Merely the Brutal Truth

Chapter Four

By: Lady Arre

Authors Note: i'm Back! i've missed you guys so much. this ones dedictated to all of you. thanks for not sending me hate mail for taking so long. (even if i did desrve it) i hope you enjoy chapter four...

Brutal Truth XIV: They're all out to get me.

If I didn't already feel like I had I'd say I should be hit by a bus. Katie kissed Davies, I have shaving rash, Fred Weasley stole ALL my jelly beans, George charmed a paper bird to fly around with me singing some stupid song, Katie kissed Davies, Percy ratted to McGonagall about me supposedly being a Bean-a-holic, McGonagall's confiscated my jellybeans off Fred and is refusing to give them back or order any more.

Damn it, in a situation like this, after a man has just walked in on his younger, female, best friend snogging an older, sleazier, pansy of a little boy, said man needs one of two things:- a nice large healthy dose of jelly beans or a leprechaun with a sledge hammer to knock him out. I have access to neither, mores the pity.

But here's what happened anyway.

I was walking back from lunch and I heard Katie giggling around the next corner, I figured I'd jump out at her and scare her a bit and nearly had a heart attack. Right there, in plain view was that dirty (starts swearing in Gaelic) sleaze Davies, HOOKING UP WITH MY GIRL! I cleared my throat, nervously. You know what he did then; he looked up at me triumphantly his dirty mud brown eyes gloating at me.

"uh, right then Katie, see you at practise" and so said I ran away to my dorm where I've been pacing the floor for a good three hours, regretting that I don't have a second emergency stash of jelly beans. I'm off to practise now anyway…

On second thoughts… I'm off to get find some moisturiser for this shaving rash first.

Brutal Truth XV: And so I dub myself Oliver the Stupid.

Katie was the only one I told about practise. I realised about halfway down to the pitch when it finally registered that it was the twins, Angelina and Alicia, in the common room playing some weird form of wizard's chess on a mat with coloured dots. Somehow they were using their limbs as pieces and George's bird was yelling out things like "right foot red" (authors note: yes its twister from a pure-born's point of view. Well done if you picked it)

I turned back barked "Liverpool FC" at the fat lady before she started to yell at me again for spending more time "between the portrait hole, than either side of it". (On another note I have absolutely know idea what the hell a "FC" is or why there might be one in Liverpool. I suppose though it's a step up from 'Michael Owen' which is what the password was last week (AN: Liverpool's my team you dodgits)) I stormed in to find another of the girls on my quidditch team being snogged senseless. Fred was lying on top of Angelina about to kiss her again when I went absolutely mental.

"PRACTISE NOW!" I thundered pulling Fred off her by the back of his shirt.

"Sheesh captain, just cause Kates is kissing Davies and not you…" Fred taunted, grinning the lopsided Weasley grin.

I was seething I grabbed his collar and smashed him into the wall.

"Alright, alright, chill out, we didn't know you were so touchy about Davies kissing…"
Katie stood in the portrait hole and stared at me.

"Katie?" I mumbled in acknowledgement and trudged up the stairs and back to my dorm. I could feel Katie's green eyes watching me, and it felt like other green light I could mentioned.

"Obilla? Wait" she called. I kept walking knowing that if I turned around and looked at her, she could have Avada Kedavra-ed me on the spot and nobody could have told the difference. Just before I slammed the door to my dorm, I heard George call out, "I think its safe to say that practise has been cancelled"

Brutal Truth XVI: I need Jelly Beans

I remember stripping down to my boxers and collapsing face first on my bed last night, but nothing else so I'm assuming that I must have fallen asleep. The next thing I knew was Percy trying to wake me up for class, telling me emphatically that I was going to be late.

"Sod off Weasley, can't you see I'm sleeping" Percy must have got the hint because he was gone even before I pulled my wand out to start throwing rubber dog toys at him. Free of the irritation I sat up and looked around the room brooding, on how much I hate Davies, on how my broom wasn't in my hand anymore; it was standing neatly next to my trunk. On how my clothes weren't sitting comfortably in the middle of the floor anymore how I was positive that there was someone out to get me and the fact that I didn't know why, and then finally on the fact that I hadn't eaten since lunch yesterday. Thus said I pulled on a pair of trackies and a Puddlemere t-shirt and went in search of the kitchens.

As always the house elves were more than happy to feed me. I am however still in shock that even in such a grandiose kitchen, there wasn't even a hint of a jelly beans, muggle or wizard. I don't understand, jelly beans are the staple ingredient of any worthwhile diet.

I've found a new favourite-food-other-than-jelly-beans though, red jelly with after dinner mints and sprinkles. The oldest house elf there, Lelmy tried to convince me that I needed something healthy to obsess over, like classes, being punctual, or tidiness, instead of quidditch, younger girls and jellybeans. I think I've found Percy's soul mate.

Brutal Truth XVII: I really need my jelly beans back.

After lunch today I went to ask McGonagall if I could have my jelly beans back. The second I entered the room, still in the trackies and Puddlemere shirt I was had put on a week ago before the first of the jelly-mint-sprinkle concoction, she jumped to her feet and demanded, "why haven't you been in any classes for the last week wood?"

"Uh, I'm not feeling very well professor"

"withdrawal symptoms!" McGonagall pressed a hand to my forehead and sniffed. "I don't suppose wandering in this castle barefoot is helping much though"

I spotted my jelly bean jar on the back shelf. My heart jumped, it was like I'd found my old puppy.

"may i…" I asked, restraining myself from leaping across the classroom and pilfering my jelly beans back.

"Have the est of the day off? Of course. But back in classes tomorrow Wood, I'll be checking"

She neglected to mention the fact that it was Sunday and I didn't actually have to go to classes anyway.

Brutal Truth XVIII: the plan is being reinstated.

I need to get over Katie. I can't sleep, every time I close my eyes I see Davies moving in on her. I've been tossing and turning all night. Theres got to be a way to fix this problem and I can't see it at all. I've tried everything I can think of to forget her. And none of it is working.

1. Don't think about her FAILED

2. invent/find a new girlfriend FAILED

3. Don't shave FAILED

4. Let some loser move in on what is clearly MY territory and kiss her…. Man I HATE Davies.

Its not working. We need a new phase of the plan.

Brutal Truth XIX: New Plan

I've got it. We'll forget the old plan- I've got a better idea. We'll fix the problem by getting Katie for myself. Davies sure as hell doesn't deserve her. So the new plan is.

Do shave, dump/uninvent the imaginary girlfriend, bash davies into the ground, and think of some way to make Kates fall head over heels in love with me.

There might be a problem there.

I don't think anyones ever been head over heels in love with me. How do you make someone fall madly in love with you?

Merlin, this isn't going to work either is it?

Authors Note: wow, now wasn't that fun. Only three chapters to go! please review and tell me what you think, what your favourite line was, or what you'll do to me if i ever take that long to update again. maybe i'll be able to forward it to my teachers and tell them once and for all that homework is detrimental to my health. Thanks for reading!