Sorry it took so long to update but I was away in Spain for the last 10 days so I had no time to update for you guys, I hope you enjoy this chapter and if you do please leave a review or PM me to ask a question. If you haven't already please leave a follow or a favorite. The next update with be next Wednesday. I hope you enjoy!
I was sat on a log around the camp fire with my people talking and some singing some songs which I don't know. The knife which Lexa gave me earlier that bad which is resting on my palm with me looking at it, the handle is covered with a type of black leather with different patterns in a grey. The blade is shiny, clean cut and deadly sharp. The hilt is metal and at the bottom is a simple name craved into it: Leska. I smile running my fingers over the tiny letters. "It's just a knife, Clarke." Raven said sitting down next to me with smirk not knowing who's this knife belonged to before she gave it to me.
Octavia puts a hand on my shoulder looking at the knife and she smirks. "Yes! I can tease her over this, finally I can tease her about something other than she looks like a raccoon sometimes." Octavia says giddily and I roll my eyes.
"Who are you going to tease over the knife?" Raven asks confused.
I glare at Octavia telling her not to tell Raven knowing that I will never hear the end of it. The both move closer to one another. "Lexa aka the Commander." Octavia says in a hushed voice. I sigh putting the knife away.
"What?" Raven exclaims a little too loud drawing attention to us. "Why would the Commander give Clarke a knife?" Raven asks and when she says 'the Commander' it's like she is drinking poison. "Plus why are you acting like you're friends with?" She snaps at Octavia.
"Because I am." Octavia states and Raven looks shocked and a little hurt too. "Why I get the peace and shit but she killed Finn!" She shouts looking at Octavia again people look at us.
"Truthfully I killed Finn and Lexa had no other choice or the clans would believe she is weak provoking more wars." I defend without truly thinking and Raven looks even more shocked. "To be honest Raven, I don't hold onto the past because I can't be bothered with the whole I can't love you because of this when we all know there is a possibility I will be dead by the morning or she might so what is the point of holding onto the past?" Wait what did I just say? Crap! I just told her that I love Lexa.
"Did you just say you love her?" Raven looks even more hurt and I get why. I stole her boyfriend who she loved than I killed him after the women who I love currently ordered his death. Wow this is kind of mess up.
I touch her wrist. "Can we please talk about this in private?" I plead to her knowing we can't let this get out yet and she nods. We walk into my tent. Her expression is pained probably reliving Finn's death. The difference between Raven and I. I've come to terms with Finn's death and what I did was the right thing to do for him with that came forgiveness than the pain went away, that is how I got over Finn completely. I look into her eyes to see tears welling up in them. "Raven, I didn't want to love Lexa." I begin looking into her eyes. She nods again looking down at the ground. "I don't know when it happened maybe it was after she saved my life from one of her generals, maybe it was when we fought that mutant gorilla thing, maybe it was after the missile. I have no idea." I say truthfully and Raven seems to be deep in thought.
"Clarke but you were in love with him and that happened so soon after his death, how?"
I sigh looking at her. "I did love Finn, he was my first love but I was never in love with him." I tell her and she nods knowing the difference between being in love and loving someone.
"Like he was with me, right?" She asks and I know this is a sore subject for both of us to talk about. I nod at her. "Okay so you fell in love with the Commander but why did she betray us if that was so?" She asks and I frown still not fully over her betrayal back at the Mountain feeling a twinge of anger and hurt run through me.
"To protect her people like what I did at the Mountain." I tell her and I sigh again. "Look Raven I don't know how I fell in love with Lexa but truthfully she is sweet, caring and selfless, yes I don't want you to be over the moon about it, all I want as your friend is that you respect it and don't tell anyone until Lexa and I figure this out fully."
"Clarke, I know that you didn't want to hurt me by falling in love with her so I understand and respect it so I won't tell anyone." She promises me and I sigh in relief not wanting to lose her too.
"Thanks Raven and I hope this won't affect our friendship because you're one of my best friends." Raven seems to think for about a minute or maybe it seems longer because I am nervous before speaking again.
"No you're still one of my best friends but just be careful, okay?" She asks concerned and I sigh of relief that I don't have to loss a friend over this. "Another thing, what is going to happen to Jasper if he returns?" I full on frown remembering what he said to Lexa and I.
"Octavia told you what happened?" I ask and she nods in response.
"Makes a lot more sense why the Commander freaked out on him." Raven adds and I notice the acidic tone in her voice when she says 'the Commander' is a little less acidic which is a bit of an improvement.
