The clock read 1732, 5:32 p.m. for those not using military time, and Skipper and Julien were currently meeting with Mason at the chimpanzee exhibit. They had asked him if he would moderate the debate, which he agreed to, and Mason was now finishing up on reviewing the rules of the forum with Skipper and Julien.
"And the last rule calls for Marlene to ask each of you a question, or the same question to both of you, during the final portion of the debate," Mason said. "If there are no further additions, deletions, or revisions necessary to the rules we have established together, please sign and initial your copies of them. And make sure to thank Phil later for typing them up."
With the fair and balanced rules that they had all come up with, neither Skipper nor Julien could think of any objections. Julien then signed his copy and initialed with "JJJ," while Skipper signed his, initialing with "SJF." The two competitors then handed their signed rules to Mason.
"Thank you, and good luck to both of you," Mason said. "I'm going to go over to the zoovenir shop now to set-up. I'll see you guys at 6:00, and don't be late."
As Mason left, Skipper and Julien just quietly stared at each other for a few moments until Julien broke the silence.
"You know, penguin, there's really no point of having this debate to get Marlene's vote," Julien stated. "After all, Marlene's not going to vote for you when she can vote for me, whom she loves. You do remember Central Park, don't you?"
"Yeah, I remember," Skipper said. "I remember that me and my men had to save your tail – again. But don't you remember that Marlene was nuts out in the park? I seem to recall a certain otter wanting nothing to do with courting you and exclaiming 'ew, ew' at the thought of such once her sanity came back. Kudos to her for turning you down."
"You're just jealous that she picked me and not you," Julien declared.
"It's so like you to put your own warped spin on what really happened in Central Park," Skipper stated. "Marlene picked you then because she was crazy, just like you. But with a clear mind, she's going to pick me. For her vote tonight, I mean."
"Well, I have more important things to do than chew the cud with you here," Julien said abruptly as he began to leave.
"You mean 'chew the fat,' but yes, I have better things to do, too," Skipper said as he began to leave as well, though he exited from the other side of the chimp exhibit to avoid Julien.
Skipper then went back to the HQ to spend a few minutes with his team-minus-one before the debate, as did Julien at his kingdom with his subjects. When it was just a few minutes before 6:00, both Skipper and Julien were escorted by their respective entourages to the zoovenir shop. Both competitors then entered through separate doors, their most loyal walking alongside them.
When Skipper and his staff got to the front of the room, he thanked them and then waddled up to his podium. Kowalski and Private then took their seats in the audience, which Roger had saved for them with his tail. But when Julien was about to walk away from the other lemurs and go to his podium, Maurice pulled his arm to bring him back for just a moment.
"Just one quick tip for the debate, your majesty," Maurice said. "Pick the target, freeze it, personalize it, and polarize it."
"And what exactly does all of that fancy babble mean, Maurice?" Julien asked.
"Well, the guy who first suggested the theory was a nutcase, but it basically means that the ends justify the means," Maurice stated. "In other words, the only way you're going to win this debate is to go after whatever Skipper says. You need to attack him relentlessly."
Julien nodded, then made his way to his podium for the debate.
At precisely 6 p.m., Mason approached the moderator's desk, which was set-up facing the audience and located between the two podiums where Skipper and Julien stood. He banged a gavel four times to call the debate to order.
"Ladies and gentlemen – or rather, Marlene and gentlemen – welcome to the first and only debate for Penguin Leader of the Central Park Zoo," Mason opened with. "On the left, incumbent Penguin Leader Skipper J. Fidelis, the nominee of the Grand Old Penguin Party. On the right, challenger His Majesty King Julien XIII, the nominee of the King Which is Me Party. The candidates have agreed to the format for this debate, which includes the following rules: Each candidate shall be permitted to make a brief opening and closing statement; the moderator shall ask each candidate the same four questions, whereupon each response will be limited to two minutes with an additional 30-second rebuttal if granted by the moderator; each candidate shall be permitted to ask two questions to the other candidate during the second portion of the debate; Marlene shall be permitted to ask each candidate one question, or the same question for both candidates, during the third portion of the debate."
Mason then took a sip of water.
"The order of who shall go first for the opening statement and questions of the debate has been predetermined by coin toss backstage," Mason said. "Skipper, the floor is yours."
"Folks, I'm not one–" Skipper began before being interrupted by a heckler.
"Boo!" the rat king yelled in objection from the audience.
"Another outburst and you will be removed from the gallery," Mason declared to the obnoxious rat as he banged his gavel. "Skipper, please try to begin again."
