Sorry for the delay,! Guess who drew the short straw for 12 hour grave yard shifts? Yup, yours truly. I hope to be able to update once a week but can't make any promises. Thanks for your patience!
As a scientist, Amy only believes in things she can see, taste, smell, touch or hear. While she acknowledges there are still many great mysteries of the universe yet to be solved, she's certain those answers will be found by scientists.
If there is a science that can explain body switching, Amy doesn't know what it is, and cannot explain how or why this happened. She is certain, however, that there is a logical explanation other than Sheldon's, "Yoda Theory."
Sitting on the edge of their bed, she bites her lip so she doesn't laugh as Sheldon struggles to put on her bra and she hears him mutter, "the hippies were right to burn these death traps."
"Need help?" She questions, not at all able to hide her mirth.
"Yes please, " Sheldon admits as he holds it out to her by the arm strap.
"I've found it easiest to hook it in the front and then twist it, " Amy explains as she slides one of the arm straps up Sheldon's/ her right arm while Sheldon repeats her actions on the left side.
"This is weird, " she whispers.
"Indeed, " Sheldon agrees.
"Does your mind ever shut off?" She wonders as she returns to sitting on the bed once Sheldon has finished hooking her beige bra. "It's exhausting. In the last 45 seconds I've thought about pizza, ninja turtles, and for some reason made a leap to Sir Arthur Conan Doyle."
" The only time my mind is blank is immediately after coitus, " Sheldon admits as he sits next to her. "Pop Pop taught me a trick to try to make sense of the chaos. Lay back and close your eyes, " he requests.
"Cuddle with me?" Amy requests as she lays flat on her back and stretches out her good arm across the pillows.
Settling into the crook of Amy's arm with a sigh of contentment, Sheldon glances over to make sure Amy has her eyes closed. He carefully removes her glasses and sets them on the nightstand before rolling onto his back and reaching up to hold her hand.
"Imagine you are in a large empty room. The walls and the floor are white, almost glowing from the fluorescent lighting. In the middle of the room is a stainless steel table with several boxes sitting on top. As you get closer to the boxes, you realize each is individually labeled; science, friends, useless trivia, movies and tv, etcetera. The largest box in the middle of the table is labeled, 'Amy."
"Can I see what's inside the boxes?" Amy wonders. With his eidetic memory, his mind is a treasure chest just waiting to be unlocked and boy does she want to find the keys.
"Not right now, but it would be interesting to see if we are able to recall memories while in this state. An experiment for another time, " Sheldon suggests.
"Agreed. Continue."
"You soon notice that as you have a thought, it appears on the wall in front of you. Each thought is color-coded based on topic; orange for science, blue for friends, yellow for movies and tv... Green for 'Amy' thoughts, " Sheldon explains.
"Why green?" Amy wonders.
"Emerald green... like your eyes, " he explains.
"Hippy, " she teases with a smile as he chuckles.
"I suppose I am. Tell me what you see on the wall, " Sheldon requests.
"Red. It is commonly accepted in string theory that there are only 11 dimensions, 7 of which exist on Earth, and 3 of which are detectable by humans. String theorists believe that we simply lack the tools necessary to detect these other dimensions. What if we have somehow traveled into one of these dimensions or a black hole of some sort? I simply don't buy the " fictional one-million-year-old lizard" was capable of doing this. There has to be a logical explanation grounded in science, facts and logic. Purple. I feel horrible about our fight leading to you being in a car accident. Blue. I have my pap smear scheduled for tomorrow."
"Hold on, we'll come back to our argument. I am not going to have a pap smear, " Sheldon protests.
"If we are still like this come morning, then oh, yes, you are. I've waited two months for this appointment and my doctor will not refill my birth control again until I see her, " Amy explains.
"I don't want you to refill your birth control, " he whispers in confession.
"Uhh...wha... what did you just say?" Amy questions.
"I want a baby, " Sheldon replies as he rolls to face his slack-jawed wife. Yeah, that's exactly the expression he expected he'd have during this conversation.
"We are not ready for a baby right now, " Amy points out.
"Is this because Penny and Leonard have decided not to have children?" Sheldon questions.
"NO! This has nothing to do with them! This is about us!"
"The accident... that was not your fault. Please stop feeling guilty, " Sheldon pleads after he settles in on his side facing Amy.
"You got hurt. I'm always going to feel guilty about that. I could've found another way to talk to you about this."
"Fighting isn't ideal but sometimes it's the only way you can get through to me. I have been falling into old habits, especially since our super asymmetry project failed. I think... Yoda wants me to become more empathetic and cognizant of your wants and needs."
"Do you want that, Sheldon?" Amy questions.
"Yes. I want to be a better husband... the best husband. I do excel at everything, after all."
"I need to be more patient and understanding with you. I know you're not particularly fond of being physically intimate..."
"But..."
"Let me finish?" Amy requests. "We need a compromise that works for both of us. I'm open to designing a schedule."
"Thank you, " Sheldon whispers. "So... where did we land on babymaking?" He wonders.
