A/N Sorry for the late update, school and work are absolutely kicking my ass!
Anna was lying on her bed staring at the ceiling. She was contemplating everything that had happened that day.
Her father had dragged her around to see other training sessions but she couldn't focus on any of them. There was only one thought on her mind. One image burned into her skull.
"Elsa" She breathed, letting the name draw out her breathe until there was no air left.
Inhaling through her nose she felt her heart pounding in her chest. It was hot and it hurt and it made her stomach flutter. Fuck. She slammed her eyes closed but all she could see was Elsa's platinum ponytail swaying side to side and her toned abdomen glistening under a white sports bra. And those legs. Those delicious… milky…. smooth-
She sat up suddenly, opening her eyes wide, blushing furiously and trying to push the images from her mind. Looking down, she noticed her palms bunching up the bed sheets in a death grip. She felt warmth in every part of her body.
Anna took a second to breath, letting cool air wash through her lungs. She steeled herself, calming away the pounding in her ears. She inhaled deeply and opened her mouth to exhale slowly.
The room was warm and comfortable. A queen sized bed with silky black sheets was pressed against the wall and covered in an assortment of throw pillows. The walls had been painted a soft green, as her request of magenta had been unjustly denied. There were family photos and posters on the walls and a large window was laid out kitty-corner to her even larger, and full, closet.
Looking around the bedroom Anna couldn't help but chuckle coldly in spite of herself. Why was she even trying to push these thoughts out of her head?
She flopped back down on the bed, groaning. They had always been there. She felt like maybe they always would be.
She remembers walking into the library to find a sleeping Elsa covered in books. She had looked so sad even in sleep. Her arms were clinging across her body pulling herself into a protected embrace. Her legs were curled up into her chest resting silently on one another. Her head was lolled to the side and her face was a mixture of sadness and worry and calmness and acceptance. It was so simple, so innocent, but it was so, so, complex. And it was all framed on one perfect pale face.
Anna wanted to dive inside her mind and share her dreams. She wanted to pull her into a warm embrace and stroke her hair until her features softened. She wanted to whisper in her ear and ghost her lips across Elsa's pale forehead.
And when Elsa woke up she was even more adorable, and flustered, and maybe even blushing? Anna had felt a surge of power. She had felt confident, like nothing mattered more than impressing this girl.
They met in the library more often after that. Anna was always nervous. Elsa was so smart and gorgeous and fierce and strong. Anna was just some girl with freckles who sat in a chair and pretended to read so she could stare at her. So she could stare dreamily into windswept blonde hair and blue eyes and imagine what it would be like to run her hand across Elsa's pale cheek and wrap her arms around her neck.
Anna sighed bunching her hands into her eyes trying to rub away the confusion. She'd never said anything about her feelings as much as she would have liked to.
Anna was an only child with busy parents and a private education so she wanted more from Elsa, yes, but she had never wanted to risk losing their friendship.
Sometimes she would make flirty jokes, or sit next right next to Elsa instead of across from her. Elsa would tense up at the closeness of them and try so hard not to let her body touch the other girl. But Anna was persistent and eventually their shoulders would graze and their knees would touch, and Anna's breathe would hitch and her heart would race. And Elsa would be concentrating on her book so hard that her brow would crease and her hands would clench around the pages.
Anna would watch her out of the corner of her eye and know that she wasn't actually reading. She could see the way the other girl's blue eyes deepened. They didn't flutter from word to word they just bore into nothing. Anna could feel how shallow her breath got and how still her body would become. Sometimes she would try and inch closer, try and feel more of Elsa's body against her own, but the other girl would always get up to leave, never letting things go too far. She was always leaving Anna frustrated from being so close to her and then leaving her alone with a cold and empty space at her side.
Despite these subtle actions of attraction, she never confronted Elsa with her feelings. Elsa was very hard to read, always using logic and fact instead of emotion and heart. Anna was too afraid of what Elsa would do if she pushed too far or confessed herself to the other girl.
Before long training had taken Elsa away and she saw the other girl less and less. But these feelings didn't go away. Anna gulped down the sudden thought. Want pulsed through her once more as images of the other girl continued to slideshow before her.
God it was good to see her. Anna had never wanted the other girl more physically than hours ago.
Her attraction had always been more innocent. She had just wanted to be with Elsa. She wanted to talk to her like nobody else did, confide in her, eat breakfast with her, go walking with her, laugh with her, hold hands with her.
