The rest of November flew past in a blur. I threw myself into my work, working overtime when it was offered, and even when it wasn't. "Jordan" Mike, my boss said after calling me into his office. "You gotta take a break, kid. You're gonna burn yourself out. Look, it's only a week until we shut for Christmas. Take the week off. Spend some time with your man, God knows you haven't had time for him lately. No arguments Jordan. This is happening. Grab your stuff, and go home. We'll see you in January, hopefully back to the old Jordan." I nodded and went to my desk.
"Jordan?" Lisa asked as I grabbed my bag and my phone. I shook my head, smiling at her weakly. "Have a nice Christmas" she said quietly. I nodded, thanking her quietly before making my way to my car.
I sat in the drivers seat and cried. Sobbed my heart out. When I finally pulled myself together I drive home quickly, slamming the door to the house behind me. I lay on the sofa, not switching a light on or taking my shoes off. Then, and only then did it actually hit me what I'd done. I'd always had work to fall back on to take my mind off Jon, and now I had nothing. No work, no Jon. I still had messages from him every day, the usual "I love you, please talk to me, please answer" messages. I couldn't change my number because of work, so it was something I had to put up with. I grabbed my phone quickly, scanning through his messages. None today. None yesterday. Maybe he was finallly giving up.
I lounged around the house for four days, hardly eating, finally going through the emotions I should have gone through weeks ago. I sat and watched movies I knew would make me cry. Marley and me. Titanic. The fault in our stars. The sofa was a sea of tissues by the time I snapped out of my funk. "Damn it Jordan" I bitched at myself. "Snap out of it girl!" I went and showered quickly, taking my time getting dressed and putting my makeup on even though I wasn't going out. And then the great cleanup operation began.
When I'd finished, there wasn't a trace of Jon in the house. No pictures of us were on display, they were in a box in the attic. I mean, they were still memories, ones that maybe one day I could look back on. But not yet. My phone rang and I glanced at it quickly. Lisa. "Hey" I said, smiling as I answered it. "What's up? How's work?" "You're on holiday Jordan" she groaned. "Don't ask about work. I just called to see how you are. You sound brighter, anyway." "I feel better" I admitted, curling up on the sofa. "I don't think I gave myself a chance to get over him, just threw myself into work to get my mind off him." "Wait, rewind" she said. "You broke up? When?" "November" I said quietly. "I just, long distance wasn't working for me. For either of us..." "Long distance worked for nearly two years Jordan" she said. "What changed?" "Me" I said. "I want more, Lisa. I want him all, or not at all. We both know that was never going to happen. One of us had to be the adult and admit that what we were was actually occasional lovers." "The guy fucking loves you Jordan" she groaned. "Not anymore" I said quietly. "The messages have stopped. I think he's finally got the message." "Oh sweetie" she said quietly. "I'll call you later, ok? Dean is taking me out, but I promise I'll call you as soon as I'm home." "It's ok Lis" I said, smiling. "I'm a big girl now. I'll speak to you later." I ended the call and put the phone on the table, frowning when a message flashed up. Mum. "Open the door" I read. "Oh mum" I called. "Its already unlocked!" I smiled as I heard the door open and somebody drop what sounded like a huge bag.
"Damn mum" I said, walking out to the porch. "Did you bring me my Christmas present early?" "Something like that" she said quietly, as I looked at the bag and shook my head. "No fucking way" I whispered. "Language Jordan" mum warned as I stared at my present. "Merry Christmas doll" Jon whispered, smiling at me. "What the fuck?" I asked, looking at mum. She shook her head. "You're a mess Jordan" she said. "The only person who can fix this mess is Jon. I can't see you like this anymore. I'll see you later." "Bye mom" Jon said quietly as he wrapped his arms around me. She smiled as she opened the door and quickly walked out.
"No Jon" I whispered, pushing him away and walking back into the living room. "Please Jordan" he groaned, following me. "I'm a mess. Apparently you're a mess too. I need you Jord, I love you. I can't be without you. Please. Can we at least talk about this? Sort it so we both agree on an outcome, not just one of us deciding what's going to happen?" I sighed and nodded, sitting on the sofa and looking at him. "Ok" I said finally. "I guess I owe you that much. Do you want a drink first? Or to sleep? You must be tired, didn't you have a taping last night?" He shook his head. "I'm good" he said sitting opposite me. "I just want his sorted, one way or another. We can't go on like this babe, it's killing us both." I nodded, sitting back and looking at him. This wasn't going to be easy.