Chapter four: A Familiar Face
"Now that the easiest week is over for you," and my dad glared at all of the four Warriors, "we can continue with the real work." He smiled mysteriously when he found the four faces of the Warriors, confused and a little shocked. If this was just some introducing week, who knew what might come next. "But for now, I think you all deserve a small vacation." The Avatar quickly covered his ears when the three other benders cheered, happy and relieved that they had some vacation. After all, the week had been tough and hard. As for me, I was less pleased to know I had some vacation. I knew after all that my parents would want to spend their vacation elsewhere than at the Fire Nation, and at the moment the last thing I wanted to do was go on a small vacation with my parents. My mother was already at the gardens, packing Appa, and my father turned around to help her. While Amaya and Nobu took off after they had said goodbye, I was left behind with the firebender, Kenshin, and I couldn't stop my curiosity.
"Don't you need to go to your family?" I asked, hesitated if the question might've sound rude.
"My father's not keen on travelling," he answered softly, as if he regretted the statement.
"What about your mother?" The firebender closed his eyes and turned his face to the sun. By the soft stroke of the wind, he opened his eyes again. "My mother wanders somewhere around the spirit world," he sighed. I was almost ashamed by my curiosity, I almost wanted to comfort him, but he had to ruin that one moment of peace between us. "Anyways, it's been a week and you still didn't answer my question."
"Question?" Not really following, I followed the movement of his hand, pointing at his arm. "Your skin."
"Is it that important to you, or are you just trying to provoke me?"
The bender released a smile and looked back to the sun again. I heard my father yelling my name, saying we were leaving, and I sighed heavily. I didn't like this guy, I certainly did not. But since there were only four of us, I wasn't planning on keeping him as an enemy. I needed to give this guy a chance. After all, I was still stuck with him until the end of the year. My father called for me again.
"I don't know," and the corners of my lips curled downwards. I turned around to catch up with my family, only to find him looking at me when Appa rose into the air. His eyes betraying something sympathetic. "See you made some friends this week?" Suki asked. I looked back, finding Kenshin still looking at me.
"Sort of, so erm, anyways, where are we going to?"
"To Lake Laogai!" Sokka pronounced. The swordsman put on a huge smile as if he was proud. I looked at my father, then at my mother, then at Yoshu.
"Where's Toph?" I asked.
"Toph –" and my father turned around, sitting in the neck of the bison, "is not coming. She was asked by her father himself to visit them. It's been more than 16 years, though."
I crossed my arms over my breasts. Not that I wasn't happy for Toph, after all I knew the stories about the world's best earthbender, daughter of the Bei Fong family, running off to teach the Avatar earthbending, but I knew that if Toph wouldn't be there, I would certainly get bored. In an effort to comfort myself by remembering it would only be for three days, my brother ruined my last bit of hope by hitting my foot with my father's staff.
"Aw! You little..."
"Meisha. Stop annoying your brother."
The child presented me a pink tongue and Sokka had to stop me from not killing him.
"And why don't we ask uncle Zuko to come along?"
"Why do you always need the Fire Lord around you Meisha? You are a sixteen-year-old girl, it's time you act like one." My mother shot me a hard glare.
"Ow, I have absolutely no idea mother." Saying that with one of my sarcastic tones –learned from Sokka – she threw her waterbag in my stomach to silence me. "Here, it's been a week since your last healing session and you're old enough to do it alone."
"I do it myself since I was eight," I mumbled. Sokka grinned. "What Sokka?"
"Well, it's quite funny that, when you mentioned Sparky, Katara immediately thought about your bad eye." Suki punched him in his stomach so he glared at her as in 'what?'. I turned my face to watch the palace fade away. My dad sighed.
Once we arrived and Appa was unpacked, we all set off to the beach. I on the other hand, hated the beach. It was nice to be so close next to the sea, but I never liked the beach particularly. It was my father's tradition to take us to Ember Island once a year together with Sokka, Suki, Toph, Zuko and Mai. Mai and I always succeeded to take off and go for a little shopping. Of course it was nice that Mai bought me a lot of clothes an jewelleries, but that was not the reason for liking her so much. It were the details that made our shopping days so special to me. For example, Mai knew exactly what I liked and disliked, and she knew exactly when it fitted me or not. Something that my mother would never know on sight. And the nicest moment was after the shopping. We always stopped at the same tea-house, The White Jade, to have a little chat. That was once in a year when I talked about my feelings, my troubles, my secrets and my mother to someone. And although Mai couldn't help me, it was quite helpful to just talk to her about it. Mai also told me a lot of stories about my family. How she first helped Azula, how she loved Zuko, when she risked her life for him by helping him escape at the boiling rock, and I was fascinated by a love, so strong and pure. I wondered if my mother would do the same for my father.
