Chapter 4: Colorfast

Christian took a last look back at the practice, ignoring the sign Troy/Landau, his mind's eye seeing the old Mcnamara/Troy sign. His love for Michelle was dead. It wasn't fair on her to judge her, she was acting out of circumstances doing all she had done and he didn't judge her. People did terrible things to survive, he had done direful things to survive. But he must've loved somebody who didn't exist, cause Michelle wasn't who he had thought she was. Just a few weeks ago he was so in love, then it all snapped like a twig the same way as it happened with Kimber. He had been desperately looking for love, looking to get married before it was too late. He was getting older and running out of time to learn to know people and handle relationships. It was like a curse from way back from his childhood. Perhaps his mother cursed him the moment he was born. He had no idea what to do with his life now or if he should even bother trying to find a mother for Wilbur. He could've taken the easy option and followed Sean, continued with the way of life of him always being Sean's shadow, and under his protection at the same time. But Sean wanted away from him, so could he go after him?

"Christian! Good, you're still here," Linda called after him, "there's a phone call for you. In your office." With that she disappeared.

Christian wanted to oppose, saying there was nothing else that could've concerned him there, but there was nobody to complain to.

"What's happening? Where are you going?" Julia's voice startled him as she ranted on, "I called cause I wanted to talk to Sean and he left already? I thought he'd still be there till next week. And now you? You can't just vanish like that. You have to tell me where I can find you," she panicked.

"Find me? Why would you need to find me? From the way you said good bye, oh wait a minute, from the way you didn't say good bye when you left and vanished yourself I didn't think that would be an issue. But I'll surely let Sean know where I am, once I figure it out myself."

"Oh, why do you and Sean always have to be a package deal? What if I don't wanna ask him? And what is this about this you dunno where you're going?"

"You wanna tell me you don't know why I'm lost?" Christian said reprovingly. What I want to do with life is stick with you, as always, but you have given up on that a long time ago. Last year you still remembered that, this year you have compeletly ignored me. Things get complicated. "And you're the last one who should counsel me about what to do with my life. You lost that right when you told me to get over you and realise that things couldn't go back."

"Listen...I'm sorry about Michelle. I'm sorry it didn't work out for you again. I am. What's happening with us Christian? Why do our lives fall apart?"

Christian wasn't in the mood to talk about it though. If Julia could just take the last twenty years back and go back to kiss him on the lioness statue on university campus and if he could forgive her for rejecting him... "Why did you call Sean? Perhaps I could forward the enquiry. Since you're so unwilling to talk to him."

"I'm not unwilling. It's just hard. Knowing every word I say is hurting him. But I couldn't live like that anymore. He made the decisions, I had no real freedom. I wasn't even taken into account as a person who could make decisions. And I admit, I reinforced that in his mind, financially dependent on him most of the time...anyway, I can't chack on Gina from here. I wanted to see if she had at least some of the money yet."

"Gina? You're joking, right? You need money?" If Julia needed anything, he would provide. Like any husband. Not because of Sean, because he was still in love with her, as he has always been under the surface. No matter how much it hurt. It was partly why no other woman would do.

"Not your money Christian and not Sean's either. My last business venture went well and I thought why not again?"

"You did surprise me there. You know, we didn't believe you could do it." He admitted, as a peace offering. His last chance to keep this family as his in some way before they all lived in different parts of the country sending pointless christmas cards to each other only. He had to open the situation up. A lot. "In fact, I don't even understand why you wanna do it. Myself, I wish anything more than having to fear bankrupcy again. Responsiblity, all that crap, not for me, not again," he continued casually, more on a light note to disguise the earlier angry tone. It didn't even occur to him his usual best tacic to try to seduce her.

"Don't tell me you wanna work for someone."

"Look, I have no idea what I'm gonna do apart from taking a long vacation for a while and spending it with Wilbur, getting to know each other again. And I woudn't mind my money working for me in some way till then. I'm saying I wanna hear more about this investment I'm making with you."

"Really? Over the phone? It's a little difficult explaining..."

"How about we start the vacation over there? Where are you exactly?"

tbc