This version of the story was made by Eldritch Sardine. They are new to the site, but they already have a great BBRae one-shot, Just Enjoy It, and a wonderful multi-chapter that is ongoing right now, Testing Feelings. Check them out!
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"You should give up right away and save yourselves a lot of pain, dudes!" Beast Boy boasted. "I'm the king!"
His character ran and rolled under a burst of bullets, sprang up and sent a perfectly aimed headshot at Cyborg, then ducked behind a wall before Robin could riddle him. He pulled the pin from a hand grenade and bounced it off the side wall. It exploded a moment later, sending pieces of Robin's character all around.
"YEAH! Two frags ahead, nine more minutes to go!" he chortled while pumping his fist victoriously. "I ain't doin' the dishes today, that's for sure!"
Cyborg and Robin fumed while they waited impatiently for their characters to respawn. This was a high-stakes deathmatch; the loser would have to do the dishes that day. The two older Titans glanced and nodded almost imperceptibly at each other, having reached an unspoken, silent agreement.
The next three minutes they tried outflanking, pincer movements, baiting out and even a plain old frontal assault, but Beast Boy held his own against both of them combined, and even increased his lead to four frags. His opponents scowled in impotent anger and exchanged another quick, meaningful glance.
The stakes were high, indeed. High enough for Robin and Cyborg to recall the old saying that the end justifies the means. And if the rules and mechanics of the game were not supplying the proper means…
"Yo, Greenbean!" Cyborg fired the first shot with an evil smirk on his face. "Didya ever kiss a girl?"
-=( Eldritch Sardine's Version Starts Here )=-
The changeling in question faltered, startled by the question. "Huh?"
"It's a simple question, Beast Boy," Robin responded, picking up on Cyborg's scheme. "Kissing. Have you done it?"
Unbeknownst to the boys, a certain purple empath entered the common room through the doors behind them as they played, floating soundlessly toward the stove to prepare a steaming pot of fresh tea.
"Kissed... What?" Beast Boy sputtered. Using his bewilderment to their advantage, Robin and Cyborg rushed the green teen's character. One flashbang grenade and a few well-placed shots later, and the score was down to a difference of three frags. "Oh come on! That's so not fair," he complained once he realized what had just happened.
"So is that a no?" Cyborg prompted. This course of action was his only hope to avoid washing live tentacles, alien eyeballs, and worse off of the Towers tableware, courtesy of the resident alien member of their team and her "homestyle" dishes, as well as her appetite, which was enough to literally fill seven stomachs.
Robin turned to his teammate, feigning surprise. "You're eighteen, and still haven't even kissed anyone? Really?" Cyborg winked at him and flashed a discrete thumbs-up from behind the changeling. Behind them, grey hands paused in their actions and a pair of amethyst eyes turned to observe the boys on the sofa.
"Dude, I've kissed plenty of girls!" Beast Boy responded irately.
Cyborg laughed. "Well excuse us, Grass Stain! I didn't know you were so good at keeping that kinda thing a secret!"
A growl emanated from deep in Beast Boy's throat.
Robin smirked. "Y'know Cy, I don't know if I believe that actually. I mean, have you ever seen any girls spend more than 2 minutes on Beast Boy?"
The metal man paused, making sure to appear deep in thought. "Well, there was that chick in Tokyo, but she spent most of that time calling him a nerd running away. Not sure that's what you're talking about man," he said.
"Okay, so maybe he really hasn't kissed anyone," Robin responded slowly.
"Okay, fine! I haven't. I've kinda been busy with the whole 'saving the world' thing dudes!" The changeling answered irritatedly.
Robin paused, debating his next move. He knew what would get a reaction, but he wasn't certain if it was too far. Then again, it had happened years ago at this point. But then he remembered. The stakes. That made up his mind for him. "Not even... Terra?"
In the kitchen, a glass and multiple lightbulbs cracked.
Cyborg and Robin braced for the changeling's response, unsure of what to expect. Sorrow? Anger? Regret? All of the above?
However, what came next was a surprise to both of them. Beast Boy simply started laughing. "Terra? Oh come on, we never got that far," he chuckled. "We never got anywhere else either. That was never going to happen." After his humor subsided, he glanced up at the screen just in time to see his character's lifeless body fall to the floor once again. Only two more.
"Okay," Cyborg continued. The plan was working perfectly, they only needed to get the Grass Stain a few more times and victory was theirs. "What about other girls. Any civilians been extra thankful when you saved 'em?" The changeling didn't bother to reply, so he upped the ante. "How 'bout Titans? Jinx, Argent, Kole, Starf-" he cut himself off after noticing Robin's glare.