That's why I liked Mai so much. Because she filled the gap in my heart left behind by my mother.
But unfortunately, now there was no Mai. Neither Zuko, nor Toph. And that suddenly became clear to me when I was staring at the sun, bored. Normally, one of the three I just had named kept me busy, now I had nothing to do. The one thing I was doing at the moment was whipping the mud from my face that my brother had thrown at me a second ago, again. My brother was quite small for his age, just like my father was, but he had dark brown short hair, and also a big arrow on his forehead, stronger blue than my dad's. So it should've been easy to see him coming with another ball of mud. But my attention was focused on the sun, and I knew that my brother would enjoy it even more when I'd get angry. That, and I wasn't looking forward to another lecture from my mother.
After another pile of mud in my face, I stood up and walked away. I needed some rest, I needed a moment on my own. I found a small current of water draining between several rocks, situated at the end of the Laogai Lake, unknown to the seeking eye. After all, I had crawled my way up there. It was perfect. I placed myself on one of the rocks and tucked my feet into the water, enjoying the pleasant feeling of the tickling waves. I pushed myself off and plunged into the water. The water was cold of course, but it was good to find myself in my element. Swimming down to touch the surface – something I've always liked doing – I noticed something in the water. But first I caught for some air. Holding my breath again to take another dive, I searched with my hands for the object. It was difficult to see since the water was blurry and my left eye wasn't at his best state after a week of no healing sessions. After a third dive, my hand collapsed on a rough object, soaked with dirt. It took quite some strength to pull it out of the earth for it was stuck, but eventually I succeeded, and I dropped myself on a stone and reached for air. Then, I took a sitting position and took a good glare at the object. It was a wooden blue sort of mask. Actually, it resembled a lot like the face of a waterspirit from the Southern Water tribe. I washed the remaining dirt away with my thumbs and stretched my arms to take a good look at it. A blue mask with white ears, nose, and teeth. Why would anyone abandon a mask?
"Dad? Dad, I found some sort of... mask I think."
"What Meisha?" My dad turned around, sending me an angry frowning look. My dad almost never got mad or angry, and when he did he returned to his happy self after a second. So I knew that if my father gave me a look like that, it was serious, and it was better to leave him alone.
"Erm, nevermind... Common Yoshu." My little brother took my hand and followed me as never before. Since my brother was acting so humble, he had to be standing there for a while, scared. He had tears in his eyes so I took him inside in our little vacation house. When he was seated on the couch, he grabbed on to me tight, some tears rolling down his cheek.
"Don't go. I'll miss you," and he grabbed me tighter.
"Yoshu, what are you talking about, I'm not going anywhere."
"But mom said you had to leave." He stared at me with blinking eyes. What was he talking about? Why would mom say that? "What was she saying?"
"She said that you had to leave, that you'd be better off at the North Pole. That you'd continue practising there."
"But, why would she say something like that?"
"Because she didn't want you to be around uncle Zuko. That it was his fault you act so bad."
I frowned my eyebrows and watched the boy fiercely. I felt so mad. My own mother wouldn't care for not seeing me an entire year, just so I could practise my bending at the North Pole. She wouldn't allow me to hang around with uncle Zuko. But worse, she made my little brother cry with her 'excellent' idea. The only one who was allowed to make my little brother cry wass me, and no one else. He might've annoying, he might've a liar, but you do not hurt my little brother.
"Listen Yoshu. I want you to take this to my room," and I handed him over the mask. "and then you return to your own room. You wait there until I come back, okay? You don't leave that room unless there's a fire or something. Am I clear?"
"Yes... Just promise me you won't leave."
"I promise." I hugged him and rubbed his hair. Then he grabbed on to the mask, showing me he would take care of it, turned around and ran up the stairs. I left the house and went back to the beach, finding my mother and father arguing and pointing at each other. Sokka was trying to get between, but that was an almost impossible effort. Almost.
"Sokka, Suki, could you please go to the house. I don't want Yoshu to be alone for a very long time."
Suki grabbed Sokka by the arms and gave him a look, saying it would be better if they'd leave. He followed humble, leaving me and my parents alone. Suddenly, the two of them weren't arguing anymore, but they were staring ashamed at their feet. It was almost as if I was the adult one, lecturing her children because they'd been fighting. I looked at my mother, and she stared back into my eyes.
"I don't care what you are planning on doing with me," I spoke, threatened. "But I won't allow you from not letting me see uncle Zuko. And certainly not while hurting my little brother."
It was kind of insolent, for sure, but for once in my life, I had the right to be. My mother stared to her feet again, offended and not quite finding the words. With that said, I turned around to the beach house. It'd be better for us all, not seeing each other for the rest of the night.
When I arrived, I found Sokka pulling Yoshu out of his room. Yoshu was screaming and yelling at him, banging him in every possible way he was able to. When Yoshu saw me, he freed himself and ran into my arms for a hug.
