As promised, here is the next installment of "Fenders and Hookah Pipes." The song, by the way, was written by British comedian Sasha Baron Cohen, better known as Ali G.

Chapter Four – Wah Wah Wee Wah

Over at Stan's house, Kenny and Cartman were engaged in a fierce digital battle of Soul Caliber. As the gargantuan demon delivered a final crushing blow to the woman in the tight dress, Cartman laughed victoriously.

"Niiiiiice," he said, "I have-a great success!"

"Dude," Kenny replied as he reached for a shot glass, "I'm not even trying anymore, man. I'm too busy staring at this chick's knockers."

Stan laughed. "Seriously. I wouldn't mind tapping that either, man."

It was then that he noticed that Wendy had returned from the kitchen and was standing behind them, staring bitterly into his eyes.

Thinking quickly, he jumped up from the couch and walked over to her. "Baby, I am so sorry. I did not mean to make a sexist, derogatory comment in your presence." He threw in a charming smile, just in case.

She stared at him, pondering her response. After a few seconds, she smiled deviously and pulled him into a long kiss. "Thank God for that ass," she whispered.

Cartman burst out laughing. "Dude, your girl got you balls in a death grip or what?"

"Knock it off," Stan snapped, as Wendy made herself comfortable on his lap. "I don't like making her angry, cuz one, I love her, and two, she determines if I get laid or not."

"Well, as long as I'm here, you don't necessarily determine if Wendy gets laid or not," Kenny smirked. "She knows what I'm talking about…" He gave Wendy a flirtatious wink.

Stan shot him a nasty look. Kenny had always been known to flirt with Wendy in his presence, and it had never bothered him before. But for some reason, he found it particularly irritating.

"Why not? I liiiiike," Cartman added. "She have beautiful face, and she is tiiiight, like a man's anus…"

"You guys are assholes," Stan grumbled, pulling Wendy closer to him.

"Come on, dude. You know we're just fuckin' around," said Kenny.

Cartman took a quick swig of beer from a can on the table. "When iz zee dirty Jew going to arrive? I must do battle wiz him and when I have-a great success, I shall make-a liquid explosion upon his face."

Between laughs, Stan cut in, "Dude, Cartman, that's it. No more booze for you."

Just then, the door opened and Kyle walked in. Behind him entered a pretty girl, who smiled shyly back at them.

"Wah wah wee wah," Cartman muttered as his eyes ran up and down her body.

"Hey guys, this is Charlie Jameson, my new neighbor," said Kyle, motioning to Charlie.

She ran over to Wendy and gave her a big hug. "What's up, putana?"

"Not much," Wendy laughed.

Cartman leapt up and took Charlie's hand. Giving it a soft kiss, he smiled, "You can call me Cartman. It's a pleasure, Miss Jameson."

"Uh…thanks," she replied.

Kenny responded to this by giving her a hug and a kiss on each cheek. "I'm Kenny," he said softly, staring deep into her eyes. He then surprised her by pulling her into a passionate kiss. As he pulled away, he gave her a wink before returning to his seat on the couch.

"Wow," she said after a long silence. "I wasn't expecting that at all…"

Wendy nudged her playfully. "Who's the putana now?" Charlie laughed and nudged her back.

Kyle nodded at Cartman, "Dude, we gonna do this or what?"

"Yeeeeessss," Cartman laughed deviously. "It is time for zee Jew to get…how you say…his ass kicked."

"I doubt it," he replied, taking a seat next to him. "You're already pretty fucked up. And if you sing that song I'm gonna smack you."

"What song?" Charlie asked.

"In my country there is problem…" Cartman began.

"Don't start, asshole," Kyle snapped.

"And zat problem is zee Jew…"

Stan sighed. "Dude, he's not gonna stop, so just let him sing it."

"Whatever," Kyle groaned.

Satisfied, Cartman belted out the song at the top of his lungs:

If you see the Jew coming
You must be careful of his teeth
You must grab him by his money
And I tell you what to do

Throw the Jew down the well
So my country can be free
You must grab him by his horns
And then we have a big partee

"Are you happy now?" Kyle grumbled.

"Yeeeessss," Cartman laughed. "Now I will do battle and defeat zee Jew."

They picked up their respective controllers and prepared to fight. Cartman continued to hum the song, much to Kyle's annoyance. Meanwhile, out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Kenny inching his way closer to Charlie.

"Lemme just ask you something, and be honest," he heard Kenny whisper. "Did I come on too strong?"

"Actually, yeah," she replied. "Really strong."

He nodded understandingly. "I kinda thought so. But you gotta understand…there was just something about you that…I don't know…made me feel things…"

He slid his arm around her, letting his fingertips gently brush her shoulder. As soon as she became aware of them, he jerked his arm away.

"Oh, I'm sorry," he said somewhat insincerely. "I mean…I didn't mean to-"

"It's okay," she replied. "I don't mind."

This was exactly the response Kenny had been hoping for. With that he let his hand slid a little further down her arm and gently caressed her shoulder with his fingertips. She allowed her head to gently rest on his shoulder, a slight blush to her cheeks.

Wendy noticed all of this out of the corner of her eye. She nudged Charlie and whispered harshly, "Kitchen, please. Now."

Charlie sat up, looking confusedly at Kenny, who simply shrugged. She stood up and followed Wendy into the kitchen. Meanwhile, Kenny took the opportunity to enjoy the view of Charlie's ass. "Nice," he whispered to himself.

In the kitchen, making sure they were out of sight of the guys, Wendy gave Charlie a nasty look. "No, no, a thousand times no!" she scolded. "I care about you, Charlie, and I don't want to see you get hurt."

"What are you talking about?" Charlie asked, more confused now than she was before.

