I wanted you to know that I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph and I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away*

My eyes fluttered open, but I couldn't quite focus on anything. I decided to keep them closed and enjoy the feeling of warmth that seemed to radiate from all around me. What was that dream I was having? I vaguely remember the burn of the whiskey and the sting of my tears as I wiped them with my hands … my hands… something about my hands. I opened my eyes and held up my hands only to see a few bandages covering my palms and a million scratches on my fingers.

I sucked in a deep breath that stirred the two bodies next to me.

Connor and Murphy sat up on either side of me and for a fleeting moment I got lost in the reflection of deep blue eyes. It had to be a dream. There was no other explanation, right? I reached out, running the back of my hand against the side of Murphy's face.

"Murphy" I squeaked, "Are you real?"

He kissed the tender skin inside of my elbow and a smile spread over his face. A true smile … the one that shined only for the people that he truly loved.

"Aye … real as the Irish countryside" He whispered against my flesh.

I almost didn't believe him, except at that very moment Connor cupped my cheek and turned me to face him. His thumb brushed over my lips slowly. His skin felt like satin on my tender mouth.

"Connor?" was all I could manage.

"Shhhhh, love … I'm right here"

Slowly the events of the previous night came rushing back to me. Everything I had said to them, every look in their eyes, and every awful minute of my time on the kitchen floor. I started to feel light-headed remembering why I had left them in the first place, and I silently chided myself for not being strong enough to do the right thing.

Connor knew exactly what was going thru my head, as usual. "Listen to me now … listen to Connor"

My hands started to shake.

"You did what you thought was right … I'm not angry with ya, netiher is Murph"

My stomach was doing backflips.

"I don't care what ya say, I know ya love us … both of us. And we love you too"

I started sobbing again. Murphy sat me up and trailed tiny circles on my lower back. He whispered into my ear, "We can't do this without you ... I need you … Connor needs you."

He nuzzled his face into the crook of my neck. Connor kissed my knuckles.

Then, I completely lost it. My chest wracked violently as I succumbed to the realization that I couldn't go on without them, any more than I could go on without oxygen.

"Oh God … I'm so sorry … I … just ..." I tried to spill every last emotion all at once. It came out in a scramble of illogical words. None of it made any sense, yet they both knew exactly what I was trying to say.

Connor wrapped his arms around my waist so tightly I couldn't breathe … but I never wanted him to let go as long as I was still alive. Murphy followed suit and the three of us just held on for dear life as I cried and cried. I couldn't believe that I almost walked out on the two most important people in my life.

I choked thru a few sobs, "Can you ever forgive me?"

Murphy just chuckled a little, "Love, we forgave you before you even left"

I took a deep breath and started crying … again. But these were tears of joy, and even though my eyes were painfully swollen and my heart ached, my body had finally found the true meaning of peace.

Connor placed a kiss on my right temple, and gently laid me back down. His hand reached down and pulled the covers up to my waist, as his body melted back into mine. Murphy slunk down along my other side and rested his head on my chest so that my heartbeat thumped against his skin.

"Connor?"

"Mmmm …" I could tell he was sleepy by the comfortable tone of his voice.

"Please … tell me you can stay for a while?" I knew the answer but I couldn't help needing to hear it. A small part of me felt like this was still a dream and I dreaded the thought of waking up from this heaven, right here in my bedroom.

I felt him grin against my cheek, "I don't think the Almighty himself could make us leave"

I promised myself, and both of them, that I would never again doubt my feelings, and I most certainly would never ever lie to them again. Connor just kissed the top of my head and Murphy whispered, "There'll never be a need to doubt anything again"

I rolled onto my side, and snuggled backwards into Connor's warm torso. Murphy curled his head under my chin, wrapping his arm around my waist, while Connor's arm draped over my hip, and rested on Murphy's shoulder. I closed my eyes and fell into a heavy, contended sleep … something that my body and soul so desperately needed.

The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

'Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away*

My mouth began to water as I breathed in heavily; the smell of food waking me up. It seemed like an eternity since I had eaten anything. When I realized I was alone in my bed I shivered at how cold I was, and I sat up and quickly pulled the covers around me. Almost on cue, Murphy appeared in my doorway; shirtless, a little sweaty, and shoveling a piece of bacon in his mouth. A smile graced his lips as he munched away, and I smiled back honestly grateful for seeing him so happy.

He swallowed hard, "Mornin' sunshine. Ya hungry?"

"Mmm Hmm" I nodded my head in approval.

He walked over to the bed and stood in front of me, as the chills had taken over and my teeth began to chatter.

"Come here … let's get you warmed up" He unwrapped the blankets and led me towards my dresser, opening the middle drawer. He pulled out a pair of pajama bottoms and held them out for me to step into, carefully sliding them up to my hips. Then he grabbed the sweatshirt hanging from the closet doorknob, and pulled it on over my head.

"Better?" He asked.

"Much" I replied. He pulled me in close and rubbed my arms up and down. It was the little things he did, that made me love him so.

"Murph?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you"

"Mmmm ...I love you too" and with that he leaned down, pulling my chin up to press our lips together. He tasted like smoky, sweet bliss … with a hint of bacon. I couldn't help but laugh when my stomach let out a loud growl.

Murphy took me by the hand and led me to the kitchen table where they had set out three place settings, complete with coffee mugs and napkins. I briefly wondered what I had done to deserve such a royal breakfast, when I suddenly noticed that the kitchen was spotless. No broken glass and no dried blood on the floor. As I looked around Connor walked over and scooped some scrambled eggs onto my plate. He leaned over to kiss me on the forehead. I looked up into his eyes, and he gave me a quick wink, as if to say 'Don't worry, we took care of everything'. I nodded my approval and they sat down on either side of me.

The three of us ate in a comfortable silence, Connor slapping Murphy's hand away when he reached for the last piece of bacon. I knew he meant for me to have it, but I was full so I broke it in two and gave them each a half. Murphy got up and began to clear away the dishes as Connor lit a cigarette and handed it to me. I took a few drags and gave it back to him, "Ugh, I think I need to take a shower. I'm a hot mess"

Connor giggled softly and pulled me onto his lap. He kissed my cheek "I love you" he whispered, sending chills down the length of my spine.

"I love you too" I smiled as I headed towards the bathroom. I turned on the hot water to let it warm up and took a look in the mirror. My eyes were puffy and my cheeks were flushed but I really didn't care. I had everything I could ever want and more. Life was bound to get tough at some point, but I was finally sure that no matter what happened, we could get thru it … together.

*LYRICS to "Broken" by Seether