A/N all ooops' are mine, not fully beta'd feel free to point out corrections needed.
M is for Munchies, Men and Monkey-business
With over large rollers bobbing on her head, Vala took another piece of candy and popped it into her mouth. "Oh, these are yummy! What are they?"
"Milk Duds." Sam fished around the pile on the bed and made a choice, unwrapping and breaking off a bite. "Ahhh, wonderful!" While she chewed, Sam re-banded her sloppy ponytail, and put on an old ratty sweater over her large T-shirt.
"What? What is it?" Carolyn dropped the candy she had and reached for what Sam had picked out.
"Lindt's Excellent Chili Bar. I know it sounds awful, dark chocolate and chili pepper, but it's divine!"
Carolyn grimaced. "Never mind, I'll stick with the basics." She picked up a dark chocolate covered cherry and popped it into her mouth. "Oh, yeah."
"And theses?" Vala was still working on the Milk Dud while she snatched up a bag, dangling it between two fingers.
Looking up from her perusal of items splayed out like a feast across her bedspread, Sam answered, "Just what it says, Zapp's Spicy Creole tomato spiked with Tabasco. Their potato chips. And their hot."
A dark brow rose, and Vala grinned. "Like Daniel?"
"Don't start," both Sam and Carolyn said in unison.
"Okay, so maybe he is hot. But no more then the others." Sam stood and went to the cooler. "Beer?"
Nodding emphatically, Vala popped open the Zapps chips. "Should we turn up the thermostat, it is chilly." She unfolded her legs and stood, rolling the waistband of Daniel's boxers she wore, pulled a large sweatshirt – obviously Teal'c's – over her head and once again folded her legs and sat on the bed. "Well, it is a close call between Mitchell's six and Daniel's. And Muscles, wow, he's built! And very, sexy. Jack's cute, I'll admit that. But, Daniel still wins the prize."
"Cute? Jack's very sexy, tall and handsome. And a smile that could melt your heart. His eyes...his eyes are mesmerizing, and he's so funny and tender sometimes, too. It is a bit cold in here." Sam turned up the heat.
"I'm not cold." Carolyn took a moment to absorb the rest of the conversation. "Cam's dreamy, and his 'six' is the best on the base, Vala, at least according to my nurses. Though they insist, Daniel's eyes are the better of the two blues; I don't see it, myself. Did you say chocolate and beer!?" Incredulous, she crinkled up her nose, once again twirling her long hair into a messy bun and sticking the pencil back through it.
"Where have you been? You obviously have been living under a rock. Chocolate and beer...that's a given. But to each her own." Hand on hip, Sam waited. "And you're not cold because you're wearing Cam's flight jacket over his sweat pants and your dad's old flannel shirt. Soda? Water?"
"Rootbeer?" Carolyn asked hopefully.
Shaking her head, Sam held up a cola in one hand and beer in the other. "Nope, nothing but diet."
"I never understood that. Junk food and diet soda." Carolyn passed the beer Sam had handed her to Vala. "Water...okay, never mind, I'll try the beer."
Vala took a finger full of chips. "I've said it before and I'll say it again…there's a limited gene pool here, Daniel and Cameron could be…what are those twins? The ones that don't look alike but do…anyway," She stuffed the chips in her mouth. "Oh, crap, Hot!" Sucking down a long swig of beer, Vala blinked rapidly. She followed the beer with one of the Twinkies she'd opened and another handful of hot chips.
Both Sam and Carolyn reached for the other Twinkie, eyeing each other a moment before finally splitting it in half.
"Beer and Twinkies, now that's a different story." Carolyn grinned.
Meanwhile...
"So, Mitchell, what do you think those three are doing?" Daniel folded his losing hand and tossed the cards on the table.
Jack looked up from his cards, curious. "Yeah, I'd like to know what you think."
"As do I." Teal'c neatly stacked a large raise in the pot. "I raise."
"Damn!" Cam took a closer look at his cards. "I'd say they're at some shindig, like they said, dressed to kill and drinkin' wine, eatin' hummus and pita. If not, they're probably fixin' each other's hair and talkin' about clothes."
Cam folded, followed by Jack and Teal'c raked in the winnings.
Daniel tossed a twenty dollar bill onto the table. "I'll bet you that Vala's sitting around with those rollers in her hair."
Jack met the bet and raised twenty. "And I say, Carter is eating chocolate, and wearing a big T-Shirt."
Teal'c called the bet and also raised twenty. "And they are talking about us."
"I doubt it, Carolyn said something about going to a Museum party thing, maybe that's what they're doing. Besides, how you gonna prove it?"
