admirer
Ok. Alright. It's very, very embarrassing. Extremely cringy. So far so good. I decide, that this poem will not only be the first love poem I wrote, but also the last. The most embarrassing thing about this whole ordeal is probably the fact, that Grabby will read this sorry excuse of a poem. The thought makes me want to bury myself alive, but it's no big deal, right? It shouldn't matter, that I embarrass myself in front of him. Besides, I have the self-confidence of a grown woman. I fold the paper and stuff it into an envelope. Got to seal it with a kiss, huh? Whatever, if Damien actually notices, that the kiss is missing, I'll just pretend I forgot. Writing a poem, which will be read by other people is already embarrassing enough. Though sealing the letter with a kiss is less embarrassing. Though I don't have a nice handwriting, even though I'm a girl, I decide not to bother Ellen with copying the letter for me, so she won't get in trouble, in case my courageous leaves me in front of an angry Grabby.
The next day I can't help but feel nervous. Today is Wednesday, the 11th. Has my love letter for Damien 'accidently' already reached Grabby?
Though I feel nervous the whole day, Grabby holds class like usual. Oh good, how I wish I would remember how many days later Grabby encounters the love letter. Well, I just had to wait for another day. The next day he frowns at his desk, after picking up a folded piece of paper, as if it would be sprinkled with mycobacterium leprae or something like that. He unfolds it, and begins to read it out loud. Oh right. He read it out loud. I should have written something more funny.
"Would the author of this little missive care to identify him-or-herself?" I gulp. Alright here goes nothing. Slowly I raise my hand. "I was forced to… ",I begin. "Ah, Miss Ojousama.", he interrupts. "And do you expect me to be flattered by your childish affections?" I mentioned being forced, right? ARGH! It really doesn't matter, what I say, doesn't it?! "What?", I ask, still stunned by the fact, that he totally ignored, what I just said. "Ten demerits and detention this Saturday." I don't try to argue any further since I already know it's hopeless and quietly swear to myself, that I will kill Damien for this. Just because I knew this would happen, doesn't mean it won't make me angry. Though it does diminish my anger a bit, since I know, that it's something I've done to myself by agreeing to his request.
"Silence!", Grabby yells towards my muttering and proceeds to throw me out of the classroom. I pack my stuff, ashamed about the whole ordeal, even though I knew it would happen. So much about being courageous in order to get my demerits back… Fuelled by my anger and shame I stomp towards the falcon dorms, trying my best to look as angry as I feel, with bloody determination. I finally found him. "Damien!", I yell as bloodthirsty as I can, channelling my inner vengeance demon and add, "Why the f**** did my 'love letter' for you end up in Grabby's desk?" without letting him greet me. "Thanks to you, I got humiliated in front of the entire class and got detention!", I complain, while pointing my finger at his chest. "Oh no", Damien reacts, as if he didn't know anything about this. "Elise, I'm so sorry…" I continue to stare at him in silence and scorn, trying my best in order to NOT look pitiful. I still have my pride, even though I just let myself willingly be humiliated, just to get some merits. "Oh, sweet girl…", he adds. Dammit. Sweet girl my *ss, why is it so difficult for me to be intimidating?! He sighs. "This is all my fault." Hell yeah, it is.
"Of course", I pout. "It's different from what you think, what happened.", he denies, continuing with his lie about jealous guys stealing his letter. As if he would have guy friends he could brag about me with in the first place. Apart from his romances, he is quite the outsider after all. I try to act, as if I would believe him anyways and he promises me to clear up the misunderstanding with Grabby and I even thank him for it. Good thing I'm not good at being angry, otherwise my knowledge about his lying nature might have conflicted with my inability to act. He rattles on about being my senior and protecting me and stuff, and I even manage to smile while thanking him, since I managed to overcome the whole ordeal. To be honest, I totally underestimated how embarrassing this whole thing would be. How stupid of me.
I guess, I thought I would be more resilient against this shameful feeling, since I don't care that much about how other people think of me and since this is 'just a game world' anyway. But to experience the embarrassment first hand is – of course – much harder to deal with. And after all these emotions I've gone through, this douchebag even dares to ask for a hug. Oh well, Damien the douchebag aside, I really need one. I'm still feeling shaky. The rest of the day I spend in my room, overlooking my notes and revising my spells again. I'm going to use my spare time for studying. I wonder, how I get more mana just by studying for a day…