A/N: Okay, so the end of this chapter was actually not foreseen until I actually got to it, but I'm quite proud of the idea and it will all be explained. I do plan on starting the new chapter once I get this posted because I don't want to lose the idea in my head. I'm sorry for the long wait on this chapter as well as the last one and I thank you guys for being so patient. I've got a few oneshots in the works, plus 2 new stories that I've been working on. I've also got another plot in mind, but I'm not sure if I'll be writing that story just yet or not because I haven't really worked out too many details on it.

Also, I've had a few comments about time slices. Whenever I have I italicized lyrics that don't fit into the actual flow of what's going on, that's what signifies a time break. I'm sorry if I confused anyone; that's just how I've always written.

Anyway, please enjoy this chapter, and reviews are always lovely!

Chapter Four

Suffer Me Softly; Destroy Me Silently

Ricky stared at the ceiling as beads of sweat ran down his neck, shivering still from the nightmare that had awoken him almost half an hour earlier. Amy was still sleeping silently next to him, and he hadn't had the heart to wake her up after everything she'd expulsed to him earlier. The truth was, he had half-expected Anne or George to flip when they'd seen them sleeping cuddled up, but he couldn't even remember them getting home.

The clock ticked back and forth across the room, and for the first time since he'd woken up, it dawned on him that Amy's breathing was the only breathing he heard besides his own. His heart thumped an extra beat and raced into panic mode as he threw himself off the bed and hopped his way out of the room, down the stairs to the kitchen. Ricky dropped against the steps as he saw John rocking back and forth in the swing near the table.

Anne and George both looked up at him in that moment, and clearly had looks of worry on their face. "It's almost 11 PM. What're you doing awake?"

Ricky rubbed his eyes wearily, as if that could remove the sleepiness from them. "Whatdoyoumean?" He slurred.

"I mean I came up stairs three hours ago to give you pain meds and you were barely conscious enough to even swallow them," George spoke clearly to him, though everything else swirled around him.

Ricky just stared at the floor, trying to let everything settle around him, but the swirling only seemed to get worse. "I um...I've been awake for a while. Nightmares, you know."

Anne looked to George, and then back at Ricky, walking over to where he was sitting on the stairs. "Are you feeling okay, Ricky?"

He shrugged, looking up at the clock. "I'll be fine, I'm just a little woozy."

George looked to Anne and then stood, walking out of the room.

Anne walked over to the landing, handing Ricky a glass of water. "It'll calm your stomach."

Ricky looked up at her, confused.

Anne smiled, walking over to the island in search of crackers. "The doctor told us that there may be some nausea associated with your meds, especially considering your on multiple pain relievers."

Ricky groaned, shaking his head. "Did the doctor change his mind on the ones that can cause seizures?"

Anne shook her head, sitting down at the table and lifting John from the swing. "No, why?"

Ricky grimaced as he set the glass of water on the floor. "Because something doesn't feel right."

Anne walked back over to him, gently settling John on the floor a few feet away. He cooed softly, and then went turned his attention to trying to get his thumb in his mouth while Anne tried to tend to Ricky. "What do you mean something doesn't feel right. Is your head spinning?"

Ricky shook his head. "Everything keeps going black, and then when it fades back in, its spinning and distorted."

Anne stepped back from him, staring at him for a minute before she walked out of the room.

Ricky groaned, feeling as if something was being kept from him, but he got the feeling that the Juergens weren't going to share whatever it was with him lightly. He forced himself up from the stairs and grabbed the glass of water Anne had given him. Slowly, he hobbled over to the counter, reaching for the basket of pain relievers and antibiotics. He kicked the counter as everything faded out around him, and clung to the counter, waiting for things to focus back in around him.

After a few minutes, his vision slowly faded back to a reasonable point, and he reached into the basket. he pulled out several of the bottles before he found the one he was looking for; the bottle that he hadn't been given because they were likely to cause seizures. He set the morphine back down as his vision contorted once again, and he felt like his head begin to spin. He clung to the counter, though his hands were clammy and it felt like he was spinning on one of those rides at the state fair. Once again, everything faded out around him.

