Chapter four
A week. One whole week of piercing agony. Kagome couldn't move, couldn't see, couldn't feel. Her veins were on fire, her lungs felt as if they were being crushed under a great pressure. She could barely draw in a breath.
She had her eyes open most of the time, but she saw nothing. Only a gray space, filled with strange shadows and voices. Occasionally, one of those shadows would come close, and fingertips would brush her cheek, but she could never see clearly enough to tell who it was.
Sometimes, she would dream. She would dream she was surrounded by fire, with the screams of terrified children around her as they were slaughtered. And what made her scream was that she actually enjoyed it. She enjoyed hearing their squeals of pain, watching as they were killed by demons, their life's blood pouring from gaping wounds. It sent chills through her. Delightful chills.
And then she would hear her name. Someone would call her name in a soothing voice, but it was a voice she couldn't recognize, or more precisely, remember.
Then, he would visit. When the pain slowly started to fade, he would come, the hooded man, and repeat the words he had said to her the last time he had visited her. He would promise the same thing: revenge over Inuyasha and Kikyo.
Inuyasha… she thought dreamily as she floated. Who would he choose? Maybe he would see I was helpless without him, she thought, and would stay with her.
But what if she finally woke up, and saw that he had gone to Kikyo? She wouldn't be able to bear it. Just the thought of it made her heart ache. She moaned.
"Shh…Kagome it's alright," said the voice. Was it Inuyasha? She couldn't tell; her ears weren't working properly.
"Inuyasha," she moaned, trying to reach out. She felt a warm hand grasp hers.
"I'm here," the voice murmured. Yes, it was him.
"Don't leave," she whispered.
He squeezed her hand. "I won't." He sounded broken.
But Kagome took comfort in his voice, and closed her eyes, letting the gray around her fade to black.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o
Inuyasha blinked slowly. He was tired. Extremely tired actually, but he wouldn't go to sleep. He vowed to stay by Kagome, to not leave her side for a second. She needed him with her, he knew. She had said she didn't want him to leave.
But what about when he made his decision? He would have to leave one of them. But which one? He sighed and rested his head against the wall, focusing his tired eyes on Kagome. She looked peaceful, more calm then she had been in days. There was even a slight smile on her lips. Usually her face was screwed into a mask of pain, and she would scream and writhe and moan. And her eyes. Her eyes would be dim and lifeless, and they would open, but would stare at nothing. It would scare him; it was like Kagome was seeing horrors he couldn't.
And then she would say his name, in such a soft, broken voice. It broke his own heart. Kagome, she was so weak and helpless, always in need of constant protection. How could he leave her? She was so innocent, so easily targeted.
But Kikyo was strong and fearless, and faced danger without a second thought. And at the same time, she was kind and gentle, always willing to help and to heal. It was something he had admired about her, something he loved about her.
If he left Kagome, she would be in more danger than ever. But if she went back to her own time, she would be safe, and live the rest of her life in the time that she belonged in.
But Kikyo was always in constant danger. There was no place for her to hide, for he knew Naraku would find her and think of some way to kill her, again. He had to protect her.
But he needed Kagome. He needed her warmth and happiness.
But he needed Kikyo too. He needed her strength and kindness.
He moaned and placed his head in his hands. He couldn't do this. He had had whole week to think of his choice, but he had kept putting it off, hoping that Kagome would just forget and he would be able to stay with her. For a moment, he felt a blaze of hope. Maybe she wouldn't remember when she was finally better.
But what if she did? He groaned again.
"What's up with you?" came Miroku's voice. Inuyasha looked up at the monk. He hadn't heard him coming. "You've been groaning and moaning all morning."
"Just thinking about this choice I have to make," Inuyasha admitted. There was no point in hiding it. Everybody knew.
"Ahh…" said Miroku as he sat down. "Tough huh? I'm glad I don't have to choose between Sango and somebody else. Sango's the only one I need." He looked over at the demon slayer with a tender expression. She was playing with Sango and Kirara and she looked truly happy, although Inuyasha saw the worry lines on her face. She was worried about her friend and practically sister.
Inuyasha smirked. "When are you finally going to make your move?"
Miroku ducked his head, his face red. "I don't know." He sighed. "I don't know if she likes me."
Inuyasha rolled his eyes. "Come on. She looks like she's about to kill someone whenever she sees you with another woman. She likes you Miroku."
