Disclaimer: I don't own jack. Well, maybe I do. But Twilight definitely does not fall under that category.

Chapter 4. The Fork in the Road

The moments after I admitted my feelings for Bella felt like hours. They stretched, one after the other, until I was convinced that she wasn't going to say a word in response. She was going to turn on her heel and walk away, leaving me alone and embarrassed at my untimely, impromptu outburst. She would tell her father that I was a creeper with an unhealthy fixation on cops' daughters and he would send my ass packing. Back to Seattle. Jobless. I was actually beginning to sweat.

Suddenly, Charlie's head poked around the corner and I came within a hair's width of straight up passing out. "You two playing nice, or do I have to separate you kids? One of the other guys said it sounded like you were having it out back here. Everything all right?" He glanced back and forth between us, the tone of his voice indicating that if everything wasn't kosher, it better be now. Bella's arms were still folded across her chest and I was leaning back against the cold brick wall, so for all intents and purposes we looked like we had been arguing.

Bella held my gaze for one tense second before nodding to her father. "Everything's fine, Dad. I was just giving Edward an etiquette lesson on how to win friends and influence people, Forks-style."

Charlie seemed satisfied by this and swung his attention over to me. "Seems you did give the Crowley boy a thing or two to think about, Edward. Kid was shaking like a leaf the whole time I was taking his report. Save the shock-and-awe tactics for somebody who actually did something wrong, all right?"

"Of course. Don't know what got into me. Won't happen again, sir." I controlled my voice carefully to keep out any trace of the maelstrom of emotion swirling inside me.

He clapped his hand twice on the wall, signaling that the powwow was over. I followed him as he disappeared around the corner. I didn't know if Bella was behind me or not; the spongy sound of her flipflops would have been swallowed up in the flurry of activity that had sprung up while we were gone. Two of the officers who had gone out on road patrol were back, and they had in tow a rowdy, middle-aged man who was flailing around like a fish out of water. He was hollering something completely unintelligible. As they escorted him past me with no small amount of difficulty, the stench of whiskey and gunpowder overwhelmed me. "What the-"

"Ben McGarrity," Charlie supplied for me. "Sits on his front porch shooting rats that run out from underneath with his pistol. Shot his neighbor's cat on accident – or so he says. She's hysterical, wants to press charges." Charlie shrugged and rolled his eyes.

"Seriously?" I questioned skeptically. Sometimes I honestly wondered if Forks was even a real town and not a fifties' sitcom.

He sighed. "Gun was unregistered and he doesn't have a pistol permit. If it wasn't for that, it'd just be destruction of property. Old lady's got so many cats she wouldn't even have known that one was missing if it weren't for the gunshots." He shook his head. "Take Scott and Mike's place on the road, will you? Those two are gonna be tied up with Benny there for awhile."

"Yes, sir." I retrieved the cruiser key from its lockbox on the wall. It didn't escape me that Bella was standing at the reception desk, watching me intently out of the corner of her eye. I did my best to ignore her as I marched purposefully out the main door and into the suffocating heat of the day.

I did a quick patrol of the main drag through town and the surrounding sidestreets. I checked in at four o'clock with dispatcher, noting my location, just like I was supposed to. At four thirty-seven, I pulled over a green Civic with a hideous aluminum spoiler bolted to the trunk like a satellite dish for going forty in a twenty-five, right in front of the elementary school. The long-faced, stringy-haired teenager inside protested that he thought that speed limit only applied during the school year, to which I succinctly informed him that was not the case. Along with a citation for too-dark tint on his windows, I sent him along with just a warning for the speeding violation. I was feeling less aggressive than usual. Strange, given that I was one conversation away from having my ass handed to me by not one, but two separate police departments. Fucking awesome.

I took to parking my cruiser in a small clearing between two thick groves of pines – the perfect hiding spot for unsuspecting traffic violators. I radioed my location back to the dispatch office. At four fifty-five, my cell phone buzzed in my pocket. I pulled it out and noted Emmett's name on the caller ID.