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She is running; one hundred miles an hour
In the wrong direction
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Amy rubbed her eyes, completely exhausted from everything that she'd had to deal with today, but not having Ricky or John in the room with her scared her.

She stumbled on he stairs, catching herself as she grabbed the railing. She pulled herself back to her feet, but suddenly was confused. Normally someone would have heard her and called her name. Someone would have asked her if she was okay. Someone would have come running up the stairs. Fear shot through her and she ran down the stairs, taking them two at a time. As she reached the bottom of the stairs, she couldn't not scream.

Ricky lay on the floor, convulsing uncontrollably. She ran to him, screaming for her parents as she did the only thing she remembered to do; she rolled him onto his side. She screamed for her parents again, but no one came still. She put every bit of force she could onto him that wouldn't hurt him. Ricky slowly began to stop shaking so violently, and then suddenly came to a complete stop. Amy sobbed as she clung to his hand, scared to death after what she'd walked just experienced.

Her heart pounded as he slowly came to, only vaguely focusing in. He looked up at her, but only for a moment, as he bolted up, though it didn't do him much good. Amy caught him however, before he fell back to the floor.

"What happened? Did you take something? Did he give you that drug, wh-" Ricky put his hand over Amy's mouth.

"No, he didn't, Amy. I...got up when your mom walked out of the room because I wanted to know what it was...that I couldn't take. I felt sick, and something didn't feel right, so I was trying to figure out if I could take something." He explained.

Amy bit her cheek, suddenly realizing the current position they both were in. She was straddling on of his legs from when she'd jumped to stop him from falling back against the floor and hitting his head. "I'm sorry," she spoke softly as she moved off of him.

Ricky shrugged, closing his eyes as the front door opened down the hall. He groaned as he looked up at the ceiling. "Seriously? You called an ambulance?"

Amy rolled her eyes, standing up as the paramedics came through into the kitchen. "You had a seizure Ricky. And you almost choked on your own vomit, so I think that designates a trip to the hospital." She kept out the part where his doctor had called earlier asking them to come in. They'd ran a lot of tests for infections the day before and rushed them through the lab, even though Ricky had been sent home with antibiotics.

The paramedics worked around Ricky, though he was clearly flustered and trying to fight them; especially the one who continued to insist that he needed an IV administered. Having an IV meant spending hours at the hospital, which isn't something that he wanted to do.

While the paramedics prepared Ricky, Amy stuffed things into a diaper bag. She already had two bottles prepared for the night, which she stuffed into the bag along with everything else.

The paramedics brushed past Amy with a still arguing Ricky, just as she finished putting John's bag together. Anne walked up to her and settled the car seat on the table. Amy smiled as John cooed at her. She stuffed the blanket on him into the sides of the chair, and then pulled the car seat cover down so that the bright lights wouldn't affect him once they got to the hospital. In the meantime, she left it open and unzipped.

She pulled the car seat off the table and headed for the door, not even bothering to grab a coat. She knew by the time they got back to the house, it would probably be dawn.

John cooed in his car seat as Amy settled him into backseat. She simply smiled and kissed his forehead, before she closed the door. She rounded the car and jumped into the passenger seat. Anne had already started the car, and she tossed a sweater to Amy as she put the car in reverse. Amy quickly yanked the sweater on and pulled her seatbelt over herself in record time.

Finally having a second to think scared her, as her thoughts began to race. What if something was wrong with his heart or his lungs? What if, after all he'd been through in the last few days, something had been tainted. What if her telling him what happened to her had triggered him. She had no idea what caused seizures, which wasn't really helping her to feel better.

"Talk to me, Amy. I know you're in a high tension situation right now. It helps to talk."

Anne's words didn't really comfort her, but she knew that if she didn't talk to her mom, she wasn't sure what she would do. Even though she'd opened up to Ricky just a few hours earlier, she didn't want that to turn into her only option whenever she needed to talk.