"You think." Miroku looked over-joyed. "Well maybe I'll have to make my move soon." He paused and glanced at Inuyasha. "Good luck with Kagome. I'm going to go and get some flowers for Sango." He stood. "Oh, and you should probably get some sleep. You look horrible." He headed out of the hut, grinning at Sango on they way, who blushed.
Inuyasha sighed. At least someone wasn't having any trouble with their love life. He tilted his head back and closed his eyes. He was so tired…maybe he should get some sleep…Kagome wouldn't go anywhere…
He dreamed of a place where he could have both Kagome and Kikyo.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0
"Inuyasha! Inuyasha! Wake up! Wake up!"
Inuyasha groaned and turned his head away. Couldn't he get five more minutes?
"Come on Inuyasha! Wake up! It's important!"
"Shippo, he's tired. Leave him alone."
That jolted him awake. "Kagome?"
It was her. She was sitting up, looking tired but otherwise happy. "Hey." She smiled at him.
"You're better," he said, wanting to take her in his arms. He resisted.
"Yep," Kaede announced proudly. "Her fever has gone all the way down. She should be fine."
"Thank you Kaede," Kagome murmured. "I feel a lot better."
Everyone was crowded around her, hugging her, saying how worried they were about her.
"Why didn't you tell us you were feeling sick?" Sango complained.
"I didn't want to be a bother," Kagome replied. A look of pain flashed across her face, but it was gone in a second. Inuyasha was sure tat he was the only who had saw.
"You're never a bother Lady Kagome," Miroku told her. "You must tell us these things. If you don't we'll only worry more."
Kagome sighed. "I'm sorry Miroku. I'm sorry everyone."
"Don't be," Inuyasha growled. "It's not your fault."
She smiled a tired smile.
"Yeah, don't be Kagome," Shippo squeaked. "We were worried about you so much though. In fact, Inuyasha didn't leave you side for the whole time. He didn't even sleep at all!"
Inuyasha blushed. Stupid Shippo. Did he have to say that aloud?
Kagome smiled at him. "Thank you Inuyasha."
He muttered something incoherent in response.
"Are you hungry Kagome? We just made some soup…"
Inuyasha ignored Shippo's babbling, stood and headed out of the hut. He was relieved. Kagome was okay. But now he had more important things to worry about. He sighed. Time to do more thinking.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
"Inuyasha's been up in that tree for days," Sango complained. "How could he stand to sit still for so long? When we're journeying he never wants to stop."
Kagome glanced over at Inuyasha. He sat alone in his usual tree, staring into space. She knew he was thinking. Thinking of his choice. She sighed.
"Just give him some space," she said. "He needs to think."
Sango shrugged. "But guess what? While you were still…unconscious…Miroku gave me flowers!" She blushed furiously.
"That's great!" Kagome exclaimed. "Looks like Miroku is finally realizing what's important." But she found she couldn't feel too excited for her friend. She was tired, exhausted actually. The fever had weakened her. But she was happy. When she had checked her back for the marks, they had disappeared. And she hadn't felt any pain for days.
All of this had been in her head. It had just been her imagination. The marks were some allergic reaction to something, that's all.
"Hey, here comes Mister Thinker."
Kagome jolted and turned to see Inuyasha walking toward them. His face was completely expressionless as he held out his hand.
"Walk with me," he said.
Kagome glanced at Sango, who nodded her head. "Go!" she whispered. Kagome sighed and took Inuyasha's hand.
He led her into the forest, and it only took her a second to realize he was leading her to the Goshinboku, again. The place they had first met and the place where Kikyo and Inuyasha had died.
He sat down first and then pulled her onto his lap. She tensed for a brief moment, before nestling her head against his shoulder. He stroked her hair absentmindedly.
This was it, Kagome thought. He's going to tell me who he picked. It sent thrills of panic and hope through her.
"Kagome," he began, "you're special to me. Valuable. I love your kindness, your warmth and your happiness. And I hate it when you're hurt, when you're in pain, and I can't help you. It hurts me to see you cry." He paused. "You were my best friend throughout these three years. You liked me for who I was, and didn't care if I turned into an evil, murderous demon." His face twisted in a bitter smile. "You protected me, you healed me, and you stuck by me even after every thing I've done to you. I value that, and I don't want to lose you."
Kagome's heart began to pound. Was he choosing her?