"Well he offended Lexa which would result death with the Grounders and if this truce should hold I should at least punish him but I don't know, Jasper is or was a good friend." I shrug feeling the pain of his words instantly missing the warmth and comfort that Lexa's arms provided me.
"He's an ass so if you don't kill him, I will." She says with a grin and I smile weakly at her pulling her into a hug. "We should go back outside before people start to think we are doing it." Raven teases wiggling her eyebrows seductively and I laugh at how ridiculous that is.
I smirk "Then you'd have to deal with a very anger Commander and she probably would kill you." I tease and Raven laughs.
"I could handle her, I'm half robot with this thing on my leg." She hits her brace and we laugh again.
Then Bellamy puts his arms around both of us walking into my tent. "Lexa would still kick your ass, she was practicing with Octavia and I swear she is a ninja."
Octavia frowns as she walks into my tent probably hearing us. "At least I wasn't beaten within ten seconds, big brother." Octavia retorts.
"Can you please not fight Lexa?" I ask concerned for more them than Lexa because I've seen her fight and Bell is right she is a ninja.
"Why worried I'm going to hurt her?" Octavia asks with a smirk.
"No I'm worried she might her you." I answer and she rolls her eyes. Then shouting from the gates come and I sigh. "You don't need to scream and shout if it's grounders, remember?" I shout walking closer to the gates. They really are stupid.
"It's not grounders ma'am." A female guard tells me and that confuses me, why would they be shouting about a group coming to the gate if they aren't grounders... Oh my god it's Jasper and his bunch of merry men returning.
"Open the gates get guns on them to make sure they won't be hostile." I order just as I see that son of a bitch's face. I see a trickle of dried blood going down his neck and some on his collar from where Lexa's sword punctured. They all nod aiming their weapons as the gate opens. They instantly put their hands up and go onto their knees.
I walk to face them all to see two others from the 100, Harry and Phil, and the rest are of the people who wanted war. "Tie them up and lock them away until I've decided what their punishment for their treason should be." I say in a cold voice.
"What!" Harry shouts in disbelief. "We were going there to make sure the Commander didn't kill you." Oh Lexa did kill me but not in that way, not a time for dirty thoughts,snap out of it! He tries to reason with me.
I tap my chin. "I only remember you offending the Commander and I wanting there not to be a truce between our lands making war." I see them all look at one another before glaring at Jasper. "Why aren't they out of here and in the jail already?" I snap at the guards who look stunned for a minute before doing their job.
They quickly get them out of my sight and I turn on my heels walking into the wreckage of the Ark where they are being kept. I spot Kane is stood at the entrance. "I'm not in the mood." I tell him.
"Treason?" He asks and I groan.
"Yes and they left camp without permission on your watch may I add." I walk past him but he keeps pace with me still trying to lecture me about something that I'm doing 'wrong'.
"What are you going to punish them with?"
"Everyone bar Jasper will get 20 lashes and Jasper I don't know yet, I want to speak to him before I decide what to do." I say and he nods in agreement.
"Okay that seems fair but Jasper is going to have a trail for his crimes." He tells me like he's in charge.
"Marcus you aren't in charge here, I am so I will decide what to do with Jasper." He looks like he's about to protest but we reach where the 10 are being kept. There is a clear wall in between us. They are agreeing on something until they see Marcus and I. "Get Mr. Jordan out of here and into a different cell and Marcus tell the others of their punishment which will take place tomorrow morning." I tell the first bit to the guard and the last part addressed to Marcus who nods.
I walk in front of Jasper and the guard guiding him. We walk into a small room with two metal chairs. "Sit him down on that chair," I order pointing at the far chair. "Then leave." I look at the guard as he sits Jasper on the chair and slowly leaves the room.
"Clarke I didn't mean to offend you, we really did what to help you out like I said I care about you but then when I saw her, I lost it." He explains and his voice is laced with pure hatred when he bring up Lexa.
I sit on the other chair opposite him. "Do you think that the Mountain would ever leave us alone, that what I did was bad?" I ask already knowing what his answer will be.
"Yes, I was about to kill Cage and it would of been over." I hold back a laugh at how naïve his thinking right now is.
"No most of the people wanted it so I killed a few who didn't to get rid of all threats from the Mountain. Their deaths weren't in vein but it doesn't matter to me." I'm trying to set him off to see how far he will go, maybe it's a bad idea but I don't really care at the moment.
