So here is the fourth chapter. The next one will get warmer, in emotions and actions. We're still waiting for the best part of their manga interaction. I'm not happy with all this translation, but I'm glad for most of it. It certainly respect the original idea of my fiction, though it does not always sound right. There's one or two sentences from Hawkeye that sounds weird. I'm sorry for it. If you can help me rephrase part of this, I'd be grateful. Anyway, have a nice time reading!

Honesty

Chapter 4 – Morons

Honesty is such a lonely word.
Everyone is so untrue.

Riza didn't sleep for the next 48 hours. She was on autopilot for some of it, but she looked after her superior for as long as possible. She also made sure to keep both Roy and Jean close to her, so that no one come around and take them away. She couldn't lose any of them. It had hurt so much when she'd thought she'd never see her colonel again. And Havoc. That could have been her undoing. Fuery had promised to look after Black Hayate and Roy gave her the talk of her live.

"You're an imbecile! To believe the enemy like this. Don't ever give up on your own life for such a little thing, lieutenant!"

Riza took in every words of this reprimand, which had to be the first he ever gave to her. And she saw utter anger in his eyes, so much anger that she looked down, feeling real remorse to have deceive him. She had failed him.

She didn't know that Roy felt already bad for getting so mad at her. He only hoped that this would make it clear for her, so that she'd be careful about herself, even if he was in danger. Alphonse wouldn't always be there to protect her. Himself, the flame alchemist, hadn't been able to defend her. There was a knot in his throat as he realized that he didn't manage really often to defend her. And still, he had taken her side. Against Derek, against Kimblee during Ishball. He felt stupid. And his wound wouldn't let him rest, like oil thrown on his burning shame. He was reduced to such a state of weakness that he was entirely dependant on her.

When he had gone through all his anger, he looked down, unable to seem her undermined by the words he'd thrown at her. He didn't want her to be desperate. He didn't want her to feel guilty. He didn't want to lose her in fact, and that was what pushed him forward. So he added, on a softer ton:

"Despite all, I believe I can still trust you. And I still need your help."

His voice had sounded so soft at first that Jean had felt embarrassed a moment, but his superior's ton grew colder, since he was talking to both his lieutenants.

"Whatever you plan, it'll be without me," Havoc sighed, surprising both of his comrades. I can't feel my legs anymore. The doctors think that I might be paralyzed for the rest of my life."

Roy disagreed. He had already complained about Havoc's presence in his room, but that was only to throw himself at something else than Riza. He had the feeling he was angry at the whole wide world. But he hadn't lost as much as Jean and had no reason to be mad.

The colonel spent a week at the hospital. His first lieutenant was by his side, 24 hour a day, except when Fuery or Falman came to give her a chance to have some rest. Breda would have given them his sympathies, but he was already short on vacancy's permission after travelling with Edward Elric into the desert. He couldn't leave the office, without getting in serious trouble with the higher-ups.

Roy's body would remind him of his presence at any hour of the day or night and his wounds drove him crazy, but he couldn't get at anyone else than himself for it, since Jean was pretty down. There were still some things that could comfort him in the pain he was going through.

The way Riza kept on looking over him was facilitating his day to day life. The humiliation of not being able to do anything without the help of a nurse was the same for both patients of the room. For example, once every two day, each of them had the chance to be washed by a nurse. Havoc being paralyzed, his "bath" was complete, which might be quite traumatizing for a man his age, and it took place behind a green screen wrapped around his bed.

One of those day, the screen was pulled on the smoker's side. Roy was sleeping and Riza was sitting by his sides, with small circles under her eyes. She was switching place with Fuery to get a chance to sleep and around HQ, the disappearance of almost every of Mustang's men caused a lot of talk.

The young woman looked at the sleeping face of her superior, holding back a smile. She was afraid that someone could realize what she secretly felt for him. If someone knew what linked them, they would be in danger. But she couldn't prevent herself from gazing, staring at him in his slumber and to think how lucky she was to see him still alive. He was so dashing, enchanting, with his round face void of worries. He looked peaceful. It was the first time in many days.

Roy was sleeping that soundly and felt the eyes that were lingering on him. He opened one eye, barely, as he softly shifted his position, as if he was still deep in his sleep. His right hand was on the edge of his pillow. Free and given. Riza immediately spotted his dark and shining eye. She hesitated a moment, cause without anyone to see her doing so, she might have stroke his face and his hair. He was her colonel. HER Mustang. It seemed that he only belonged to her during those precious seconds where they could be alone despite Jean and the nurse being there.

