Chapter Three – Fourth Therapy Session
Kurt was glad he could come in today. Even if these sessions with Mandy made him question himself somewhat severely, they still always brought a sense of relief and calm, even a feeling of peace.
And that was something he could definitely use today.
He had spent the past few days prepping for the upcoming solo auditions for the next Warbler performance. As usual, it was going to occur with all the pomp and circumstance, and following all the rules that the Warblers seemed to live by. Kurt was excited to sing, but he was not excited to be told off, yet again, for his inability to "blend".
He had a one-in-a-million voice, and was reasonably proud of that fact. That the Warblers insisted that it was not worth using, simply because it did not fit what they expected, seemed asinine to him.
It was true, the were being a little more open, actually considering making changes, following the letter they had written to him while he was in a coma. But, like changes in any long-standing government (because that really was how they treated it), it was taking time.
Kurt wanted the solo, and at the same time he never even truly considered the possibility that he would get it. It "wasn't how they worked", according to Wes.
There really were days that Kurt wanted nothing so much as to take Wes' gavel and break it in half, or put it through a woodchipper.
… …
Fourth Session with Kurt Hummel; Wednesday the 24th at 4:30 p.m.
MC: I wanted to start today by asking you about school. You said that your father and Carol used the money they had saved to transfer you to Dalton, correct?
KH: Yes.
MC: Did that make a difference?
KH: Transferring? As I've said before, it moved me out of the reach of Karofsky, and that was the biggest concern.
MC: Do you feel safer there?
KH: Yes, I do. And, really, in regards to how I was treated at McKinley, Dalton is paradise.
MC: And here comes the "but".
KH: (laughs) Yes, I guess so. Because, as wonderful as it is, with the no tolerance bullying policy and the kindness of the other students and how challenging the classes are, it still feels like a gilded cage. I'm safe there, and no one can bother or bully me simply because I'm gay. Yet, despite that, I feel like I'm being pushed harder than ever to conform, and deny my own personality.
MC: Who makes you feel that way?
KH: The Warblers.
MC: They're the group Blaine sings lead for, aren't they?
KH: Exactly. They're Dalton's show choir. The school treats them like rock stars, and they were kind enough to allow me to join after transferring.
MC: But they make you feel that you have to conform to be accepted?
KH: So much. When I first arrived, they were excited and kind. But they also treated me like I was some kind of crazy, wild animal who had showed up off the street to cause chaos in their perfect halls.
MC: Do you think they did that on purpose?
KH: I don't really know. (pause) They basically all grew up in rich, privileged families. From what I've observed , most of them have known each other since childhood, and they all follow the same social rules and have the same general standards and expectations for their lives. I don't think they intentionally set out to make me feel like I wasn't good enough.
MC: Do you have any idea why they would act that way?
KH: I think (pause), I think, at this point, it's mostly just habit. They expect people to interact a certain way, and then I came swanning in, flamboyant and loud and desperate for attention, eager to share my ideas, and that didn't fit the world they knew.
MC: So they closed ranks-?
KH: Because they felt the need to defend themselves from someone with whom they simply had no idea how to react. They shot down my suggestions, not because they thought they had no merit, but because it was like introducing cavemen to the idea of airplanes or space shuttles.
MC: (laughs) That's telling.
KH: What is?
MC: Well, can I ask why you compared the Warblers, who you say have a better quality of living, to cavemen, while you yourself you compared to a rocket scientist?
KH: (laughs) I did, didn't I? (pause) I suppose it's because it seems silly to me how uncomfortable they are with the idea of change. They follow specific traditions, and if you even so much as suggest a change, they look at you like they're considering having you hanged. It's like they're standing, stuck in a cave, fearing thunder and lightning, and I'm offering them a lighter they refuse to take.
MC: Does that change how you perceive their treatment of you?
KH: I guess it does. They're not treating me this way because they dislike me or my ideas, they just have no idea what to do with what I'm offering, or how to use my talents in a group which functions entirely on previously set traditions.
… …
-Wednesday, text received at 5:17 p.m.-
Text from Kurt Hummel to Thad Harwood
Are you still planning on having that movie night tonight?
-Wednesday, text received at 5:22 p.m.-
Text from Thad Martin to Kurt Hummel
we sure r. :) u coming? warbler common room- 8 pm.
-Wednesday, text received at 5:25 p.m.-
Text from Kurt Hummel to Thad Harwood
I'll be there, if you promise to suggest using live music at the next Warbler meeting.
-Wednesday, text received at 5:28 p.m.-
Text from Thad Martin to Kurt Hummel
awesome! :D deal. bring along ur dapperman!
-Wednesday, text received at 5:31 p.m.-
Text from Blaine Anderson to Thad Harwood
according to Kurt you just called me "Dapperman".
-Wednesday, text received at 5:32 p.m.-
Text from Thad Martin to Kurt Hummel
traitor!
-Wednesday, text received at 5:34 p.m.-
Text from Thad Martin to Blaine Anderson
that is not a lie. ;) as we said in our letter to kurt, ur the dalton superhero dapperman w/his faithful bowtie-wearing sidekick gayly! only we recently decided that gayly has been promoted frm sidekick to partner. we r sure u won't mind.
-Wednesday, text received at 5:40 p.m.-
Text from Kurt Hummel to Thad Harwood
Oh, yes, we will definitely be there tonight, Thad. If only to give you a swift kick.
-Wednesday, text received at 5:42 p.m.-
Text from Thad Martin to Kurt Hummel, Blaine Anderson
i look forward to it boys. ;D
… …
Realization: The Warblers are not unwilling to change, they are scared of change because they have grown up in a world where everything is set out for them under certain rules. Change is not just unusual, it is unthinkable. They're reactions to my suggestions were never an attack against me personally, but merely a reaction to the possibility of change. Under these circumstances, any progress made with them becomes even more amazing.