"I have serious reservations and concerns that give me pause when I seriously consider having children, " Amy confesses. "I am not prepared to give up my career to be a stay at home parent, nor are we in a position financially in which we can do so. We have to be a two-income household, especially since we will need to move to a larger place. I will need you to be an equal partner, Sheldon. That means changing diapers, assisting with baths, meal times, play time, discipline, parent-teacher meetings, staying up all night with a sick baby and many other tasks. A child, especially an infant, will not adhere to your schedules."
"I'm well aware of that, Amy. You will not create our child by yourself and you will not raise it by yourself. I won't let you raise our child by yourself. I want to be a loving hands on Dad. I want to be the partner you need."
"My greatest concern is if we were to have a child of average intelligence..."
"Unlikely. Our neural network showed that our combined DNA is exceptional, " Sheldon counters.
"Hypothetically, if our child was of average intelligence or born with a disability, would you love our child unconditionally?"
"Of course I would!" Sheldon exclaims, on the verge of outrage. "How can you ask me that?!"
"You treat everyone, including our friends, as if you are superior to them, "
"But I am! I have the highest IQ and highest number of degrees, " Sheldon points out.
"You know that IQ tests are not an accurate measure of a person's intelligence, especially for someone of above average intelligence. Howard is just as intelligent as me, if not more so..."
"Amy, Amy, Amy... I see what you're doing here, " Sheldon chides as he shakes his head.
"You do?" Amy questions.
"You're trying to seduce me, " Sheldon replies.
"No, I'm not. These are real and valid concerns."
"I will love our child unconditionally because it is the perfect combination of our DNA. This is my solemn vow, Amy." He whispers in her ear.
"Okay. Let me sit with this for a while. It's a life-altering decision and I don't want to be impulsive."
"Alright. Can we discuss it with your doctor? I'm sure there are things we should be doing prior to trying to conceive."
"Of course, " Amy agrees. "Now, your Mom will be here in an hour and we will have to convince her that nothing is amiss. I'm propsing that for the time being, we use terms of endearment such as you calling me, " Cuddles." The last thing we need to do is slip up with given names."
"Why don't we just tell them?" Sheldon wonders.
"They will never believe us, " Amy points out. "I think we can convincingly pull off fooling our friends and your Mom in social settings as long as I am not asked anything about science fiction or your games. Tell me about your current quest with the guys."
"First of all, it's called a campaign. We're playing a diceless system which uses a Jenga tower instead. The game is set in the 23rd century. Our gamemaster, or GM, in this case, Raj, is the head of a super secret spy organization and hires the rest of us on as recruits."
"Oh, like Men in Black!" Amy exclaims.
"Yes, now that you mention it, there is a resemblance. I'm playing a talking head in a jar."
"Fascinating. Let's see... Bernadette and Penny are obsessed with Fortnight and like to gossip about coworkers."
"Pfft, I'm not at all concerned about the blondes. It's my mother that scares me."
"And on that note, we need to get going to the airport, " Amy points out as she glances at the time.
"Thanks again for coming, Mary. It really wasn't necessary, " Sheldon says as they walk up the last flight of stairs.
"You're welcome, sugar. We both know how challenging this one can be under the best of circumstances..."
"Hey!" Amy protests for good measure.
So far, they seem to be fooling Mary into thinking nothing is amiss, Sheldon happily notices as he lifts Mary's extra large suitcase up the stairs. What does she have in here? Rocks?
"Oh, hush it. You know it's the truth. Taking care of you is a full-time job when you're sick or hurt and our girl needs to get back to work at the university. Are you still doing that fascinating study on sensory deprivation?" Mary wonders.
"I am, " Sheldon answers, "in addition to collaborating with Sheldon on our theory."
"I wish Y'all would do some collaboratin' of a different kind if ya know what I mean, " Mary hints. "I'm chompin' at the bit for another grandbaby."
"Oh, well uh..." Amy stutters as she looks to Sheldon for help. He's just smiling sweetly at her, waiting for an answer. Ugh! She now understands why he hates when she does that.
"We're enjoying being newlyweds and there has been a lot of... 'Collaborating, " but we're not ready for a baby right now, " Sheldon explains as he opens the door to 4B.
"Oh, honey, no one is ever ready, " Mary replies, "not to pressure you two more than I already am, but it would mean so much to Meemaw to see her Moonpie as a Daddy."
"We decided fairly early on that we want children someday," Sheldon replies, attempting to appease his mother. "Maybe we need to discuss a timetable. I'm not getting any younger."
Allowing Mary to enter the apartment ahead of them, Amy leans down and whispers, "what are you doing?!" Not giving Sheldon time to answer, she enters the apartment and immediately flops down on the couch.
"Honey, could you please make us some tea?" Amy sweetly asks as Sheldon sets the suitcase by the door.
"Of course, darlin', " Sheldon replies, dropping the 'G' at the end.
"That came out sounding very Texan, " Mary comments with an amused smirk. "How's that arm?"
"Excruciating, " Amy honestly answers, "but at least it's not a cast."