The soldier entirely opened his dark eyes and caught her hand in his. She had gotten closer to him, despite all of her training and reasoning that told her it couldn't happen. She tried to get her hand back, but he held her tighter. She answered the pressure, to see him smile as he closed his eyes. He was happy that she was here. Happy not to be alone. None of them blushed, first, because there had already done much much more than just holding hands, but mostly because blushing would be a dead giveaway. In the army, they had to control their emotions like the best comedians.

He moved his lips without saying a word, as if she could guess what he'd wished to tell her. She smiled in turn, looking up to make sure the green screen hadn't move. From her post, a few small things were missing. But she still had Roy, who was the greatest thing in her life.

They both remembered when they were kids, the future colonel had been dropped in front of his master's house by his father. A tall, brown man, all dressed in black, which pushed his boy forward. Riza was still almost a baby, barely higher than three feet. Both kids were intimidated by the unknown adult and hadn't had time to get to know each other.

Afterwards, the small Roy had religiously learn all that he could, but at seven years old, alchemy's theories could become a little boring. He hd fled his teacher to see his daughter. The kids had played together as much as they could. They were the only game partner they'd ever had. At this time, already, they'd hold hands. But as they grew up, the soldier became more and more serious and had left his master's daughter to fully devote himself to his alchemy's study. Riza didn,t resent him for it. She wasn't sure what to think of him. It was like having a cousin that'd show up every now and then at the house. He came every now and then, once every two weeks and once a month. She never knew when he'd be there and when he wouldn't. She pretended that she didn't care.

As a teenage girl, she often eluded their polite salutations and almost forgot that he existed. Her father reminded her of him as he described his progresses. Then, Derek had shown up and taken over all her free time, or well, most of it. Master Hawkeye's death had drawn them closer, there was no way around it. She had revealed all the secrets she carried without owning them. He had seen her half naked so many times. And after the war…

As he was reopening his eyes, Roy saw her mouthing words too. He could guess their meaning, the same he'd want to voice out loud: I love you.

Fuery entered the room at this very moment and they let go of each other. The small interlude was over, but their memories were still there. The colonel was surprised to feel this nostalgic, but his mind seemed to guess what was coming. Unconsciously, he knew that he would be separated from his lieutenant. That saddened him, while he had no idea why this separation would take place…

"Colonel, you're free to leave the hospital!"

That was the first step towards a new life, towards the collapsing of his colonel existence, but he ignored it at that time, that if his doctor let him walk outside freely, he could turn back into King Bradley's prey and that this man had his trap all ready for him.

An hour later, after exchanging a frail smile with Riza, that Roy didn't want Jean to see since he would be staying in this hospital room for a long time, the man wrapped a dark coat around his shoulders to keep himself warm. He had to be careful, since his wound hadn't fully healed. Those few days spent in bed hadn't help to keep him in full shape.

He left Havoc with a goal, telling him he'd wait for him at the top, because more than anything else in the world, Mustang didn't want to abandon any of his men. He had no idea what was in store for him. Otherwise, he'd think everything was already done for.

"Hawkeye, what are the news from outside?"

Despite all the efforts he'd deployed, Roy had been kept in the dark over all his colleagues' advances. Riza hesitated a little to tell him about all the news over the army, especially the one that the Fullmetal was trying to get remarked in a pretty risky way.

Furrowing his brows, the colonel decided to go see what the young man was preparing. When they met the dwarf and the suit or armor, it was to discover that Edward had decided to serve as bait for Scar and the homunculi. Being what he was, and having fought against Lust, Roy wanted to know as much as the young man and Edward had no idea that Mustang had more right than anyone else to share those discoveries. After all, the flame alchemist was the only human who had managed to kill a homunculus!

"This is district 13, Scar is attacking us, its… Argh!"

Roy stopped pinching his nose, appreciating the diversion he could make, feeling like a little kid as he was picturing the face the officers would make as they heard all those alarms coming in at the same time. Scar would seem to be all over Amestris and even the fuhrer wouldn't know where to look.

"Scar is in district 17, hurry, we need someone to… Gorjjjjjaaa!"

