Rachel's face has fallen. "This has never happened to me before." She exhaled heavily.
"What do you mean?" Sam said, looking at Mercedes, who was just rolling her eyes in disbelief.
"My gaydar is never off!" Rachel cried.
"Rachel, didn't you, like, make out with Blaine…?" Sam asked innocently.
"Yeah, shut up, Rachel," Mercedes laughed. "That guy pukes rainbows, and you were completely oblivious."
"At least I didn't smash up gay guy's windshield for allegedly leading me on!" Rachel snapped.
"You wanna go there, Berry?" Mercedes snapped angrily.
"Guys…!" Sam waved a hand in each of their faces to shut them off. The three of them were sitting around a table at The Lima Bean, their iced coffees in front of them. Sam didn't understand why this was becoming an argument.
"Kurt said she kissed him," Mercedes continued happily, pointing to the counter. "He said she kissed him right over there, and he said 'yeah…I'm gay.'" Mercedes started cackling at the thought.
Rachel shook her head. "It was a fluke, okay. The past is not important, what's important is that Sam's been keeping this a secret for so long and…I had no idea." She leaned toward him. "I mean, Sam…you dated Quinn…and Santana. Were they really just beards?"
"I never said I was gay, Rachel," Sam rolled his eyes. "I'm bisexual."
"And you really have feelings for Kurt?" Mercedes asked sweetly.
Sam took a deep breath and nodded. "You guys aren't mad at me?"
Mercedes smiled sweetly. "Why would we be mad at you?"
Sam shrugged. "I didn't want you guys to think I was a horrible person for wanting to break up Kurt and Blaine."
"Sam, you haven't done anything wrong yet," Rachel assured him, "You don't get to choose who you love."
"Does Kurt have any idea how you feel?" Mercedes asked. Sam shook his head, embarrassed.
Mercedes and Rachel gave each other a hesitant, but knowing look.
"Do you think if he did he'd still be with Blaine?" Rachel asked.
"Sam, Rachel and I have noticed how you two are around each other," Mercedes told him. "We've talked about it. It's hard for us to believe that these feelings are one-sided."
Sam sighed. "Yeah, it's hard for me to believe too…"
Rachel took a small sip of her coffee. "So what are you going to do?"
"Well, I told Kurt I was stepping back," Sam explained confidently. "He doesn't get the best of both worlds anymore. He needs to make a decision."
Rachel and Mercedes nodded understandingly.
"No matter what happens, we'll still love both you and Kurt," Mercedes told him.
"Yeah; we just want you guys to be happy," Rachel said. "Sure, we'll feel sympathy for Blaine, but he's not as important to us as you are."
Sam's big mouth crept into a smile. "Thanks guys, I really appreciate that."
Kurt parked at the curb in front of Blaine's house, just sitting in front of the steering wheel, paralyzed with fear. He hadn't thought of anything to say yet, and was putting off texting Blaine to let him know he was there until he had figured it out.
Of course, all it took was a look out his bedroom window for Blaine to see Kurt, and soon he was tapping on the passenger window.
"Damn it," Kurt mumbled, unlocking the door.
Blaine climbed in and Kurt didn't look at him.
"Is everything okay?" Blaine asked.
Kurt was silent.
"…You wanted to get coffee…right…?"
Kurt shook his head. "Maybe not,"
"Oh," Blaine was audibly confused. "We can go to Panera or something. That's okay…"
And then it just came out. "Blaine, I want you to be completely honest with me," Kurt heard himself saying. "All that stuff you said to me the other night; about trusting me and accepting the fact that I was going to passionately love my friends…was that just a load of crap?"
"What?" Blaine went into instant defense mode. He reached out to touch his boyfriend's shoulder, but Kurt recoiled. "Kurt…no…"
"I know you talked to Sam and Finn," Kurt told him. "I know you still think I need some sort of chaperone, but you're trying to be subtle so you don't hurt my pride."