"Folks, I'm not one for sappy speeches, but I am one for truth," Skipper began again. "In May of 1996, after some time traveling the world, I suddenly found myself here at the Central Park Zoo alone. Throughout the next few months, the team which I now lead came one by one to join me. As the most senior penguin, I was looked up to by my three colleagues and served as their de facto leader until I was officially voted the first elected Penguin Leader of the Central Park Zoo on November 4, 1997.
"From that point forward, I knew that I had a good group of men who could be relied upon to tackle any task, so since my election as Penguin Leader also made me commander-in-chief of the Army and Navy of the zoo's penguin population, I decided to draw upon some of my own past experiences and train my colleagues to take up the role of a semi-military unit. I appointed myself as a drill sergeant and trained my three recruits, who all soon advanced in rank: Kowalski to first lieutenant, Rico to staff sergeant, Private to private first class, and even I to captain.
"Thus, it goes without saying that for 12 years I have had the honor and privilege of commanding a fine bird brigade, an outstanding penguin platoon, an elite flightless force. I genuinely believe that it takes the strength and talents of the four of us to be an effective unit; we know how to work together and get things done. And that is why, Marlene, I need your vote tonight so that I can remain Penguin Leader. It is important that I remain in command not so much for my own advantage, but so that the stability and integrity of the unit can be preserved.
"It is worthy of mention that I do not consider my opponent in this race to be an evil man. He is, however, often misguided, occasionally delusional, and always unpredictable. While we have helped each other in the past – and I hope we can again in the future – too often once the cooperation is over, the ring-tail reverts to type. Such unpredictability would be undesirable in the office of Penguin Leader.
"I thank the moderator, and I yield the floor."
"Thank you, Skipper," Mason said as Skipper finished his remarks. "Julien, you may now make your opening statement."
"Rather than make an opening statement, I wish instead to make an opening observation," Julien said, remembering how Maurice had told him to go after Skipper ruthlessly.
Julien then pointed at Skipper.
"I cannot understand why you praise your team so much in your opening statement when it's true that you hate them," Julien suddenly accused.
"That is about – no, it is – the worst thing anyone has ever accused me of," Skipper strongly declared. "It is also the most false, and you know it."
"Then why do you slap them around all the time?" Julien asked.
"It's just something I do," Skipper replied. "They all know that I don't really mean anything by it. Sure, we disagree sometimes, but I can assure you that I have nothing but respect for my team members. They're always there in the clutch."
"Liar!" Julien shouted.
"I would just like to remind the candidates that this type of discourse is not part of the format agreed to," Mason then stated.
"When my loyalty to my men is questioned by a desperate opponent, I don't care what the format calls for," Skipper declared. "For the majority of my life, I have been friends – no, brothers – with Kowalski, Rico, and Private. None of us are actually related, but I'm not concerned with the science of it; I have three brothers, and they all have me."
"Would you die for your men?" Mason jumped in with a question, attempting to at least bring the debate to the question-and-answer portion.
"Yes," Skipper declared. "Although I, of course, would much rather be alive with them."
"And you, Julien?" Mason asked of the other candidate.
"I would be happy to make tie-dye T-shirts with any lemur or penguin any day," Julien replied.
"You know, I ought to waddle over there and slap you," Skipper declared to his opponent. "And for the first time, I'd actually mean it. You know nothing about how the real world works, and I'm sorry to say that you probably never will."
"Oh, tough words from a birdbrain!" Julien shot back.
Everyone in the room then began to realize that the debate was about to get even more out of hand, (or out of flipper, as the case was for Skipper).
"You know what's scarier than you being the so-called 'King Julien XIII'?" Skipper looked at Julien and asked.
"What?" Julien wondered.
"That there were 12 King Juliens before you!" Skipper exclaimed.
"Well, there is only one reason for a penguin to be in politics," Julien pointed at Skipper and accused. "You must be part of the vast right-flipper conspiracy!"
"You are a lower mammal!" Skipper shouted at Julien.
"You are a silly penguin!" Julien called out.
"You are an even lower mammal!" Skipper shot back, trying to one-up the king.
"You are a foolish penguin!" Julien exclaimed, continuing the back-and-fourth.
"You're full of hot air!" Skipper declared.
"You can't fly through the air!" Julien yelled.
"You can't swim!" Skipper countered.
"I am king!" Julien argued.
"But you still can't swim!" Skipper shouted, smiling.
"Your bill is too big for your face!" Julien mocked.
"Your brain is too small for your head!" Skipper shot back.
"You don't speak the truth!" Julien accused.
"You can't handle the truth!" Skipper declared.
"Penguin!" Julien shouted pejoratively.
"Lemur!" Skipper shouted back in the same taste.
"Bird!" Julien continued.
"Mammal!" Skipper persisted, not wanting to be outdone by a monarch.