His eyes are filled with white hot rage and so is his voice as he shouts. "Their deaths were do matter and they saved us but you killed them!" He takes a deep breathe before continuing. "You killed so many people, innocent people." He is full on crying. "You killed Maya." His voice is in a low whisper. Then he makes a fast but sloppy move to attack me but I counter it putting his arm painfully behind his back and Lexa's knife against his throat.
"Jasper don't make me kill you." I plead when though he has started to pissed me off he is still one of my friends who I care for. "I know you are hurting over Maya's death but do what I am doing instead of living in guilt let their lives be lived through you. You can't change your past, but you can let go and start your future." I say letting him go. He starts full on sobbing, I think this is the first time he's cried about it. "You will receive 20 lashes with the rest then it will be forgive." I say walking out of the room wiping a single tear off my cheek.
One of the medical staff come up to me. "Did someone get a boo boo and needs mommy to kiss it better again?" I snap not in the mood for this bullshit where they need me for everything. She flinches at my tone before talking.
"No your mother is being discharged and I thought you might want to know." I nod walking over to the medical tent. Raven is there with her and she smiles at me when I am in sight. At least me being in love with Lexa didn't mess with our friendship. I smile back at her before looking at my mom. She definitely looks better than she did the last time I saw her. She is standing up on her own.
"Clarke are you okay?" She asks and I roll my eyes. She's the one getting out of the hospital and she's asking me if I'm okay, really?
"Yeah I'm fine, how are you?" I respond walking over to them.
My mother know rolls her eyes at me. "Yeah I'm fine." She says mocking me. I resist rolling my eyes again. "Can I please leave this place now and get back to work?" She asks Jackson who smiles at her.
"Of course, see you in the morning Doctor Griffin." Jackson says as we walk out. My mom has a slight limp but looks to be doing fine. God this day has completely taken everything out of me from giving in to my love for Lexa, Jasper, Raven and just everything in between.
1 week ago
I'm sat on a log whilst Gevo and Rae are still sleeping. They have been weird lately after they found out about me being the ex-leader of the sky people but that was a given. They left Tondc after the bomb hit out of fear of death. I haven't told them I knew of the bomb, well The Commander was at fault for no one being told. Ha caring about her people, my ass! She didn't have to do that to me! We could have won but no she has to leave me! Ugh I hate her so much! Doesn't she understand how hurt I was by it, it made me almost get Octavia and I killed by my behavior outside of the Reaper entrance to the Mountain. She is probably sat on that throne laughing at how she did it to me making me think I could trust her then stabbing me in the back. I hate her! I hate her! I hate her! "Clarke you think too much for this early hour." Gevo says sitting next to me.
"Sorry your Commander pisses me off too much." I snap and he chuckles not waking his sister yet.
"She did with most but no one dared to say it, well I think that Costia did once but the branwada got herself captured by the Azkru." He says and I nod knowing of Costia. Lexa probably didn't really care about her, she just was to keep her bed warm. She didn't care about me and she still said it! "I do not get your anger with the Commander really." Rae sits next to us after just waking up.
"She betrayed me at the Mountain and you don't get why I'm angry?" I snap Gevo who shrugs looking at his sister kissing her forehead.
"I know that but the Commander did it to save her people, wouldn't you do the same?" He says raising an eyebrow.
I've not really thought about it that way. More that she did not why. Hmm. "I guess but they had the army, they would of won." I retort and he nods.
"Did you know about the missile on Tondc?" Rae asks me and I looked shocked for a moment, also maybe a little guilty.
I pause for a moment before answering. "Yes." She and her brother look furious with me but I continue. "My inside man told me and I rode to Tondc as soon as I could. The Commander and I left before it hit and took out the spotter." I finish and I stand up leaving them alone to talk. Another thing my bad choices have done. I hear them screaming at one another in Trigedasleng something tells me to run so I do. I know they are coming after to me to kill me. At least I won't have to live with the guilt anymore but I really want to punch Lexa in the face so I might as well keep running. I always do.
I know no Lexa in this chapter but you got to see Clarke before Lexa saved her in chapter one. That was how she got attacked I won't be really going into how she meet them. Also Raven's react to Clexa being in love and she doesn't like it but does respect it. Next chapter will be Abby trying to ask Clarke for her to be the leader again. Lexa will make an appearance. Octavia and Lexa making fun of each other. Bellarke talking about Echo and Lexa. It will be out on Wednesday.