Riza was watching him with furrowing brows, a little ashamed to see him acting so childishly and wondering if those sounds he was making and turning even more and more creating into making, could really sound like yells of pain. Fortunately, he didn,t make them at every of his alert's call, always changing his voice in a new way, making his sound younger, more naïve, or graver, hoarser or even whining. She knew he was something of a comedian, but not that much! All the efforts he was making in helping the Elric with their plan proved just how much he wanted it to work.

She couldn't prevent herself from smiling, wondering how in the past, that man who could use all kind of tons from fear to utter panic just to make a diversion could have turn into his greatest protector. After her father's death, Hawkeye had been at her worse, especially after Derek's treason. She didn,t understand why those memories were all coming back now, of all the time, but she could see herself in Roy's arms, crying and weeping.

He was very dear to her, his colonel. Even right now, as he was sitting between a dozen of radios, mixing the wires, yelling in mic, whispering warning, cutting the communication before to be found out. A big kid, really, as most of men. He was still laughing when she put one hand on his shoulder to tell him to stop. He had to be wise after all. If he overdid it, Central's soldiers would see right through their play and he could even be discovered if he left too many clues.

"I think that it's enough."

"You're quite right," he admitted.

They stay in wait, listening to the soldiers reporting on the other lines, to know how things were going. Time seemed to pass by slower. Roy was trying to retrieve his usual train of thoughts and to focus on the situation at hand, but it proved impossible. All this panic, the death that seemed to be lurking around the corner despite the smiles he was putting on. It reminded him of the war. After Ishval, his life had never been the same. As it had changed for Riza also. He recalled perfectly each second of the horror. Each shout and the stench of burned flesh was back in his nose, even if he hadn't used his gloves and flames for weeks.

Hawkeye was seated next to him, listening to the soldiers in the radios. He'd wanted to talk to her and threw a quick glance at her. Their eyes met and froze in the air. As they kept listening, they both remembering the first time they'd found each other, once the war had begun. Between the living and the deads.

Her beloved brown eyes had changed a lot to turn into the look of a killer, just as his eyes changed. She killed every day, protecting their soldiers, without running any risk except her own guilt. Their superiors, from time to time, could go crazy and lose patience and would even raise their hands against rebarbative subordinates. Women in the army had to make their own place, under the heavy weight of prejudice. They were a few between all the men. They were running peculiar risks with all the lonely guys pushed to their limits. Riza knew how to fend for herself. And after that Kimblee had badmouthed her, praising her skills and mocking her guilt, Roy had placed himself as her unconditional protector. No one wanted to face off the burning young man. Amestris' men were too tired to fight along themselves. But for Hawkeye, Mustang would have fought. He was aiming to shelter her from as much violence as he could.

But in the end, it was Hawkeye that hurt him on their few talks during war. She had friends among the soldiers, but the fact that she was killing every day, as simply as she'd take her breakfast was bringing her down. Everyone's reaction was different, but Roy and Riza were the same. They shared the same viewpoints and were saddened to see the other destroying himself slowly. Each time they met, they realized how hard it was on both of them, so they avoided each other. He felt guilty that this war wasn't already over. She felt guilty that he was out here fighting as a human weapon because she'd made him the flame alchemist…

That's why by the end of the war, while Roy was seriously thinking about suicide if he didn't manage to become Fuhrer, he quickly accepted her request. She recalled her own crisis over alchemy.

"Why Mustang? Why are people using alchemy to harm others when it was supposed to serve in bringing happiness to people?!" She had asked.

He stared at her with saddened eyes at this time. He'd felt guilty to have taken so much from her, before to turn into a monster, just as low as Kimblee, who used the powers she'd gave him to kill as many people as he was asked too. Riza knew they had no choice, but her childish naivety was leaving for good as she was realizing how wrong she had been in trusting him. No words could erase the pain she was feeling now. That's why she wanted to erase all that was still linking them herself. All that was defining her father's years of work.

He found her kneeled in front of a grave, which looked terribly simple. She had just made it out of her bare hands.

"Aren't you coming? If you stay here, you'll be left behind…", he observed.

She didn't answer and he insisted.

"Was it a comrade?"

"It was an isvalan kid. He was hit by stray bullets and left alone here."

As he saw her looking darker, he almost begged her to join him. He didn't like seeing her like this, as she was turning her back on him and holding back her tears since so long. He was reminded of her father's funerals.

"Come with me, this war is over now."

Roy felt a knot bulding in his throat and Riza shivered as she guessed the tenderness behind his words. What would she give to believe him and turn the page over this tragedy? She would never be able to. Never.