Blaine was quiet for several minutes. Kurt wasn't surprised that he didn't know what to say. He didn't really have any defense. "Kurt…you have to understand how I feel…" He was trying to make Kurt feel bad for him. He didn't need to do that. Kurt already felt horrible.
"I guess this is my fault," He said softly. "I didn't think I'd have to choose between you, but I do."
Blaine grabbed his hand. "I'm so in love with you, Kurt. More than that, actually…you're kind of my whole world…."
Kurt pulled his hand away. "I choose my friends, Blaine!" He snapped meanly, not caring if it came out harsh. "I choose the people who make me feel like I have a little freedom!"
"Kurt, please," Blaine begged, tears coming to his eyes. "You don't understand…"
Kurt knew he owed Blaine a good last word; something to make him feel better. "I meant it when I said I would always love you. I'll always be a part of your life if you want me to be."
"Of course I want you to be…"
"But I can't be your boyfriend," Kurt said finally. "I don't want that responsibility anymore."
"And that's all it is to you…?" Blaine whimpered. "…a responsibility?"
Kurt struggled. He couldn't stand it anymore. A lump was forming in his throat, and tears blurred his vision. He couldn't even look at Blaine anymore, because he knew he did than he'd lose it for real. He finally forced himself to nod.
Luckily, Blaine decided he'd had enough and jumped out of the car, slamming the door behind him. Kurt sobbed as he watched his first love sprint up his own front lawn and retreat into his house.
Kurt didn't want to do anything. He just wanted to lie in bed, in the dark. He knew he'd done the right thing. He knew he shouldn't be in a relationship that he was having doubts about, and in the long run this would make him feel better. It just kind of sucked because he didn't know where to go from there.
He hugged one of his pillows to his chest and thought about what he'd just done. He thought about Sam. But…it wasn't about Sam, was it? He'd done this for himself.
His phone started to go off on his nightstand. He saw that it was Sam calling, and wasn't sure if he actually wanted to talk to him. He wasn't sure what to say to him, not that Sam would be expecting him to say anything in particular.
"Dude, do you know anything about gluten-free brownies?" Sam asked before Kurt could even say hello. "Do you know if they're any better for you than regular brownies?"
Kurt shook his head, and then realized Sam couldn't actually see him. "You should ask Puckerman. He knows a lot about flourless deserts."
"What…"
"It's a kosher thing…" Kurt explained tiredly.
"Oh…" Sam paused, and then asked, "Are you okay? You don't sound like yourself."
"I'm fine," Kurt lied, probably unconvincingly.
"You're not sick again, are you?"
"No…it's not that," And then Kurt realized he'd have to tell him eventually. He actually preferred not to do it in person. "I broke up with Blaine…"
There was another long pause. "Cool…" Sam said, and then quickly corrected himself. "I mean…not cool? I mean…are you okay?"
"I think I will be," Kurt said simply. "That relationship was more stress than it was worth."
"Yeah, that's what it seemed like," Sam agreed. It was kind of weird to hear Sam admit it too. "So…do you just want to be alone or do you want to watch a movie or something?"
Kurt had to think about it. He thought he'd gotten comfortable with the idea of lying, depressed, in the dark, but now, hearing Sam voice, he wasn't so sure. For the first time since his conversation with Blaine in the car, he realized how free he actually was. He kind of wanted to take advantage if that.
"No, you should come over…" Kurt told him. "We should definitely watch a movie."
On some level, they both knew what was going to happen. They knew by the way neither of them said a word as Kurt let Sam into the house and led him up the stairs to his room. They knew when Kurt took his time closing the door. When the doorknob clicked, he turned around and locked eyes with Sam. He bit his lip, his eyes shinning. Sam was pressing his lips together, trying hard to smile.
When Kurt had called him, he'd tried so hard to put the thought from his brain. In a sense, it seemed to him like everything was just sort of falling into place. He had his friends' blessing. Kurt was single. The day seemed like it was going too perfectly to not end with him and Kurt together. But he felt bad that it was the only thing he wanted. At first he told himself that it might not be what Kurt wanted; that it might not be what Kurt needed…But when they locked eyes, he knew he'd been wrong. He knew that it was 100% mutual.
