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Marinette's P.O.V
It was hard pretending to be happy when a voice keeps repeating how it's all my fault, and that I am weak.
The truth was hard to bare with, but I pushed the voice down into the depths of where all the dark thoughts were and proceeded with having fun jumping across the rooves. It felt refreshing to clear my mind and reassuring that once the akuma is taken down, then mama will be back with us. I felt selfish. The main reason that I wanted to get rid of this akuma was to bring my mother back. It wasn't for Paris's sake…well, not as much. Yet, questions invaded my mind.
Will mama actually be brought back? What if my magic doesn't bring her back? What if this was something permanent? What if mama is gone forever? What if the last time I would see her beautiful face was in a casket?
No! I can't think like this! I don't care how greedy or selfish I am being, I am going to get my mother back! This has to work! Swallowing the forming lump in my throat and wiping my eyes, I didn't notice that I was lagging behind a bit.
"Ladybug?" Chat called out with a questioning tone. I looked up and realized how far behind I was from my partner. I increased my pace to catch up when seeing something coming up from behind Chat.
"Chat! Behind you!" I yelled, leaping faster than before. My partner quickly ducked from the approaching ghostly orbs that almost hit him. Finally arriving next to Chat Noir, I began to spin my yo-yo to use as a shield. Chat had my back as I had his.
"I am Pandora! The keeper of the box filled with all the worlds' evil. You shall give me your miraculous or else, you shall be taken out, permanently!" the akumatized victim shouted, pointing her finger threateningly at the both of us.
"Sorry, the only one I feline taking out is my Bugaboo," Chat said, winking at me. I rolled my eyes and glared. Now, was not the time to joke around. It made me a little agitated that he wasn't taking this any way seriously but didn't say anything. He didn't know why I was acting this way and that's how it's going to be.
"You have disrespected me in more ways than one, Chat Noir. My pretties, give this cat his punishment and this ladybug for helping the buffoon," Pandora ordered, grinning evilly. The ghost henchmen flew towards and attacked us with claw-like fingers.
*One fight later…*
"Lucky Charm!" I yelled, getting tired of this annoying villain. Chat and I knew that the akuma was in the box she held, but it was hard slipping past her guards. We were hiding at the moment to think up of a plan which leads to using my powers. I searched the area after looking at the object in my hand, a trash can lid. There were some spots that landed on a few places before looking at the box and Chat's hand.
"So, are we going to take out the trash?" Chat joked. I ignored him and began to aim before throwing the lid like a frisbee. It ricocheted off of the places my vision told me before hitting the main target.
"Chat!" I shouted. He nodded, activating his powers. Chat Noir ran as fast as he could before leaping at the box as Pandora and her ghost guards or him or the box too. I bit my lip and squeezed my hands into fists with the tension that grew in the air as everything slowed. A pinch of anxiety began to twist like a knife in my stomach and sweat beaded my forehead.
Then, the box turns into ashes, and I release the tension in my muscles of ever-growing nerves. He did it.
The ghosts disappeared and the victim was covered in a shower of purple bubbles, changing back into her actual self. Chat caught her and carefully helped the poor girl to a bench to sit at. I grabbed the trash lid and threw it into the air.
"Miraculous Ladybug!" I shouted as the object burst into magical groups of ladybugs to go and fix the damages. I couldn't wait to get home to see mama! The very thought brought a smile to my face as I walked over to Chat.
"There's that smile that I missed," my partner said, raising his fist. I did the same, and we bumped them together.
"Pound it!" we said, victoriously. I frowned slightly when realizing that I owe Chat an apology. He did amazing today like always, and I feel like I made it worse.
"I'm sorry for how I acted earlier. I just…didn't feel like myself," I apologized, looking away and fiddling with my hands.
"It's okay, Milady. I get those sort of days too," he said, smiling. I returned the gesture before hearing the sound of my earring's beeping. Just as the news and police people arrived, I said my farewells to my partner then swung away back home.
Releasing my transformation in my room, I gave Tikki a cookie before going downstairs to look for mama. I searched everywhere in the house and bakery for anyone, but it was just the same bitter quiet like before.