"Kenny," Wendy stated. "He is the quintessential player of South Park. He charms his way under your panties, and once he's satisfied he disappears. I don't want that for you, Charlie."

Charlie laughed to herself. "You're being paranoid, Wendy. I'm not going to get my heart broken, because I don't want a relationship or anything like that with him. Besides, sleeping with one guy doesn't make me a slut."

"Sleeping with Kenny automatically makes you a slut!"

"It's going to be fine, Wendy," said Charlie reassuringly, giving Wendy a quick hug. "I've done this kind of thing before. Trust me, I know what I'm doing."

They walked together back into the living room, returning to their protective seats. Stan pulled Wendy to him and whispered something in her ear, to which she nodded in reply. Meanwhile, Cartman glanced at them with suspicion.

"Dude," he said finally. "About time. What, were you two fingering each other in there or something? Cuz I know Wendy can't always control her 'urges'…"

"Fuck you, Cartman!" Wendy snapped.

"Yeah, I wish," he chortled. "Too bad you're only into other chicks."

Stan hugged Wendy protectively. "Knock it off, man. My girlfriend's not a lesbian, okay?"

"By the way," Kenny cut in, "just so you know, I have no problem with two fine ladies like yourselves loving one another…"

"Kenny, stay out of this please," Wendy grumbled.

"What?" he said defensively. "I just thought we might be able to work something out, you know?"

Wendy sighed in exasperation. "Look, can we just drop this?"

An awkward silence followed as they quietly sipped their drinks. Kenny slipped even closer to Charlie, pulling her ear to his lips. "Why you giving me this cold shoulder, huh? You weren't like this before you went in the kitchen with Wendy just now. So what's up?"

"Well," she smiled teasingly, "Wendy seems to think that you're just out to use me and break my heart. Tell me Kenny, why would she say that?"

"Hmm, I don't know. Let's ask her." He reached out and tapped her on the shoulder. "Why you hatin' on me, Wendy?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Come on," he laughed. "I know you were talking shit about me just now. I mean, I know that you have some hidden sexual feelings for me Wendy, but I don't want you to get all jealous on me, okay? Yes, it's true, God blessed me with a huge wang. All I'm doing is just expressing my gratitude and doing His will by sharing it with all the beautiful women of South Park."

"Well played, Mr. McCormick," Cartman muttered admiringly. "Well played."

As the morning hours grew closer, everyone collectively decided it was time to leave. As Kyle made his way back to his car, Kenny and Charlie followed behind him, their arms around one another's waists. "Hey, Kyle?" Charlie yelled, even though he was only a few feet away. "Can Kenny get a ride with us?"

Kyle knew it was a bad idea, but he also didn't want to look like a dick in front of Charlie. "Uh…yeah, sure," he answered.

The couple piled in the back of the Mustang, giggling in drunken bliss. As soon as Kyle sat down, he noticed them already getting friendlier. But as Kenny's hands began to slide slowly up the front of her shirt, Charlie put her hands on his chest and gently pushed him away.

"What's up?" he whispered.

"Not in front of Kyle," she whispered back.

"Don't worry," he replied, letting his lips brush her neck. "He's seen me do much more fucked-up shit than this…"

As Kyle drove, he tried his hardest to focus only on the road. But no matter how much he didn't want to look in the rearview mirror, he couldn't help catching glimpses at them – the sweetest, most beautiful girl he had ever seen, and his childhood friend who could hardly keep his hands off her. Every time he looked at them his nausea grew, until he felt like he would vomit all over them both.

When at last he pulled into the Jamesons' driveway, Charlie climbed clumsily out of the car and walked to Kyle's window. She tapped the glass loudly with her finger until he lowered it all the way. "Thanks for the ride, Kyle," she said sweetly. Giving him a soft peck on his left cheek, she whispered, "Can't wait to see you tomorrow…"

She shuffled her feet as she headed for the door of her house. Nodding her head at Kenny, she motioned for him to come. Excitedly, he jumped out of the car. Leaning over to Kyle, he whispered, "Hey, dude, thanks for bringing her, man. That girl is fine."

"Uh…yeah, it was fun," he replied unenthusiastically.

"Dude," Kenny whispered, checking quickly to make sure Charlie couldn't hear, "it's about to get even better, man!" With that he ran to her side, opening the door like a gentleman, and followed her inside the house.

"Wait…so you just let her go like that?"

Kyle sighed to himself as he threw himself down on his bed. In the back of his mind he already knew what Kenny and Charlie were doing, and the thought of it gave him a throbbing headache. Stan of all people should have understood how he was feeling, but his friend offered no help.

"What was I supposed to do?" Kyle grumbled, switching the phone to his other ear. "This is Kenny we're talking about."

Stan sighed. "So what? Look, if you really care about this girl, you need to let her know it. Forget about Kenny, forget about Bebe, just forget about everything. If you want something bad enough, you can't let yourself be afraid."

"I'm not good at that kind of stuff, though," Kyle groaned. "I mean, I got all this shit I wanna say to her, but every time I try the words get stuck in my throat. And I don't know what to do about it."

"Look, I had the same problem with Wendy back in the day. You just need to show her what kind of guy you really are. If it helps, I'll try and get Wendy to talk to her for you, okay?"

Kyle smiled a little at this. "It would make me feel a little better."

"I thought so," Stan replied. "Hey listen, I gotta go. Wendy wants some 'attention,' so to speak. Late."

Kyle flipped his phone shut and set it on the nightstand. In his mind he tossed around what Stan had said, and wondered if he really had a chance in hell with Charlie. He closed his eyes and fell asleep, feeling no better or worse than he had before.

I wish I could've finished this one sooner, but Burning Crusade came out this week and my boyfriend wants us to level to 70 together. (Yes, we're a nerdy couple.)

Peace, Love, and All Things Rock,

Terra the Masterful