But now Anna wanted her. She really wanted her. She wanted her in a carnal way, in a fierce physical way. Of course she still wanted all those other things, all the emotions and kindness and love and warmth but she also wanted Elsa's pale fingers to trace lines along the hemline of her skirt, slowly slipping higher and higher as they teased along the inside of her thighs. She wanted to run her tongue along the inside of Elsa's lip and moan into her open mouth. She wanted-
"Miss Anna?" Anna's shot up from the bed, her guilty eyes staring at the door in surprise.
Gerda was looking down at her, eyes narrowed in suspicion. Anna took a panicked look around, mentally sighing in relief to find her arms still attached to the bed sheets beside her instead of somewhere… more scandalous.
Anna locked eyes with the older woman. Maybe let's close the door next time you think sexy things, okay Anna? Yeah that sounds like a smart idea. She was trying desperately to push her last thoughts out of her head.
"Heyyy Gerda… What's up?" She finally managed to croak out, hoping her crimson cheeks weren't giving away what she had been thinking about.
Gerda was clearly trying to hide a sly grin. Fuck. The old maid knew her too well.
"I'm to let you know that your father will be at the facility late tonight, so don't expect him at dinner" she was a tactful woman; Anna had to give her that.
"Okay umm cool. Don't bother making anything I'll just grab something from the kitchen later" Anna was okay with this, waving her off.
"If it pleases you" Gerda hesitated before leaving the room, "will you be needing anything else?"
"Uh no. Nope. All good. Thank you" Anna was still blushing.
Gerda smiled at her and left the room. It was safe to say nobody would be checking up on her for the rest of the night.
The wheels in her head started to spin. Unsupervised all night? There were a lot of possibilities with this kind of freedom, including what Gerda no doubt suspected she would be up to. Anna settled on something a little more important. I think this calls for a trip to the basement she decided.
Elsa was lying on her bed staring at the ceiling. She was contemplating everything that had happened that day.
She wasn't tired at all, the evaluation had been a piece of cake for her, and it should have been for all of the recruits shouldn't it have been? Well maybe not…
"Elsa that was wild! Way to show us all up in front of the General." Kristoff laughed, slapping his hand on her shoulder and grinning wildly. "That was fucking amazing".
"Holy Shit Els! Do you even know how long you were sprinting for!?" Flynn was beside her now, ruffling his hand through her hair. She was giving them a look that said she didn't. What's the big deal?
"You realize they let it get up to 25MPH?! Oh man, you looked like the Flash! But like a… hotter, less corny, girl version of the Flash you know? Is that…" Flynn stopped his rambling and narrowed his eyes "Wait is that a real hero already? Like, flash-girl or something?"
"Umm… the Flash?" Elsa was unfamiliar with this Flash person.
"What? Elsa are you serious? How do you not-"
"She literally lives in a basement Flynn" Kristoff interrupted the other boys shock with a deadpan expression. "You know, no grasp on popular culture or anything cool or fun? Just get on with it" clearly they had been over this before.
"Ugh whatever, that was thrilling" Flynn concluded by putting his hands on his head and practically swooning with sheer excitement. "Jesus! You weren't even phased dude like you could have just kept on running!" the boys continued to slap her on the back, some of the other recruits coming over to congratulate her as well.
It was true. She hadn't even noticed. She had been focusing on something a little more… important.
"Anna" She breathed, letting the name draw out her breath until there was no air left.
What was wrong with her around that girl? She knew the rules. She knew how she had to be, how she had to act but still…
Elsa sighed again and scrunched her eyes shut, bringing her knees up into her chest. The basement room was cold, not that it bothered her. The walls, the floor, and the celling were all windowless and made out of cement so everything was gray. Her bed was a simple cot with white sheets. There was a drawer with a lamp on top of it by her bedside.
It was like every time Anna was around she felt different. She felt warm. She felt powerful. No. That can't be right. It should be the opposite?
Elsa squeezed her eyes shut even harder, her brow furrowed in confusion and frustration. She brought both her arms around the back of her head and intertwined her fingers with her soft blond hair like she was trying to protect her head from the war going on inside it. Conceal. Don't Feel. Conceal. Don't Feel. Remember what he taught you.
Elsa was young. She was sitting in a waiting room and a man in uniform came up to her. It had been a much younger looking General who had knelt before her. The clock ticked back and forth, she could hear a dial tone in another room somewhere. The linoleum floor looked like it had just been washed but it was still dirty. They had stared at each other in silence.
"Did you see everything?" he asked, searching her blue eyes. He was straight to the point.