The same cold feeling swimming in these walls and the fleeting emptiness hit like a ton of bricks. I didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to imagine a world without her in it. Why was she not here safe and sound? Why is she not in the kitchen making goodies? Why didn't Ladybug's cure work?!
I jumped when hearing the door open and a sad papa walked in. He looked up at me for a moment before pulling me into a tight hug.
"Where were you? I was so worried…I'm so sorry, Marinette," he apologized, guilt in his voice. Papa sounded so lost and confused. He actually thought I abandoned him? Wait…why is he apologizing…unless…
"Papa…where's mama?" I asked, voice wavering to the point where everything was starting to slowly fall into an abyss. This can't be the reality I know. Where's Ladybug's luck when I need it? Why didn't it work? Why? Why? Why?!
My questions went unanswered but replaced with silence. The horrible, intimidating silence that said it all, yelling and snapping me back into reality. The dark truth. The vain of my life.
Mama is still gone. Really gone, where there is no returning. She's dead. She's dead. Dead. Dead. Dead! Death took my mom away from us. Took her away from me. I miss her. I want her. I need her.
"Marinette…" papa's voice trailed off. He sounded so hopeless, given up. Was it selfish that I wanted mama more than papa? Would some say despicable? Well, I didn't care. I just desperately wanted to pull away and run upstairs to hide from the cruel world, cry until there were no more tears. I feel numb outside like I do right now, on the inside.
"W-Wasn't i-it the aku-akuma that did it-it?" I asked, even though I knew the answer already.
"No, she had it a lot longer than that," Papa answered, rubbing my back gently. I didn't want his comfort. I didn't want mama's answers to come from him. It hurt. It hurt so much that they lied and kept this from their own daughter. It wasn't fair. It just wasn't fair!
Before I knew what was happening next, I remember running up the stairs to my room and locking it shut.
Breathing heavily, I finally let myself drown in my sorrow and cried. Tears cascaded down my face like a broken dam that couldn't be fixed. There were no mends, nothing to fill the broken part of me. No stitch in the world could fix the internal damage as it bled and bled until there was nothing left.
"Mari, please calm down. I promise, you will be al-"
"No! I am not going to be alright, Tikki!" I yelled, cutting my kwami off. My frustration and mental stress were catching up to me that I didn't notice the shock and hurt in her eyes. She turned and flew off somewhere as I moved to my bed to clear my head and cool off before apologizing.
That was the first time I yelled at my sweet little friend and guilt began to eat its way at me. My eyes landed on a family photo, and I quickly set it down so it wouldn't be showing. I curled into a ball, wanting to desperately disappear. I had no guts to see mama's smile. It would only make me go crazy seeing it now.
It will forever haunt my dreams and leave a scar on my heart. A quick flash of the image of my smiling mother flew through my mind and gone just as fast as it came. Just as fast as she went. I felt my lip quiver a bit but held back the lump in my throat. I am so sick of crying and feeling as though I'm blaming others for what happened. I am Ladybug for crying out loud! A hero does not cry and helps others when needed, not the total opposite!
Tap Tap Tap
I snapped out of my thoughts when hearing knocking coming from…the skylight? Was it all in my head or was ther-
"Puurr-incess, I know you're in there. Will you take pity on this stray kitty?" Chat's teasing voice muffled through the skylight's glass. I was having a debate about whether to tell him to go away or let an idiot into my room.
Pros and cons swept by as another round of Chat asking to enter my room. Why was he here in the first place? Doesn't he have anyone else to annoy with his lame cat puns? The last time he visited me was when Glaciator attacked. Chat really helped me feel better then. Maybe…he could do it again?
"I'm not getting any younger out here, even though I have nine lives and can pull off anything I wear," Chat joked. I could almost hear the desperation in his voice behind the fun-loving hero. Was he worried about me? Why would he? He doesn't know what's going on…does he? With a nervous and shaky sigh, I gave in and let the stupid cat in.