"Jesus Sokka, you're really good with kids... No wonder Suki didn't want any children," I smiled. My uncle made a hand gesture but Suki placed her hand on his fist.
"He didn't want to leave his room. He said he had to wait for you to come." Suki offered me a smile, happy to see that my little brother was so modest. "Meisha," and Suki walked with me to my room. Now that I had arrived, Yoshu followed my uncle compliant. Suki sat on my bed and I stared out of my window, watching the sunset. "I just wanted you to know. Your mother loves you very much you know. No one really understands why she's being so –"
"So what? It's like I'm not even her child! You know that every time I got hurt when I was little, I had to heal it myself? What kind of a mother does something like that! It's like she wants me dead. And my father always trying to keep us together. Doesn't she get it that she's hurting him too? She's so selfish, so irresponsible, so... Argh!" I threw my arms in the air, longing to scream as loud as I could, but I didn't want to scare my brother. Suki placed her hand on my shoulder.
"This whole Warrior trip," she said, her eyes searching for mine, "will be more to you than just a year of learning how to bend, Meisha." Her eyes looked harsh.
"What does that suppose to mean?"
"That means that you're not only going to learn how to bend. You're going to find out who you are Meisha. You're going to find out who you are and what you want. Be prepared to find out the truth."
I was left behind with questions, questions that I could answer myself. I just didn't want to know what the answer was. Of course I knew what Suki was talking about. My entire life, I had asked myself how it was possible that I was the child of the Avatar, Aang, and master Katara. This year, I would finally find out. It's been a week and I found out more about my parents than I have found out over the past years. At last, this year I would know what features and characteristics I inherit from my mother and father. I would know who I am. Because after all, I was just a adolescent, not quite understanding why she was brought to the world in the first place. And although I should be happy I would find out, I was scared to know the truth. I was scared that I wasn't prepared, and Suki knew that.
When dinner was being served and Sokka called for me, I sighed. Anxiously, I walked down the stairs to find my family sitting at the table. The atmosphere was gloomy, faces were being exchanged. At last, I took a seat next to my little brother.
"I think it should be better if I'd go back to the Fire Nation a little bit sooner than you." There, I said it. Everyone was looking speechless at me. Again, those faces were being exchanged, not quite knowing how to respond on this one. My dad closed his eyes and placed the bowl with vegetables on the table, and sighed. He looked at me and sent me a proud smile.
"I think that's a very responsible decision you made Meisha. And if you think it'd be better, I'm fully supporting you."
Relieved that my father accepted my offer, my mother was staring at the bowl my father had just placed on the table, her face sour and mad.
"Mom?" I wouldn't leave until I had permission from both parents.
"You know Meisha," and she stood up to leave, but first gave me a fierce look. "I think it doesn't really matter if I say yes or no, since you'll leave anyway. The only thing I have to say to you is this: do as you wish, I don't care anymore." She left the room. My father wanted to go after her, but I stopped him.
"It's okay dad," and I smiled at him.
"Well, at least take Appa. We'll find another way of travelling. I want to be sure you're in good hands, and Appa has six!"
Sokka was not keen about the idea that they wouldn't return on Appa, but I was so thankful that my father trusted me enough to do this, and with Appa. He gave me a hug and kissed my forehead. "Then, I guess we'll see you at the Royal Palace," and my brother clamped on to my waist.
When Amaya caught an eye on me, she was surprised but happy to see me at the same time. She ran up to Appa who landed smoothly on the grass, again almost squashing the turtle ducks. From the first contact with the ground after a flight of several hours, I was immediately embraced by the airbender.
"How come you're already back?"
I looked away from her smiling face to my left. "Family matters" I answered. It was unnecessary to tell more, so I didn't. After all, not everyone had to know.
"Like that..." After her lips had curled down for a second, she smiled again, her eyes sparkling, and started pulling my sleeve. "I know something to cheer you up! Follow me." It was quite impossible not to, so I followed the running girl up to the main living-room. There we found a beautiful woman with a pale skin and dark hair drinking tea, Mai.
"Mai!" I yelled, louder than was necessary. She laughed when I was running to her and embraced her. At the moment, she was exactly the antidote I needed for my grief.
"How, I thought you were at the hospital?"
"I was, but the doctors dismissed me. I'm alright now, though."
Happy to see her, I placed my head on her shoulder and hugged her tighter than I intended. I was so busy with being happy that I didn't notice Amaya leaving. Not just leaving, she was giggling in the hallway when some handsome earthbender was pulling at her sleeve, saying she had to come with him. Mai eventually took a step back and placed her hand on my chin so she could take a good look at me.
"By the look of that face you have a lot to tell. Zuko told me you were on vacation."