Her heart thumped in her ears as she remembered once again the things that had happened to her. She truly didn't understand how Ricky could use sex as a way to cope, when their one night together had been enough to send her spinning back into a whirlwind of memories. She still remembered getting up and running out once she knew he was sleeping. She had refused to say a word to him for the rest of the summer, and only when she returned to school, did she let him back into her life. Back then, she'd only seen it as a forced issue, like she HAD to let him back into her life because of this baby.

The truth was that she felt so out of control, she clung to the first person that gave her the option, and that happened to be Ben. It probably hadn't been the best the thing to let herself get into, but she couldn't help looking for someone to talk to. Ashley wouldn't understand and she didn't want to tell anyone anyway. She just wanted to escape her own memories, and having Ricky to blame for that made that easy for her. She'd never dreamed that he understood exactly what she was going through.

Someone's horn blared as they shot through the intersection, and she jumped, suddenly focusing again. They were just down the street from the hospital and the ambulance had already pulled into the hospital, but traffic had apparently picked up between the lights.

Anne looked over at Amy, surprised herself, at the fact that Amy was so surprised from the sound of the car horn. She knew that her daughter was struggling from the fact that she was a new mother, with a new boyfriend that had and has a multitude of problems. It was that alone that used to scare her, but now it was that, and all he was physically going through now.

The light finally turned green, and they shot through the intersection, straight into the hospital parking lot. Anne barely had the car parked, but Amy was already out of the car and moving towards the other side of the car. Anne quickly shut the car off and jumped out. "What are you doing!? I could've hit the gas and hit you!"

Amy didn't answer her mother. She was already headed for the Emergency entrance, barely taking the time to make sure no cars were coming at her.

Amy's recklessness scared Anne. It was definitely new, which only fueled her worry, but she'd seen it before. There wasn't really anything that they had ever been able to do. Whatever it was that made Amy react that way, she made her way through it and got out of it in the end. She'd never really understood why she made herself suffer in these ways. If now had been the first time, she could have seen herself blaming it all on Ricky's presence, but this had been going on way before she met Ricky.

Amy rushed into the hospital, barely giving the doctors a chance to tell her what room Ricky was in before she ran into the room. He was still arguing with the EMTs and doctors as one of them adjusted the IV pole.

"C'mon. It was a damn seizure. I'm fine. I can move just fine, I feel fine, I'm just in a lot of pain. Just let me go!" Ricky shoved one of the doctors away as he tried to help one of the nurses remove his shirt.

Amy set John on the floor, and stepped over to the bed, taking his hand in hers. "Calm down, Ricky. They're just trying to help you."

The rage in his eyes made her step back and she gulped, leaning down to pick up John. Without another word, she walked out of the room, into the waiting room.

Anne looked up at her from the seat she'd just taken. "What's wrong? I was sure there was nothing that would keep you from being away from him."

Amy shrugged, biting the inside of her lip. "I just...The look he gave me scared me. I didn't want to upset him more."

Anne nodded, taking John from his car seat. Well why don't you go down to the food court and get yourself something to drink so you can clear your head. I'll come down and get you if something happens."

Amy bit her bottom look, looking back into the room, but Ricky was still fighting with the doctors. Silently, she gave up defeat and took John from her mom. "I'll be back."

She didn't wait for an answer before walking over to the elevator. A woman had just stepped in, and held the door open for her to step in. She smiled at Amy, and looked down at John. "You have a beautiful baby."

Amy nodded at her as she shifted John so that he was against her body. The elevator dinged and she stood up straight again, dashing out the door and into the cafeteria. She marched up to the counter and grabbed a box of juice. John whimpered and she sighed heavily, walking over to a table. She set down the juice box and shifted him off her shoulder, into the crook of her arm. He cooed at her and she smiled. She knew when they left the house that he would be getting hungry soon, but she didn't really know when. Clearly now he was ready...

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It's quarter after one,
I'm all alone,
And I need you now…
------------------

Anne yawned as she opened her eyes, looking up at the clock. Amy had gone down to the cafeteria around 11:45, and the doctors had still been arguing with Ricky. Not long after that, someone had told her they were taking him down radiology for X-Rays to make sure nothing had shifted, and then for blood testing. Now it was almost 2 AM and Amy still hadn't come back upstairs.