When Kurt had told Sam to come over, he'd legitimately thought that they were just going to watch a movie. That's all he'd originally wanted to do with his freedom. But he'd waited so long, struggling with curiosities that he wouldn't even let himself admit that he had. Now, the temptation was as strong as ever, and there was nothing holding him back.
Sam sat down on the edge of the bed, and grinned at his knees. He didn't watch Kurt come toward him. He knew he wouldn't be able to contain himself if he did. Kurt lowered himself onto the bed next to him.
"Hi…" Kurt said softly; nervously.
Sam chuckled, lifting his head up and turning his head to face him. "Hi…"
It was kind of surreal, Kurt thought. It seemed fake, if only because it was so easy.
And then it happened.
Their faces were already so close that Kurt could practically taste Sam's sweet, tic-tac laced breath. He waited for Kurt to back away. He didn't want to force anything. He didn't want to start a fight that Kurt didn't ask for.
But it happened like gravity in slow motion. Sam did it without really intending to. At first neither of them moved. It was that second of disbelief and hesitancy. But then Kurt took charge. Sam's lips were soft and warm. It was like coming home to a comfortable couch at the end of a long day. Kurt felt his arm spring up and grab the back of Sam's head. He had a fistful of hair. His other hand slid up Sam's perfect abs and settled on his chest, where he could feel his heart racing. Sam wrapped his arms around Kurt's lower back, and fell back on the bed, pulling him with him.
Kurt could feel Sam smiling as they kissed, which made him smile too.
Sam pulled away briefly and said, "You have no idea how long I've wanted this…"
And then Kurt wanted to cry, because it meant so much to him to hear that. He ran his hands over Sam's biceps and tried to hold himself as close to the other boy as possible. He kissed him intensely; more intensely than he'd ever kissed anyone before. But it didn't seem like enough.
Sam slipped his hand up Kurt's shirt, and lightly grazed Kurt's ribs. He got that pleasant sensation, just short of being tickled, and shivered. He'd been hard for a while now, and could feel that Sam was too.
But something pulled him back to reality much too quickly. He suddenly rolled off the bed.
"I can't," His voice shook, as he started pacing beside the bed. He couldn't quite verbalize yet the sudden pang of horror that had hit him, but it was there.
Sam sat up. He was frustrated, but he wasn't going to be the guy who talked someone into doing something they didn't want to do. That just wasn't him. Then again, something didn't seem fair. He tried to push that notion from his mind. "It's okay…" He said blankly. "…I shouldn't have…I don't know…you're right…"
Kurt stopped pacing. "I'm really sorry, Sam," He said genuinely.
"It's fine," Sam said, even though he felt like he deserved a lot more than "sorry". He was really confused.
Kurt started speaking quickly, his voice even higher than usual. "It's just…too soon. I usually know what I'm thinking, but I don't want to rush into anything…and I care about you a lot…"
"Well, obviously, I care about you too," Sam said.
"And that's why we can't let you be a rebound," Kurt shrugged. "It could ruin everything."
Sam's heart dropped. A rebound…? "I'm not anything more than that?" He knew he was. He had to be.
"I'm so confused right now," Kurt shook. "I thought I wanted you, and now it looks like I have you, but it doesn't feel like I thought it would."
"Your right, it feels better," Sam insisted.
"No…" Kurt breathed. "Maybe I just wanted what I couldn't have…or maybe I built it up so much…"
Now Sam was sort of offended. He stood up. "I'm sorry to disappoint…"
"No!" Kurt moved toward him, trying to take him in his arms. "You don't get it. You are wonderful…It just doesn't feel real right now. I don't think anything's really sunk in yet."
Sam tried to understand, he really did, but he couldn't just stand there and claim that he didn't feel completely rejected; completely let down and disappointed. He frowned and said, "We can just watch a movie another time…"
And then he left Kurt alone in his room.