"Cullen!" His booming voice caused me to jerk the phone from my ear, wincing. Emmett was the only person I worked with in Seattle that still acted like I was one of the guys, even after the…incident. The rest of the department had regarded me like I was a ticking time bomb, walking on eggshells around me like I would snap and strangle them with my bare hands. Emmett, though, still invited me out for beers even when I would turn him down three times in a row, and insisted we watch Seahawks games at my place. He kept me from being a complete loner after things had turned upside down. Him and Jasper both. Jasper was just much quieter about it.

"How can I help you, Mr. McCarty?" I said dryly, gingerly touching my ear and checking for blood.

"What are you doing, man?"

"Sitting in a ninety-degree cruiser in a puddle of my own sweat, hoping there'll be a lightning storm and I'll die in a fiery blaze. You?"

"Same. Except over here it's actually thundering and lightning, so maybe you and I should trade places."

I groaned. "Trust me, man, you don't want any part of Forks. It's so boring it physically hurts."

"Well, my man, I can tell you from personal experience that the scenery in that podunk town is top-notch. Definitely worth the drive, if you ask me." The mischievous tone to his voice indicated that he wasn't referring to the evergreens.

"Meaning?" I began to worry that somehow, telepathically, he found out about Bella.

"Come now, Edward," he said in a fake haughty voice. "Hast thou finished high school?" He snickered, and I reminded myself that Emmett was, emotionally, all of twelve years old. "What the hell do you think I'm talking about? I met this girl Friday night, and she said she was from Forks. Holy shit, man, she's grade A cream of the crop legit hottie. A-mazing. Blonde hair, legs up to her chin, ass like-"

"All right, I don't need a fucking diagram," I cut in tiredly. "She was hot. So you took her home, then?"

The line went silent. It lasted for so long that I thought the call had been dropped, and I had to check my phone to make sure we were still connected. "Emmett?"

"Uh, yeah. I'm still here." His voice had a lot less bravado in it.

"So…you never answered. Did you sleep with her?" Hesitation on Emmett's part only meant one thing – denied with a capital D.

"Aw, shit, Edward. I don't know. I bought her drinks all night, danced with her, followed her around like a lost freaking puppy. Last call came up, I got her all the way to my car…I thought I was home free, right? And then she turns around and tells me that if I thought I was gonna get in her panties that easy then I was dumber than I looked." He paused dramatically. "Dude, I think I'm in love."

I was about to spit back a smartass comment about Emmett's intelligence and him being a glutton for punishment, but I heard the loud pop of a car backfiring from several yards away. My eyes snapped forward, onto the roadway where I saw the familiar lumbering of an ancient Chevy pickup, once painted fire-engine red but faded to the color of an ripening tomato. My heart dropped into my stomach as the truck rolled up next to mine, coming to a stop with its driver side window not even a foot from mine. I didn't have to look to know who the driver was.

"Em, I gotta go," I said distantly, my mind already a million miles from the conversation. "I'll call you when I take my lunch."

"What? I was just getting started–" he began, dismayed.

"I know," I said pointedly. "We'll get caught up later." With that I snapped my phone shut and returned it to my pocket.

A knock on the passenger's side window instantly drew my attention and my neck audibly snapped as I whipped my head to the right. Bella was peering in through the tinted glass. How did she know I was here? And then I remembered – the radios. She heard me check in with dispatch. I was simultaneously thrilled and terrified to realize that she had sought me out, come looking for me of her own volition.

I rolled the window down and the stifling humidity came floating in, depleting what was left of my air conditioning. "Can I help you?" I asked mildly, my face betraying none of my anxiety.

"I don't know. Can you?" she quipped, her long, curling hair falling around her face like a curtain. She bent down to meet my eyes, and leaned forward just a bit, giving me just the tiniest glimpse down her shirt. Oh, Jesus Mary and Joseph. I gulped and tried to keep my eyes focused on hers.