Two floors below, Amy was trying to soothe John. Ever since he had finished nursing, he'd been screaming, and she hadn't been able to calm him. Her greatest fear was still that somehow Ricky or her had gotten him sick. People had knocked on the stall door several times, but she had said that John was fine every time because she didn't want people thinking she was a bad mother. But in reality, she had no idea what she was supposed to do to help him.

Someone knocked on her door again and she gulped, feeling tears burning in her eyes. She couldn't possibly be failing this bad, so early on, but she couldn't handle it anymore. 30 minutes of screaming was far too long for her to still be trying to calm him. She slowly stood and opened the door; her throat knotted when she saw a nurse standing in front of her. Maybe she could help.

The woman smiled at Amy and offered to help. Amy passed John off to her reluctantly, gulping. "I t-tried burping him, I checked his diaper, I don't know what I did."

The nurse smiled at her, shaking her head. "I don't think you did anything wrong, sweetheart. I think he's just overtired and feeling the stress of why you're here, whatever that may be. Just try rocking him to sleep and I'm sure he'll be okay." She moved to give John back to Amy, but Amy shook her head.

"I can't do this. I'm, I'm fifteen, and I'm screwing up already. I-I can't. I can't be a mother and be this bad at it, I just can't. Not… I just can't. Just take him, I can't, I can't, I can't." Amy spoke fast, panicked and scared. She stepped back, and then ran from the room, not sure at all of where she was going. She didn't want that nurse to catch her. She just wanted to be free….

She stopped running as she bumped into another nurse, who happened to be pushing a patient. Her foot caught on the side of the wheelchair and she hit the floor with a thud. Instead of continuing to run, she pushed herself up, into a half-sitting position, staring at the floor as she realized she she'd just done. A sob broke through her and covered her face as she realized she'd just basically given up her son.

She jumped as she felt a hand on her shoulder, and looked up to see Ricky. Her chin trembled as a new set of tears filled her eyes and he hugged her. She clung to him as she sobbed into his shoulder. She knew she was probably hurting him more than she was herself, but he was the only one she felt like she could really be herself to. He was the only one who really shared this bond with her; who really understood what it was like to feel like this.

Ricky rubbed her back, trying to calm her. He knew nothing of what had her so upset. He knew he'd upset her when he'd glared at her, but he didn't thin he'd hurt her that bad. He hadn't even meant to hurt her; he just had wanted to leave and not be stuck there another night. He'd practically had to fight tooth and nail to leave the day before and he didn't want to fight them again.

He looked up from the floor, down her body as he realized she didn't have John with her. It was still so new to him that they John was actually here. Part of his reason for jumping up to help her so quickly was the forethought of John still being inside of her. He gulped as he saw the nurse pushing on her leg. Amy seemed totally unfazed by it. "What-what's wrong?"

Amy sat up, wiping the tears from her eyes as she heard Ricky speak; assuming he was talking to her. "I just-"

Ricky shook his head, turning hers to where the nurse was applying pressure to her leg. He barely had a second to cover her mouth before she screamed. She never had liked the sight of blood. He'd learned that the hard way.

Amy slapped him as her breathing began to quicken. She didn't understand what she'd done to her leg, or why she couldn't feel her legs. "Wh-what's going on? Wh-why can't I feel anything?!"

The nurse looked up at her, trying to calm her. "Just breathe, sweetie. The chair caught your leg pretty good and I'm trying to slow the bleeding. You may need stitches."

Amy shook her head, wiping more tears from her face as fresh ones fell. "N-no, you don't understand. I can't feel my legs!"

The nurse pulled her walkie-talkie from the pocket of her scrubs. "I need a doctor down here. I've got a fallen visitor who's bleeding pretty good and having unexplained numbness; in the west corridor on the third floor."

Amy shook her head as she buried her face in her hands. What was she going to do now? She'd given up her son, sliced her leg open and possibly paralyzed herself all in a matter of five minutes. She really was a bad mom…

A/N: Just as another note, don't for one second think that any of how this ends will last. Things will change. Amy's just really struggling right now and she needs to figure it out. They will get John back and she WILL figure out how to manage.