Chapter 4

The Truth amidst Grief

Marabeth and Alistair could not stop smiling after remembering they had met each other as children. It was like finding a missing piece to a puzzle and in essence reclaiming a part of themselves. There was still a great deal of unanswered questions however, for that scribe who watched them as children remained a huge mystery.

Before leaving, they asked Teagan but his memories were not much different from Alistair's. Mathias was a visiting scribe who took Alistair under his wing when he visited Redcliffe.

"I wish I could help you." Teagan said. "I'm afraid my brother may be the only one with the answers you seek."

So they set out for Denerim and the minute that man in Genitivi's house tried to kill them, they knew they were about to embark on a dangerous journey.

As they journeyed to Haven; Alistair and Marabeth would rehash all their memories if the hopes of picking up something they missed and one day they did remember something. They recalled a dagger Mathias withdrew from one of the side pockets of his robe. He had used it to clear brush when they were hiking in the wood. The dagger was familiar to both of them, but they did not remember where.

When they finally reached Haven, they were shocked at how the villagers were colder than the mountain air. They finally found Genitivi being held in the Chantry but much blood was shed in the process and making the perilous journey through the ancient temple and crumbling caverns was exhausting. Near the end; they encountered Kolgrim, the leader of dragon cult and Marabeth used her charm to convince him and his remaining followers that she would defile the ashes.

With the exception of Morrigan; meeting the Guardian fascinated and frightened them. He questioned each of them and knew their history. Alistair could see Marabeth's agony when she admitted her pain and regret of leaving her mother behind when she fled Highever Castle with Duncan. Marabeth could see the regret on Alistair's face when the Guardian asked him about Duncan. The Guardian said these were tests of faith, but being forced to remember things

Emotions were already running high, after Marabeth answered each riddle the spirits of Andraste's friends, loved ones, and even enemies gave to her but when reaching the second test of faith, Alistair finally saw her resolve crumble when the lone spirit turned around, faced her and he heard Marabeth call it father.

Alistair stood close against her fearing she would fall and as he looked at this spirit, more memories came back to him. He remembered her father and how kind he was him. In his mind, he saw Marabeth as a child running back to her father and he picked her up. Alistair could feel the love and could feel her grief coming back to the surface as her father told her put aside that grief and prepare for the long road ahead and he gave her a pendant before disappearing.

"Are you alright?" He asked her.

"I will be." She managed to say.

The next test of faith was having to fight doppelgangers of themselves. Alistair did not like to see the version of himself he was fighting. He knew he was fighting what he became after surviving the battle at Ostagar, but felt strangely free when he defeated that part of himself he wanted to forget. It was as if a huge burden was lifted him. After they completed this bridge puzzle they made it to where Andraste's Ashes. Alistair was mortified that they had to strip down before walking through the fire and forced himself to not look at Marabeth.

Alistair watched in amazement as Marabeth went through the fire and the Guardian reappeared and told her she was cleansed. The fire disappeared and with the exception of Morrigan, they felt so moved to be there. He watched her take the ashes and tuck them safely away.

They defeated Kolgrim and his followers when they got out but there was still the dragon to contend with.

Marabeth looked at the dragon hovering above and then looked at them. "Let's finish this." She said. "This dragon is a sacrilege to Andraste and what she stood for."

She blew the horn she looted from Kolgrim's body as they braced themselves.

Wynne and Moriggan provided support from a distance as the dragon dropped down on them an unleashed a rage that was unlike anything they ever encountered on their journey. It took every bit of strength they had to defeat that dragon but they did it and Alistair felt victorious as he made that final blow. In pain and exhausted, he limped over to Marabeth who was bruised, bloodied, but smiling.

They returned to camp outside of Haven. Sten was impressed to see how bloodied and battered they look and offered to go through what they looted and divide what to sell and keep.

Alistair looked at Marabeth. She looked haunted again. Seeing the spirit of her father had brought everything back and his heart ached to see her that way. He was surprised when even Morrigan was uncharacteristic kind, telling Marabeth her father was handsome.