"Depends on what you're looking for," I replied absently.

She grabbed the door handle and pulled, swinging it wide open. Climbing onto the front seat, she folded her arms across her chest and stared out of the windshield. Without looking at me, she said, "Answers, maybe. Think you can handle that?"

I said nothing for a long time, choosing instead to examine the looming storm clouds coming in from the east. Looked like the monsoon Emmett was talking about in Seattle would be here soon. "I don't know what you want from me, Bella." It was a stupid, evasive thing to say, but there was a big part of me that wanted to keep my and Bella's lives from becoming too intertwined. The part of me that remembered my volatile and uncontrollable temper, the relationships I'd ruined by bringing my job home with me, the terrible decision I had made that had ripped one family apart. The part that knew I deserved the guilt and the nightmares insisted that I leave an innocent bystander out of the cesspool that was my life – the way I hadn't before.

Bella's eyes flashed anger and she turned her entire body so she was facing me then. "So, what, you take the whole thing back, then? Jesus, Edward. You can't say that to me and expect me not to…not when…nevermind," she huffed, crossing her arms over her chest.

I had no idea what she was trying to say with that last thought, but I felt I needed to clarify something. "I'm not retracting…what I said," I forced out. "I wouldn't do that. Look, it's probably just better if we forget that it happened anyway, okay? Let me maintain some shred of dignity." I was redefining the term "bumbling idiot" in many new and creative ways.

"What's that supposed to mean? Are you ashamed…of me? Of having feelings for me?" Anxiety tinged her voice and I groaned. She was taking this totally the wrong way.

Exasperated, I rubbed my hand roughly across my face. The radio scanner crackled with scratchy voices, but I barely heard them. "That's not it at all. It's a little awkward, though, because in case you hadn't noticed, Bella, I haven't exactly gotten a resounding affirmation from you that you feel the same way. So excuse me if I'm a little gun-shy. No pun intended."

Her next words came out a little choked. "You mean you don't know?" The shy smile that curved her perfect lips tugged at my heart. "I always thought it was written all over my face. I was so terrified that you'd take one look at me and figure it out."

Now it was my turn to stare. "Really?" It terrified me that this petite, beautiful girl could make me feel like a gangly fifteen-year-old with braces and a bowl haircut all over again. Sitting inches from her, hearing her profess that she felt the same magnetic attraction to me that I did to her…I wasn't Edward the cop, or Edward the failure. I was just Edward. She saw through me like I was made of glass and none of my carefully constructed defenses worked against her.

As I let myself get lost in her chocolate-brown eyes, I realized I just didn't care.

"Really," she confirmed. It didn't escape me that she had scooted just a little closer to me, her face now only inches from mine. The damn computer console still forced a good foot of space between our bodies, but I was actually a little grateful. If she could get any closer I felt like I would lose my mind, her effect on me was that strong.

I couldn't tear my eyes from hers. My mind seemed like it was separating from my body, and yet I had never been more aware of how my heart was pounding and the oxygen was being sucked from my lungs. She was leaning in towards me, and my head was inclined to hers. Not even an inch was between my parted lips and her rosebud-pink ones. It occurred to me wildly that if things were this electric now, before we kissed, touched, anything – if we ever were to…Jesus, I couldn't let myself think about that now.

Bella's long lashes fluttered as she closed her eyes, and in the softest whisper she asked, "Will you kiss me?"

I contemplated the consequences of crossing this bridge with Bella for approximately one nanosecond before I closed the miniscule gap between us, meeting her lips in what was hands-down the most incredible kiss of my life. It was like someone had flipped a switch and we were lit up like Times Square on New Year's Eve. Her lips, soft and moist and hungry, caressed mine, tugging and retreating simultaneously. It was the culmination of weeks of longing and wondering and wanting. It didn't matter that she was my new boss' daughter, that I was on duty, that I was trying to piece my life back together. All I knew was Bella.