Car doors locking, screams, gunshots, broken glass, helicopters, soldiers, being carried away. "Yes" she stared straight back but she wasn't looking at him, she wasn't looking at anything.
"How do you feel?" he put his hand on her shoulder.
Elsa paused. She should have felt angry, or sad, or scared, or anything but in that moment she was none of those. "Empty" she whispered almost more to herself than the man in front of her. There were holes inside her. Gaping, seeping, holes tearing through every layer of her soul and she couldn't understand why. She was so young, but she had seen so much. She had seen so much and all she felt in that moment was tired, and bruised, and empty.
He had looked pleased. He told her that everything would be okay and that she would be coming to live with him from then on. He said that she would be safe. She should have felt relieved, or thankful, or happy, or anything but sitting there in the middle of the waiting room she still felt empty.
Elsa was a bit older. The General had come down to see her. She could hear him talking to the other staff members. "Cold" they had said. "Hard to read", "detached", was how they described her. She could hear it echo along walls and ceiling of the long hallway to her room.
The General finally came to speak with her directly. "Do you remember when we saved you?" He still had to kneel but barely.
"Yes" the familiar list of events played in Elsa's mind.
"Do you know why they died?" he hadn't asked her this before and it stung, it was sudden and harsh.
"No" she forced the answer out turning her head to avoid the General's eyes.
"They were illogical, and let their emotions get the better of them. They made choices based on feeling not thinking" his features were hard and forceful now, grabbing her chin in his hand and turning her head to face his. "They were weak" his eyes were dark and cold like they were trying to seep into hers. "See that's what makes you weak Elsa" his head tilted and pulled into a wicked smile "that's what gets you killed".
Suddenly his features softened "Not like you though" he whispered, removing his hand from her chin to stroke her hair. "You don't want to end up like dear mom and dad do you? You don't want to be weak do you?" he crooned out the questions like they were simple statements of fact.
Elsa didn't reply at first. Is that really true? Is that why-
"Does it feel good? Thinking about them?" he had interrupted her train of thought, narrowing his eyes in feigned curiosity.
"No" she didn't hesitate this time.
He smiled at her then, a full smile, a triumphant smile "Then don't feel".
She didn't reply just nodded back and forth.
"We saved you Elsa, don't forget that. Saved you and gave you a home" the General was serious, voice stern and enforcing. She simply nodded again. "It's going to be time to repay the favor soon, do you understand?" Another nod.
He was searching her eyes, looking for hints of doubt buried beneath blue veils.
Seeing none he stood, smiling softly and patting her on the shoulder. "You're going to be very important one day" he turned on his heel leaving her at the end of the hall. His voice echoed as he walked away "very important".
Elsa was almost old enough to join the Academy. She was sitting at the table, books to the side of her. There was a wooden chess board in front of her and she was having a timed match with herself. Her blond hair was in a casual plait down the side of her shoulder and she was wearing black leggings and a navy blue Academy T-shirt. Kai walked into the study room followed by a much grayer General.
"Elsa, the General would like to check up on your progress today." There was bitterness in Kai's tone as he gestured to the other man.
The General took a seat in front of her, resetting the chess board. "That will be all Kai" he didn't even turn to look as Kai left the room.
He made the first move and clicked his timer. Elsa was quick to follow. The next few moves went by within a few seconds but gradually more of the time clock was used.
"Did you read the Machiavelli text?" the General's eyes were on the board as they continued to play.
"Yes, Sir" Elsa had known it was important so she read it twice.
"Tell me something from it" he moved his piece and clicked his timer.
"A prince must not have any other object nor any other though but war, its institutions, and its discipline; because that is the only art befitting one who commands." Elsa recited the words from memory, making her move. She was only a few steps away from winning, it was a sneakier strategy so he'll never see it coming she thought, she tried to hide the satisfaction from her features.
"Very good" he smiled at her "personally, I have two favorite quotes" he paused before making his move. "The lion" he began "cannot protect himself from traps, and the fox cannot defend himself from wolves."
Elsa remembered telling this one to Anna because of course Anna was bored and the animal metaphor made her smile. Like father like daughter she thought. The General waited for her to make her move. She was only one more turn away.
"One must therefore be a fox to recognize traps…" his hand hovered over his chess piece teasingly. Elsa stared at it in confusion before a sudden realization sunk in. How was I so stupid? If the General moved his piece it was game over. He had anticipated her strategy. Somehow Elsa had missed a checkmate that was sitting right under her nose. Her fate was in his hand, hovering above the chess piece.