Marabeth excused herself to the stream to clean up and told them to not save any supper for her.

Alistair walked over to Wynne. They had told her of having met when they were children and he figured she would have the best advice on how to help Marabeth.

"When we saw the spirit of Marabeth's father, I remembered how kind he was to me when they were at Redcliffe." He said.

"He was a good man Alistair." Wynne said. "He did not deserve his fate. Seeing her father's spirit has brought everything back."

"What can I do to help her Wynne?" He asked. "I hate seeing her this way."

"Just be there for her." Wynne told him.

Alistair thanked her and went to look for Marabeth.

Marabeth sat by the stream pitching rocks and thought about getting the ashes.

It was true the experience moved her and it would be something she would never forget, but she could not shake the image of seeing the spirit of her father.

She hated herself right now for he asked her to move on from her grief but she couldn't. Marabeth could only see what she had lost. She would never hear her father call her Pup again, nor would she hear her mother agonize about finding a perfect suitor for her. She would never be able to play with Oren again or gossip with Orianna as they played cards. Marabeth thought of her brother lost at Ostagar and missed how they would joke around. She wanted to let go but their deaths were a part of her and had shaped what she had become. Marabeth screamed when an image of Rendon Howe crossed her mind. Marabeth was sworn to defend the lands against the Blight, but she would avenge her family.

Marabeth covered her face with her hands and finally started to cry. Her grief was so strong, she did not notice Alistair sit down next to her and only looked up when he touched her shoulder and held out his arms to her.

"Seeing your father's spirit made me remember him Marabeth." Alistair said. "When your family visited, he was so kind to me as was your mother. I remembered they would always stop and talk with me when they came across me."

Those words were all that it took for Marabeth to rush into his arms.

Alistair held her tight against him as she buried her face in his shoulders and wept.

After crying, Marabeth had fallen asleep in Alistair's arms which made him feel overwhelmed and exhilarated. He tenderly wiped her tear stained face and then slowly got up while still holding her in his arms. As Alistair slowly carried her back to the camp, he wished time would slow down so he could on to the moment longer.

"Is this what loves feels like?" He whispered to himself.

Most people had settled in their tents by the time he got back. Seeing Marabeth's bedroll already laid out; Alistair gently set her on it and tenderly kissed her cheek before covering her with a blanket. Marabeth's mabari instinctively went to her side, guarding her.

Alistair gave Marabeth one last glance and retired to his tent.

Alistair woke up to the smell of porridge and saw a hot bowl waiting for him by his pack. He smiled because he knew Marabeth had left that for him. As he ate, Alistair pondered the dream he had. He dreamt of Mathias holding that dagger.

"Can I come in?"

He turned to see Marabeth coming in his tent. She was holding a bowl of porridge and sat down beside him.

"Thanks for leaving a bowl for me." He smiled.

"Thank you for being there for me." Marabeth smiled

"You don't have to thank me. We're in this together." Alistair told her. "How are you feeling?"

"Much better; I think sleeping helped. I had the weirdest dream though. I dreamt of Mathias and saw him holding that dagger."

"I had a dream about him as well."

"I have seen that dagger before." Marabeth said. "I just need to remember where."

"We are heading back to Redcliffe today." Alistair said. "When Eamon recovers, he could have the answers we seek."

They made it to Redcliffe and the ashes cured Eamon. His recovery was so quick; it was almost like he was never ill at all. After making plans to hold a landsmeet after they finished gathering an army with the treaties they had; Alistair and Marabeth went to Eamon privately to ask him about Mathias.

"You were such a beautiful little girl Marabeth." Eamon told her. "Duncan was right about you all those years ago."

"You knew Duncan?" Alistair was shocked.

"Yes I did." Eamon said. "Isn't that why you are here?"

"We wanted to ask you about the scribe?" Marabeth said.

"You mean he never told you Alistair?" Eamon asked. "Duncan was Mathias."

Alistair and Marabeth looked at each other in disbelief.