Jack picked up his cell phone and turned it to speaker, hitting a speed dial number. "Hey, Siler, could ya go to Carter's quarters and say you came to see if her intercom is working. See what those three are up to. Call me back and don't mention my name."
Cam rolled his eyes and tossed a hundred dollars on the table. "I'm tellin' ya'll, Carolyn's neat as a pin and dressed to the nines."
When Jack's phone rang, they all sat forward, waiting. "Yep?"
"Sir," Siler's voice mumbled over the speakerphone. "They all went out to a museum for some charity get together."
Jack eyed Mitchell as the colonel raked in the money. "Oh. So what's wrong with you're voice?"
"I'm eating Twinkies, some hot, hot potato chips and drinking diet cola, nite, sir."
N is for No
"No way, never gonna happen" Jack straightened papers on his desk.
"But., sir.."
"Ack...Carter." Jack jabbed a finger upwards, then used it to point out the door. "And stop it with the sir, I know what game you're playing."
"That's ridiculous, I'm in uniform, and you're in uniform. We're in Washington." Sam glared, "I don't understand why you expect me to get a ride to Dulles, catch a flight to Peterson, and then a ride to Cheyenne Mountain to beam back to my ship!"
"I'm not having a bunch of people beaming in and out of my office anymore. Somebody's gonna get caught one day, and I'd have a lot to explain. Explain means paperwork! Now go. I have work to do. See you in two weeks."
"No you won't!" Sam stormed out.
"Carter! God damn it! CARTER!?"
"Oh no you don't!"
"Daniel!"
"No." Daniel tried to peel Vala's fingers from the artifact. "It's 'Ancient'. It's not just some shiny, sparkly, trinket."
Holding firm to the broach, Vala narrowed her eyes. "It's mine. Let go."
"Vala, you let go. And no it's not." Daniel glared back at her. "Everything that's shiny in the universe does not belong to you."
Vala raised a warning eyebrow. "Last chance."
He snatched the broach from her grasp and grinned manically, as she stormed out.
The Major passed her as he entered, stepping back out of harms way. Once she disappeared, he approached Daniel. "Dr. Jackson, here's the artifact you loaned us. We finished the carbon dating and the results should be back tomorrow." Carefully placing the jeweled broach on the archeologist desk, he waited.
Daniel's eyes blinked before going wide. "Uh oh." He placed the broach in his hand beside the other one. "Ah, Major, which would you say looks real?"
Pointing without hesitation the man said, "That one, I just gave it back to you. It's got the extra notches on the end of each tip of the star pattern. I remember when you bought the other one for Ms Vala in that museum. It's a close replica, like you said. We never did figure out where the original pattern came from." The Major looked up. "It's late sir, aren't you going home?"
"Nope. No. Nada. No use. By the time I got there she'd have the doors and windows locked and bolted and the alarm system on – having changed the code." His sigh was deep and troubled.
"No way, man! Are you nuts!"
"ColonelMitchell, I do not understand." Teal'c studied the colonel, with a hint of confusion in the tilt of his head.
"We are NOT, in no way, shape or form, goin' to escort a bunch of funky IOA wives around the base. Lunch in the mess hall!? A tour of the NORAD? And maybe even more, seein' as how they all have a background that gets them security clearance. Come on, man, you have GOT to be kidding me! You want to play baby sitter? Not gonna happen. We all know what happens when we take folks off world…nothin' good comes from that!"
"Did not General Landry order us to attend to the need of these 'funky' wives?"
Mitchell frowned, "not specifically. He said to make sure they got taken care of."
"And how do we take care of them, if we do not escort them?"
"I sent Dr. Felger, Dr. Lee, Siler and SG-2 to take them to lunch. Then I up-ed the time on our next mission, got the go, and just to be sure, got Jackson all excited about stayin' two extra days at the Ancient site. Vala packed her bikini, I'm takin' some fishin' gear, and you might want to bring bug spray."
"I see. You had thought to assure we will be gone during their visit?"
"Yep. And to secure the deal, I got Carter to agree to pick us up and drive us home! I managed to convince Landry we needed to have some time on board the George Hammond to do some routine exercises to keep us up to date. We'll be gone for more than a week. No chance of seein' them. So gear up!"
"You are most inventive. However, all three of the wives have top clearance. And I overheard General Landry speaking with the president about sending them with SG-1 on our next mission. I believe it would have been smarter to stay here for three days."
"Son of a bitch! I need to go…aw, damn, that's trouble…" Cam looked up to see General Landry escorting the group of women, in full SGC gear, coming their way.
O is for Orders
"Ah, General Lan…."
"Dr. Jackson, you all have your orders. Take them and leave or stay in the infirmary for a three day psyche evaluation. Either – Or. No other choices. No arguments." Landry scowled in a way that allowed no further incongruity.