"Nah, not interested," Beast Boy replied disinterestedly. He simply kept playing the game, moving to a more strategic position in the balcony of a second story building.
"Oh? Maybe because you're interested in guys?" Robin snickered. Cyborg both laughed and mentally slapped himself in the face for not thinking of that one himself. Multiple objects in the kitchen began to float into the air behind them, surrounded by a black aura.
Beast Boy recoiled, staring at Robin in horror. "No, dude! That is so not-" he was interuptted by the dying scream of his virtual avatar once again, dropped by his metal friend while he was distracted. As his character fell, so did the various items that had taken flight in the kitchen, coming down to rest on the counters once again as the half-demon responsible took deep breaths to calm her momentary panic.
Beast Boy was now only winning by a single frag, and there was still nearly two minutes remaining to close that gap. It's time for the killing blow, Cyborg thought to himself, smirking to himself wickedly. "Okay, Greenbean, calm down. Rob was joking. I think." He paused, waiting for Robin to get into position behind Beast Boy's character, ready to take the shot.
The changeling didn't take his eyes off of the screen, as he was focused on preserving his dwindling lead. However, one of his pointed ears had twitched and rotated itself in the metal man's direction, indicating he was at least partially paying attention. Robin nodded slightly to Cyborg, ready to knock their rival off of his pedestal.
"Well, I guess you really haven't. I mean, I didn't even bring Raven up, but we already know that would never happen." Cyborg was well aware of the changeling's lasting crush on the empath, as was everyone else in the Tower except the subject of said feelings, apparently.
Was it underhanded and dirty? Yes. Was it twisted and even slightly evil? Definitely. But one thought of what was at stake and Cyborg knew it was justified.
The affect was instantaneous, but it did not come from the green teen as he expected. A loud shattering noise came from the kitchen behind them, which was plunged into darkness. All three boys whirled around to survey the room in surprise. Other than an overabundance of broken glass and a boiling teapot, it was empty. They slowly turned back around, only to start once again when they found Raven standing directly in front of the couch, blocking their view of the TV, staring at Beast Boy intently.
"Hey Rae," the changeling said slowly. "What are you..." He stopped speaking as the empath took two steps forward, placing her inches away from his form.
"On the contrary, Cyborg," she deadpanned, before leaning down without warning and, faster than a striking snake, planting her lips on Beast Boy's.
After an amount of time that none of the four present could recall, the empath pulled back before summoning a portal, which she pushed Beast Boy through, who was too busy staring straight ahead with glazed eyes, one hand brushing his lips, which were curled in a happy and content smile. With that, Raven strode through after him, and the magical doorway closing behind her.
Three hours later, Starfire hummed as she placed her used plates, bowls, and other assorted tableware next to the sink to be washed. On the common room couch, two individuals still sat. Cyborg and Robin were frozen in shock, still in the same positions they had been when it had happened. The noises of dishes clinking together and nauseating slopping reached their ears, breaking them out of their reverie. Glancing towards the source of the sound, they took in the multitude of items, as well as the remains of classic Tamaranean delicacies, which were the origin of the other abhorrent sounds.
As one, the two teens whirled back around to view the TV. 'Winner: BeastMan9000'.
Without warning, the astral Raven of the resident empath manifested itself before them before fading away and revealing Raven and Beast Boy. Both had slightly ruffled hair and clothes, as well as flushed faces. Their arms were around each other, and both wore shit-eating grins as they beheld the two superheroes staring at them, traumatized. Well, Raven's expression was merely an upward curve of one side of her mouth, but the sentiment was clear.
"You guys should probably just stick to betting money. That's much less risky. Enjoy the dishes," Beast Boy laughed. His competitors merely stared at him, eyes the size of the dinner plates they were soon to be cleaning.
"You... you..." Cyborg stuttered.
Raven rolled her eyes. "At this point Beast Boy has done more kissing than both of you have combined, so you're going to need to find something else to distract him with from now on."
Cyborg chuckled. "Sis, BB ain't passed me up. Before my accident I was the most popular guy on campus. You'd hafta spend hours doing nothing but kissing to even get close."
The empath glanced towards him. "Oh, I know that."
Robin gulped.
"Well Rae," Beast Boy interrupted, "I was thinking of a nice big feast to celebrate us. Lots and lots of dishes," he said, grinning at his friends on the couch as he spoke.
"That sounds tolerable," Raven responded. Those present all noted her lack of correcting the changeling's use of her nickname. "I'll let Starfire know. Maybe she'd like to make some Tameranean meals too." The couple began making their way around the couch towards the kitchen.
Raven noticed Cyborg and Robin's horror-struck expressions and paused. "What's wrong? Were the stakes too high for you?"