The general watched as her expression turned to surprise and disappointment. Her eyes shot up to meet his "…and a lion to frighten wolves" he concluded, slowly withdrawing his hand from the chess piece. They locked eyes until his timer ran out, buzzing loudly.
"Well I guess that's time" the General got up slowly eyes still trained on hers. "Conceal, Elsa, don't feel" he didn't chastise her for losing but it was a firm reminder nonetheless. He turned to leave.
"Sir?" Elsa called out from the table.
The General paused and turned slowly to face her, raising an eyebrow.
"You said that you had two favorites? Two favorite quotes? What was the second?" She was twiddling her thumbs, still disappointed in having been so careless in the chess game.
"I did" The General chuckled softly, his tone was cold when he finally spoke "it is far safer to be feared than loved" there was a finality with which he spoke and he let the quote linger in the air before he turned and walked out the door, leaving Elsa and the abandoned chess match sitting at the table.
Elsa's eyes snapped open, she was breathing heavily. Her arms were still around her head.
Feelings make you weak. Don't feel. It wasn't Anna, it was just you. Forget about it. Forget about her. Conceal.
She tried, just like she had been trying for years. She wanted nothing more in that moment than to forget about the warmth that spread across her chest every time she saw the other girl. She wanted to forget the subtle brush of their bodies when they sat next to each other. She wanted to forget the way Anna's breathe hitched when they were too close. She wanted to forget how Anna thought she didn't know she stared at her when they were reading. She wanted to forget the way those soft teal eyes bore inside her and made her feel lighter than air.
But she couldn't. I'm so weak. I'm so fucking weak. Elsa groaned and brought a pillow to her face. As hard as she tried, she couldn't shake the feeling she got around the other girl. She could only conceal.
It's fine. Her coming to training was probably a one-time thing. If I don't see her then there's no problem? Out of sight, out of mind. If she's there again just avoid eye-contact. Just don't look at her. Don't do it. Or be like the Flash and hightail out of there. Wait, is that right? I don't even get that reference. Elsa was feeling disgruntled but surprisingly satisfied. This can work. Yeah, this is going to work. She smiled to herself and took a deep breathe. Problem sol-
Elsa's train of thought was interrupted by a soft knocking at her door. She stared at the door in disbelief. It's probably just Kai or Gerda or a cleaner or someone. Yeah there's no way. She shook the thought away and rose from the bed.
"…Elsa?" Anna's soft voice carried through the heavy door.
Elsa froze in her tracks staring incredulously at the door. Well Fuck.
A/N Yo so I just got home from celebrating St. Patty's and tbh I'm not sure if uploading is a good idea right now but hey I'm typing this right now so how bad can it be. (but like literally so much fic updated today...yesterday... so idk it's already been a week and stuff so I just thought I should get it out even though basically nothing happens in this chapter) Once again can't believe all the follows and faves it's actually ridiculous and super humbling that over a bus load of people are even reading this!
Yuiiub: Haha thank you so much! A lot of people liking the stupid training thing! More moments next chapter than this one ;3
FrozenFanatic: I'm glad you think they're cute! Cute is the best, but BAMF aaand cute?! That's like the total package ;)
Spammer206: Haha yeah I defs agree. I honestly think "gosh this is dumb and corny" like half the time I'm writing this tbh. glad you like it so far though!
Midnight1478: I appreciate it!
DarowdyrnofArcadia: *wiggles brows* my guess is only marginally more accurate than yours tbh. As for entertaining, you be the judge ;)
ProfessorNet: Thanks!
gracias por el comentario! Google translate might have failed me on actually reading it but I still appreciate it!
Lyannah: Thanks for the encouragement! A lot of the time I feel like I shouldn't but all of you guys are so supportive to keep going :)
Guest: Sorry for the confusion! I spent like 5 seconds on google when I wrote that chapter and it said qualifying for the military was 3 miles in about 30 mins so that's why I used it. It's explained in this chapter though that it's the actually the sprinting that's the amazing part. (when Anna shows up) I upped the anti on that though so it seems more extreme. Appreciate the comment tho
A: Thank you so much! Flynn is my fav :)
Do we need to cite on this?
Machiavelli, Niccolo. The Prince, translated by N.H. Thomson. Vol. XXXVI, Part 1. The Harvard Classics. New York: P.F. Collier & Son, 1909–14; , 2001. 36/1/. [Date of Printout].
...also Google. Also I googled that citation. Sorry.