He dropped down onto my bed as I sat there with my legs crossed. I could feel his green eyes studying me as the silence overwhelmed the awkwardness between us. Feeling the tension, Chat sat comfortably next to me on the bed.
"So, are you going to tell me what's wrong?" he asked, pulling off a forced grin. Behind all of his jokes and playfulness, I didn't expect to see warmth and concern. Wait…how did he know there was something wrong?
"Why are you here?" I asked, avoiding the subject and he gave me a look before shrugging.
"I guess…I was just a little lonely and wanted to chat," Chat admitted, a soft grin engraved on his lips. I rolled my eyes. A forced smile found its way onto my face. Chat Noir was many things but a good friend was his best trait and an easy talker (even with those horrible puns and jokes). We shared some things in common, though I never would admit it.
He gave me a strange look as if he knew something was up.
"So…why are you really here?" I asked, trying my best not to get caught. Chat did not need to know the situation that I'm dealing with. For all he knows, I'm a civilian that he likes to talk to on rare occasions or help fight akumas.
"Can't a knight visit his Princess? It wouldn't be very knightly of me not to visit a lovely princess," Chat said, nudging me in the side and made me laugh a little. It's nice to laugh once again since what recently happened. He knew when to make me feel better in my darkest moments. I was so lucky to have a partner like Chat. Lucky…huh, it's been a while since luck has been on my side.
"The real reason," I replied, crossing my arms. He raised his hands in surrender.
"Okay, you claw-ught the fid. Yes, I have a reason," Chat admitted, then grew serious. This made me uncomfortable seeing the fun-loving cat look so oddly serious. The only time he takes anything serious is when there is an emergency.
We still win at the end of every battle we face...except the battle to save my mother. It felt as though a knife was thrust into my heart and agonizingly turning so slowly and tormented my inner mind with the memory. For a split second, I let my eyes dull and mouth twitch from the small smile to a frown so I wouldn't get caught.
Chat narrowed his eyes a bit, and I grew nervous. Did he notice the sadness in my eyes or the fact that I am sort of biting my lip to keep it from quivering? I really didn't want to cry anymore and stay strong for not only Paris but my mother too. She would want me to be strong, a strong Ladybug, not a weak daughter who just cries all of the time.
I need to stay positive so an akuma doesn't come. I'm honestly surprised one didn't show up yet considering how sad I've been for the past couple of days. What's Hawkmoth planning?
"As I said, I came to talk with you, and it seems I came at a purr-fect time," Chat said, eyeing me. I raised an eyebrow, trying to make myself look confused. I knew that he knew something was wrong, very wrong. It seemed almost pointless to pretend that there is nothing wrong with me when it's clear to see that there really is an inner war.
A war that came with a big blow and loss. A living nightmare in which can't be escaped no matter how hard I try. No matter how much I want to forget and move on, but the thing about mama was she isn't forgettable. She is like a precious gem, but so much more and our memories together will always be cherished, stuck like glue, with me.
"Why?" I asked in almost a whisper, hiding the fact that I felt a familiar burning sensation. It was so difficult to hide my emotions. I can see him already making a joke about how much I'm a baby. That I am weak and could never strong.
He doesn't though. Instead, his ears droop and a look of understanding almost made me want to break. Once my boundaries are broken, every emotion, lie, and the truth will flow like a raging river of many different things until it arrives at a fork in the road then will I decide to take one path or the other.
Chat looked me straight in the eyes with sympathy, a strange thing to see, filled me with relief. He was dead serious about whatever he about to say next, and it terrified me to the bone. I had to blink a couple of times to dry my eyes and gulp down the oncoming sob. My hands clenched my arms so tightly that it kind of hurt but helped.
"Marinette, stop pretending that you're okay when you're not," he said, sternly with worry and sadness in those green eyes. I didn't know when he shifted to sit right in front of me until his hands took a hold of the sides of my arms, keeping his claws from scratching me.
It was such a soothing and gentle touch that it made me freeze. This was the first time he's actually said my name, he must really be worried if that's the case. I started to heave a little, feeling my chest going up and down and eyes bulge out of their sockets in disbelief.