My left hand snaked behind her neck and tangled in her loose brown waves, drawing her closer. She let out a pleased little whimper and slid her knees underneath her so she could lean over the center console, pushing her upper body against mine. I wrapped my other arm around her, my large hands running over her back and shoulders. She smelled so fucking good, like nothing I'd ever experienced.

The kiss was quickly escalating from tentative to ravenous as our lips devoured each other. I could feel myself straining against the front of my pants, harder than I had ever been in my entire fucking life. A long groan fell from my mouth as her perky little breasts pushed against my chest. My self-control was taking a serious beating right now.

As much as my body was screaming for me to let this go where it wanted to, I had to stop this before something happened that one of us would regret. I gently shifted my hands to her shoulders and steadied her movements. Her eyes blinked open as her lips left mine. "We have to…slow this down," I whispered painfully. "I'm on duty and you're off-limits to me for so many reasons, and if somebody sees us I'd lose my fucking balls."

"Right," she breathed heavily, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. Her cheeks were flushed and her lips were bee-stung and swollen from the heated kisses. She retreated reluctantly back to her side of the car. "Please tell me, though, that there's more where that came from," she murmured dreamily.

I adjusted myself unapologetically, still reeling from the sheer intensity of our connection. I wanted to say yes – I hadn't felt this alive in a long time. But I couldn't afford to be reckless. Not anymore. "We'll see," I finally relented. "I want this, Bella. You don't even understand how much. I just need to be careful." She was a bright patch, a welcome interruption in the droning white noise that was my life now. I was too selfish to let that go so easily, despite the consequences.

"I guess I should go, then." Lightning-fast, before I could react, she leaned over and gave me a chaste peck on the lips. She pulled the door handle on her side and was out of the car while I sat there, a little stunned. Through my open window she shot me a mischievous smile and my heart dropped into my stomach. This girl would be the death of me. And I would go down with a smile on my face, sick fuck that I was.

I heard the prehistoric engine of her truck flare up and it rumbled away, bouncing as the ancient suspension navigated the uneven ground of the clearing.

When Bella pulled away I let out a breath I had no idea I'd been holding. A rush of emotions hit me like a tidal wave – anxiety. Exhilaration. Fear. Elation. Dread, for knowing that I had crossed a line. But if I was really honest with myself, it had been crossed a long time before today. Several weeks ago, in fact, when I had begun falling for Bella.

The first droplets of the impending thunderstorm pattered innocently down on my windshield. I hurriedly rolled up my windows and watched as a few drops turned into many, and before a minute passed the roar became deafening. So much that I couldn't hear myself think. And for that, I was infinitely relieved.

After a night spent restless and frustrated, I hauled myself out of bed at eight and did my best to behave like nothing had changed. I made coffee. I went for a four-mile run around the relatively quiet neighborhood. I changed my oil. But I couldn't shake the feeling that my secrets were written all over my face for the world to see – and judge.

When I came back inside a little before lunchtime, sticky with sweat and motor oil, my encounter with Bella was no further from my mind and neither was my decision on how to proceed. I decided it was time to call Jasper.

Jasper Whitlock, along with Emmett and I, had graduated the Seattle Police Academy in 2005. We had become fast friends as we moved out on the field, and he was easily my closest buddy. Where Emmett was loud, brash and outgoing, Jasper was more understated and reserved. And, as it turned out, a great advice-giver. I had been calling on him more and more since…well, since I had left Seattle.

He picked up on the second ring. "Cullen. How the hell are ya?" The faint twang of a Southern accent still tinged his voice. It was something Emmett never failed to harp on him for.

I smiled despite my near-breakdown mood. "I'm…alive," I answered honestly. I began pacing around the living room, phone cradled between my ear and shoulder.

"Mmhmm. You sound like it," he murmured dryly. "What's going on?"

"Jesus. Fuck. I don't know. I think I really screwed myself this time." I proceeded to fill him in on things with Bella, and how her father would probably blow a gasket if he ever caught wind of it. I mentioned, quietly, almost to myself, how this was the first time I'd actually been able to dwell on something other than…it.