"But Kikyo," he continued, "died for me, which I've told you so many times. She let herself die to be with me, even after she thought I had betrayed her. And even when she was brought back to life, she loved me, although she conveyed it as hatred. She's brave and gentle, determined to bring down Naraku." He sighed. "She holds an important piece of my heart. She was the first human I loved besides my mother. I don't want to lose her either."
Kagome stared at him.
"This didn't help me decide between you two," he said. "So I thought of the dangers of being with me."
Kagome continued to stare.
"And it helped me make my decision."
Kagome couldn't breathe.
"I choose…"
Kagome closed her eyes. All of a sudden, she knew who it would be before he even said it.
"Kikyo."
There was silence.
Kagome waited, her eyes still closed. She expected to start crying, or to start screaming in anger. But she only felt a strange calm, like she was taking a relaxing bath. She opened her eyes slowly, releasing her breath at the same time. Inuyasha was watching her anxiously, his golden eyes pained. She met them serenely.
"Okay," she said. "I accept your decision."
"I'm sorry but-" He broke off. "What?"
"I accept you decision. If Kikyo is who you want, I won't argue."
He stared at her.
She sighed, and even smiled. "I'm not mad," she whispered, placing her hand on his warm cheek. "Honestly."
He looked at her brokenly. "I'm sorry," he murmured.
"I know," she replied calmly. "Me too."
He held her for a while, burying his face in her hair while she hid hers in her shoulder. She kept expecting to cry, and she knew he did too, but the tears never came. She sighed.
"You should probably go find Kikyo," she whispered. "And tell her."
He heard his sharp intake of breath. "Kagome…"
"It's okay," she assured him. "Honestly."
He looked at her again sadly. She knew he was thinking of what he was giving up, but it was too late now. He couldn't change his mind.
"Goodbye Inuyasha," she whispered.
"Goodbye Kagome," he said just as quietly. And then he was kissing her. She didn't know how or when, but his lips were on hers in a brief, tender kiss. She returned it with all the love she felt for him. When they broke apart, he whispered in her ear, "You will always hold a piece of my heart." And then he was gone.
Kagome stared at the spot where he had disappeared. And then it all washed over her. He was gone. He went to her. He chose Kikyo over her.
The dam broke, and she was crying, sobbing over the love she had lost.
"I will never love anyone else again!" she vowed to herself, sobbing.
And then she was running too. Away from the village, away from the well to her time, away from the Great Tree, and away from Inuyasha. She ran, and ran, and ran, until she couldn't breathe anymore, and had to collapse. She sobbed and screamed, and above her, the sky cracked open, and rain poured down. She was soaked within a minute.
"Why? Why? Why?" she screamed. "Why?"
And then the pain came back full force. Fiery agony lanced through, shooting through her entire body until she was completely on fire inside. Her lungs and heart were being crushed, her veins were burning, her head was pounding, her vision was blurring…everything was on fire. She could feel the marks burst onto her skin, and begin to spread. She saw them on her arms and legs, throbbing and pulsing. She could feel them on her cheeks, and they burned where the water touched them. She screamed in agony.
"Don't you see what you've brought upon yourself?" came the voice. "If you had given in a little sooner, it wouldn't be this painful."
Kagome raised her head, shaking, but couldn't see anything. Her vision was too blurry.
"I told you, my dear Kagome. That hanyou will only bring you pain and misery. Don't you want to get revenge? Return all that he has done to you?'
"No!" she moaned. "I love him…"
"Even after all he's gone to you? He obviously doesn't care that much about you."
She shook her head. "Go away! Leave me alone!"
"You can make him pay Kagome…make them all pay."
"Make them all pay…" she repeated slowly. She couldn't think. Her thoughts were jumbled from the pain.
"I can make all of your pain disappear, Kagome."
"Pain…disappear…" God did it hurt. She wanted to die. She didn't want to feel this anymore. "Yes."
"Yes?"
"Make it go away!" she moaned. "Make it go away! Make them pay! Make him regret he chose her over me!"
"That's my girl."
And then darkness lit by fire drowned her, and she saw no more.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o
A/N Dun dun dun! Nice cliffie huh? Yeah it was sad that Inuyasha chose Kikyo huh? But hey, it's all part of my mysterious plot hehe. Read and review my children and I shall put up more chapters!
The Devil's ShadoweHeHe