I was hoping so badly that he won't see through my mask but a part of me did want him to notice the pain and hurt. Someone that craved comfort from others but kept denying it even from my own father, I didn't show all of the inscrutable pain, nor did he see it. Chat is the only one who did see, eyes that could see through the darkness both physically and mentally.
I broke. My tears were finally released from being held back for so long. A longing sob left my lips as I lifted my legs to hold them to my chest and hide my face in shame, embarrassment. I cried my heart out, feeling as if being torn apart and nothing could help fix it.
I shakily gasped for air and dug my nails into my arms, sniffling and coughing at times. It hurt so much, and I just want it to stop. I'm supposed to be a positive and cheery girl, just how mama always liked, not this pathetic burst of sadness and despair.
What would people say when they find out that Ladybug cried, especially right in front of her partner? What would he think of me if I was in the suit right now, staining my face with hot tears and snot? I feel so alone, desperately wanting Tikki's gentle words and touch to extinguish this crushing feeling.
The pounding, that started to make its appearance, didn't help the situation. I wish I could transform and escape everything that is the reality that still hasn't answered my long-awaited question. Why?
I knew there was never going to be an answer, and it made me cry harder.
Then, there was warmth. Arms snaked their way around my waist, pulling me into the source of the body holding my smaller form. A gentle hand rubbed circles around my back and reassuring words were whispered into my ear before feeling that certain cat nuzzling his face into my hair, warm breath tickling my skin.
For a moment, I hesitated so unsure and confused before realizing who was holding me. Comforting me. Soothing me. Chat cared about me as Ladybug and Marinette that I'm just realizing. Without any further hesitation, I buried my face into his chest and returned the embrace. I felt Chat fall back until he was leaning against a wall or something but didn't care. I felt safe and secure than I did for these past couple days and nights.
I finally calmed down to the point where there was only sniffing. Chat's chest was like a pillow and surprisingly began to vibrate as he actually purred. I smiled, feeling content.
"You okay, now?" he whispered into my ear. I nodded, knowing that my voice would crack badly.
"Thank you, Chat. You…really are…a…knight," I joked, sleepily. All that crying has mentally worn me out and embarrassing as it is, I could fall asleep like this. Though the moment ended when a familiar beeping interrupted the silence.
"Prrruu-icness, as much as I would love to stay, I gotta go," he said, softly moving a piece of hair out of my face. I disapproving groaned when feeling myself being moved and the warmth leaving. A light chuckle came from the flirty hero, a genuine chuckle. Without thinking, I sat up and grabbed his hand before he leaped out the window. Chat and I stared at each other, both of us surprised by my sudden actions.
I snapped out of my daze and put on a real smile, saying, "Thanks for making me feel better."
He smirked, grabbing my hand and kissing my knuckles. I bit my lip, not believing what I was about to do. Taking a deep breath, I asked the silly cat, "Can you possibly come by tomorrow? I-If you're not busy that is!"
I felt like a total idiot when saying that. The least likely person I would expect to cheer me up actually helped in my most needed time. The way he gently held and soothed me was so unexpected yet it was something Chat would do.
He was the only one that truly could see all of the pain I am in. Would it be so wrong to have another person to help me through this besides papa? A friend that can keep this a secret and maybe keep me company during the night. Someone to rely on until I find the courage to tell others what's been going on.
It sounds selfish, really selfish when I knew Chat had another life besides a superhero one. I honestly don't know why I asked because his answer is going to be-
"Of course, I will. Marinette, you might not think this, but we're friends, and I'll help my friends no matter what," Chat said, smiling. My eyes widened, not expecting him to actually want to come back and help me.
"You are my friend too, and if you need anything, I will help you too," I said, smiling a little.
"Besides," he began, "you haven't told me why you were sad. I'll give you as much time as you need but you need to eventually tell me what's going on. Okay?" I felt my muscles tense before sighing and nodding in agreement. I'll have to get it off my chest sometime and it might as well be Chat. I know I can trust him with this.
With that, he said his final farewell before climbing out the skylight into the night.
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