When I finished my tale, Jasper was silent for a few seconds. "Wow. Dug yourself into a deep one there, my friend."

"Yeah. No shit."

He let out a long breath. "So, it seems to me like you got two choices to make. The first is, do you really, actually like this girl? And I don't mean 'do you want to bang her.' I'm asking if you genuinely care about her. Because if you don't, then you gotta cut things off now. She doesn't sound like the type who'll go running to Daddy looking for him to shoot your balls off, but even if she was, you have to be the bigger person and put a stop to whatever's going on before it gets too far out of control."

I knew before Jasper even finished speaking that that wasn't the case here. "And…what if I do? Care about her, I mean. Hypothetically speaking."

"Well, then you gotta do things the right way. Take her out. Get to know her when you're both not under her dad's nose. Don't go announcing to anyone that you're hanging out or dating or whatever, but give it an honest try. If she's as amazing as you say she is, she deserves that much."

I took all of this in. "Do you think I should…tell her?"

"Yeah, I do. When, though, is a different story. She'll find out sooner or later but you might want to find out if you even enjoy each other's company enough to let it get that far. Up to you, though. I don't think she'll run, if that's what you're asking."

He was right, like usual. A rush of confidence poured into me, and I felt purposeful and excited. "Right. Thanks, man. I'll–"

"Hold up there a minute. I didn't say I was done," Jasper cut in insistently. "The second thing you need to ask yourself, Edward, is what's so bad about you not torturing yourself for something you can't change. What happened, happened. You didn't pull the trigger. And every day that you waste believing that you did is just gonna be one more day that you can't get back."

As quickly as the elation puffed me up, I deflated just as fast. Jasper and I had had this conversation before. He was the only one I allowed to even breach the topic, and at some point even he was met with the same brick wall that I threw up. I just wasn't ready to tear my skeletons from the closet and make peace with them the way he was suggesting. "Thanks, Jas. I'll talk to you later." My voice had a harder edge to it. It was my way of saying case closed.

He sighed. "Later, man."

When I clocked in that day at just past five for an evening shift, Jim Crowley was announcing to everyone that his annual Fourth of July cookout later that week was still on. "Even if it rains cats and dogs," he added.

Charlie clapped a hand on my shoulder as he made his way out the door. "That means you, too, Edward. You're part of the crew. Even if they are a bunch of dumbbells." He gave me a curt smile and swept out the front door, followed by two older officers. Oh, to work day shifts like normal people. Even in Seattle I had whacked-out hours that had me working and sleeping at the weirdest times possible. Try making yourself go to bed at noon and getting up for work at nine PM. Maybe if I was sleeping off a bender from the night before, but definitely not nowadays.

I ducked into the locker room and changed into my uniform. I was supposed to spend the first half of my shift at the station and second half on road patrol. Mike Newton was also on my shift and we'd switch around nine.

When I emerged from the locker room, the place had mostly cleared out. Mike was outside, checking the oil in his patrol car before he left. The only one left inside was Bella. She glanced up at me and smiled, all sorts of unsaid things written on her lips. I nearly keeled over. I wanted her so badly – it was like every molecule in my body was being pulled to her by some invisible force. I was going to do this the right way, though, and keep my volatile hormones in check.

One glance out of the plate-glass doors ensured that Mike was still engrossed in his examination of the oil levels, and I crossed the floor to Bella's side. "Hi," I said, my voice huskier and lower than I expected.

"Hi," she replied shyly, her hands still occupied with the pile of papers she was stuffing into a manila envelope.

I was going to be smooth. I was going to find some entertaining and original thing to say that would make her laugh and insert a perfectly natural segue into what her plans were for tomorrow night. I was going to give her a charming smile so irresistible that a "yes" would fall effortlessly from her lips.

I did not do any of those things.