"Oh, Amy would be running for the hills if you were in a cast! Remember when you were 6 and spent the summer in an arm cast after we tried to get you to play t-ball? I nearly lost my mind from your constant complaints of the cast being itchy and a germ-ridden cesspool, " Mary recalls. "And when Georgie told you that you could stick a metal hanger down it to scratch... Ooh, I coulda wrung his neck."
"How is Georgie?" Sheldon questions, knowing Amy would politely ask after the family.
"Same as always. Not to be a gossip but..." Mary begins as she spends the next 45 minutes filling them in on the goings on of each member of the Cooper family as well as her church. Other than a lot of ", uh huhs" and nodding, Sheldon and Amy don't have to say much. And Amy was worried we couldn't pull this off!
Deciding to have dinner with their friends, they go across the hall to apartment 4A where Leonard is hard at work on his whiteboard as they enter. As hugs are exchanged between Mary and Leonard, Sheldon takes the opportunity to examine what Leonard is working on.
"He needs a reciprocal invert, " Sheldon whispers to Amy.
"Be thoughtful and grab a pillow for my arm, " she whispers back.
"You're in my spot and it's making me very uncomfortable, " he whispers in reply. Knowing how to get his way, he stands up and suggests, "I know it's not your spot but I'm worried I may accidentally bump your arm. Would you like to switch spots?"
"Alright, " Amy decides as she slides over and Sheldon places the two back rest pillows under her arm and elbow before settling into his spot. Ahh, much better.
"Where is everyone else?" Mary wonders just as the door opens and the rest of the gang, plus Anu, Halley and Baby Michael enter. "Well, that answered my question."
"Lovely to see you again, Mrs. Cooper!" Raj is the first to greet her with a hug. "This is my fiance, Anu. This is Sheldon's Mom."
"Now, I've told you, Rajesh, call me Mary. Lovely to meet you, Anu."
"Pleasure, " Anu replies with a forced smile.
"How's that arm?" Penny wonders as she sits on the floor so to give Mary a chair.
"Excruciating, " Amy replies.
"Oh, that reminds me. I have that bottle of topical ointment you wanted, " Bernadette remembers as she grabs her purse to retrieve it. As she hands it to Sheldon, he leans over to suggest, "let's go into your room and apply some of this."
"Maybe later, " Amy decides.
"Don't try to be brave, sweetheart. You should stay on top of the pain, " Sheldon replies.
"So, what's for dinner?" Howard wonders while the rest of the gang intently watches Sheldon and Amy as Amy reaches over and brings Sheldon's hand to her lips before resting their clasped hands on her thigh.
"Sheldon used to talk all the time about a cheesecake factory, " Mary recalls. "I do love a good cheesecake. Would it be alright if we went there?" She requests.
"It's been ages since we've been there but Halley won't sit still long enough for us to enjoy a meal and Mikey will need to nurse soon. Can we get it to go?" Bernie requests.
"Oh, of course, " Mary apologizes. "I remember those days well."
Soon the gang has the menu pulled up on their phones and are drooling in anticipation of their impending dinner as Penny calls in the order. Deciding this would be a good opportunity for a bathroom break, Sheldon stops at Leonard's whiteboard and adds the missing variable. Not satisfied, he also corrects the next two lines of the equation before running out of room.
"There! It was driving me crazy!" Sheldon exclaims as he caps the marker.
Counting to 10, Leonard attempts to calm himself as he asks, "what is the one rule we have in this apartment?"
"I know! Do not touch..." Raj answers before going mute as Leonard glares at him.
"Do not touch another person's board without permission, " Leonard finishes. "Why did we have to put that rule in place?"
"Because Sheldon is a big baby and cried when Leslie Winkle touched his board... even though she was right, " Howard points out.
"She got lucky, " Sheldon answers, which gets raised eyebrows and a sassy meow from Bernadette.
"If you wanted to help, you could've told me rather than make Amy do your dirty work, " Leonard points out.
"I did no such thing!" Amy protests.
"Please. Amy's smart but there is no way she understands that math. I barely understand that math, " Howard replies.
"Are you calling my wife stupid?" Amy wonders as she towers over Howard.
"Boys! There's no need for this to turn into a fight!" Mary exclaims as she tries to calm tempers.
"Yes, Sheldon, that is precisely what I am saying, " Howard smart mouths with a smirk.
"I should take you outside and..." Amy threatens.
"That's enough!" Mary yells. "Sheldon, sit down!"
"Yes, Ma'am, " Amy meekly replies.
"My money's on Sheldon, " Raj whispers to an amused Anu.
"I think I'd like that ointment applied now, " Amy requests of Sheldon as they make their way to Sheldon's old room.
"Are they acting stranger than usual or is it just my imagination?" Mary questions once they hear the bedroom door close.
"I was thinking the same thing, " Leonard replies.
"They're not usually so affectionate but they had a huge fight right before the car accident. I think they have yet to talk about it and are walking on eggshells around each other as a result, " Penny explains for Mary's benefit.
"Maybe that conk on the noggin has done Shelly some good, " Mary hopes, "but the act those two are putting on ain't foolin' anyone. We need to get to the bottom of this."