"Lower bird!" Julien continued with.
Skipper then paused for a moment to try to think how far he could go down the biological line.
"Loss for words, penguin?" Julien called out after a few seconds had gone by.
Skipper then remembered how Kowalski had referred to him as a member "of the order Sphenisciformes" earlier. Realizing now that this was probably part of scientific classification, Skipper called over to Kowalski in the audience for assistance.
"Kowalski, can I have ring-tail's biological classification, please?" Skipper asked.
"Kingdom: Animalia," Kowalski called out. "Phylum: Chordata. Class: Mammalia. Order: Primates. Family: Lemuridae. Genus: Lemur. Species: Lemur catta."
"No help from your staff!" Julien yelled.
"Says who?" Skipper asked, authoritatively.
"Oh, if that's how it's going to be," Julien replied, looking then to Maurice. "Maurice, what's this silly penguin's kingdom and order and phlegm and all that stuff?"
"I think you meant phylum, your majesty," Maurice began to reply, "but I don't know any of that kind of information."
"Oh, Maurice," Julien said, disappointed, pointing then at Mort. "Mort?"
"I like phylum!" Mort giggled. "Ha, ha, ha, ha!"
Marlene then stood up.
"You guys are impossible!" she shouted to the two candidates. "This debate is going nowhere and so will my vote if you guys can't be civil!"
She sat back down, but her words didn't provoke any changes of heart.
"Look what you have done, you flightless idiot, you've upset the otter!" Julien then shouted at Skipper. "Have you no shame?"
"Look who's talking, your royal lowness!" Skipper argued back. "This is all your fault."
"My fault? Ha, ha!" Julien said. "It's not my fault that you're flightless."
"Is that your only argument, you ring-tailed royal hack?" Skipper shouted back. "The only thing lower than a lower mammal is your IQ, buddy!"
"Well, I still have better hair than you," Julien declared. "Top that, I dare you."
"That's because I have feathers, you moron!" Skipper shot back.
"That's it, I'm outta here!" Marlene again stood up and shouted. "I've had enough of watching my friends attack each other."
With that, Marlene made her way over to the door of the zoovenir shop and began to exit.
"I ought to just write myself in on the ballot later to teach these guys a lesson," she whispered to herself as she walked out. "In fact, that's exactly what I'll do."
Since he was sitting near the door, Maurice just so happened to overhear Marlene's remarks as she was walking out. He grinned as an idea came to him.
"Hmm," he said to himself. "That gives me an idea."
Just then, at the moderator's desk, Mason banged his gavel a few times to get everyone's attention.
"Ladies and gentlemen – or rather, as Marlene has now left, just gentlemen – since the designated tiebreaking voter has walked out, this debate is now over," he said. "Please walk or waddle home safely and have a pleasant rest of the evening."
As Mason banged his gavel a few more times for good measure, Maurice stood up and walked over to Julien.
"Your majesty, I have some information you might want to know," he quietly told the king. "But come with me into the backroom; I don't want the penguins hearing it."
"Ooh, a backroom deal," Julien said. "Sounds intriguing."
The two then entered the zoovenir shop's backroom, which was out of hearing range of the penguins.
"OK, Maurice, what have you to tell me?" Julien asked.
"Well, when Marlene was walking out, I overheard her say to herself that she was going to write herself in when she votes tonight," Maurice said.
"Well, that does nothing for me, the king," Julien said. "Now I'm going to tie with that silly penguin after all."
"Oh, we can still beat Skipper," Maurice stated. "We now have inside information that the penguins don't have."
"Maurice, I do not have time for all of your nonsense," Julien declared. "Now if you have a plan, I command you to give it to me."
"Well, your majesty, if you, Mort, and I vote for Marlene by also writing her in instead of voting for you, she'll win," Maurice said. "And while you won't win, neither will–"
"Neither will that flightless, feathery, fish-eating bird!" Julien joyfully exclaimed. "There is no outsmarting the king, which is me!"
"Well, I did come up with the plan," Maurice added.
"Yes, my calorie-challenged co-conspirator, but I am king!" Julien declared. "And thus, I choose to use your plan as if it were my own. So what do we do next?"
"Nothing – all that's left to do is wait," Maurice said. "Though someone should probably decide what time we all should meet to vote."
"The king decrees that the time shall be 7:30 tonight," Julien said. "Now go, Maurice, and spread the word to those silly penguins and to the soon-to-be Penguin Leader Marlene. Tell Mort of our plan, but speak not a word of it to anybody else."
With that, Maurice walked over to Mort to tell him of the conspiracy. He then left the zoovenir shop to tell the penguins and Marlene of the time they would all be voting at.
And so it seemed that the fix was in.