What happened instead was a mortifying combination of barking and coughing and spitting, and somewhere in that mess the words, "Do you want to go eat something?" tumbled from my mouth. It was like someone shot my lips full of Novacain and turned me loose to make an ass of myself in the world.

She blinked once, twice, giving me a peculiar look that one might have when being spoken to by someone who has frequent psychotic breaks. Apparently she did understand me, miraculously, because she replied wryly, "Why? Did you want to try your hand at envelope stuffing?" She was a cruel, cruel woman, and I adored her even more for it.

I huffed a little, and made another go at communicating like a sane adult. "Uh, not right now. What I meant was…would you want to go out with me? Like, on a date? There could be food involved, if you wanted. That you could eat." Well…if I wanted proof that I wasn't missing large chunks of brain matter, that definitely wasn't it.

The smile that curved her lips was sweet and I rejoiced a little inside. "I'd like that. And I'll be sure to bring my appetite." I caught a mischievous glint in her luminous brown eyes. She loved watching me squirm. "When?"

"How's tomorrow night? Seven okay?"

"Seven it is."

"Okay. Great. Um, it's probably not a good idea for me to pick you up, so…do you want to come to my place? I was thinking that I'd cook."

Bella brightened, clearly pleased at this revelation. "You cook?" She placed her hand over her heart and my eyes followed, her fingers resting just shy of the swell of her breast. My throat closed up a little. "Who told you that the way to my heart was through my stomach?"

Just her stomach? I thought to myself curiously. "Yeah. I'm actually half-decent in the kitchen. You like Ramen, right? I'm kidding," I reassured her when she gave me an incredulous glare.

"And now that you've piqued my concern, would you like me to bring anything? I'm-I'm not old enough to get wine or anything," she stammered a little. "I can make a dessert if you'd like."

"Just bring yourself. I got everything else covered." I rested my hand close enough to hers for our fingertips to touch. "Look, Bella, I don't know where this thing between you and me is going, or what's going to happen in the future, but I'm tired of trying so hard to stay away from you. I want to do this the right way so even if all this falls down on my head, which it very well might, at least we'll both know that I did as right by you as I could."

Bella frowned at this, and I knew I was being cryptic, but I just couldn't explain to her how much deeper this was than it looked. She didn't know this, of course, and the dismay on her face was obvious. "Edward, can we just…talk about this mysterious 'it' for a minute? Yes, I do agree with you that it's not a great idea to make out on my dad's desk while he's sitting at it. Yes, since technically we work together we should probably keep our hands out of each other's pants just on principle. But please, can you just tell me why you have this doom-and-gloom attitude about us? About everything, come to think of it? You act like you're on death's door or something." She finished her rant, the tension in her body seeming to drain out, and then her brow furrowed with worry. "You're not, are you? Dying? Do you have cancer?"

I couldn't help but laugh out loud at her genuine concern. "No. I do not have cancer or any other terminal disease that I am aware of."

"Oh." The relief on her face made me smile. She was so endearing in so many ways. "Well, that's…good. But you still haven't answered my question."

I let my hand creep up further on the desk until my fingers had curled over hers. "I know. And you're right. And I promise that I will tell you anything you want to know." I meant it. She had a right to know exactly what brand of train wreck I was before diving into whatever it was that we had. "After dinner tomorrow." I lifted our entwined fingers to my lips and kissed hers gently, lingering on each one. Her eyes stayed glued to mine and I swore I could feel her pulse quicken, just a little. Being near her and not being able to touch her was apparently sweet torture for us both.

"Okay," she replied in a dazed voice.

Finally lowering her hand back down to her side, I shrugged and added, "Of course, you might find me so insufferable that you decide you don't want anything further to do with me." I gave her a crooked smile.

"I might," she agreed. "Good thing that's my decision."

Yes, it was. I hoped by agreeing to bare myself to her I wasn't making it for her.

Love it? Hate it? I'm dying to know :) Next time we get to see what exactly is making Edward into Broodward. Until next time, folks...