Vala sat there staring wide eyed and worried while Mitchell just shook his head, Teal'c's jaw ticked and Daniel once again read the orders…out loud.
"From General Hank Landry, To," Daniel paused and waved a hand around the table towards the remainder of the team, "blah blah blah, etcetera. You are hereby ordered to take a three day leave of absence. Additionally, you cannot contact any member of your team unless contacted by myself…myself being General Landry," Daniel explained and received unhappy but understanding nods from his teammates, "It is strictly forbidden to leave the planet. It is strictly forbidden to carry work home or to any place you are spending your three day leave. It is strictly forbidden to engage in any work related activity." Daniel signed and continued.
"Each of you will be contacted if an emergency arises and your chip will be monitored to ensure you are not in close proximity to any other team member. You are not allowed to contact Colonel Samantha Carter. It is strictly forbidden to contact the SGC with the exception of extreme emergency, in which case you are to call the security officer and an SF will be dispatched. You are not allowed to contact General O'Neill or any other person with whom you have direct contact within Stargate Command, Cheyenne Mountain or any other facility connected in any way with your employment." Finishing, Daniel stared at the paper in front of him.
Landry looked around the table at SG-1, all of whom had their heads down. "You WILL get some rest. You WILL stop snipping, grouching, yelling and generally annoying the entire base. Go now. Leave. Do not return until the exact time indicated at the bottom of these Orders. Dismissed!" Landry pivoted around and stormed off towards his office.
"Man, that's…."
"Colonel Mitchell," Landry didn't turn around, but raised his voice effectively, "is there some part of those orders you didn't understand…like contacting as in speaking to your team?"
"Ah, no sir, sorry sir. Going, sir."
"General Landry. Sir. With all the due respect thingie, where am I supposed to go…" Vala blinked when the general slammed his office door.
No one moved from the conference table for a full minute. No one looked at the other, or uttered a word. Finally, Teal'c rose and quietly exited. Followed by Mitchell. Daniel and Vala stood at the same time, staring across the table and exchanging a frown that clearly indicated this was the result of the other's actions.
Vala snatched up her orders, tossed her head and dashed out.
Daniel sighed again.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Four days later at exactly 0800, Cheyenne Mountain, SGC conference room.
"Hey," Cam looked up as Vala entered. "Did you get a new do?"
"Just a trim."
"You do look lovely, ValaMalDoran."
"Thank you, Muscles. I've been shopping! And staying in a Spa Retreat, and sleeping a lot."
"I toured New York City." The slightest of nods followed Teal'c's comment. "I bought a new vehicle, a more economically fuel efficient model. The Hotel Plaza Athenee was quite relaxing and had excellent accommodations. I must say I did enjoy my leave and upon reflection feel it was necessary."
Both Vala and Teal'c turned to Cam.
"I spent the time with my parents. I gained five pounds. Brought you, Vala, some pie. Worked with my dad on the property and loved every minute of it. Ditto, on the necessary." Cam, along with Teal'c and Vala turned to Daniel whose gaze was intent on the table in front of him.
"Jackson?" Cam prompted.
Daniel's head snapped up. "Huh?"
"Report?"
"Oh. Ah, er…I missed everyone, especially Vala…weird, I know. I totaled my car the first day, but didn't get injured, but my cell phone is still missing. I caught my kitchen on fire and had to stay at some dive motel, because my credit card – which I had replaced a few weeks ago because it went missing," he looked over at Vala with a kind smile, "…was maxed out and I couldn't get to the other ones because they are hidden in my office. I hung out with some street people near my motel…drank some interesting wine. My ID was stolen the first day, so I couldn't get money from my bank. I didn't have enough extra cash for a cab so I walked a lot and it felt good. I got arrested for public drunkenness one night with my street friends; we had a good time in jail…we all did karaoke with out the music. I suck at singing. I'm taking them all to lunch this weekend. There's a whole etiquette to street living and I'm thinking about writing a paper on it now that I'm back. I had to jot down notes on scraps of paper, because I couldn't afford to buy food and buy a journal. I stole a pen from somebody…I need to get it back to them. Vala, I thought maybe we could go on a date this weekend, you up for that?"
Vala's jaw dropped, mouth open to full capacity and eyes wide. Cam burst out laughing and Teal'c bowed his head in appreciation of the archeologist exciting adventure.
"Oh, and yeah, it was a necessary order, much appreciated and let's do it again soon." Grinning, Daniel looked at each of his friends. "God! I love my job!"
Next: P Q R S (P was not behaving correctly, so I moved it…bad P!)