"It's... complicated."
"Hmm, I can imagine," and her smile faded when mine also did. "But, I may have spend a week in the hospital, I'm not going to drop our yearly tradition. First some shopping, then talking."
"That sounds just great," and my smile rose again.
"So, no wonder you're here." Mai and I were at a tea-house in the Upper Ring of the Fire Nation. The tea was not as half as good as Iroh's, and the tea-house itself wasn't as half as comfy as The White Jade, but it was good enough. After all, the most important matter was the company of Mai. She placed her tiny cup on the table to place a hand on mine, as if she wanted to show me she felt bad for me. But I was happy that I could talk to someone about it, apart from the Fire Nation soldiers who had to come with us. Because really, it's so dangerous to drink tea in a tea-house. When a smirk reached for the woman's face, we quickly changed subject and talked about the whole Warrior things. Nice try, I thought, but that wouldn't keep me from asking that one question that was burning at the tip of my tongue.
"Was it... another miscarriage?" I hesitated to ask, but I had to know. Not that I intended to be rude, it was more because I was worried. Her eyes turned to look at the floor and the grip in her hand slowly weakened. After a moment of silent, she responded impassive, like she always did when other people were around. "Yes." Her eyes were moisten, but she quickly found the courage again to look at me and smile.
"But don't worry about me Meisha. After all, I have you now. You know I love you as my own daughter," and she stroke my left cheek. My mother was never happy when I went for a walk with Mai. I think she was jealous. I did have a great relationship with Mai, that sort of relationship I've never had with her. A typical mother-to-daughter relationship, so actually, I couldn't blame her for being jealous. On the other hand, it was kind off my mother's fault.
"Enough talking," and she rose to her feet, smirking at one of the soldiers. "You, carry our shopping-bags."
The soldier moaned when she placed the bags in his hands while another one laughed at him, happy it wasn't him. Mai offered me her hand so I took it and we left the tea-house, people staring and admiring how the Fire Lady and the Water Warrior left the tea-house where they were drinking tea. It wouldn't take long before the rumours would spread, how wonderful the tea-house should be since the Fire Lady and the Water Warrior had been drinking tea over there.
"No one really knows what Katara her problem is Meisha, don't be harsh on yourself."
"I know, I know it's not my fault uncle, I just... You know her for so long, you were friends once, what made your friendship suddenly disappear? I wonder how she was like when she was my age. I've heard so much about her. How ambitious and protective she used to be, and kind. Nothing like the present."
The Fire Lord sighed, his eyes looking at the papers he was holding in front of him again. As uncle was the Fire Lord, he always had to do something. But I could always count on him. And if I wanted to talk, and even if he was busy, then the talking would happen during his work. Not that he paid much attention during his work of course, but his effort for freeing some time for me was worth a lot to me. I turned around in his cough, for I was twisting myself in the weirdest positions, something I always did when I wanted attention or I was bored. When I almost fell on the floor, I was able to stop myself right on time and went for a formal sitting position, sending him a questioned look.
"So?"
"So what?" and he looked up from his papers to take a look at me.
"So, how was she like? What happened that you don't like each other anymore?"
He frowned and looked at his papers again, but I could tell he wasn't really reading them, just avoiding my eyes. He hesitated for a few times, taking a breath to start talking, but then stopped immediately without saying a thing. At last, he pulled himself together and took one deep breath. "Meisha," and he placed his pencil on his desk together with his papers. "Your mother was indeed very ambitious and kind and caring. I never really quite understood what made her change so much. A year after the war had ended, Aang wanted to pay me a little visit, with Katara of course. Apparently they had been married in that year. When they arrived, I saw Katara holding something, a little package wrapped in blankets."
"Me," I added to the story.
"Yes. And the way she looked at you... That was the kind of look in her eyes like I remembered her to be during the war. But when I spoke her, she snapped at me. I don't know why, I still don't know it, and we'll both never know. But that face, how she was looking at you. That's how I want to remember her."
"But I don't get it. I've heard the stories, I've heard how you joined my father to rescue your Nation and I've heard how you became friends with everyone, my mother. How you fought Azula, how she struck you with lightning. You were almost dead, my mother brought you back, didn't she?"
"Meisha, those are stories, true in big lines, but also enlarged. Your mother and I'd never got along very well in the first place."
"Okay, but I thought, after the whole chasing-mother's-murderer thing she finally accepted y-"
"Who told you that?" He narrowed his eyes while looking away from the view, straight into my eyes. For a moment I was actually scared. It was a face I've never seen him form before.
"No one, I just... happen to know, that's all." The firebender turned his eyes to the view of the gardens again, the tension of his muscles suddenly fading in seconds. After a moment of uncomfortable silence, he turned to look at me again, now a smirk reaching for his lips.
"Care for some swordbending?"