"This war won't ever be over in me. I've taken so many lives, when I had joined all on my own, hoping I could bring happiness to the people I'd protect. But all I did was caused destruction among innocent. Much more because I believe that you would…"

She paused, scared to wound him any further, before to go on:

"It'll never be over. Even if I'd wished that it didn't end like that, I can't ignore the facts. Crying, pretending it never happened, trying to amend, asking for forgiveness, I don't want to be an egoist killer that tried to justify her acts. My arrogance isn't so great, but mister Mustang, there is one thing that I have to ask you. It'd be to…"

Her voice died down as her fists clenched above her tights. She was trembling and Roy believed he wouldn't live past this day. He wanted to hold her in his arms and to have forgetting it, all the evil, but he didn't dare to touch her with his hands that had caused so much of this said evil. Never again would he dare to reach out for her. But it was precisely what she asked him, in a certain way.

"Please, burn my back, Mustang."

"What are you… I'd never could…!"

"AT LEAST!" she cut him off, yelling and raising her head to show him how serious she was. At least, if I can't amend for the sins I've committed, help me in making sure I won't ever give birth to another flame alchemist. So the secret on my back won't ever serve to anyone else.

She turned around to look him in the eye and saw the shame and uneasiness that her request inspired him. He was confused, but her determined look was enough to convince him.

"I don't want any more ties to my father or alchemy, so that I can live as Riza Hawkeye, as an individual and not an object of knowledge.

He looked down, still hesitating. How could he raised one hand on her, using the very methods he used on the Ishval, now that he was having living nightmares of all those kills he'd done? Hurting, wounding, marking Riza when he felt so attached to her, almost as if she was his sis… No, it was stronger than that. She still had no idea, but he eyed her differently since a long time already. Otherwise, would he have been looking for her on this battlefield, when he could finally leave it all behind?

At that point, he could have told her, but he saw what she wanted and understood perfectly what she was asking for. In her shoes, he'd be the first to act like this. But Roy was looking at her through the culprit's eyes. He would be the one to burn her. He'd hurt her, when she had already been through so much…

"Please," she said again.

He accepted.

"After killing so many people, I can control my flames accurately. I may burn you without endangering your health. It's kinda ironic. I've become too used to burning people in this battle.

They exchanged a brief look. She stayed there, kneeling on the floor and Roy looked down at his glove.

"I'll burn your back, Riza. But not here. I might have expertise, but that doesn't remove all risk. Get up and come with me. I'll free you from this burden you've been carrying for to long.

He put his glove back in his pocket, unable to accept what it symbolized. Wounding Riza was a sacrilege. He cared about her. At this point of his life, he had no idea how much he loved her. But at the very least, he still had a right to show it a little. Now, he had to be careful to the smallest gesture. When I need you more than ever, he thought as he looked at his lieutenant.

Hawkeye jumped as she heard the Elric brothers' name. Their fight against Scar had dragged out in the open a terrifying creature in specific place of the city. Coming back to the here and now, they were frozen in place for a moment, before that the woman got up, to kick off the next part of the plan.

"You're going in to give them some support." He reminded her.

"Yes sir."

"There's a vacant house in the low quarters that you can use. If anything happens, we'll meet there."

"Yes sir."

"Don't get followed."

"Yes sir."

She removed her soldier's coat, borrowing Fuery's change of glasses to disguise herself. She grabbed a dark coat, readying the guns at her belt, under the careful look of her superior. So many memories came to him as he saw her doing this. How she'd undressed herserlf in front of him, five times. Those four sessions where he'd uncovered the secret of the flame alchemy. And when he'd answered to her demand to burn her back.

"If there's any progress, you contact me, so don't let me see you on the battlefield! You're staying here, where it's safe… Please."

"Yeah, sure."

After all those recommendations, it was her turn. She reminded him how he'd popped in on their last mission and how close she'd been to lose him. No way was she reliving that.

"Don't think to even try and join me out there!" She warned him.

He'd answer immediately a moment ago, but this time, Roy nodded like a boy found guilty by his mother. She knew him. If he was too worried of her, he tried to do something heroic that he couldn't do in his state.

"Alright, lieutenant, I'll be quiet."

Honesty is hardly ever heard.

And mostly what I need from you.

To be continued…

Please review to give me courage to keep on translating! ;)